November 30, 2007

• "That Guy" Fantasy #4: Honest Actor Commentary on "Making of" DVD

  Usually, when people refer to "that guy", it's a disparaging tone used to criticize someone for his embarrassing behavior or poor habits. But secretly, I have to admit, there are some "that guys" out there that I would like to be--just for a day--so I could get away with an annoying habit or quirky personality tic. This is an ongoing series where I describe to you my "that guy" fantasies for fun. None of these are based directly on real people I know.

  Before you read this--don't forget to check out the small post below. I'll have much less to write in the next few weeks, so enjoy this.

  By now, most of you have seen the "extras" section of a DVD. Usually it consists of actors, actresses, writers, and the director all taking turns patting one another on the back and talking about how great everyone was. It's rather annoying; I don't believe every single movie is really about "love and loss" and that every single cast "loved working with each other." If the movie is supposed to be an inspirational movie, it's even worse, as the actors try to claim some feeble flicker of devotion to "the big man upstairs." But what if, instead, there was at least one honest actor in that feature? I would love to watch "that guy" (let's call him Joe, just because):

  Marta (female lead):  I was so moved at the way Joe's face trembled in the climatic scene when his son died.

  Joe (male lead): Ha, funny story about how my face trembled like that. I hadn't had a drink in a day because we were so busy, and I was getting the DT's! Withdrawal is the pits. Looked real, didn't it?

  Susan (female supporting actress): It was so much fun acting in this movie! My fellow actors were so impressive; we got along great the moment we met.

  Joe (male lead): Yeah, Susan was impressive too, until I found out she was married and wouldn't go out with me. Then I stopped paying attention to her. But Marta was nearly illiterate. Do you know they had to spell each word over two syllables phonetically and coach her through pronunciation? But who needs to be able to read when you look like that?

  Director: It was just such a wonderful movie with a powerful message of love and loss. I am so thankful to everyone for helping me carry out my vision, from the actors to the bus boys at the cafeteria.

  Joe (male lead): Special thanks to the 247 illegal immigrants we hired to cook and clean. The INS (Immigration Naturalization Service) hasn't caught on to us yet!

  Writer: It was so good being on set and watching them turn my printed words into live action. Of course, I just watched most of the time, in awe of the great acting cast.

  Joe (male lead): The writer watched all right--like a hawk watching a nest of baby rabbits. He tried to strangle me when I ad-libbed "I've never met anyone like you" to "You are the most amazing person I've ever met"--look at this thumbprint on my neck! Well, it's covered by make-up, but it's still there. He threw a fit when we added explanatory text to the woodlands scene, until the director slapped him across the face and reminded him he signed his rights away. I was hoping they'd beat each other up so everyone would be winners, but security separated them.

  Feel free to add your own dialogue.  

  • 10:53 am
  • 9 Comments