November 20, 2007

  • That Guy Fantasy #3: Security Checkpoint Dancer

    Usually, when people refer to "that guy", it's a disparaging tone used to criticize someone for his embarrassing behavior or poor habits. But secretly, I have to admit, there are some "that guys" out there that I would like to be--just for a day--so I could get away with an annoying habit or quirky personality tic. This is an ongoing series where I describe to you my "that guy" fantasies for fun. None of these are based directly on real people I know.

    I just got home from the airport. I was stuck in a long security checkpoint when a guy's cell phone rang. It was playing a popular song that we will be sick of in another month, so I won't dignify the song by mentioning the title, ha. Anyway, the song does have a bouncy beat, so I jokingly thought about dancing to it while in line (it only rang for a second before he picked it up). I had been sitting at a conference for the last two days, so I was restless. Then I got my idea for the next "that guy" fantasy. Brace yourselves, because I had plenty of time to think silly thoughts while waiting in line. Picture this:

    Guy in cowboy hat

    pitiable dancing skills with exaggerated hand motions but nearly zero lower-half body movement and flexibility

    cell phone that can play music, held over his head while he dances as if the cell phone is a bathtub hose rinsing his head

    And what music would "that guy" be dancing to while waiting in line at the security checkpoint, do you ask? Just in case the flailing around didn't get him in enough trouble, I've compiled a playlist of hilariously inappropriate titles for an airport security checkpoint. By the way, I used Google to find song names containing certain words, so don't think my listing the song means I agree with the lyrics. I try not to offend on this blog when I can help it. But...would any song be more hilariously inappropriate or creepy for a security checkpoint than "Sex Bomb"? Ha-ha. And oh, the excuses this character would make when security confronts him! "You can't handcuff "The Sex Bomb", officer; I have to dance! I am a WMS: weapon of mass seduction! I got my dancing shoes ready to set the world on fire! Don't you know who I...AAAH!!!" (as he gets tased in mid-dance-step). Oh, I wish I could better type out the picture in my head! ha.

    Playlist: (All of these are actual song names)

    1. Sex Bomb

    2. Bombs over Broadway

    3. Earthquake

    4. Box Cutter

    5. Schizophreniac

    6. Everybody Loves a Holy War

    7. Fire of Love

    8. Kill the Hero

    9. Annie Get Your Gun (not a song per se)

    10. I Believe in Anarchy

    Feel free to add your own songs in the comments!

Comments (12)

  • What about that T-Bone song about wasting demons with a .44 Magnum?

  • Weapon of mass seduction?!

    This reminds me of the "naked cowboy" guy in NYC. Ever seen him? He pirouettes out on one of the main streets (I forget exactly where but it might be around Broadway) in cowboy boots, a ten-gallon hat, and his underwear. People pay him to take pictures with him. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

  • It's the End of the World as We Know It
    Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
    The Post-War Dream
    I Feel Like a Bullet
    Paranoia
    F*ck the Police
    Farewell Ride
    The Ultimate Sacrifice

    Wow... I am so going to have to put together a CD for when I fly home next month. =-D

  • box cutter?! crazy.

    here's a thought: maybe at airport security there should be an express line for people willing to dance and sing their way through. they could sport a disco ball, pump loud music, tv monitor with a bouncing ball with words... it's an idea with promise, i think.

  • The Cure's "Why Can't I Be You". I don't have a good reason. It's just a great song I haven't heard in a while.

  • ^um, that was Drew by the way. I helped b change her profile pic and forgot to sign her out. Huh, maybe I should have posted -- what do you think, Alban?

  • Thank you for turning your lights and tv off.  Nice profile photo.  I ran out of Skittles today and wasn't sure what I was going to do...  "Weapon of mass seduction" <----Now that is funny.  :O)

  • How about "Bomb" by Switchfoot? Short, sweet, and to the point. Not quite as entertaining as "Sex Bomb," though. (By the way... "weapon of mass seduction?" Amazing. You crack me up) 

  • ryc: Oh shut up and take your clothes off.

  • ryc: Pansy.

  • 'That guy' is fscking brilliant! I wish I was(or is it 'were'?) there.

  • Next time I fly, I'll be thinking about this and snickering.

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