GreekPhysique's Xanga

Ohio Xanga Meet-up, Bad News

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:01:59 GMT

I can't go. Too much work. I'm pretty down about it. But if you want to go, http://aibellfaeire.xanga.com/715554523/ohio-xanga-meet-up-final/ for the details. I'm taking a break for a while. See you in late December.

What is the Church's Role in Chronic Struggles?

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:24:00 GMT

Guest post from a friend. I thought the last questions were very interesting, so I asked her to borrow the post and thus see what you all thought.

I do in-home health care.

The woman I take care of is a bitter, disabled, depressed woman.

A few months ago she had a few seizures and spent quite awhile in the hospital. Today she told me that she wishes she had died during the seizures. She won't leave her house except for doctor appointments. She doesn't like to have visitors. She won't sleep in her bed because it reminds her of her live-in boyfriend who moved out years ago so she sleeps on the couch where she can't get comfortable so she never sleeps good. She won't listen to anyone; everything in the house must be done exactly how she wants it to be done. She routinely lies to everyone - doctors, caretakers, anyone. She has one son who lives several hours away. He barely comes to see her because she barely acknowledged him when he was growing up - he was mostly at his dad's house. She won't do anything to help herself improve physically. And emotionally she won't even admit that there's a problem.

And she's bipolar.

I know that last part is just an addition to all of the other problems, but I see it as a huge one.

Around the same time she had a major back injury 20 years ago and needed surgery, she was diagnosed with bipolar. She was so down and such an angry, moody person that she chased her family away. Eventually it got to where it is now - never leaving, barely acknowleding her family. And witih bipolar that's barely under control.

Somehow in the 2 years of taking care of this woman, I've grown attached to her because she needs someone. She's basically adopted me as her daughter.

In that attachment though, I grow more scared every day as I see what her medical conditions are doing to her.

My bipolar is almost under control - it's definitely much better than it had been. But I fear sometimes that I'll end up like her.

That's the times that I hate this bipolar. Yes, I'm so blessed to have friends who care, but they're not there everyday with me. It's precisely because she doesn't have family/friends there everyday that she's gotten so bad.

I have family around me, but they're not checking on my emotional state, so it's like not having anyone there. My mom saw some scars on my legs that are old and she was asking what it was and didn't believe me when I told her they were old. Yet she didn't ask if I had cut anywhere else on my body or if I had cut recently. She didn't ask to see my arms which are now covered in cuts from the last few days. She only asks if I'm cutting when she sees the cuts. That's not support. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and am so grateful for the support that she's been, but as far as cutting goes, she's never been able to be a support.

Can anyone identify with what I'm saying here? I go to work and fear that my mental illness may result in me living in a condition like I find everyday. That condition isn't living!

This leads me to think about the church and what position the church should have in mental illesss.

If you have a mental illness and especially if you suffer from something like cutting or binging/purging or anything that is an addictive habit (smoking, drinking, porn, etc), you know the power of accountability. Having someone asking EVERYDAY how you're doing is crucial to moving ahead.

What about for those people who don't have that? Should it be the church's responsiblity to provide an accountability like that? The church should be reaching out and recognizing these types of needs, but should it also be responsible in that way?

What should be the church's role in the life of the mentally ill church member?

The Troll Inside Me...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:03:09 GMT

...is kept at bay only by a very thin wooden fence. Write better entries before it's too late! I can't restrain myself much longer!

Xanga Outage Yesterday: Happy GreekGiving!

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:05:39 GMT

I'm not going to lie, I was very concerned yesterday about the Xanga outage. I went a little out of control on my Twitter. My heart was filled with fear and pain. Do you realize how dangerous that was? Do you realize how many surface relationships could have been severed? What if it had been permanent?
You may have been deprived of me for all time!!!

Imagine a world without my posts--no wit and wisdom to amuse you while you're waiting for something more interesting to do! No thoughts recycled from better authors and speakers! Imagine, no more hurried one-line comments to comfort you when you write a depressed post! No more cheesy minis selected by my Greek fingers! Think of the time I lavish on you mortals! No more instant messages and phone calls for those of you in my fan club! (Susan, you haven't paid your $5.99 this month. No more IM's for you!) CAN YOU BEAR THE THOUGHT OF NO MORE GREEK IN YOUR LIFE? The very thought gives me chills of confusion and searing-hot penultimate pain of persecution, at the same time.

