This is the last in a series titled "Internet Lessons of 08" The computer froze when I finished my longer, more personal first draft, so you hopefully now read a more concise draft.

Ok, quick reader poll here. How many of you had read my site before as of December 31st, 2007? Is that one hand I see? Two? See, at the beginning of the year, I was very much an "outsider" on Xanga. Not many people knew me, and I liked it that way. I was free to talk about whatever I wanted to a small circle of friends. Then, all of a sudden, a blog entry I wrote about Xanga got a lot of attention via the recommend button, and 10 months later, I find myself relatively well-known on here.

The weird part for me is, the same story was repeated in nearly every area of my life. Job, dating, other web 2.0 sites...I suddenly found myself thrust out of the shadows and into a more visible, vulnerable position. I was going from the "outside" to the "inside", like it or not.

You may ask "Greek, you crazy fool, why are you fighting this? What, you like being single and alone? You like not getting a pay check for months? You like working on a post for a while and just getting 2 comments? Come on, be an insider already!"

But I feel torn. Many of my friends are still outsiders, and I feel like further success is driving a wedge between me and them. I built up years of resentment, envy, and passion while being on the outside, whether I realized it at the time or not. And I hang onto such scars with a crazed sense of honor, as if I am my history. Then, what about the new responsibility and vulnerability to criticism that one gets as one becomes more well-known? I mean, there are now actually people who depend on me or who listen to me who are neither family nor bribed to do so! I exaggerate, ha, but the principle is true. And what about the pervasive emptiness of the "system" and the "inside"--the love for power, the desperate emphasis on self-improvement, the ambition, the soulless competitiveness? Aren't I doomed to that if I try to work within the system to get things done?

I think that a lot of my readers are in the same dilemma without realizing it. You face a crossroads in 2009, a time of transition. You suddenly realize that some of your dreams are achievable, or that life seems to be improving. But that in itself is scary, as you see that some of your most cherished dreams are rather empty, or realize that money, power, sex, or influence bring new challenges. What to do? I'm not sure myself. But I think we have no choice but to walk through that door and do our best to make a difference. I'd love to stay on the outside. But that's not what I'm led to do right now in life. It's not necessarily that I'm "growing up", a phrase I despise...but I am changing. And that's the dilemma that must be wrestled with, and a lesson that I just realized this week that will definitely challenge me in 2009.

(To clarify on a point a few days ago about whether I would stay on Xanga in 2009. I re-evaluate my time and mission on Xanga every 6 months (January 1st and June 1st). So it's natural for me to reconsider Xanga too as I make these bigger life changes--what should change about my blogging participation and style as I'm learning these new lessons? Why am I here? etc. I don't want you to feel nervous in any way about it. I do this all the time, as I said, so please don't feel you have to beg me to stay or something. However, I do accept bribes and desserts.

This is the fourth in a series titled "Internet Lessons of '08"

A short, chipper entry for today, leading up to tomorrow's final entry of the year (eh, maybe, if I don't get too busy). There is one aspect of the Internet that gives me great joy, and that is finding pieces of "yourself" in the oddest places. (I deliberately put "yourself" in quotes--not necessarily you now, but you both past, present, future, and imagined). You know, many times we think "Oh, does anyone think the same way I do?" just because we can't think of anyone in our everyday lives who agrees with us. But then, one comes on the Internet, opens a blog or plays a video...and there's a moment of connection with a complete stranger. This feeling that "Yes, we are both human, we walk the same ground, we have had the same thought or experience." It makes you less of a stranger in the world and at peace with yourself, if only for that moment.

Oh, I could do a long post on the bad side of this--how staying in one sterile and opinionated group can make you biased and bitter. But instead, I prefer to think of how often I've opened a new post or blog and beamed a contented smile as I felt a moment of human connection. Oftentimes it's with people who I seem to have little in common with. We don't share the same god, the same gender, or the same tax bracket. But we somehow make it across all those barriers to find something we can agree on, and we clasp hands for one moment of shared fellowship.

We all are built for community, for knowing and being known. No matter how introverted, reticent, or misanthropic you may consider yourself to be, you can't escape this. And so I am thankful for all those moments where I could clearly understand your heart, dear reader, and found something to admire in it, found emotions that we shared, and found a fellowship of sorts. For this, I am thankful.

This is the third in a series loosely titled "Internet Lessons of '08"

For this lesson, I'll more pose a question than I will type a lot of text. This was a tough year for me in some ways, as I felt like I discovered the dark side of Web 2.0 on the Internet. For example, someone would post a lovely Youtube video of herself singing, or of himself talking excitedly about a hobby, and it would be very talented...and no one would notice. Or, a few jerks would ruin it by posting obscene comments underneath the video. Either that, or some bored teen guy would try to find someone to talk to on video chat...and get made fun of for being fat or not funny enough. I also realized to what extent some of my prettier female friends got harassed on the Internet, to the point that the law itself even had to get involved once. So it just seems like when people do beautiful things on the Internet, or try to be beautiful, they just get laughed at, or harassed, or ignored. Or, those people who do have beauty or can create beauty wield it as a weapon to make more money or manipulate people.

