September 8, 2009

  • Mildly Mean Month: "Wouldn't Change a Thing"

    As part of Mildly Mean Month, that month where I mix a little hot sauce into my milk and a few jalapenos into my cookies, I am going to hate on my most disliked Xanga habits. High on the list is when someone recounts a tale of woe and then tries to tell us that "But I wouldn't change a thing, it made me who I am today." Let me give you a little sample:
    "So there I was on Highway 42, walking on the desert road, looking for a car, any car to come by and pick me up. I'd have raised my thumb, but it was severed by the deranged coyote at the last water hole. I had my cup half full too before the beast knocked me over. Had to brain it with the cup to make it let go of my hand. Of course, I would never have been at that water hole if Susan, my crazy girlfriend, hadn't locked me out of the car and taken off screaming "You miserable loser, I only dated you because of your BMW! TWO YEARS and I finally realized I could have the BMW without you!" I guess putting it in her name last week was a mistake? No wonder she always wanted to go to drive-thru movies and road trips. Does this make her my ex-girlfriend? Maybe I should have broken up with her after she beat my little cousin and burned my mother with the pot of hot water off the stove. I'd call my parents to pick me up, but they don't pick up anymore. Funny thing, most people in this phone book never pick up anymore...happened right after Susan asked me to borrow my phone for a week while she was on vacation with my neighbor Willie. They both really seemed to enjoy the vacation, though--Willy smiled and laughed for a month afterward every time he saw me. But hey, what a story! I wouldn't change a thing!"

    Do I have to say anything else?! Guy sounds like the worst kind of loser--so delusional and shaky he can't even recognize how bad his life has become. Look, bad things happen to us all. I understand if you believe in a sovereign God or karma, you want to believe it all has some greater purpose and all is part of some larger plan. Or maybe you've decided to stop worrying about things you can't change. But to pretend that past is perfection is to act as if present is polished, and trust me, there is nothing polished about your personality (or those shoes. What were you thinking?!)

    Sure, today's me was shaped and formed by past experience--but I'd rather that "past experience" included my hot wife, large entourage, God-saturated spirit, and Mensa membership, you know? Ooh, toss in "chiseled bod" instead of "chip-filled bod" and we're set. Let's drop the delusions already and admit it--bad things have happened to us, and the fact that you made anything good out of it is a testament to your fighting spirit and/or God's amazing providence. There's nothing "unchangeable" or "sacred" about the event itself, though, it was terrible! Respect the consequence, not being beaten with sticks by hyperactive monkeys at the zoo while the keepers laughed and pelted you with coconuts. Not that it, um, ever happened to me.

Comments (15)

  • Excellent point. I'm afraid I've fallen subject to writing posts of this nature.

    But to be honest, I wouldn't change a thing about my past. Life is a balance - without the bad, the good means nothing. And even though I would have liked to have had a perfect past filled with nothing but joy and happiness, the fact that I didn't is important to the person I became.

    But either way, it's a cliched sentiment, and people should stop blogging about it now.

  • I get what you're saying. I wish I was finished with my MA, and had a hot husband who gave me hot sex every night. But hey - last I checked, life isn't perfect instantly. I guess what I'm getting at is - yeah, I believe in God, and a Grand Design, and I think that the reason people put out their "sob stories" with a moral at the end is because they're at least trying to tell others (or trying to convince themselves) that something good came out of something horrible. But ... when all is said and done, it doesn't take away the "awfulness" of the event ... it just means that you're trying to find *something* positive out of it.

    As far as putting it into the Xanga venue - I think mostly that people believe if they DON'T put a moral twist, or an upside to it ... and instead just let it be a sob story ... that people wouldn't read. Who needs the constant negativity, there's enough of that in the world. Yet - maybe sometimes, it's good... cathartic... whatever, to just let the bad stuff "hang out." Maybe it'd get press - because it's different?

    See, now you have me going on... your posts do that sometimes.

  • Although not everything in my past is wonderful most of it was either needed to make me who I am or it was my own fault or maybe both. I suppose I am one of those people you are talking about. When I write posts like that just skip over them OK? Otherwise I may be forced to send that deranged coyote over. I made friends with him after I whacked him with the cup. You see he had a cut on his noggin and I doctored it and now he works for me so all things do really work together for good you know......

  • No kidding. People actually wouldn't change those bad things that happened to them? crazy!

  • With you on that.  I do think that experiences help shape who we are, but it's naive to say that you wouldn't change a thing.  No reason to sugar coat shit.

  • Wow John I actually disagree with you on this one 
    Just because you say you wouldn't change a thing doesn't mean that something wasn't terrible in your life (@AibellFaeire - I completely agree!). If everything is good I don't think you would appreciate your life as much as if you have had some bad things happen as a contrast. I am a firm believer that every moment/day shapes your future. If you change one thing your future can change.
    For example, I was crushed when my high school boyfriend broke up with me after 5 1/2 years together. I thought my life was ruined and that I would never find anyone like him again, blah, blah, blah. Because of what i went through after the breakup I believer I'm a stronger person and watch out more for myself than I used to. Plus, I've done more things and been exposed to more things than I ever would have had we still been together. I dated around a little, met new people, and eventually met a guy that encouraged me to get an advanced degree, exposed me to new music and new people, and challenged me to think outside of the box. Yea I'm going to say it, I wouldn't change a thing in my past because the perceived hard times I went through made me a better, stronger, more confident person.

