October 16, 2009

  • Starving

    Ok, I need to push out this post before I can get to others--it's weighing on my heart and mind. I had a few meetings with Xanga friends recently. Both are highly intelligent and interesting, and we had great conversations. But what really struck me the most about both conversations was how hungry I was for intellectual, emotional, and spiritual conversation. I won't share anything they said or did or how they thought. Just on my end, I was left wondering, "How did I get so empty? Why haven't I been experiencing this more often? Where has this been for the last year!!!"

    I want to take the conversation deeper again on here and elsewhere. It may get uncomfortable. At times, things I shared or heard in those conversations were sad. But the authenticity and honesty was so refreshing. It's so wonderful to talk to a smart person. I felt like I didn't have to advise or water things down. Anything I told them that was at all useful or intelligent, they could put to use or get something out of it. It was such a high, and so utterly refreshing. And now I'm back home, wondering how I can find that here. How I can make it happen again. How in the world my soul, spirit, and mind can be so EMPTY and I don't even know it. Wish me luck--or even better, pray.

    I feel like I've been given the best shot at a new start I've had in a while. I just want to get it right and move on to a higher, healthier level than before.

    Psalms 61:1-2 says it well...
     1 Hear my cry, O God;
           listen to my prayer.

     2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,
           I call as my heart grows faint;
           lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Comments (15)

  • Dive deeper... what's stopping you? Who cares if it's uncomfortable? I think those who are loyal to your ideas won't be shocked or appalled - in fact, they'd probably welcome it (I know I would, at least.) Perhaps you feel that you're taking a risk, by going to more deep areas ... but I have a hunch you'll find it profitable. We all need stimulating dialogue and connections, in our lives... without these, we truly do starve. 

  • Too bad most people aren't as honest and sincere in what they speak. Blogs people use to escape from a superficial real world generally seem to be platforms built around honesty. and on top of that dumb people aren't able to write coherently...

  • go for it. it's great when a blogger tackles deeper issues. and whether it's on a spiritual, intellectual, emotional plane, it's always welcome.  may not be what some readers are looking for but you're not really here for us, ultimately not, i don't think. anyway, good luck. 

  • Authenticity and honesty are hard to come by. I crave this kind of conversation where I can find it and try not to take it forgranted. I think that you can at least garner some sort of satisfaction in this vein through writing here or writing for yourself.

  • stumpted?

  • awesome. I'm in!! I agree. it's when you have those gut wrneching in depth conversations that you realize what's been missing.

  • Yeah, I am in the same boat.

    Boo.

  • I totally understand.  I was in a long term relationship that consisted of blabber and unintelligent conversations.  When I left that relationship and met the man I am with now, I was so refreshed and relieved to know that this actually exists.  How luck we are when we meet people who can stimulate our minds!

  • I understand that.  I feel like I tap into something deeper more spiritual when I am able have intellectual conversation.

  • So you feel like you want to blog more about philosophical and God stuff more than trivial xanga topbloggish stuff?

    "It's so wonderful to talk to a smart person."  ahahahaha. Very true. My school lacks those and it's impacting my social life.

    Although, there's also wise as well. I'd say a wise person doesn't easily get offended when someone challenges you, although both wise and smart people are capable of carrying on a discussion.

  • I know this feeling for sure!

  • When it comes to deep conversations its the face-to-face interaction that really gives me that fulfillment. Just keep searching for people who can keep up with you and you'll find them.

  • I love conversations like that, they are rejuvinating...I definitely don't have them much around here.

  • maybe you should come out to california more! :)

  • so you like having intellectual convos with people? Wow... pretty much like me... I like talking sense too! 

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