Thursday, 28 February 2008
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Why Christian Guys aren't Attracted to Christian Girls
Required background reading: http://weblog.xanga.com/spokenfor/644354983/on-a-tear.html , with the killer line as follows:
"I know you guys need an adventure - I read Wild At Heart. I think you fail to realize conquering a distressed damsel isn't the adventure God wanted you to sign up for."
So, the ever-so-talented-and-lovely wingfiea asked me to tackle this, and I shall. I thought about being polite and polished, but I don't have the time, so I shall throw out as many reasons as I can, without filtering, to try to get to the bottom of this situation. Why, then do us Christian guys (and I mean GENUINE Christians, not half-hearted Sunday morning folk), myself included, sometimes ignore Christian girls when we look for dates/mates? For example, take the person who asked me this question. Amy is indeed talented (female engineer! That's skill city!) and lovely (her posts show a passionate heart that deeply loves God and people) and yet I'm not attracted to her or to most of my female readers on Xanga. Is that bad? And don't think I haven't TRIED to be attracted to some of my Christian female friends, ha--but it just hasn't worked. Why?
Anyway, the reasons are as follows, as best as I can remember from convos with fellow guys and my own experience. Please be nice, because I'm trying to be honest with my wonderful Christian sisters to help them out; I hope that this isn't offensive for the wrong reasons. Oh, and I expect your own lists!
1. Introversion. Many of my Christian female friends are also introverts. Thus, you don't know how lovely they are unless the two of you are together for long periods of time and she opens up. And, some of us like extroverts more than introverts too (or vice versa).
2. Modesty. If we take two equally attractive girls, and one dresses to show off her curves, and the other doesn't, it's going to be hard for most Christian guys to notice that the modest girl is just as beautiful.
3. Challenge, Part A. Why should I marry the girl who I've known all my life from church when I could go after Susan in Singapore? Dating is seen as the most fun a civilized American can have now that the Wild West is inhabited by the white man. Thus, it seems men (and women!) like to complicate things.
4. Challenge, Part B. Why should I marry a stable Christian when I can singlehandedly rescue some sexy sinner from sin AND make her my wife? What a story! Except that "we're at way different levels of maturity and I would eventually hold it against her that I have much more Biblical experience than she does.". Eek!
5. Control, Part A. Sadly, the way some Christian females express Christianity is through control and "do not's". Even the most Christian man wants to marry a wife who makes him feel like more of who he really is (in Christ), not one who will scream at him if he forgets to check in every 5 minutes.
6. Control, Part B. If the woman focuses too much on "guarding her heart" and "not awakening love before its time", the man sadly assumes that she really isn't interested in him, even if she was.
7. Testing. It seems like some Christian women build too many hoops for potential dates to jump through; the man has to ask her out without getting a single clue she too might be interested. Or, he has to plan the details of every date, and heaven help him if it's boring or not romantic enough. I believe that the man does need to have some spiritual headship in the marriage; but come on, that doesn't mean the woman is a frail robot that awaits its daily programming.
8. Time. Think about church; where is there time for two interested single people to sit back and get to know each other? After Sunday morning service, when 50% of the congregation hits the doors as if the final "Amen" of the sermon ignited a fire in the auditorium? When they're working in ministry teaching different classes at different times? The church structure itself doesn't give much of an opportunity.
9. Gossip. Suppose I ask sister so-and-so on a date, and she turns me down. Now the whole church knows about it. Do I really want to risk that unless I'm absolutely sure she'll say yes? Or, if we get serious about each other, and then I break up with her, now I'll look like some commitment-less 20-something. Never mind if I truly thought God no longer wanted us together.
10. Courage. Ok, to make sure to end this on a my-fault note, a lot of times the friendships are too comfortable, and thus the Christian man never really makes a move toward a relationship. The woman needs to drop hints, withdraw from him, or confront him to make sure he knows that she's his friend because she loves him and wants a relationship.