  • There's a lot of things I would like to change. There are also quite a few I would not change. Honestly, thinking that everything happens for a reason, is delusional. You're right, bad thing just happen.

  • This is why I like you. You make sense. 

  • The tags on this entry crack me up.

  • hmmmm it's more like using the experiences we go through in the best possible way..but hey- if a time machine was invented why not go and re-do some things? :)

  • What we've gone through shapes who we are; I wouldn't trade it in for the world. I do think you have a great point; and you bring the moral to the table without condescendingly shoving it down the reader's throat (which I am often guilty of doing).

    Good job! I definitely enjoyed it.

  • That story reminds me of my Uncle Frank... I always wondered why he didn't have a thumb. Hm.

  • I agree with you, brother 'o mine.  It's true that you wouldn't be the person you are without the occasional horrible experience, but personally I'd rather be a soft pile of mush with nothing ever going wrong than a brazen maniac forged by my past follies into the man I am today.  By the way, I thought you said you were coming home next weekend, not this one.  For someone with much more regular work hours than I (I'm in a CCHS ICU right now), you sure are random. 

  • You said it, sister. I can't stand people who constantly dismiss past choices and claim they have all led to who they currently are today.

    I always use the argument that begs what benefit it is to a person to be throwing up from a binge drinking session. Something about cheek-to-toilet rim contact really inspires me to think "Wow...I can't wait to see what good this will do in my life..." as I thank G-d the toilet bowl feels cold.

    Right.

    I'd be curious to try some of those spicy cookies. Might be onto a niche market..

  • This is a message to all of takingxoverxme's fans. I am her bf Sean, the guy you've seen her ranting about and calling an "abuser", "manipulator", etc. You are probably getting this message because you've talked crap about me on her blog and I felt you needed to know both sides of the story. The girl you are dealing with is very emotionally damaged. I've known her since she was 13 and I was 16.

    I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl, loved her with all my heart, tried to work through all her emotional and psychological damage that happened during her first rape in Ohio. When she came here and was raped within a month of setting foot in California due to going for a walk alone when she told me she was going out with friends (I'd always tell her it was dangerous to walk alone at night especially in riverside), she never was the same again.

    Ever since the rape she has never been herself. And I've had so much anger towards her rapist, wanting revenge, wanting to find him, etc. But I NEVER took this out on her. We had practically 2 "fights" the WHOLE time she was here, and they were verbal. Yes, we both called each other names, and we both apologized later. But no matter what I say she will say it's a lie. Because of her rape she'll bury me with the pain that she endured while in California and I'm pretty sure our relationship is ruined as she's psyched into thinking I'm someone I'm not in order to block it all out.

    To any of you people who want to talk shit about me without even knowing me and just seeing her side of it, you need to realize there are two sides to every story and not to take someones word at face value until you've talked to both parties. This "Jared" guy is some joke she met on WoW (a game I got her into that I've played for a long time now) about a month ago and she's used him in such a jealous-causing way that she's actually taken a screenshot of her facebook "relationship status" with him in it, circled in red, and sent it to me as a file, I mean how obvious does that get? She obviously has some problems. She still messages me on yahoo casual-esque as if everything is ok and talks about him to make me jealous, in fact that's how I found her post, she unblocked me for 5 min to let me look at her post about Jared and while browsing I saw the one about me.

    It's tragic that a 6 year relationship had to end like that but it's even more tragic that she's now going around online spreading lies about me. And to those like "Mygreatestday" who are threatening violence against me, all I gotta say is bring it on. I'm sick of e-tough guys attempting to jump up like vigilante knights in shining armor without even knowing half the fucking story and then realizing that either A) I'd knock them out flat before they could blink or B) They've no reason to fight me because I'm the victim in this fucked up relationship.

    So yeah, here I am, the "evil mean boyfriend" who was too nice and stayed with his girlfriend through 2 different rapes, forgave her after she cheated on him twice, waited on her hand and foot while she was here, scrounged money from relatives and friends even though he was unemployed at the time (probably over $2,000 in all) and drove every fucking weekend to pick her up from her dorm to see her. Even drove there at 4 in the morning because she had a cold and didn't want to stay in her dorm....and then all of a sudden due to her emotional distress I just get dropped like nothing for this sad desperate aspie tard who just shows up out of nowhere in World of Warcraft during a period of time I was PAYING for her World of Warcraft...yeah.

    I am not controlling, I've never told her what to do, what to say or where to go. Every time we've gone somewhere I've always asked her where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. I always put her first. When I didn't have enough money to get her the extra things she wanted, for example, we'd spend a bunch on an expensive restaurant, starbucks, a movie, etc. and she'd really want a high-end energy drink, I'd still buy it, even though I knew it was my last money. I'd go broke just to see her happy and then end up begging for more money from family.

    When she was raped I went from hotel to hotel looking for the guy. Was straight drunk for at least 2 months to hide the pain and still suffer from the emotional anger of it all. So don't for one fucking second believe that I was a bad guy in all of this before you look the big picture and realize how painful it is for me to see her view me in such a delusional manner and then think about what we had and how far gone it is now.

    That's all I have to say, if you have any questions about the relationship or want to know anything else you can message me at staringintotheeeabyss@yahoo.com on messenger.

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