November 18, 2010

  • Of Fools and Friends: Head Vs. Heart, Part 463

    This will be a short two-minute rant that will make little sense. I've been thinking a lot lately about the type of comments I leave on Xanga now compared to what I used to leave. I used to leave long, thoughtful comments, and often would intentionally challenge the blogger. Now I leave short, encouraging, rather bland comments. Is that bad?

    When I first started out, my readers and I were on an intellectual journey. I deliberately sought out the most thoughtful Christians I knew and tried to learn from them and challenge them. I lost a few friendships because I challenged once too often. That was sad.

    Then around 2008, I changed my style and started seeing Xanga more as a transition point--a combination between halfway house and confessional. I decided to try to stop giving advice as much and focus more on encouragement, compliments, and reassurance. I felt it was the best thing I could do with my few words, given what people were willing to hear and what they needed.

    I think I'm happier with the new style in some ways. There are a lot of dear people who are undergoing temporary struggles right now. I fully believe that they will be better off in a year or two, and in the meantime I do my small part in keeping their heads up. However, the negative side is that playing doctor means you don't see your patient much after they are well.

    I still have my critical thoughts and moments. But for the most part, I find that my criticism are better off kept to myself. It really is easier to live this way...to a point. Oh, my obnoxious middle-school self would tell you I've sold out; softened up to keep more friends. But I have to think that this is actually more mature than the old way. Right?

    I always seem to return to deciding about truth vs. love in my friendships and romances. Head vs. heart. What is right vs. what feels good, although that oversimplification ignores that what is right one moment can be wrong the next, and our instincts are to be trusted more than our reason at times. But I somehow think that it is a debate worth having: that a head-driven man grows cold and distant, and a heart-driven man is weak and often falls for traps and scams at risk to his health. It's a tricky balance.

    Hmm. Just some ranting.

Comments (10)

  • Good Insight.  I will be taking this to heart lol. .  .(unfortunately i believe i fall into the latter category of men, for the most part)

  • hmm...I can relate so well to this... esp. the critical piece.  I don't do it so much on xanga, but other reading and or lectures, discussions, etc.  I loved the comparison to your jr. high self also :)   Seriously, this is so me!

  • I always use my head always

  • should i assume that your silence is disagreement?  you hardly ever comment on my xanga anymore

  • This is deep, but very true... btw you are never on yahoo any more, sad... who knows you might be on when Im not on, I am rarely on now, I think we are both at fault....

  • I have noticed in the past a lot of friends leaving Xanga when they reach some life transition, others since (no real in-person friends on Xanga anymore) have left when they have got a new job or entered into a relationship. I find this interesting, I have kept up with Xanga forever, except for three months when I was working a lot and mostly slept all day, ha ha. I often wonder if I will ever leave Xanga when I get a better job or get into a really good relationship. who knows? I think I like to write too much to stop. I also enjoy the comments from people who, not knowing me, seem to feel free to offer their viewpoints. I appreciate different perspectives, as long as they are tempered with care and wisdom, especially when one disagrees with me - I welcome discussion but not hateful arguments, I despise those.

  • It is a very tricky balance...and one that probably few, if any, will completely master. But as long as you work towards mastery and apply some good critical thinking along the way, then I think it will generally tend towards the more mature.

  • You sound like me except the first part, the Christian theologian always challenging people and so on was on a previous website, not Xanga.  When I started here I kept that stuff out of it, and now that I'm not really into it anymore it's just all about leaving people comments that I hope they will like, you know?  And my own posts are just to explore myself and/or waste extra time.

  • You need to get your butt to ASU no Adelphi University! I didn't know where to respond to your question, so I'm answering here. 

  • Head versus Heart. I don't know how many times I say the very same phrase. And yes, it is oh-so-hard to find the proper balance between the two. A lifelong quest, perhaps...

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