And, gritting my teeth that I have to mention these last three, but you women should know!:
11. The Christian woman's girlfriends. Yes, the ones that keep putting down the nice, unattractive men in the church and acting like there's only 2 or 3 ok guys in the church. The ones that you always hang out with so that guys can't get a "Hello" in edge-wise. The ones that tear down and critique your dates because they're jealous they have none instead of keeping an open mind--those girlfriends are the ones I'm talking about.
12. Virtual Sex. If a Christian man is able to fulfill his sexual lusts via (insert method or material here), it means he'll be less desperate to find a real woman that he can eventually marry and have sex with.
13. The girl is unattractive to me. Please don't sit there and accuse me of a lack of Christianity for not wanting to date you or your Christian friend when the real reason is a lack of physical unattractiveness. Sexual attraction is very important for a marriage, especially since we believe in the Christian ideal of fidelity within marriage. It can be developed, but it's much easier to start a fire when the sparks are already there. Hmm...dumbest analogy of all time? yes!
Rejected reasons: Yes, we usually pick up on your clues. No, it's not because you're good girls and won't have sex with us. Yes, we want to marry someone who's a Christian too, few of us plan to marry an unbeliever. Yes, you should move on after we haven't received your signals at first, trying to wear us down is probably not going to work. Yes, if we don't call back right away or often forget you, we really aren't attracted to you and are just trying to be nice/not mean/too lazy to say "GO AWAY! I LOVE THEE NOT!"
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Comments (33)
*AS OPPOSED TO THE HARLOT OF HOTNESS AND THE HARLOT OF VIRTUE)
The territory of attraction is far too treacherous. We should all revive an obscure tradition, such as smacking the OOYA* with a fish, to simplify matters.
*OOYA--object of your affection
P.S.--To whom it may concern, please do not smack me with a fish. Thank you very much.
@sellhart53 -
That reminds me, I have a PSA@Ninjitsuknifer -
Ha, yeah, I don't think harlots of virtue exist...kind of contradictory...I dunno, Greek. It sounds more like the guys need to grow up, rather than women change. Why marry someone you know for years? you ask. Precicely because you know her character, especially if she's one of the aforementioned introverts (Which you claim keeps you from getting to know the girl). Greek, are you really trying to have things both ways? Or is there really just a love of the mysterious, of the unknown, of the bad girl (how's that for a reversal of the attractive bad-boy stereotype?).
Say that I'm wrong. Go ahead. But I'll stand by my claim that a clothed body can be soo much more attractive than a naked one (much more left to the imagination). And I do think that much of this is a desire to go out, have your fun, and then find a respectable girl when you want to settle down and have kids. Perhaps what we should be talking about is a bigger problem--that the idea of being "Christian" means not thinking independently and not having a personality. Girls who are taught to submit will often come across as introverts. Here we can get into a grand conversation about nature vs. nurture.
Wingfiea, you are cute as a button. If I were Greek, I'd be all over that like white on rice.
I disagree with this topic entirely. If you're not attracted to the christian women you're friends with, perhaps you're just not attracted those kinds of girls, "those kinds" referring to their personalities, interests, etc. If a guy isn't attracted to a girl, I doubt very much the reason is her christianity or her lifestyle resulting from christian beliefs. Admittedly, there are some guys who decide not to pursue girls because they're christians, but those guys never wanted a christian girl in the first place. So they're irrelevant. Take me, for example. While I'm normally not attracted to your traditional christian girl, I have met christian girls to whom I was very attracted (looks and otherwise). I also disagree with a lot of your reasons and here's why:
1) There's nothing wrong with being introverted when it comes to dating, expecially if you're a girl, since most of the time it's the guy doing the asking. Sure there are some guys who prefer the girl be more of an extrovert, but that has nothing to do with their being christians. It's just part of their personality. Plus, I think it's healthy to spend time laying a foundation of friendship before jumping into a romantic relationship. That way people might realize they don't actually like each other before emotions get all chopped up.