But thankfully, there is a way for you to show your gratitude still. Xanga remains open for another day for you to lavish me with respect and honor. Empty your pocketbooks! Upload your best photos and posts! Yesterday may have been American Thanksgiving. But today is the day to give thanks for Greek. Give thanks for me now, my readers! I accept Visa AND American Express. Post your odes and orisons today, or, if they are a bit too personal for public perusal, knowwhatImeanwinkwinknodnod, send them to xangagreek@gmail.com . Let your appreciation and worship be known while there is still time! Grovel at my feet! I await your respectful tokens of obeisance.

(Thanks to vanedave and curtainsopen posts for the inspiration).

Xanga Meetup

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:18:59 GMT

Normally I don't do meet-up posts anymore. Some of you should not meet with other Xangans without a police officer present :-p so I don't want to encourage you (kidding, kidding!). But this one is actually a gift for someone else.

So I went to visit my brothers in Ohio yesterday. At dinner, I also invited a Xangan who lived nearby, AibellFaeire, to join us, along with her boyfriend Clayton. The restaurant itself deserves its own post, ha. Here are AibellFaeire and Clayton with their delicious, calorie-packed meals:

Yes, that's at least four hamburger patties in Clayton's sandwich! And that is a fried apple pie above.
As part of that we decided to do something special for one of our dear Xanga friends. And it was even before we saw her recent post! Who could it be for?

Morgie is one of those nice, friendly people that unfortunately some people overlook, so we wanted to do something sweet for her. Happy Thanksgiving all!

An Abortion Story

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:03:10 GMT

Tina aka Tsh44 decided to share with us her experience of being pregnant at 15. I highly recommend you read this, no matter what your position on the debate is. It's so good, I posted even though I was going to take a week off from posting!

http://tsh44.xanga.com/716981214/memory-lane---an-abortion-story-part-1/

and then to read parts 2-5, click http://tsh44.xanga.com/ and scroll up from the bottom.

Ok, off to work hard again. By the way, I'm going to start buying people Xanga Premium and maybe buy it for myself. It's not that expensive, and I want to support Xanga and have some spare cash nowadays. Just a thought.

Fighting for Faith: Share Your Fights

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:21:12 GMT

I'm about halfway through the series. I haven't taken a lot of issues like science, humor, and games yet, but I shall. The original purpose of the series was to say, yes, we must fight to maintain our faith. Faith by itself will go away if not defended or considered, much like love does. What I wanted to ask you is, what topics do you want me to tackle in this series? What makes it hard for you to believe in Jesus and to love and serve him on a daily basis? I'll use that to think about what topics to address next.

Fighting for Faith: Bad Company is Contagious

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:15:46 GMT

Just a friendly reminder--I'm writing towards a primarily Christian audience for this series. So when I say "we Christians should", I don't mean to say you're all Christians or that non-Christians should do what I say. Non-Christians are welcome to comment. Keep it civil, all.

Xanga was my first true social network. I had been involved on forum boards when I was a teen, but I had never joined any real social network before Xanga. When I first joined in 2004, I found that few of my friends were really on here. Then I started looking for new friends. I realized that with search, I could find whoever I wanted to befriend. So I looked for people that I thought were interesting, mostly focusing on Christian females. Hey, I'm honest! haha.

However, over time, I realized there were a few drawbacks to Xanga. First, most of Xanga is female, and the male writers often seem more interested in talking to said females rather than other guys. So in the old days, if I wanted to talk about sports or cars or whatever, no one seemed to respond. Second, there is no chat feature on Xanga. Over time, I really got tired of waiting breathlessly for Juanita234325 to reply to my 3 paragraph comment...some 10 hours later.

So, without even really thinking about it, I gravitated towards two other social networks that would balance that out. We'll call them GuysWorld and ChatSphere. And I had fun hanging out on both. I felt GuysWorld helped balance me out and took care of the manly needs Xanga couldn't, and ChatSphere allowed for direct real-time communication with people.

However, I made one small change on both compared to Xanga...or was it small? On Xanga, I really think about peoples' morals or life approach before befriending them. That doesn't mean Christian-only, but it does mean no liars, no sexual deviants (Prude, Proud, and Loud, baby! hahaha) and no arrogant fools. However, on GuysWorld and ChatSphere, I didn't have blogs to read, and so I just befriended whoever.

It shouldn't have mattered who I hung out with. It's not like I was there THAT often (maybe?!). It was just a hobby! I was just having fun! But suddenly, I struggle with new temptations I never had before, and I think it's because of those two sites. I now have to watch my language more--I'm much more tempted to swear than ever before. Yet overall, my life is better than ever before, so there's no good reason for the extra anger. I tried to think about why..and quite honestly, I think it's GuysWorld, where people have no problem dropping f-bombs. And because of ChatSphere, I'm much less likely to trust that people are who they say they are. I've seen way too many people taking on a persona, and so I am less likely to take words at face value. I feel less honest myself.