I also realized the price people pay for beauty by reading more blogs on here. Many of us desperately exercise, we control our food intake, and we risk surgery just to look a little better. And if you don't look good enough, it seems like nothing else matters in society. Even here on Xanga, there's definitely a benefit to being more attractive. Is there no way to satisfy our desire for beauty, or to heal the pain for not being beautiful?

And finally, I realized how much beauty is used to sell things and enslave people online. It seems like nearly every ad tries to use a beautiful, happy woman to sell whatever product they are trying to manipulate us into buying. So if you're a woman, you feel inadequate in comparison to the model with the perfect smile; if you're a man, you're saddened that you don't have a woman like that for your girlfriend/wife/whatever.

I still love beautiful things. I still love beautiful people. But this was definitely the year that I started to be less enthusiastic about how many beautiful stories, songs, pictures, and videos the Web can provide. It just seems so corrupt somehow, so flawed, so...human. I realize this post is very disjointed and abrupt. Sheesh, I haven't even defined beauty itself! But my thoughts are also still in that state on this topic. So what do you think? Have you found beauty online that truly blessed your soul? Or have you too been distressed at how the Web seems to ruin the beautiful things that it has?

EDIT Ah, I forgot one of my original thoughts on this. The problem is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So a person cannot really convey "beauty" on themselves, but must wait for others to announce they are beautiful. A person seeking to be called beautiful or to have their work admired thus is at the mercy of every beholder's judgment. Thus it is easy for one or two evil-minded or misguided beholders to have a disproportionally evil effect on a community or a person.

This is the second in a series loosely titled "Internet Lessons of 08."

Dear Xanga Men,

I don't really address many blogs to you, and that bothers me at times. Fact is, most bloggers on here tend to be female, and thus this place can be rather feminized at times. But I really do appreciate you, colleagues, because most of you are clever writers who are relatively classy. There aren't many guys who surf Xanga making requests to "***** you *******" or what not. (Yeah, the stars are random and so is the phrase). A majority of you take pride in not being Internet bad boys and being true writers instead.

However...however...let's talk about the other danger to men. You may not be Mr. Internet Pervert. You may instead be a classy, sensitive guy, well able to handle himself in the 21st century world. But are you becoming Mr. Internet Boyfriend instead? There are plenty of nice, attractive women on Xanga who could use a little encouragement. I understand, it's easy to leave a nice, classy compliment the first time you visit a woman's page--you do want a reply, after all. And so you leave your first comment to her--"Dear, I'm so sorry to hear he treated you so badly" or "Dear, I'm sure things will get better once you graduate" or what not. And then...something great happens! Unlike in real life (haha) she notices you! She comments back! She thanks you! Great news, right?

Well...not exactly. See, you think you're being a modern-day white knight. You're being chivalrous! A defender of the weak! And perhaps you are being just that. But quite honestly, I think it's much more likely that you're becoming weak yourself--a servant of the Goddess Beauty. And she is a voracious and unforgiving mistress indeed. You find yourself measuring each comment to be sure not to offend and to keep those warm feelings going. You read that she is only returning one comment for every four you post. And you then hate her and yourself, as you realize you're easy and give up your compliments and support for nothing rather than waiting for a woman who would truly appreciate them. There's nothing knightly or powerful about that!

Doubt me? Here, take that oh-so-nice girl who you always support, and disagree with her just ONCE. Tell her that it's not a good idea to date the 40-year-old dad, or that she shouldn't go to grad school if she isn't sure what she wants to do with her life. Then, just sit back and wait. If the relationship is not healthy, she'll forget all the nice things you said and blast you for not supporting her. And once that happens to you once or twice, you'll realize that you've been Mr. Internet Boyfriend and given her comfort and support in exchange for...the privilege of being a friend to a girl you've never even met in person?! Not much of a deal, is it?

Let me simplify this for you, Xanga guys. Here's a simple guide:
Is she normal and does she return your compliments and appreciation? Peel out a map and see how far away you two are from each other geographically. If it's less than one finger segment, ask her out already! Or at least start asking for an AIM, or an e-mail address, or something. Don't sit there for months exchanging "you're so cool" compliments.

Is she normal, and does she not return your compliments and appreciation? She's just being polite and humoring you. Just quit visiting her site. Too simple? Instead, go out in a blaze of glory by inviting her to elope to Fiji with you,, or accost her and demand to know why she's ignoring you (and be humiliated when she doesn't even remember who you are). Um, trust me, just quit visiting the site.

