January 30, 2011

  • Sunday Devotional: Of Dreams: Interrupted, Struggling, and Dead

    We dream of doing great things for God. But often we fail to accomplish them. I realized today that one of my dreams is officially dead. I will share mine in a few hours and properly mourn. What dreams of yours did not come to pass...yet?

    When I was young, I would read a lot of testimonies of people who used to be non-Christians and then became Christians. There was a common theme in many of the stories; they often spent their youth on partying and having fun, and then came to Christ when they were older after the partying inevitably caught up to them and ruined their lives. I aspired to be different. I would be the one who stayed Christian throughout his college years, and didn't sell out the first time he was offered drugs or sex. For the most part, I accomplished that dream.

    But there's a second part of that dream that is pretty much dead. I aspired to be a part of a Christian outreach to college students that would become a strong community of young Christians. I saw myself helping convince young Christians that life with Jesus is worth living. At 18, I knew I was not great at being a public debater or emotionally connecting with people (both of which changed over time, amusingly...), but I thought I could at least be strong and have a good example, maybe help teach people what I knew.

    I ended up spending nearly a decade as a college student (yes, I am that dumb--just kidding). I worked with Christian fellowships on campus for most of that time. And the groups were almost always terribly small and weak. We did have some bad luck (one campus leader died, and another felt called to be a missionary to China). But no matter what I tried, the groups would never grow. And even on Xanga, even when I had a lot of readers, I never was truly effective in encouraging more Christianity. I won't go into details on that, out of respect for the people involved, but it saddens me.

    I know I still have plenty of life left to live, and many other things I can do. But I'm a little upset that I was so bad at relating to college students or convincing them to remain in the faith. I usually have blocked it out in some ways, and I know I tried my best and did not have much help. But I still can't help but take it personally. And at my age (30), even though I perhaps still might speak to college students and help, it doesn't have same effect as being able to do that when being the age of a college student. Peer-to-peer is what is truly well-respected.

    So...that is the dream that didn't work out. It's a lot more personal than what I usually post on here.

Comments (10)

  • freedom, deliverance, vindication, teaching job, romantic love, healing within my family.   but thankfully, Jesus is more than enough to help one move on/accept/submit, etc.

  • Must it really be dead?  That is heartbreaking to me.  At one point in my life I thought all my dreams were dead. It was the lie of the enemy and it was that lie that sucked the very life and joy out of me.  God resurrected those dreams in me and I hang onto them desperately now. I refuse to let them go.  God must have made me stubborn for some purpose, right?  Don't give up and don't lose faith.  I pray that He give you dreams bigger than your wildest imagination.  

  • It doesn't sound like your dream is dead at all, only your idea of the dream. If it's a calling God has truly placed on your heart, maybe the time span is merely a test of resolve.

    Hold fast, brother. Dreams are nice, but God's desires for us are better than our dreams could ever be.

  • i think i'm still working on the dream that i willingly accept God's plans for me without fighting or complaining. i feel like it's gonna be a work in progress for a while,  but progress is being made..

    i see you as a peer. (is that bad?) and i respect you in that position. truly, you've made me consider things i otherwise might not have. you're still doing the work He has for you.

  • Matthew 23:37 - Your devotional made me think of this verse. Even Jesus felt the frustration and heartbreak of speaking the truth to those who would not hear it. Hang in there, you are seeking His way and I believe you'll find it.

  • I was a member of IVCF, outreach coordinator, and small group leader. I was terrible as an outreach coordinator; introverted and unable to talk to someone for a minute without stammering and stuttering. I thought I was even worse as a small group leader. But in retrospect, I saw that my small group was composed of both Christians and seeking non-Christians - something we were unable to do before that. And people who showed up loved talking about the Bible more than about the Knicks. I heard of my staff-worker that she was also pretty bad as a leader when she was at IVCF during college, but she kept growing in God without using people as her spiritual yard-stick, and now she's about the best leader, mentor, and organizer I've ever met. So don't feel like the future must always resemble the past. We could be completely different people by the end of 2011 if we do our part and not just submit to the motions but break from our natural habits. The dream is alive even when you don't have it, coz it's always in the mind of God!

  • Hmm... You can't change hearts, only God can. You can definitely be some kind of vessel for it, though. However, you more-than-likely impacted some lives without knowing it. Sometimes, people don't go around telling others how they've helped them/how they've changed their lives, etc. I try to make a point to let those people know "hey, you impacted me", but sometimes I get too scared to be that real or I even forget to, or something.

    Now, coming from a college student, I LOVE to talk with people who are older and made it through and even have some years out of college on their back. You can learn a lot from those people. Of course, I also like to talk to my peers, but honestly, I would listen to advice from a 30 year old over advice from a peer (21 year old) - unless the 30 year old were rather immature for their age, or whatever. There is some discernment that takes place then as well. :)

    Anyway, I don't necessarily think your dream should be "dead", maybe just look a little different than how you originally imagined it. God can and does do a lot of things that you never expect Him to do. :)

  • you can still mentor. and maybe it wasn't you, but your methods. 

  • Peer-to-peer can be good, but there's definitely the need for older generations of Christians to be mentoring younger generations (or those more mature in the faith to be teaching those less mature - that can be a younger person teaching an older). We're to teach others to teach others (II Timothy 2). Anyhow, just ask God to make your heart ready to serve whomever God might send your way. I know I had dreams in the past I thought were great and big, and God pretty much busted those up, much to my dismay and disappointment, but in their place He's given me even bigger ones. And now I'm just coming to the point where I'm beginning to see that the most important thing is to seek after Christ and behold His beauty/face & gaze upon His glory (~Psalm 27, II Cor. 3). If I'm really in the right place with that, everything else will fall into place.

    We also have to remember to pray both for those to whom we minister to as well as for ourselves - for God to fill us with His Spirit to equip us with His power. We can't forget we're dealing in the spiritual realm and need the supernatural power of the Spirit to speak/write with boldness and assurance and to bring down strongholds. It's not about our strength or wisdom or power but about God's strength at work in us (I Cor. 1). I Corinthians 15:10  But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

    I know I keep getting caught up in the snare of numbers in terms of impact, but every once in a while, but not too often – b/c God knows how much I would get puffed up about it (Prov. 30:8-9), I will get an unexpected message or comment from someone to encourage me and to remind me my labor in Christ is not in vain. We really won't know until we meet Christ face to face all the fruit our lives may have produced, but we can trust we will reap in joy one day (Psalm 126).

  • this post makes me sad, and i am truly sorry to see the death of a dream that you held passionately.
    for me, i think we have dreams that we desire for ourselves but my not fit us or our giftings. when I started in youth ministry i sucked at it. i was a legitimate failure. the teens disliked me (except for jr high boys) and i had a very hard time connecting and ministering any of them even though I was 22 and should have been able to do so. but my upbringing and life experience was just not something that made me relatable to teens. I had a very difficult time understanding where they were coming from. i gave up after 3 yrs and when my youth pastor approached me about being involved with the youth in my current church, i broke out into a cold sweat. I just didn't think it was something i was cut out for. but thankfully life has a way of pruning us, and growing us. i was a judgmental prick at 22 and didn't have any idea what the "real" world was like nor did i understand or have a heart for the moral challenges that face teens today. now at 30 i think i have a little more grace and empathy for teens and they suddenly like me. i am the jr high minister at my church now. life happened and i changed. dreams come and go and sometimes we have to let them die so God can plant a new dream in our souls.

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