October 21, 2009

  • The Truth about Atlanta

    Fact: On my way to California, I knew I would be passing through Atlanta for 3.5 hours on a lay-over on my way back home.
    Fact: The hours were from 6-9:30 PM, a great time for visiting with people.
    Fact: Also, I am slightly familiar with Marta, and have been to Atlanta several times.
    Fact: I never tried to contact anyone in Atlanta until the day of the trip, and found that at least 4 people would have seriously considered coming. One of them is one of my favorite Xangans ever, and we had even talked about me flying out sometime to visit.

    So why did this happen? How could I not check on Atlanta until the very last minute, given that usually I am hyper-aware of when my travels bring me in contact with Xangans? What held me back from what would have been a great adventure after hours of weary traveling from the West Coast?

    Sitting in the airport, alone and surfing Xanga on wireless, I tried to figure out just how I let this happen. Then I realized why it happened. Around 2005, I went to Atlanta for half a week. I was still somewhat new to Xanga--I had only been on for a year. However, I knew three women who lived in Atlanta. I asked all three of them if they would like to meet. I left Atlanta having met none of them. All three attempts fell apart due to various issues and problems. I was angry and frustrated, but tried not to let that anger show. I knew two of them really couldn't help it in the end.

    I think that subconsciously, my brain decided "Hey, you got to meet some nice Xangans in California. Why don't you quit while you're ahead? You failed the last time you went to Atlanta, failed miserably. Don't try again! It won't work! Don't even bother to look people up."

    In the end, this story is more funny than tragedy. My close Xanga friend was kind of sick that day anyway, and I will probably be in Atlanta again some day. But I started thinking--what else have bad memories kept me back from? Relationships that would have worked if I wasn't so afraid of being rejected or gave up on talking back to the person? Projects and jobs that I was qualified for, but gave up on the interview while I was still giving it? Stronger friendships? I'm being vulnerable here for your education. I have worked for much of my life to improve my social abilities, and have improved quite a bit. But that does me no good if I let the failures of the past doom the me of the present.

    How about you? Recognize how bad past relationships, embarrassment, or confusion have held you back from the decisions of today? I hope you won't be as dumb as I was and let events of four years ago rob you of your joy today. Ambition isn't a dirty word; some things are rightfully ours, if we just take them and let friendliness over-rule fear. I love what Paul says to Timothy in the Bible: "Perfect love casts out fear." Perfect love doesn't fear rejection; it fears not trying when a need exists or when someone can be benefited.

Comments (17)

  • I probably let an awful lot of things subconsciously get in my way.

  • I have to say, this coincides with my recent post, sort of but not really.  No, this isn't a plug to my site, not at all...

  • That's a shame, but it's ok. You know better in the future.  Learning from it--realizing that you let a great opportunity pass because of a previous experience--is the important thing now. And it sounds like you have.

  • Who is your favourite Xangan?

    And I might be in Atlanta next year. We could meet up!

  • I'm pretty sure there are many things in my past that are somehow controlling the way I act today. Thank you so much for the reminder. Perfect love.... sigh.... such a wonderful goal.

  • Never met a fellow xangan, not that I've tried hard.  

  • Subconscious realization is probably one of the toughest things one can achieve at times.

  • I know that feeling.  It's like you got burnt once, so now you're more careful.  

  • Don't be hating on Atlanta ! lol

  • How do you move past it though. I've found it pretty crippling and I wish I could just flip a switch in my mind, but I can't. maybe someday I will.

  • I've let a lot of bad decisions influence my current situations... eh. Good, insightful post - it was very well thought out... hmmmm.

  • the last paragraph hit me hard.  a little too hard, i think.

  • Based on my former experiences, I've pretty much given up attempting to make new friends.   I no longer try to date either.   It has become clear to me that people don't have time for me in their lives and I am done wasting my efforts.

  • Channel your entrepreneurial spirit. Take risks.

    we all support u

  • If you are in northern Minnesota I expect a contact... NO fear, OK I'm on the path to no where, in the sticks but we do have a great coffee shop.... smile.  Thanks for the insightful post.  It is so easy to let past failures color our choices and not even realize it.  Good reminder!

  • This is EXACTLY the area that the Lord has been working in my life about.  Fear and fear in relationships.  But you've got at least one of the answers the Lord has been telling me as well!  About two years ago, now I will be vulnerable here, I totally fell in love with a guy that apparently was only marginally interested in me.  You can imagine the rest of the events that followed.  After having gotten no reason out of him as to why the apparent loss in interest I really became afraid of him to the point I couldn't even talk with him on the phone without feeling tense and literally tried to without wanting to, to ignore him.  But God challenged me that it's NOT about me.  It's about Him.  Therefore, for the sake of His purposes in the relationship, I had to love this young man, forget myself and begin purposely looking to see how God has and is using him in my life.  When I did, I could see a freedom in him and I pray that freedom, building up and joy will continue.  Anyway, I KNOW the feeling.  I have to guard myself now from puting people in boxes and being afraid when the one God does have for me, if He wills I marry, comes into the picture.  I think it's about His healing and His perspective.  Sorry that was long, but I just wanted to share my testimony with you and anyone who cared to listen.  I'm still learning, still healing, but I AM seeing victory in this area of fear of people, PRAISE GOD!!!

  • Thanks for the advice and the support! I'll keep you updated

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