2) Sure the girl who dresses modestly isn't going to be noticed as quickly as someone who's flashing some skin, but if you're a real christian guy, you're going to be looking for more than that. Besides, modesty doesn't mean she can't dress nice or fashionable. Plus, her face still shows (I hope). That should be enough for a guy to decide whether or not he's attracted to her.
You're wording here kind of makes it sound like it's to a woman's disadvantage that she dress modestly. I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's the way it came across to me.
3) Again, has nothing to do with the girls christian background. The main point here is that the guy has known her his whole life. So at this point he's probably figured out whether or not he's attracted to her. If he's not, there's no reason not to go out with susan from singapore
4) I would say most guys use the "missionary dating" reason as an excuse to date girls who are not christians without getting lectured by their christian friends. In reality, they never really wanted to date a christian. And resenting someone because they don't have as much biblical knowledge or experience as you? Why would anyone do that? We're all at different levels in our faith regardless of how long we've been christians. Two people who have been christian's the exact same length of time may be at very different levels in their Biblical knowledge. I don't see why that would become a reason for resentment or a happenstance exclusive to a non-christian counterpart.
5) I think this could be used to describle women in general, not specifically christians. In fact, I would argue that a woman like this is more likely to not be a christian as christians are taught to be understanding and patient and trusting..
6) Now this one I agree with. I can see how a girl can get so caught up in guarding her heart that she eventually pushes the guy away.
7) Again, I don't know why this should be a description exclusively for christian girls
8) Embarrassment and public rejection can be very intimidating. But if the church happens to be bigger than a couple hundred people, then this is an unlikely risk, except for the fact that embarrassment and publich rejection is sort of an inherent risk when it comes to dating.
9) I agree with this to an extent. However, most churches organize events outside of the usual sunday, saturday, wednesday night services where there is probably at least little opportunity to meet someone. Getting involved with the church would also open opportunities to meet other people (not that that should be the reason you get involved..)
10) I'm not sure I understand this one. If the friendship is uncomfortable, why would you want to pursue a deeper relationship?
11) I've never experienced this, so I can't really say anything about it. But I imagine she would give the guy her phone number or e-mail address where he could talk to her without those girls around. And, again, I don't see this to be specifically christian problem. Sounds like highschool in general.
12) Unfortunately, I have experience here. And it's not so fulfilling.
13) Once again, this definitely isn't exclusive to christian girls. Most guys can tell you whether or not a girl is attractive based on a 5 second look. But I bet he couldn't tell you whether or not she was a christian. Unless she just up and announces it, that's going to take a little time to determine.
All in all, there's really only one potential problem I could see when it comes to trying to date christian girls (# 5). Still, even this assumes that the guy is already attracted to the girl and the problem arises because she's too guarded. It sounds to me like a few guys have had a couple bad experiences when trying to date christian girls and then they went and complained to you that they're just not attracted to christian women. Bull. I would argue that they'll run into more problems trying to date non-christian women..
Sorry, I usually only comment if I disagree with something...
Wow, let's try that again. Please delete the above comment.
Prior to reading your post, I read Spokenfor's post and wrote a response. Then I read yours and responded point by point. Here they are in that order.
My first response is that Christian guys go to damaged girls because they want to be wanted. Sure a Christian girl may want a Christian guy in their life, but they sure don’t go out of their way to make him feel wanted or even needed. It’s easier to gauge interest from a damaged girl because she will make it very clear that she wants you. However, a Christian girl will keep her distance and try to play it cool because she doesn’t want to seem like she is a) throwing herself at a man b) more interested in a guy than she is in Jesus. This coolness can sometimes go too far and seem like coldness. If there is no interest from the women, then the guys will look elsewhere.
My second response is that guys are built with a desire to lead and to rescue and to protect. When a guy is spiritually and emotionally healthy, he will fulfill these desires within his family and circle of friends. When a guy is spiritually and emotionally unhealthy, he turns these in-built desires into a way of gaining self-worth and improving his self-esteem. He will seek out someone who needs him to rescue her. And because there is this emotional dependency thing going, the guy feels that he is contributing something and is worth something. This turns into a codependent relationship, and we all know that these things never end well.
