So, it has come to my attention (each morning in the mirror) that my hair continues to whiten at an accelerating pace. I'm not sure how well you can see the grey, but here's today's office update:

As you can see in the photo, I'm deeply concerned about this turn of events. Grey-haired people are obviously socially useless individuals with the sexual sizzle of oatmeal. I had friends tease me that I looked like I was in my 40's this year. I'll no doubt be forced to board the train for the elderly concentration camps soon, where I'll be lured into never-ending games of dominoes by the over-eager septuagenarian on the neighboring bed. SAVE ME JUST FOR MEN SAVE ME. I don't even know where to start, but I'll just dump this bottle over my head and be Prince Charming in the morning! That's how hair dye works, right? I'm new to this. I assume I can collapse back to a fat greying 30-something slob day after the wedding?

However, philosophically, I'm opposed to any fundamental changes in appearance. Finding additives to disguise the passing of time seems rather dishonest. I'm 32. It's ok. I have good health overall. Isn't it immature to resist the maturing process? Can't we be one with nature instead of fight it? Personally, to me few things are as attractive as someone who accepts and embraces their personal failings and quirks.

This is an extremely self-centered, emo post, so please ply me with sarcasm and send me Metamucil in the comment section

I was thinking lately about how personalities change depending on where you are interacting with a person. For example, here on Xanga, I try to be very kind and encouraging in my comments. Many of my favorite blogs are vulnerable, honest looks at someone's heart, and thus I tread lightly. Also, I lost a few Xanga friends eons ago due to being too aggressive in my comment style and not realizing it was a very sensitive topic for them.

On Facebook, I tend to just throw out links and commentary, trying to start debate without showing my own opinion at all. On Twitter, I'm more sarcastic, and tend to have much less of a filter. On other sites, I am more flirtatious, confrontational, inquisitive, you name it. Occasionally friends will note the differences, and I've usually just overlooked it. But I now see that they were right. I am a different person based on what site you talk to me on. And as someone who holds honesty as a high priority and fantastic virtue, not sure how I feel about that. (Coming to a store near you, Greek stars in THE COMPARTMENTALIST, a 10-part series available only via boxed set. Pieces sold separately!)

I've been intrigued by communication theory off and on since a chance freshman English assignment introduced me to Deborah Tannen. (Please check out some of her books here: http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/ ). I know all about how background, gender, ethnicity, and power can affect communication. But I didn't realize how much the medium or the location of conversation can shape the type of conversation that takes place.

So dear reader, now it's your turn. Are you consistent across social networks? Or, like me, do you find yourself changing quite a bit based on the social network you're on?

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Dear Xangaland, my birthday is later this week, but I, as supreme dictator of myself, request that you celebrate it today. I realize it's a little late to get me yachts champagne subscriptions to Wired or The Economist, but thankfully there is still a way you can show your appreciation for ME ME ME and my benevolent, immense humility.

My preferred way that you offer me presents is by creating humorous photoshop and art via such locations as http://memegenerator.net/Generator/Create or http://diy.despair.com/ . For appropriately foolish photos of me, you have all of http://greekphysique.xanga.com/photos at your disposal. Please both celebrate and mock me for my birthday. Haikus, short stories, vlogs, and dances in my honor are also acceptable. You wouldn't want to make me sad on my birthday, would you?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to spread the good news of my upcoming birthday far and wide. Obnoxious Greek is obnoxious.

I've noticed that a lot of Xangans have been splitting their blogs into public/protected posts, or using a second, more private blog. It makes sense. But what doesn't make sense is that, the second we're told that something is protected or special, we immediately want it so badly. Why do us humans work this way?

Let me encourage you to do an experiment. Go around telling people that you have a secret, but you're not sure you want to share it yet. Pick something that you would be comfortable sharing. You'll be surprised how having something that is limited-edition makes it seem so much more important and rare. "You have a secret? Oh really! Um, well, I keep good secrets...I'd love to know...is it about Joe?...give me a hint!" Your friends immediately prioritize you just because they think they are getting something that other people are not getting. We all want to feel special...unfortunately, we often want to feel special at the expense of others.

I have to confess, I am so easily seduced by the concept of being special. I'd drive a special education bus for weeks just to be special. I think I still have kindergarten gold stars stuck on books. I only watch the sitcom "Two and a Half Men" when I want to hate my life. But if you told me that there was a special, behind-the-scenes look at the show, I'd watch it for twenty minutes before remembering my hatred. "Oh my goodness! Look at Charlie brush his teeth in the trailer! It's like I was there! Holy molars!" You can be the most boring person on earth, but when I hear "I wrote this just for you" my reaction is a little like this. It's a shame, actually.

So how to combat this human tendency, besides getting a life and stop being so nosy? (Ridiculous!). Well...if you can't stop it, profit. "That's not my basement...it's the VIP Room." Re-brand everything to make people think that they have a special connection with you that no one else has. I'm limited-edition, you all. I'm super-special and rare! When you call me, you are the only person talking to me, you are special! (except for the two people on Skype, the person I'm texting, and the other person on Facebook chat...). No, no, I'm not a bored person looking to talk to anyone. I have rare skills, and I am very selective! I can't believe you got past my bodyguards!

Now, if your comment is good enough, I will reply to your comment and only your comment on this post with a hand-selected, personal message of goodwill just for you! No one else is getting this treatment! I totally am not copy-pasting the same message 20 times. You are special...just like everyone else.

My Top Ten List of 2010 Posts:
10. Because you need to learn to promote your blog outside Xanga.
9. Because any time you get 10 bloggers to enter a blog challenge, you did something right
8. Because GreekPhysiques are not sold in stores
7. Because Rav and Quell made my trip to Texas very delightful
6. Because cynical people are right, but they die in sorrow
5. Because naive people are wrong, but they make cynical people smile
4. Because my nerdy middle-school inner child asked me to tell you the truth about bullying
3. Because I beat emotional cancer, and so can you
2. Because trying to convince sex-obsessed blog readers that they should never have sex is exquisite pleasure
1. Because the Honest Guy warned Nice Guy he was wasting his time, and the Nice Guy never thanked him.