April 29, 2008
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Pour Me Another Glass of Hatorade, E-Harmony!
For years, I've enjoyed taunting the dating beast that is E-Harmony. Whether it was mocking their coupons , accusing them of defrauding the desperate , making fun of their advice column , or defending my hating, I aggressively insulted them--and long-time readers know that most of the time, I rant about very little on this site.
This year, I tried to bury the war tomahawk with E-Harmony. I realized that quarreling with an entity that held contact information for millions of Christian girls might be a mistake. I gingerly approached Dr. Neil Clark Warren's Palace of Homeschool Princesses to meekly ask what they had in tanned Mensa-members this season. However, NCW gave my IP to the Web-bouncers with orders that I not be let in, and I was quickly bounced out and sent on my way.
But I am thankful for being turned away. Forget those overtures of peace and love; it's time to pour out another glass of hatorade! My suspicions that E-Harmony was always just a business are validated. My belief that their goal was to milk the Christian cow as a warm-up for guzzling from the keg of iniquity was correct. Take a look at this article: apparently E-Harmony is helping their users navigate that tricky one-night stand. And, um, by "one-night stand", they apparently don't mean that all-night prayer meeting. (I always found the title "one-night stand" ironic given the lack of time spent in the vertical position...).
I was worried that E-Harmony would distract me from my hate-fest by a true apology, but it looks like I've dodged that bullet. Phew! Apparently a beer bong is preferred to milk straight from the Christian cow any day. What a surprise! For more information on dating services that are not recommended for Christians, take a look at the Christian Dating Watchdog. I rush to tell you that just because I link to a site does not mean I believe every word it says; but I think the CDW at least provides you with some information you would not find elsewhere. Take a look at their opinion on E-Harmony.
Now I know that some of you will disagree with me in the comments. Let me explain plainly why I hold E-Harmony to a higher standard than a regular business. First, they introduced themselves as an overtly Christian business, designed to find you a soulmate to marry. So I judge them more harshly than I would judge another dating service because of the category they put themselves in. If you call yourself a Christian business, I will judge you by Christian standards. Second, they are in the business of matchmaking--selling romantic love, if you will. Being in such a delicate business requires high standards, because many desperate, lonely people (or even patient, well-rounded people) are putting their hard-earned money and hope in you. To make such a business more about hooking up or about discount coupons makes their patrons feel dirty and is an embarrassment to everyone involved with them.
By the way--I have another post outline ready on the Girl With Skills--what kind of man she should pursue, why other girls hate her, and other topics like that. But I don't want to force my readers to read more on this topic if they are no longer interested. Let me know if you are interested in the comments.
Comments (28)
Your first article appears to be an article about an article about an article on eHarmony. I'm not sure how much you should it.
And it quotes an article about an interview with Warren, not the interview itself, or Warren himself.
@jalixx3 -
Examine the Christian Dating Watchdog site--that has quotes straight from Neil Clark Warren.
Imma wanna know about them girls wif skills.
I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. It's free, and sarcastic, and work. What could be better?
I couldn't agree more! Plus, I just happen to love making fun of EHarmony. If it works for some people, good for them, but the principle is strange. I'm not sure how I feel about non-Christians being turned away. Shouldn't we be trying to save them...or something? My Fiance and I signed up to see if we would get matched up with each other and we both thought the whole process was ridiculous. Not to mention that they never matched us, and we've been practically joined at the hip our whole lives...as a direct result of a common church background. I love all of the research; you have definitely harbored quite a bit of hate about this subject.
Bring on the girls with skills post!
@meggiemay0307 - Oh, I don't want to turn away non-Christians. Certainly not! Besides, some of them are hot...err, I mean, wait, I have other reasons too! Just teasing.
What I am saying is, the site could have been a lovely promotion for marriage itself--saying that look, we Christians think marriage is important, and we even will start a web-site to help promote better marriage. Christianity needs to make that type of positive contribution on society. But E-Harmony appears to have sold that opportunity away just to appeal to shady types looking for the quick hook-up.
I would definitely be interested in another "Girl with Skills" post...
Eharmony and Warren have always given me the creeps. I did create a profile once, but couldn't leave it up for more than a day. I'm not surprised by what you've found in your search for the truth about Eharmony. There are worse things than being single, like living a life of sexual immorality. Single is so much better than that, and I would know a little something about that.
Thanks for the blog,
Lonnie
bring on the GWS posts - good stuff.
and your line about the one night stand irony - brilliant.
I feel those sites should cater for different of various tastes in romance and erotica.
Good for them.
@burnburn - Thanks for sharing your opinion.
@spokenfor - ha, thanks, although I'm not sure I can take full credit for coming up with that line. It's too good not to have been said by someone else before.
@Such_Were_You - I find your blog posts to be eye-opening and refreshing. I don't struggle with the same thing you struggled with, but I of course have struggles in other life areas. And I'm learning a lot about how to resist better based on your posts about denying/rejecting what feelings are telling us.
@ocelot61 - Yeah!