1) I agree with this. Girls who are introverted or very guarded or constrained by fear are difficult to know. Most women want to know someone and be known, but if they are too bound by fear, then the men they desire to know will never be able to know them. It is not necessarily about men desiring extroverts, although that can be true of some men. I think it is more about being attracted to someone whom you can get to know. 2) I… personally have to disagree with this. Some people, (I being one of them), think that modest women are more attractive and desirable. However, I will say that a woman who can dress modestly (and dress well) as well as do her hair well and not overdo the makeup can totally catch my eye. 3) I can’t agree with this, since we are basing this on the premise of a Christian guy, and not the Sunday only Christian. I think a mature Christian guy will honestly look to find fun outside of the dating scene. If this is the pinnacle of fun, then that dude has got more problems than desiring a non-Christian, damaged girl. 4) There is definitely something compelling about rescuing some sexy sinner and making her your wife. I think this might have something to do with the common misbelief that good Christian girls can’t be sexy or aren’t willing to be sexy/adventurous in the bed room, or that Christian girls aren’t even interested in sex. 5) True… some Christian women are scary legalistic. 6) Agree. I wrote about this in my initial response to spokenfor’s post. 7) True. There is a lot of pressure and a lot of high expectations from Christian women. When women save themselves for so long and to such an intense degree, it is easy to become unrealistic with expectations. We’re not polished white knights. In fact, we’re almost as inexperienced as you are! If you want a polished white knight, there are many, many frat boys and playas at your local university. Christian guys are generally not as smooth or suave as the guy in your fantasy. 8) True. It’s hard to get to know a Christian girl within the context of Sunday mornings. And if you see a girl you want to know, make an attempt to know her just by striking up a conversation, in most cases, if she’s not interested, she will overplay the “not interested” hand and turn it into an outright rejection… of a conversation! It’s harsh. Outside of a successful young professionals/career group at your church, it’s just really hard to manufacture opportunities to meet and get to know other Christians of the opposite gender unless you are serving in the same ministry together. 9) VERY TRUE. I recently started dating the daughter of one of the pastor’s at my church. Within two weeks, everyone on staff or leadership or even volunteer leadership knew what was going on. And I’m going to a really big church! There’s a whole heck of a lot of pressure right now. 10) With all the things that are mentioned already, it only makes sense that it takes a lot more courage to date a Christian girl than to date a broken, non-Christian girl. There is very little pressure. She wants you. She’s not shy about showing it. And she boosts your ego rather than make you doubt your worth. Courage is a big thing. 11) Ouch. Dude. You’re being brutally honest here. And you’re so spot on. Even if the girl’s girlfriends aren’t that mean or obvious about it, non-verbal cues and body language can still signal the same message. 12) Again, I have to disagree here. More-than-Sunday-attending Christians would not be satisfied by virtual sex, nor would they be willing or preferring to stay there in lieu of an actual relationship with an actual woman. Unless, of course, they are completely bound by fear of rejection and failure. In that case, virtual sex seems “safe” and despite wanting a real relationship, he is unable to overcome his fear. At least, that’s my opinion. 13) I agree that this can slow down the initial interest/attraction, but I believe that a physical attraction can be developed when an emotional/spiritual attraction is there. I heard once that if you take care of the heart, everything else will follow. I think that applies very accurately here.hahaha. okay. please don't take this response the wrong way. lol. lol.
after reading that, i am more confused than ever. mostly as to why i am still single. ;) ;) you see, i am an extrovert. but, oh wait! i try to dress modestly, guess that ruins it for me. and i attend church. looks like that's two strikes. one more and i'm out.
the one about guarding our hearts - i know that i work hard on that, but it seems to me that i am a little too obvious with the guys i like as far as letting them know. maybe i think i'm more obvious than i am?
