November 8, 2007
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"That Guy" Fantasy #2: The Secretly Sadistic Stumbler
Usually, when people refer to "that guy", it's a disparaging tone used to criticize someone for his embarrassing behavior or poor habits. But secretly, I have to admit, there are some "that guys" out there that I would like to be--just for a day--so I could get away with an annoying habit or quirky personality tic. This is an ongoing series where I describe to you my "that guy" fantasies for fun. None of these are based directly on real people I know.
I tend to be rather absent-minded at times, so I bump into people because I'm not watching where I was going on occasion. But I think it would be even more fun if I were doing it on purpose. Just once, I'd like to be "that guy" who always moves left when you move left as you pass each other in the hallway, or bumps into your elbow when you are carrying coffee, etc, but "that guy" with a twist. I would be unfailingly polite the whole time. However, it would all be done on purpose because I would have a massive superiority complex!
"Why I'm so sorry I bumped you into a snowbank, ma'am!" (under my breath "sorry I didn't take down your friend too. The sidewalk is MINE!").
"E-mail you sent? Oh, I'm sorry, it was probably caught by my Spam filter because of those exclamation marks in the title (under my breath "that and your e-mails are routed to my "Ignore" folder")
Comments (6)
can't say I identify with this one, but it's hilarious.
It's like the radio spot "real men of genius." Brilliant.
How awful is it that I sometimes finish my sentences like that (in my head, not under my breath)? Mostly if I'm serving at an event and the guests are too needy.
"Of course I can bring you five drinks from the bar!" (in my head, "Even though we're not cocktailing, you won't tip me, and I'm trying to clear plates right now so my hands are filthy and I have to go all the way downstairs to wash them.") Yes, yes, it's my job but I don't like that job. Ah, I am SUCH a snot.
for a day, go for it.
I like this character more than your first one.
I hate these people. They do it to me all the time because I'm so prone to making way for them ... so they just have to push this even further lol. Sadistic is the right word.
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