@couldquitepossiblybeme - I will! thanks!
Don't stop the GWS posts! I'm learning so much about myself it's scary....
As for eHarmony and other dating websites, I avoid them like the plague. I'm avoiding dating at all right now, got my reasons. But even if I were dating, I would still avoid dating websites--to me they just sound insane.
@GreekPhysique - Thank you. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Most of the time I think I'm talking to the ceiling.
Lonnie
That article on e-harmony was really interesting. It's a wonder how Satan can use power/fame/money to devour a persons faith like that.
I'm glad to see your wit in this entry, for once. I don't want to see a blog about girls wit skill, I want to see the outline. Did you follow a Roman numeral followed by capital letter followed by numbers followed by lower case letters format? Cuz that's my favorite for xanga posts. Remember when I went through that hatin' phase you hated so much...Brushing my teeth with Colhate, driving around in my Eighty-hate Chevy...
@GreekPhysique -
Yeah, I agree. That's what I was getting at - with more words and less direction. I have a way of doing that sometimes.
eHarmony hasn't been a Christian site for years. It really never was in my book...that doesn't mean its not a place you couldn't go to meet good Christian women though. There are a lot of sites just like them...but you know what ultimately they are all just businesses that are in it to make money [period]. You can't hold a business [a thing made in the likeness of sinful people] to the standards of a Christian [a person made in the likeness of a sinless, all powerful God]. This goes for dating sites, where you buy your clothes, gas stations, bands, whatever. God holds US, humans, to those standards and maybe NCW is letting us down if he calls himself a Christian, but the reality is that eHarmony is likely run by a lot of people many of which are NOT Christians. They've been advertising to non-Christian audiences for at least 3-5 years now.
The Christian Dating Watchdog site I don't totally agree with. If we used the standards this person is using we would have no where to do business with or work at pretty much ever again. Sure there are probably a lot of these companies that are worse than others and many of them I agree with the site on, but at the same time if you want to go this avenue I don't see an issue with meeting someone on a site like Yahoo or something. Anyway, interesting blog...I don't blame you for having a vendetta against eHarmony...they are clearly mascarading as something more than what they are which is a shame. At least you are smart enough to investigate it more!!
I remember your last post and how you were deemed unmatchable on eHarmony.com, and I never shared this story:
I have a friend whose wedding I attended who was deemed unmatchable on eHarmony.com. She went to Match.com in frustration and soon met the man of her dreams. They are both Christians and as I gave away earlier, married.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the end of the day, if used properly, the "non-Christian" dating site is just as good as the "Christian" one. And just as expensive.
@trevorr77 -
I agree with you that CDW is being too harsh to those Christian dating sites owned by larger corporations. If a corporation is going to own multiple dating sites, than yes, some of those dating sites will probably be more sexual in nature. That's not news, and by that logic, I shouldn't buy Kraft cheese because Phillip Morris also makes cigarettes, for example.
HOWEVER, remember, my main complaint is that E-Harmony started with a Christian focus, and still in some ways sells itself that way today. Certainly most Christians still think that there's something more Christian about E-Harmony. But they can't have a Christian focus and appeal to all elements at the same time, in my opinion. Business-wise, you either choose a niche and target it, or you appeal to most people. E-Harmony is apparently trying to have it both ways, and that's not fair to either group.
thanks for stopping by my site and thanks for the job wishes...your site looks interesting too-great post! i am always up to ready good xangans sites and may stop by more often! God bless!
I was rejected by eHarmony, therefore I am ALL over eHarmony Hatorade-ness.
And I am interested in your girl with skills post. For sur!
Hey I'm with you on this entry. I'm not a fan of dating services in general, but E-Harmony should definitely be held to a higher standard, because of how they market themselves.
Oh and I'm always game for more on this topic, so you can bring it on!
I'm certainly curious about the GWS idea. I do, however, take a bit of offense to the "Homeschool Princesses" thing. I was homeschooled, and while I know that I was a bit sheltered, I don't think that I have any sort of Rapunzel complex.
@carpuzzi_kiki - Trust me, I like homeschooled girls. They are honest and self-motivated in ways that most of our society has forgotten. I feel bad now that I made that joke; I meant it as a half-joke/half-compliment, but I see how it didn't sound that way. Sorry!
Great post!
So I take it that you're switching to Match.com, then? One never knows where true love lays hidden... yeah, I don't buy into that either. But it sounds so good in cheesy halmark movies.
Let's see, what's on my blackberry? Well, there's my email, phone book, web browser, texting, and all the other expected software accessories one might expect from such a device. Although, I was super excited to discover the game that came with it - bricks. Ah yeah, the old school game where you control the paddle at the bottom of the screen to bounce the ball up and hit the bricks. You have no idea how much I loved that game when I was a kid. In fact, I do believe that was the very first computer game I ever played on my father's old (have no idea what the model was... it looked like a very clunky modern day cpu and it's monitor folded out from the front while you pulled the keyboard from the side.) Oh the good old days when all we had was green and black... wasn't it cool when we got 8bit color?!
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