May 6, 2011

  • Shelter Me (Maybe)

    I was reading a very interesting little post by Llamalima about sheltered children and Katy Perry. I definitely was sheltered growing up. Now I know that by mentioning "sheltered" half of you want to play the "I'm more sheltered than you" game, ha. I'll just keep it basic and say that most of the popular culture that children of the 1980's and 1990's experienced is foreign to me, because my parents opted not to allow it in our family's home.

    As an adult, I kind of go back and forth about how I feel about living a sheltered childhood. On the one hand, I definitely felt restricted in some ways growing up. Keep in mind, I grew up before cell phones and the Internet were ubiquitous, so there weren't many ways around the parental embargo, either. Trust me, unless you grew up in a monastery, I was probably more sheltered than you. If you know me well enough to have my phone number, ask me and I will tell you a very amusing little story from when I was in 8th grade, heh.

    However, I appreciate how sheltering allowed me to delay my entrance into adult issues. Yes, eventually I was offered alcohol, porn, and (gasp!) PG movies (don't tell!). But for all of those, I was at least 18, and had the opportunity to watch my peers experience the lows and highs of their choices. I could thus better make a mature adult decision about what was good for me. I also got to separate those choices instead of confronting it all at once.

    So for those of you who were also truly sheltered children, what do you think? How do you look back on that now that you are out of your parents' homes and free to choose? Did it protect you, or did it make you want to make up for lost time whenever you were away from home?

Comments (13)

  • I wasn't sheltered but I had friends who were. They definitely went wild when they left for college.

  • I just recently found out that I was raised very strictly.  It seemed natural to me, as did my frustration with it at times. 
    In high school, I was very grateful to not be around those who smoked, drank, etc.
    My parents, particularly my father, took care to explain why things were prohibited.  So even when I disagreed, I could accept that they were doing their best.
    I think that being sheltered gave me the opportunity to get my hormones and such under control before I had to make any of the really big decisions.

  • I am thankful for the fact that my parents did their best to keep us from harm. Unfortunately, I still tried the boundaries too much and had some close calls. All of that kept me from most danger, but did not lead me to Christ. Maybe some of the seed that was sown in my young life by "church people" is what bore fruit by the Spirit and I finally did turn to Him for salvation. God did then see fit to use me to show Himself to my siblings (I was 26 years old when I came to the Lord.)

  • You didn't get to watch PG movies until you were 18? Wow, and I thought my mother was trying to shelter us!

    I am not sure what exactly I would call my childhood. Let's go with "utterly confusing". My parent's divorced when I was 5. They did not at ALL agree on how to raise children. I lived with my dad 50% of the time and my mom the other 50% (it really was right about half with each). My dad was more of the "fun parent". He was the one that was our friend and took us to do really cool things that every kid wants to do (this included crazy vacations, but also things that were more local - amusement parks, etc.) My mom was the "strict" one. She did not let us watch PG movies until we were 13 (unless she'd seen them and approved them) and PG-13 was restricted until we were 16 or so. I was never allowed to watch R movies (except "The Passion of the Christ" - it came out when I was 15? 16?). My dad did not care what we watched (for the most part). He would watch James Bond with us (no skipping the "sex scenes" either) when we were as young as 7. My mom also would not let us eat any "unhealthy" snacks or drink sodas. My dad didn't care - we drank all the soda we wanted. Of course, my mom knew about the very lax rules at our dad's house and she tried to counteract them as much as possible by being open about why she restricted things that she did (she would have taken us on vacations too, but she didn't have the money to spend like my dad did).

    I think a number of factors went into my not "going wild" in college, but I'm sure some of the way my parents raised me had to do with it (my dad wasn't COMPLETELY lax, although it sounds like it, haha - he did put the "rod" down some). I wish I'd stayed more innocent, though. I got a no-good-for-me boyfriend at 16 and he totally rocked my view on the world...I was so naive. He was SO NOT. He grew up in a VERY DIFFERENT environment. I learned an awful lot about the "real world" dating him...

    I think sheltering is good to an extent. I think that certain thigns should absolutely be monitored, but ALWAYS given a reason for why they are restricted (it's not age appropriate b/c of violence/adult scenes/etc.; it's not good for you b/c ______... - those kinds of things). I think the kids should learn about the world they'll be living in once they leave your house, but that doesn't mean theyre "OF" the world (in it, but not of it...).