i agree with the reason of gossip... it's the same way at Christian colleges.
however. this post makes me frustrated. i try so hard to be strong in my faith, dress with care, be outgoing and friendly, stay away from gossip, have interestes that would appeal to the male gender... and NOT for the reason of finding a mate but because that's who i am. then to hear that some of those very things that i strive to be are what turns guys away from me? i'll admit that it does frustrate me that i am single. and that so many Christian guys have been jerks to me. and that when i finally get brave and try to let someone know how i feel it backfires and i get another part of my heart smashed. it makes me angry that guys are too chicken to step up and ask out some of those girls that you're talking about. trust me, they're missing out.
14) He's not asking you out because you're on THE HUNT
A Christian woman on THE HUNT is looking for a husband. Many go to Christian universities to get a relatively easy degree (like voice or home ec), but they're really looking for their M.R.S. degree. They comb the crowds at Christian music venues, go out of their way to greet every male visitor to their church, and stake out singles ministries like a lion at a waterhole. When they meet you, they immediately start asking you probing questions with the aim of categorizing you, either discarding you as unsuitable or pursuing you as desirable. A woman on THE HUNT always seems to have man-getting as an ulterior motive.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with desiring a husband, or looking for one. But there's a difference between keeping an ear out for noise in the water and actively pinging any sonar contact that comes in range. Many guys quickly learn to tell the difference. And how are we do know if you're interested in us, or just interested in the fact that we're churchgoing Christian men? I don't want someone to fall for what I am, I want them to fall for who I am.
Stop looking so hard--you're scaring the fish. Instead, learn to enjoy your singleness. Relax. Hang with friends without ulterior motive--if necessary, hang only with female friends for a while, until you get the hang of it. Give up your carefully-laid-since-kindergarten marriage plans to God. Tell him that, if he wills it, you will stay single all your life even though it's not what you would have chosen. Start a new hobby. Trust that, if it's meant to happen, it'll happen even if you were trying to stop it, and if it's not meant to happen, it won't happen no matter how hard you try. Stop worrying, you'll only give yourself the bad kind of wrinkles. Get off THE HUNT.
Romance is oftentimes like a watched pot: it rarely boils when you're watching it. Eh... scratch that, lousy metaphor. Romance is often like an attacking Velociraptor: it comes at you from the sides, from a direction you weren't expecting it from.
15) He's not asking you out because you're not interesting.
Yes, yes, you're a Christian. You go to church, you sing the Christian songs, you read your Bible. Nice start. Do you have any hobbies beyond that? Do you have a deep and abiding interest in something, something that you've researched and know inside and out? What are your passions? Have you ever traveled outside the state? Yes, I heard you when you said you're a strong Christian. Hey, why are you a Christian? What were your reasons? Do you think deeply about things Christ-related, or is it all surface and doing-what-the-pastor-said? Do you ever talk to, you know, nonChristians?
Not to worry, if you're not interesting you can make yourself interesting. I did. I was a rather uninteresting person back in 2001. Then I went to Europe and studied abroad, and I became a summer camp counselor, and I started studying the history behind my faith, and I took up new hobbies, and I started doing interesting things, so now I have things to talk about when people talk to me. But it takes time and work. Better get started.
16) He's not asking you out because he's got a set of qualities he's looking for, and you don't fit them.
This can go either way. It can be a legitimate reason, something you're lacking that he needs, or something you are that turns him off. Or it can be that his search is too narrow, his criteria too specific.
I tend toward the introverted side. Up until fairly recently, I was looking for an extroverted woman, because I thought that's what I needed to balance me out. Then I got proven wrong; dramatically, wonderfully wrong. And now I find myself very happy with a fellow introvert. But see, I almost missed it, because she didn't have something that I thought I wanted.
I'll throw in another reason, although I'm not completely sure I even agree with the basic premise here (that guys are attracted to non-Christian girls more than to Christian girls).
