Friday, 05 September 2008

• Dabble Post Advice From the Readers: Follow Your Heart and Open Your Mind

  My Dabbling post got some great feedback, and I thought it was only fair to share some of the best comments made by people holding the other viewpoint. They either thought that some dabbling was good, or that being too narrow was not healthy or safe. I still believe more people suffer more from dabbling than from being stubborn and narrow, but I think it's important that both perspectives get some time. I'm not here to be the know-it-all 20-something, believe me; I write persuasive arguments, but I write them in search of better understanding for myself, not just for converts.
  
  My final count looked like about 15-20 of you out of 80 disagreed with some aspect of the post. That sounds about right to me; about 20% to 25% of 23-30 somethings would do better to dabble rather than focus, and about 75-80% are better off focusing more.
  
  One small point of clarification, before I give you their words. Note my original disclaimer paragraph: "There comes a time where each of us should commit in at least a few things, whether that be just career, or spouse, or hobby, or relationship. This belief that leaving all our options open is success is nonsense." So my original intent  was not that there should be no dabbling in your life, but that instead your life should be defined by commitment in at least one major area of career, hobby, or relationship. Ok, gentle critics (and they were polite overall), have at it!
  
  Comment #1: Put all your eggs in one basket and watch as the job is rendered obsolete by a changing economy.  Good times.
  
  Comment #2: ...At any rate, I agree with this, but I wil lsay it is never too late to try new things.  My teaching mentor when I first came to Japan had been a High School teacher for 30 years before coming to Japan, and after 3 years -- when his contract wasn't renewed -- he didn't want to leave, and he was over 60 when he came!  Now, he and his wife have taught in Lithuania, been to Spain and Western Europe, and basically have loved each and every minute of their time.  Yes, we do need to find that one career or job, just as the Book of Proverbs says, but at the same time, don't stop trying new things.  A couple of my goals are ot make it to the Olympics in Weight Lifting and to try Skydiving at least once!  While weight lifting isn't new, trying to make the Olympic Team is, and skydiving certainly is a new thing!
  
  Comment #3: I don't know.  I kind of disagree here.I think that advice is a little dated.  Dated to and written in an age where that actually was good advice.

  In some respects, it's very important to stick with something and become better at that something.  Sometimes, however, bad choices are made, even bad choices that seem to be good choices at the time.  We live in a day and age where people are changing jobs more than ever, and it's beginning to be looked upon as less of the bad thing that it used to be.

  There's some validity to the statement "jack of all trades, master of none" but at the same time, it's about what we ourselves are looking for.  I fully realize I may not reach the top tier in my career.  I prefer, however, to be a jack of all trades.  It's my passions and hobbies in life that I enjoy giving more attention to than where I work.  It's a personal choice.

  For some people, I feel that the advice you are giving or sharing is great advice.  For other people I think not so much.  You're right that life's too short.  It's too short to spend so much time focusing on just one aspect and denying other interests you may have. The 'life's too short' statement works from many angles....I just re-read your post and would like to say that for extreme cases of flitting around, yes, maybe it's important to stick to one thing for a while.  I agree.  I suppose my response above is more for people who like somewhere in the 75 percent middle of the bell curve.

  Comment #4: ...I think a lot of it does come down to following your heart though. I do plan on returning to my job, but if I hated it and it made my life absolutely miserable, putting all my effort into it would really be of no benefit.

  Comment #5: in terms of career and jobs, it's not entirely truet. If you become too focused on just that one job or position, other opportunities miss you. Nothing in life is a straight line and if you think in a straight line, your bound for disappointment. Some of the most successful people I knew had been just focused on one career but decided to keep an open mind and now have better jobs and actually enjoy it. But you shouldnt have to be successful first at a wrong job in order to pursue the right one. Sometimes you need to struggle before appreciating the good job.  I did that, focused on one job but the oppurtunies weren't there.  No one gave me a chance no matter what I tried to do. I looked at other possible careers and things have been going better. I'm going going in a completelty different direction that what I had focused on.  Can't think of life or career as a straight line. it never goes like you want it to.

  Comment #6: I have known quite a few over-specializers (and I know this isn't your point), PhDs, MDs, etc, and quite honestly they bore me to death. A jack of all trades may not go very far in life, but he/she makes a much better conversation partner than the alternative.

  Comment #7: I love your post!  Because it made me realize that the old saying "The grass is greener on the other side" is still true.

  I am the exact opposite of you.  Well I started out like you - with a voracious appetite for books and knowledge.
  But as I got out "from under the table" and started new things, my thinking has always been that I should just form one group/network and concentrate on that.  I don't need new friends if my group of friends are the best I have, or at least working on it to make it by best.
  I've noticed though that the group that I spend all of my energy, and years of my life, on has ended up deserting me, drifted apart and I was the only one putting any effort to keep it together.  So I moved on and became a part of a new one, and when that happens again, I moved on and to another group.  Now at 22 years of age, I have exactly one best friend, who just moved permanently to the Dominican Republic.  Besides her, I have two friends that I would consider "close" but not "best friends" and I talk to them occasionally.
  I realized that I let go of so many opportunities to get to know new people and when my friends all go their separate ways, I'm left alone missing them.