Is she not normal and does she return your compliments and appreciation? Oh no, you're not just Mr. Internet Boyfriend, you're Mr. Dysfunctional Internet Enabler! If she's actually listening to you and trying to be more normal, and you honestly want to help her get better (as opposed to helping her out of her clothes), then, ok, stick around. But keep your eye on the exit, and know what the deal-breakers are that compromise your dignity.

Is she not normal and does she not return your compliments and appreciation? I can't really express in words just how dumb you're being, except to say, yes, I fell for this too once (or twice...or, err, ok, let's move on). Look, let another woman fix her--you're not going to be able to fix her via one five-minute Xanga comment, ok?

So Xanga men, please, listen to me. Make your compliments meaningful and unique in 2009. If you're truly being friendly and have no ulterior motives, then be complimentary when you mean it--but also say "No, girl, you're being dumb" when you mean it too! If the woman really is so cool, she'll be willing to accept the occasional disagreement or correction. If she's not--why in the world are you wasting your time on her?! No more Xanga welfare or comment vouchers! Move on already.

That's probably it for 2008 posts. It's been a weird year for me on Xanga, overall. But I think I have learned a lot in my 4.5 years here on Xanga. I'm not sure whether I'll be back for a 5th season, but it's been a great run, and thank you all for reading.

Your Xanga Colleague, GreekPhysique.

EDIT A clarification on one issue brought up in the comments. No, not every man supporting every woman wants to have a relationship with her, and I'm sorry if the post sounded that way. I have many female friends on here that I can be friends with minus any complications--but we're honest with each other, and don't just flatter each other. I was referring to relationships where the man becomes a flatterer and an enabler.

Also, for example, I tend to be very supportive of two categories of female Xangans; single mothers, and teenagers trying to overcome bad family/addiction situations. (Yes, that's where many of the so-called "drama queens" who really aren't come in). To a large extent, those two groups have enough natural problems to deal with that I try to never correct them unless I'm very troubled by what they write.

But, I also think the post was necessary, because I know how easy it was to deceive myself. Sure, I thought I was "just being nice"--but then, if it was just being nice, why did I expect something in return? The heart is deceitful at times, is it not? So I just wanted to tweak the original post.
END EDIT

This is the first in a series loosely titled "Internet Lessons of 2008."

When I first came on Xanga, I realized that there were quite a few female writers who seemed to be overly dramatic. I had met these drama queens in real-life years before, of course--the middle/high-school girls who insisted on starting fights with rivals over nothing, or breathlessly pretending that each and every circumstance of their lives was "incredible." I had never really liked the type in real life, because I myself am mostly a low-maintenance, low-drama type of individual. So I expected to wish to stay away from them here on Xanga as well.

However, on close inspection of their blogs, I realized something. There was nothing to fear from the iron scepter of most drama queens. In fact, there was much to pity. Their blogs told sad stories of their eating-related addictions, or as to how they couldn't get over a past long-term boyfriend or husband or poor parental relationship, or as to how they were raising a child or two by themselves because the father was long gone from their lives. Drama queen? Try lost princess instead, who once had a decent life but now was left wondering what happened to that good life. It often happened that so-called "drama queens" really did have true drama in their life, and there was a decent explanation for why they were so emotional.

One thing I both hate and love about Xanga is the ability to read past blogs. The more I read about you, the more I understand you. And the better I understand you, the harder it is to blindly dislike you or hate you, even if there is a lot about you to dislike. Pure hate is in its way, an odd blessing; it is a pure emotion that simplifies life, just as pure love is.

So as I read further into the past, I saw that these lost princesses were merely bemoaning the castle they used to have. Their selfish requests and demands were really the call of a frightened little girl for the servants and suitors she once had at the castle. Their fights were the product of a confused woman blindly striking out in her confusion and anger. And a lost princess is very sensitive to insult, because who could hate a princess? So she takes it much more deeply than she should, and over-reacts.

Really, what is so frightening about a Drama Queen? Yes, they can be annoying and loud, but it's usually also amusing in its own way. Her antics are often merely a desire for more attention, or the occasional flash of jealousy. Both emotions are fairly easy to deal with once you recognize them. Yes, some drama queens are truly evil. But as I read further, I find that many a supposed drama queen is more confused and hurt, striking back defensively at supposed enemies rather than trying to actively offend.

EDITED Text
I find that many supposed "drama queens" actually are just in need of a good friend, and that just being that friend makes a big difference. And I get quite a bit out of being that friend, once I've proved myself to be trustworthy. But if it gets too bad, and I find they really are drama queens for no reason, I just leave the area or unsubscribe. Some other time I'll get into the right and wrong ways to befriend a Drama Queen, lest any of my fellow men become the dreaded Internet Boyfriend. But that, my friends, is a lesson for another post.