July 23, 2007
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What is the purpose of marriage?
I recently was reading a book that in passing, dropped that little question. And I was fascinated by it. What, after all, is the purpose of marriage? Who should we marry? I found three answers in the Bible:
1. Marry someone who will help you produce and take care of godly children.
Malachi 2:15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. [e]2. Marry someone who will help you guard against immorality.
I Corinthians 7:2-5
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The
wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In
the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also
to his wife. 5 Do not
deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you
may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan
will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.3 Marry a Christian.
I Corinthians 7:39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband
dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the
Lord.Breaking things down like this really opened my mind. The first point explains why we may say no to some attractive Christians. If you can't ever see them helping you raise a family, and you intend to have one, why bother? Some people aren't mature enough yet to help raise a family; others never will be.
The second point is also good. You know, Christian young people get a lot of flack for supposedly being too picky about looks. But what I would say is, why should I consider marrying someone who I wasn't attracted to? After all, one of the purposes of marrying someone is to avoid fornication. Now Proverbs, in rather vivid language, says you should not be less attracted to your wife over time. But there has to be some initial attraction there. It's a disservice to set someone up on a blind date with someone who you think they would not be physically attracted to.
The third point is rather obvious too. Look, I get a lot out of some Christian books that explain about how flaws in a person can lead to a poor marriage. But after a while...look, no one is perfect, and if you don't see any flaws in me right now, just spend 5 more minutes with me! ha. I'm more concerned that a future wife be flawed but a committed Christian with a desire to change and grow rather than perfect right now and not on good terms with God. Do you understand what I'm saying here? Some of us get life very well at 20, but we aren't as good at being 22, or 25, or 32.
Any Bible answers I missed?
Comments (12)
As a married person, I'll tell you what I think about marriage.
#1: There is no such thing as "The One." It doesn't make sense. It can't make sense. People didn't pick their own mates for thousands and thousands of years. We just like to think we can find the perfect person, because we think that will keep us from problems. Ain't gonna happen.
#2: Marriage isn't about love. Love is a new fangled concept we've concocted because we like the way it sounds. But love is flawed (at least in humans) and ultimately fails. You know that verse in I Corinthians 13 that says, "Love never fails"? Well, that's not talking about person to person. It's God's love for us, because we will never be able to give someone perfect, unfailing love. Marrying someone solely for love is the most ridiculous concept I've ever heard of. No wonder 50+ percent of marriages fail. People have it all wrong.
#3: It wouldn't be a bad thing if we went back to letting our parents choose our spouses. We're generally blinded by love or lust, and let's face it. We're generally young. The age-old method of finding a life partner is a good one.
I know that sounds crazy and off the wall, but I'm disgusted with the modern concept of marriage.
That being said, I agree with all your points. It's important to be attracted to the person (you don't want to retch every time you see your spouse naked!), to be with someone who will be a good parent, and to be with someone who shares similar values.
Are you contemplating marriage?
I think our human relationships are great lessons for our relationship with God, not totally Biblical, but I think it's true
Good points in all. I especially liked #2--of late some well-meaning Christians have endeavored to guilt-trip me for turning down a girl because I wasn't attracted to her. And while I totally understand that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised," and all the other things they tell me... the fact still remains, at the end of the day, that you need to have an initial attraction to the person to make it work, no? Just having head-knowledge that the person contains qualities that are theoretically desirable isn't nearly enough.
The Common Book of Prayer had something about the purpose of marriage... where did I put it...
"First, it was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name. Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body. Thirdly, it was ordained for the mutual society, help and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity."
Wow. The BoCP's answers pretty much match up with yours.
Marriage is also a shadow of Christ's relationship to the Church. It's purpose is to point to Christ. See Matt 25, Mark 2, and Rev 21. SEe also the various ecumenical creeds & confessions. Christ is the bridegroom; the church is the bride.
Yep, so true. Pretty much every man/woman wants to raise their children the exact same way he/she was raised. There are a lot of difference that just a couple could survive through but when their children are born... those differences are magnified!!
If there is one book on marriages you should read, it is definately Sex-God by Rob Bell... It is beautiful and profound and refreshing.
Good Call PilgrimsPoint!
What about the reasons why you shouldn't get married? Just curious if there is a follow-up post. There are certainly plenty of reasons given in the bible to remain single. Marriage is clearly good and ordained, but singlehood is just as valuable. To which I say...kudos to God. Good thinking buddy!
You forgot I Corinthians 7:9. It makes the point a little stronger.
#3 doesn't really seem like a reason, per se. More like really good advice.
I think a third reason is an obvious one - companionship. When God ordained marriage, He said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him." Man needed someone to complete him, so the Lord gave him a woman. Amen!
This seems to go along with the Book of Common Prayer reason #3.
If sexual purity is so important and to be sexually impure is outside of this awesome picture, why is sex such a taboo topic in so many of the traditional Christian circles? (rhetorical)
I should be able to clearly define what I think about this topic to those in my family, yet it is hard because this is such a "not talked about" topic.
Hmm. I've been thinking about relationships, etc. for a bit now, and I'm glad you made this post. These points are basically what I've come to understand too. I like your point of being with a flawed person who is growing rather than a perfect person who is stagnant. I just hope that the gents in general are that understanding with me.
I'm flawed, I admit it, but at least I'm trying to be a better person! :-S
On singledom... I admit, there are some positive side effects of being single, but after a LONG time of singleness (a long, long time), I've decided that yes, eventually, I want to get married. This is quite a revelation for me. I have to stop wisecracking about never being a Mrs. and actually *gulp* eat my words. Eventually. If I ever find someone. sigh. It's not that easy.
ChrisRusso's guilt trip over not choosing a relationship with a person he was not attracted to is completely mirroring something that is happening to me. I'd just really ... not like it ... if my parent's got to choose who I am supposed to marry. Really. Not like it. Really.
Good thoughts, Greek. And, surprise surprise, I find that I agree with you!
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