May 6, 2009
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Of Facebook Friends and Would-be Flames
You all know the drill, so I'll set up the scene in two seconds. You're perusing Facebook and see an update from a friend of the other gender. You click through, and see a photo of him/her with kids, or engaging in some classy PDA with their spouse. And you immediately start wondering "Hey, wait, why didn't I ever ask her?" or "That could have been ME!"
However, to be honest, this is rarely true. I've realized that when I start getting pangs of longing like that, it's usually because I'm just wanting what I don't have or can't have. So the first test is "If she became single tomorrow because her husband passed away in a car accident, would I rush to the funeral and then ask her out as soon as it was socially acceptable to do so?" If the answer is "no", shut up about "coulda/would/shoulda", you homewrecking scourge.
But perhaps the answer truly is "Yes." Then I have to think, "Did I ever try, and if so, why not?" Usually there is a good reason why I didn't try when I think harder, one that I forgot while wiping the drool off my chin. Good reasons like "She never posted a high-quality photo on her Xanga account." KIDDING! More seriously, it's usually that "Susan" lived in New Mexico and had her heart set on a career with the State Department in Morocco. And I don't know anyone in Morocco. Sure, she's a wonderful person in every other way, but in actuality, I saved us both unnecessary awkwardness by not revealing my feelings to her, right? Some things are just better repressed. Ok, good, I'm glad I've cleared that up for all of us. Now let me go back to Facebook and...
Susan is laughing that she once thought she wanted to go to Morocco. That was a funny month! Ha, all she ever wanted was to settle down in the Midwest and have a normal life.
NOOOOO!
Comments (21)
I liked this. Nice use of humor!
Hm ... yearning for the unavailable ones.... and then realizing the logic behind it all. I like how you put it... and I empathize.
There was this stupid tv comedy I was once watching. This guy was thinking about an old girlfriend he dropped for a different woman. He was thinking she wasn't that great but he looked her up anyway. He went over her old faults in his mind as he talked to his old flame. Not ambitious (she had a medical degree) materialistic ( 5 years volunteering in India) she wasn't that good looking (she was played by Kathy Ireland)
It was all rather amusing
ahhhh..... poor baby.... and since you already know how confused I am about relationships I will simply say... I will pray for you.... and maybe trolling old girlfriends on facebook is not in your own best interest?
hah. this has happened to me so many times. Seeing someone new helps take your mind off of what could have been... Well, that's what happened when I started dating my current boyfriend!
Facebook in itself is a scourge.. you really do need to be careful
But seriously....I know what you're talking about.. 3 guys that I dated (and I didn't date too many) are married ..
with kids.. haha.. It does feel weird to look back and wonder...
Yet, I would have to agree.. My regrets are probably shallow. I don't think with the wisdom and experience I have acquired I would consider dating them again...
Oh Facebook. Why must you torture us so?
awwwwwwwww. Poor thing. Hate when that happens!
On a side note, I hate when people post PDA pictures where they're making out. Pecks are fine, but hello! I don't want to see an open-mouth kiss by anyone--even if they're married. I don't know why that bothers me. I'm all for kissing, just not in pictures on social networking sites.
I think people get like that because people want to, "experience" everyone before they're all taken.
Lol, at least you can see some humor in it. Look to the future and not to the past!
Hahahaha, I think we all have our Susans. Although... mine are generally not named Susan. ... They're boys.
I'm glad you posted something. =)
Yea FB is definitely NOT my friend when it comes to old flames. I've gotten friend requests from three ex boyfriends, and I've regretted accepting every last one of them
Haha, I knew it was going to be a good post from the moment I read, "classy PDA."
I've really only wondered that about two guys, and given their recent behavior toward me, I could care less now. I think indifference after a period of anger is a nice alternative to lingering questions and sorrow. I'm kind of a jerk like that.
It's nice to know that I'm not torturing anyone on Facebook in my singleness (other than my mother).
Believe me. It just wasn't meant to be. I'm a big believe in fate. I also agree that we always want what we can't have. That's the other part of your attraction to "Susan." ; -)
So, you have facebook? Can I add you?
Xanga is getting boring.
Or...I'm too old for this shit that Xanga is displaying lately...Heh.
How timely, I was just thinking I might delete all my networking profiles because this sort of awkwardness seems to be inherrent with them. I see it as kind of sad that no one will ever again be able to say, "wow, I haven't seen you in ten years!"
Old relationships become sticky in a tennuos web of illusory connections. Casual aquaintances and relationships that cease to grow would have, at one time, naturally fallen away from a person's daily life. In this new world, constant tidbits about these fringe people pile up like junkmail in my brain and leave me unable to sincerely connect with most of them. Yet, deleting individual people seems so final and somehow rude. Most were added for a reason and it is not that I want to eliminate them from my life forever, the room just feels a little crowded with all of them talking all the time. It would be nice if we could go back to being aquaintances, who can wave hi to eachother and catch up every few weeks or forget about eachother completely.
haha I realize that this is a funny thing to post on xanga and to someone I haven't spoken with that much. In my defense, it is not impossible to form a close relationship through the internet, only to form close relationships with 100 people at once.
Hahaha, very funny-- that is kinda me right there ;P
thanks so much for the comment on my blogpost about defining yourself, i'm sorry I haven't replied earlier but i kinda forgot about xanga, anyway comments like that really warms my heart, thank you!
LOL
The lesson? GO FOR LOVE!
M
LOL. I had a ginormous crush on a guy I met through Xanga, who had a girlfriend. Man, am I glad I never said anything! Especially since he kind of lived in a different country...
I usually go for the unavailable ones...or the ones in another country. I mean, I know them, personally, so that's a def plus...but it's really hard. This is funny, and very typical of the thoughts that run through one's mind.
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