January 21, 2012
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On Dating and Self-Improvement
Since summer, I've decided to not date. Yes, I've been turning away HORDES of lady friends, all desperately asking me to merely get coffee or just spend a sliver of time with them in a semi-romantic context! Not quite, ha, but I have been pleasantly ignoring most signals. Why? Long story, a bit too personal, but basically, I realized I was experimenting too much and not just limiting myself to what I truly wanted.
So I haven't dated, and it's been rather refreshing overall. I'm sure the local coffee shop workers are pleased not to see me lingering around the door waiting to see if LovelyLady2343 looks like her profile pic on Match. And the abrupt decline in awkward conversations in my life has been rewarding. However, I've realized an unfortunate side effect.
Dating focuses a man. It makes him think about just one woman (ok, maybe more than one, but the number is finite!). It makes him think about how he is presenting himself. It makes him not wear the shirt with that small but noticeable stain, and it makes him take his car to the carwash weekly instead of monthly. When a man is dating, it makes him think about the positive in his past, plan for his future, and consider the good and fun things about his present life.
I'm not quite sure how to fix this long-term. For now, my imaginary girlfriend Gertrude is very upset about my apartment's disarray and isn't coming over to play board games, so if you'll excuse me...
Comments (25)
Just that you're writing this is a sign that you're getting weak John! Any day now you'll be driving back to the coffeeshop in ur clean car, wearing ur nicley pressed polo to meet some lucky gal!
Gertrude needs to suck it up. If she really imaginary loved you she'd help you clean or at least deal with the untidiness. Drop her!
But seriously, it's true. I'm way more on my responsibilities when it comes to how I look and keep myself (including my home, car, etc) when I'm involved with someone. No matter if I'm crushing on a lady or if we've been together for a while... I step my game up. However, I've been stepping it up recently anyway just because I feel I need to for the sake of my sanity.
@CuddlyKat - @TheGreatBout - haha. You both made me laugh
thanks for the comments!
Always take care of yourself first before bringing someone else into your life. (:
Awwww, :]
don't worry, it happens to men and woman! Honestly I'm kinda surprised that I haven't been kicked out of the south for the little I do to myself these days. I actually leave my house without make-up. *Gasp* But let us know, when it gets really bad like you stop brushing your teeth. Then I will organize an intervention!
hahahaha....true words.
I don't date and I know I wear what ever I want and wash the jeep and truck a couple times a year. My ex always said I degraded rapidly without a woman in my life.
Dude I would help you there but I fear it would look unseemly...actually I don't worry about inaccurate appearances, so if you really need a Platonic nag I am here for you
hmm
that is quite a thought... dating the deity of love- imagining a girl and deluding being the best you can be for that imagined character... quite thought provoking...
I'm the complete opposite: I'm being open to new people and experiences now. You're right in that dating focuses anyone, to work towards a certain goal instead of frivolous interaction.
I think you're making the right decision on waiting/stopping dating all together. I think that if you stop looking, she'll find a way into your life.
Yeah, I havent dated either because I.. um... nope, just havent, ha ha
Good post, very interesting. I've actually noticed myself doing that in the past--experimenting too much instead of focusing on what I actually want. The second option is definitely better.
You know what's crazy? I was once in a relationship with a guy who actually made me messier, because he was over so much (literally every day, and would show up like 5 seconds after I got home) and he would get mad if I cleaned when he was over, so I could never clean. It was insane. (We're not together anymore.) And now the dishes and laundry are done and I recently cleaned out my car. Woohoo...
You would think my decision to start dating again would make me start dressing nicer, but.... nope, I still wear my slogan t-shirts. Needless to say, it makes it hard for guys to realize I am a dating prospect and not a child
I actully have quite the opposite experience....granted, i am not a man... when i'm not dating is when i really focus on self improvement. I guess because when i'm in a relationship i get cozy and forget about those things.
Yup, good advice to take, if you can't take care of yourself, you can't be in a relationship. Though the irony of dating is that you are searching for someone to complete you or make you the better person, which I wonder, is it contradicting to the often reason for not dating. Hmmm
Gertrude? That is quite an ugly name for an imaginary girlfriend.
Hahaha ummm can I just say that my favorite part, by FAR, was Gertrude?! Hey...gotta do whatcha gotta do sometimes lol. I've missed ya, John! If you ever want some insight into the female mind, you know I'm always here. I'm a neat freak so I have no issue getting on people about being messy haha
Your imaginary girlfriend's name could be ANYTHING, and you chose Gertrude? Classy.
I do agree with @UnconventionalButterfly . I'm sure she'll come into your life without you realizing it.
I like to think both people self improve when they are in a relationship together because I know I have with my fiance and I. We've both changed, grew and take care of ourselves better because of having each other.
i wash my car, like, annualy
Gertrude...Red hair and freckles right?
Funny, I was just thinking the other day about this argument I had with my dad about liking this girl. His argument was essentially "If you let yourself like her you'll forget about school and just get distracted." My reply was effectively, "But actually, liking her for the past few years is what's keeping me away from every other girl so that I can focus more on schoolwork!" It didn't really work, but still
Not to seem shallow, but I don't think I'd date a woman named Gertrude.
Lol you always make me laugh.
@SlackerSociety - I wouldn't either!
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