It seems that many Christian guys are rescuers. Perhaps that comes with the territory. Jesus came to rescue us and He places that same concern in our hearts, whether we're male or female. However, that quality can also make one's emotional antenna point to a woman with needs rather than the Christian girl that's got it together (not to imply in any way that Christians have it together or that non-Christian girls don't).
Let's face it - it's more ego-building to be the knight in shining armor riding to the side of the damsel in distress. And guys are all about ego, right?
I've got a question for you and your astute readers. Is this topic different than the girl(s) that are attracted to the exciting bad boy instead of the safe, familiar Christian brothers she's known all her life from church?
@SpiderDad -
I would say, not different at all.And, to be honest, for every churchgoing Christian man who I see going after the damaged goods, I see three churchgoing Christian girls going after the exciting bad boys who treat them like crap. (But then, to be fair, the fact that I see three churchgoing Christian girls for every churchgoing Christian man, period, may have something to do with that.)
@galumph -
Thanks
I'm not trying to date Greek...I just wanted to see what he had to say on the topic.
@ChrisRusso - Excellent comment! I strongly agree with your 14-16. Way to come out swinging on these. You certainly did not pull any punches here.
@Bokgwai -
Heh. Punch-pulling is a product of a well-rested mind, and I wrote most of that at 2 AM.Now that I'm a little more awake, I realized there is an excellent quote that explains much about the question of the Attraction of the Bad Girl. Let's go to Uncle Screwtape for advice, that crotchety old demon who writes to his nephew (the tempter Wormwood) with advice on how to tempt Wormwood's Christian "patient."
"You will find, if you look carefully into any human heart, that he is haunted by at least two imaginary women-a terrestrial and an infernal Venus, and that his desire differs qualitatively according to its object. There is one type for which his desire is such as to be naturally amenable to the Enemy - readily mixed with charity, readily obedient to marriage, colored all through with that golden light of reverence and naturalness which we detest; there is another type which he desires brutally, and desires to desire brutally, a type best used to draw him away from marriage altogether but which, even within marriage, he would tend to treat as a slave, an idol, or an accomplice. His love for the first might involve what the Enemy calls evil, but only accidentally; the man would wish she was not someone else's wife and be sorry that he could not love her lawfully. But in the second type, the felt evil is what he wants; it is that "tang" in the flavor which he is after...
"The real use of the infernal Venus is, no doubt, as prostitute or mistress. But if your man is a Christian, and if he has been well trained in nonsense about irresistable and all-excusing "Love," he can often be induced to marry her. And that is very well worth bringing about... the unhappiness produced is of a very lasting and exquisite kind.
"Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape"
@jalixx3 - And see, that's my point; physical unattractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. That's why I said "physical unattractiveness to me"--a few times, a girl has liked me that others would consider beautiful, but I did not.
While I'm at it--I'm not so concerned anymore about my personal lack of affection for many Christian girls. For all I know, could God be protecting my heart to love the woman he has prepared for me? I certainly don't believe there's only one woman in the world that I could love or any such nonsense. But it's a thought.
@galumph - Oh, one can be very submissive and still be an extrovert--it's a common misconception that silence means submission. Just ask any parent of a quietly rebellious child, ha. And about the modesty--I, of course, look upon all women with the eyes of truth. I was referring to other Christian men, of course. By the way, would you like to buy a bridge in Brooklyn? ha. Seriously, I consciously work hard that I don't do that to my sisters in Christ--and yet every so often, it happens to me anyway. I can bet, then, that Christian men who don't consciously think of that are doing even worse. And most of my female Xanga readers are cute, for the record
Once I thought about it more, I think the toughest attraction barriers for me for my female Xanga readers are (1) the distance, most of my readers are hundreds of miles away and (2) the denomination, most of my readers are non-charismatic, and I don't know if I could make that compromise. I can jump one of those hoops, but two? It's tough.
@and_a_little_red_flower - Hey, nice to see you on Xanga again
thank you.