Quite honestly, I still can't believe this happened. ME?! Mr. Different? Mr. Smart-and-Independent? Mr. Anti-Peer-Pressure? I let those losers get to me and change me?! I should have gotten to them! Forgive my narcissism, sigh.

So what's the takeaway here in Fighting For Faith? Retreat to a monastery with only fellow Christians?! No, no, a 1000 times no! But we have to be aware that the people we hang out with shape our world view, even when it's frivolous Internet folk. It has an impact on our morality and quality of life. I'm NOT suggesting paranoia. I'm just saying, sometimes we have to fight so hard for faith because NONE of our friends are fighting for any sort of moral values! let alone faith. And if that's the case, it's time to get some new friends!

Being a Christian is a critical part of who we are. If we don't feel we can express our Christianity with our friends, and we find ourselves being pulled to be more like them, it does not help us maintain who we are. If our friends resent our morals and claim that we are repressed prudes, are they really friends? I love having friends who don't share my views. They teach me a lot! But I also refuse to allow myself to be corrupted by my friends. Non-Christian friends and Christian friends alike have to be quality people who care for others and who attempt to be honest and fair. You may say "But that means you're making your faith more important than me!" But I say, my faith is a part of me. It rescued me from many problems and mistakes. It's not "that church I go to once a week", it's "Those prayers I utter, those verses I recite, that love I receive." Also, why do YOU want me to accommodate you being such a lying, thieving douc...argh, stupid GuysWorld, haha, never mind.

So unfortunately, I need to cut back on my time at GuysWorld and ChatSphere, perhaps even quit. They are frivolous, fun choices, not fundamental constants of life. I owe them nothing. I can certainly find other things to do with my time that don't make me feel like my beliefs are challenged at every turn. This is a hard post for me to write. It really hurts when you realize that a fun site, and the people who made it fun, are actually doing you more harm than good. But when it happens...you have to let it go. Bad company is contagious.

Sunday Devotional: You're Impulsive...Thank God!

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:53:25 GMT

Recently I've been reading some blogs and talking to some people who are very impulsive. They take big risks and tell people how they really feel. They assert themselves boldly into situations even if they don't have all the facts and are just acting on instinct.

Awful, right? Bad Christians? They should be more quiet? More self-controlled? Less likely to randomly interact with strangers?

But reading the Bible, I think that their personality trait of being impulsive or assertive at times is a God-given gift. I see how impulsive and passionate David was...I see Nehemiah, impulsively telling the king of the needs of his people...I see Jesus in the temple, throwing out the moneychangers. I see Paul, once impulsive by dragging Christians to their death, then impulsive by being willing to speak the Word of God to anyone, at any cost to himself. Repression, by itself, is not a spiritual virtue! Self-control is. Listening is. But sometimes, God wants us to be impulsive and aggressive, wants us to be outspoken and honest.

Our culture sometimes punishes people who are impulsive, who don't fit societal norms of how to talk or interact. I see the pain this causes some of my friends (especially women, who seem to be crushed to fit the mold of what is acceptable to society). But if it wasn't for impulsive people, who would randomly hug us? or send us silly texts "just because?" Or decide that this year, our group of friends should go on a cruise so we can re-connect and get closer to each other? Your impulsiveness helps spur us less impulsive people on to catch up with you, and often, we need to do so!

If your impulsiveness and passion is based on good things, like love for your neighbor, a desire for honesty and truth, or, most importantly, a wish to serve God and do his will, don't beat yourself up too much over the small mistakes it can cause! Don't miss the blessing that your spontaneous acts bring to others. I look at myself, and I want to be more like you impulsive, assertive people, ready to do what needs to be done even if it embarrasses me a little, or looks silly at first. I don't want to be analyzing when I should be doing. I hope you can see that God gave us all our normal personality traits! They all need to be mastered and tamed, but who we are is given to us to bless others, to serve God, and yes, even to amuse ourselves, haha. Please don't think your emotions are this curse you have to overcome so you can be a boring robot. Value the way God made you, and ask him how to use it better.

Eh, this post was rough-cut, but I don't want people beating themselves up for what is really a gift in disguise. Impulsive people for God are the only way his work ever gets done, and I have a lot to learn from you all!

For one person only

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:35:27 GMT

I am unworthy of your friendship. Thank you for not blocking me for being such a fool. You know who you are. Call me or write me whenever you want. I don't want to lose out on talking to you ever again.