February 3, 2011

• Do Lady Ninjas Exist?

  Note: you may want to fast-forward past first two paragraphs.

  Traditional wisdom on attractiveness tends to work roughly like this. "Women tend to have two categories for men; men they would date, and men they are friends with. By clever moves and being charismatic, occasionally a man can weasel his way onto the "want to date" section from the "friends" section. Rarely does a man befriend a woman unless he has a sexual interest in her." For a sarcastic and rather PG-13 take on this, start here and click back and forth as your little heart desires. Thus, men are told by men's magazines that if they just use enough hair product, mind control, and alcohol, they too can become a male ninja and sneak their way into a woman's pants, err, heart. I'm not endorsing this; just trying to remind you of what you already know.
  
  Traditional wisdom also assumes that men are mostly driven by looks and sex, and thus make up their minds about a woman very quickly. What was the last romantic movie you saw where a woman wooed a man who was apathetic about her into loving her? Those movies usually get played more for laughs, such as All About Steve, where despite being a heroine Sandra merely wins the respect of the man she loves, not his love. There's a reason this type of movie rarely gets made.

  However, I think traditional wisdom might have it wrong. I...believe that it is possible for a sharp-witted woman to somehow catapult herself from acquaintance or friendship to possible love interest. Yes (takes deep breath) I believe in the female ninja. I know! I thought she didn't exist either! I would have sworn to you that if most men are not interested in a woman within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, they probably never will be genuinely interested, and I would have meant it. And I still think that most of the time, men make up their mind very quickly about a woman. However, I've realized that some female friends of mine are actually quite good at quietly moving their way up the ladder to become love interests. A sampling of ways to recognize the female ninja in action:

  The sneaky-hot female ninja. This ninja, particularly prevalent on college campuses, tends to walk her way through life in pajama pants and sweatshirts, apathetically wandering from appointment to appointment. Then in week 15, it's presentation day in class, and she arrives in a pretty dress, all made up, and you find yourself asking yourself "WHY WAS I SO BLIND WE CHATTED EVERYDAY AND I TURNED HER DOWN WHEN SHE WANTED ME TO GO TO HER GROUP'S PARTY" and then she leaves early and you never see her again. You, my man friend, have just been ninja'ed.

  The super-skilled female ninja. (Background reading: The Girls With Skills.) My professor once told an anecdote about how he met his wife in grad school. Over time, he suddenly realized that his friend was super-smart, had great skills in cooking and home-making, and was a lot cooler than the other girls he was dating...so he married her. I would have argued that this type of woman doesn't really exist, but while being hand-fed homemade chocolate-covered grapes while getting a free back massage, I've changed my tune. This Friday free, my female ninja friend?

  The sane rebound female ninja. After our hero dated one too many "Susan's from Spain", he may suddenly start asking himself "Why do I make this so hard? Why don't I try dating a girl who ALREADY has a green card?" And then at that moment--wouldn't you know it, there's Sandra, who has conveniently been in the background the whole time and emerges at just the right time. In the man's confusion, he forgets his original reasons for not wanting to date Sandra, and focuses on one thing. Sandra is sane and unlikely to leave dead pets at his doorstep. Good enough!

  So, do you agree that Lady Ninjas exist, men? Or do you make up your mind quickly and refuse to change it?

  • 1:29 pm
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