  So I'm now trying "to be more of a well-rounded person" by trying new things and meeting new people.  But thank you so much for your post - it made me realize that no matter what one tries to do with one's life, there seem always to be something that could have been "better."

  I'm happy with my life - even if in 22 years I only have one best friends hundred of miles away.  Because all those friends did help make me who me are today.

  Great Post!  I wish you a happy life!

  Comment #8: i think its necessary to find a balance. as a person who isn't career minded/doesnt care about climbing a career ladder to get to the top, i say that do what you want. focus more so on on a few things or go from activity to activity (within reason). just do whatever you do full heartedly and seek outlets that are full of integrity, are about more than just serving yourself. we are all different. you can wander with purpose.

  Comment #9: Well, here's the thing man. I feel like a lot of people in their twenties keep their options open because honestly, they didn't REALLY want to do what they ended up doing. Me, for example, I have a passion for art. Without thinking, however, I was suddenly clear cut on my way to medical school. Recently I've discovered the career of medical illustration, which seems entirely right up my alley. This seems like a job that I could go all out in, and "put all my eggs" into. But if I never had this epiphany and had gone on my way to study medicine, I'd probably dabble away my twenties like everyone else.

  Comment #10: I disagree with you.. and I do so in a friendly way.

  I see teenagers as those who proudly walk around claiming to know life already. When they hit their 20's and jump into the real world... thats when they see they are not as wise as their backyards and schools allowed them.

  So they do one or two things... they freak out... or they rediscover life and who they are. I dont think you learn who you are in your teens. Your brain isnt even fully developed yet. Note: the immature relationships (which they swear they never have), the speeding tickets, uprotected sex, illegal drinking habits, and the egocentrism that follows.

  Teens ARE kids... parading as adults.

  When they hit college they are not any better... instead now they are useing loans (or parent's money) either for alcohol, rent, and occasionally school. How can you focus when all you want to do is party? And I see that as a "personal choice" (not anything anyone made you do) or a choice encouraged by our culture where apathy and sloth... is very cool!

  Nevermind the issues of our economy. The job market is not exactly AWESOME at this moment.

  Or the personal issues people must overcome in order to be well rounded or succesfull. You as, a whole being, are not "done"... not emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. after school There is much life has to offer and we will change/grow/actualize in the "process".

  I say if youre not in school, you should be working... and if youre not working improve upon your education. Sometimes you will do both. Or at times neither... but thats ALSO a learning experience. I've had friends who were homeless... and it made them appreciate life in a new way when thye got back on their feet.

  The only person that keeps you from growing up is YOU... you are responsible for your life and welfare. The truth is, if you dont matture and garner some empathy and accountability... the only person who will suffer the most, is YOU!

  You might like to take a look at the book called "Guyland" by Kimmel which discusses some of the points youre talking about. Or watch the documentary called "Surf Wise".

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Csz6brroc

  Im in favor of people growing up, but how we all do that will vary. Not "ONE" plan will work for everyone and success is not always measured in schooling or various jobs. There are more possibilities than that or how we define ourselves.

  Comment #11: I disagree completely.  I believe in following your passion... not just settling for the first thing you stumble across and struggling for the rest of your life to be happy with that decision.

  I'm glad I didn't choose something when I was in my early 20s and stick with it.  I would have missed out on so much, and I would be miserable.  I didn't know who I was back then!  It wasn't until my later 20s when I started to get a really good grasp on who I was and what I wanted out of life.

  Don't diss the journey by focusing so much on the outcome.  If I live 100 years, I'd rather spend 50 of them finding out who I am than 80 struggling to wedge myself into a life that doesn't fit anymore.

  Comment #12: This was excellent.  I think it is really good food for thought.  I am not sure I completely agree as the way my life has unfolded has been very different than what you describe and I feel for me I have made the right choices.  Instead of pursuing career and relationship, I pursued knowing God and growing a person.  And I am very very glad.  My path has felt like putting my hand in his and walking with him, through the unknown, through briers and dark spots and craziness, till finally the path started to take form and I discovered I was going in a direction I would have never dreamed could be mine and was beyond my wildest imagination.  And it is onl the beginning.  I may not be married, but at least I'm not with someone I'm not passionate about and am not on the verge of divorce.  And I may not have a super career, but in the lack of a job describing my life for me, I have been open to the right opportunities when they have come along.  It is one thing to be indecisive.  It is another to realize that figuring out who you are can take time, especially if it is done well.  And sometimes good enough and right now isn't the best choice if it keeps you feeling safe and gives an excuse for not pursuing your real and impossible dreams.  Impossible does happen.

  So then, feel free to share with us here how dabbling has improved your life as well.
  

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