@ExitDoes_NotExist - No, don't you dare feel self-conscious for disagreeing with me. Most of my readers disagree with me, ha, I attract contrarians. You made a great point; some of my points above apply outside of Christian relationships (i.e. introversion). Also, I need to edit the post and say, many of those reasons are outside the girl's control. Please, girls, don't feel this post was all about how you need to change to attract the perfect Christian man--a few points were, but that wasn't my point.
I was trying to identify the larger problem from both the man's, woman's and church's perspective.
@breathe_deep - thanks
@Bokgwai - Ok, frame this, because I will never admit this again in your commenting life...you're 13-for-13 in your analysis of the points. BA = 1.000. I agree with everything you said. It must be because it's Leap Day or something.
@zynverwex - No, I agree with you, it is weird. I'm going to choose my words carefully here, because I don't want to seem like a flatterer or toss words around that would not guard people's hearts. But from what I know, you don't fall into a single bad category on my list that you can help. You're a strong Christian, extroverted, and attractive. Maybe being a little older and taller than your classmates may have unfortunately hurt your romantic chances at school. But I would say that you're a living example that being a Christian doesn't make a girl soft, weak, or uninteresting. I hope you can remain faithful to Christ while waiting for more men to realize that.
@ChrisRusso - Ooh, a classic mistake! (looking for an extrovert or introvert only). Good point! And I have to say, looks like it's going to be 16 for 16 for the NY Boys, ha, as I agree with you and Alban. Especially 15)--many of us need more interesting hobbies. Hmm...(considers dropping Xanga, come to think of it)
@SpiderDad - I think it is a little different, but not by much. I think the only different fault of the man is to want to do too much (i.e. want DIY projects instead of finding a stable girl with no problems) and the fault of the woman is to want to do too little (i.e. go for an unsaved but more polished, romantic man rather than a less skilled but Christian man), but that's probably a dreadfully unfair generalization. My apologies in advance for that, ha.
@ChrisRusso - Dude, WHERE DO YOU GO TO CHURCH?! See, I keep hearing people saying this stuff, and I NEVER see it. In the last 10 years I've been involved with church groups, I've never been in a college group where women outnumbered men. Wow, I must have phenomenally bad luck.
@wingfiea - Yeah, I realized some people might take this wrong after I did it. PSA, people, this is not about Amy trying to date me or vice-versa.
@GreekPhysique -
Heh. It might be a regional thing. If you're ever in the Binghamton area, though, drop by Union Center Christian Church.ay yay yay! I can't believe you dared to post this!
For one thing, I'm a married young Christian woman, so I feel safer addressing the issue.
I get where you're coming from. Especially when you said Christians girls do so much to guard their hearts ... and set too many hoops to jump over.
I think guarding your heart has a point, but it is such BS in the way it's usually used. The verse is "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of evil". Essentially - you're a sinner, so discipline yourself. Nothing about falling in love, nothing about our own vulnerability to evil men who might take advantage of us. :) Actually, we're more encouraged to love with abandon. That's not meant romantically, but there is a point at which that becomes valid. In relationships, which are meant to move towards marriage, you give your heart to someone. How are you going to be in a relationship without giving your heart away? Loving with abandon is not a bad thing. You have to define where it's going and all, but relationships are NOT bad. Christian girls need to hear that.
If Christian girls would stop obsessing over their own insecurities, building up relationships into such big scary momentus things, and being so shy and not FUN, then the guys might be a little more attentive.
On the other hand, Christian guys should sorta get over the whole modesty thing. Honestly. I"m not saying Christian girls shouldn't be attractive - in fact, I'd encourage girls to do themselves up and be feminine!
But as for curves, look, they are there. Every woman has curves. Even if they're covered up. If a man wants immediate eye candy fulfillment, he's not worth my time, I tell ya. I'd like to think I'm worth more then my curves.
@wingfiea -
Oops. Didn't mean for that to read as a you dating Greek or Greek dating you...just surprised by Greek's openness about not being attracted to you.