  • I am somewhat less sheltered in your upbringing, I am still 18, so I cannot truly tell. I think that public school made me grow up more faster than my parents would have wanted to, and I think I am a better person for that. But there have been so many points being peer-pressured to do things, that I could have easily fallen away.

    Also, I hate the word peer-pressure, I lied, I was never peer-pressured, I love sinning! =/

  • My sister and i were both pretty sheltered....i didn't rebel at all, but my sister did.  I remember seeing drugs for the first time when i was 22 years old and freaking out...LOL.  I think sheltering and being protective is a good thing, but i think you should also have the conversation with your children that these things do exist.  I'm glad i was sheltered, but my parents went a little overboard with being overprotective.  Even though i wasn't going to drink, i could not even attend a party.  I resented my parents for that and still have issues with it to this day.  I felt like they didn't trust me.  So now that we have our own children, i wonder how i will parent.  I will probably be just like my parents

  • I guess I was sheltered to an extent but my mom never made any conversation off limits. If something came up she would discuss it with me in a way that was age appropriate. 

    I was lucky to have a really good group of friends. I wasn't sheltered from drinking but my closest friends didn't have any interest in drinking until we were in college. I was in college before I was aware of being around a drunk person. 
    I had a friend who had a similar upbringing and she went absolutely wild in college. She has since calmed down and is happily married. I have no idea why she "went wild" and I didn't. We were a lot a like in elementary and middle school. I was a little more outgoing than her in high school. She must have had different experiences than I did in college. 
    Sheltering is needed to some degree. Childhood is the only time in your life when the world seems simple and I think it is the parents responsibility to let their children enjoy that time. Just don't avoid questions your children may have even if you think they are too young. Answer at the highest level and see if they have further questions.

  • I think growing up everything was pretty balanced for me. Not making up for lost times at all. I've always been the most mature out of all my friends.

  • I think that's the scary thing about being a parent.. you really can't know what amount of sheltering or not sheltering is best for each child. You are very likely going to hear stories from all over the board here. My mom was very honest with me and was always allowing me to do things I'm pretty sure other people my age weren't doing with parent supervision and permission. I was always taught that I could choose for myself, and if I made a mistake or did something wrong, I would have to learn from the consequences (though I would never be 100% on my own to deal with things as a teenager, my mother still loved and supported me). e.g. I drank underage in high school, my own choice, and my mom just said, "that was silly, now you're going to be hungover and if you're caught, remember that you're not of age." I know to a lot of parents and people this sounds negligent, but FOR ME, it has made all the difference. 

    I never felt restricted or like I had to rebel and try things on my own because I always had that little bit of freedom. Having my own responsibility allowed me to figure things out probably younger than I needed to, but it changed everything for the future. I have known a few of the "wild" kids who's parents (to me) were way too strict and sheltering and I'm sad and wonder if that's part of the reason why. My life was so different; I can't imagine having a mother who didn't act like she wanted to help me understand things and answer my questions honestly and teach me about the world. 

  • I don't consider myself "sheltered" as in my parents wouldn't allow this or that... If anything, my parents just didn't care or weren't there. The only real sheltering I had was not being able to go out with friends (no girls, no boys) and that was because they didn't want to drive me anywhere. I missed out on a lot of the things most people knew about (including the disney princess movies) and a lot of the music. 

    How do I see it now? I'm still mad about the no friends thing, cuz it's harder for me to make friends, being used to not having the hanging out option and all. But other than that, I don't care. A lot of the culture is tasteless in my opinion. :)

  • I think my parents always gave me just a little bit of freedom growing up, until their divorce. It was during that time that I pretty much did whatever I wanted. There are both pros and cons to that whole part of my life though, and I am glad that I see them both.

    When I was very young, my parents always gave me a decent amount of freedom. Most of the things they "sheltered" me from were things I didn't want anyway. I never wanted video games. I never wanted to go to other people's houses. I never wanted to watch anything on television but cartoons. They gave me freedom in the sense that I could pretty much go wherever I wanted outdoors, at least it felt that way to me then.

    I look back at my childhood though, and I feel like I coasted through it all. It was an easy way of living. Now, I wish that my parents had actually pushed me more then just to do or learn something, other than a sport. I wish they would have handed me an instrument or introduced me to a different culture. Just something that might have set me apart from the crowd. I often feel like I am taking this constant journey to try to be my own person. I wish my parents would have guided me toward that path a long time ago.

  • I'm a good kid thanks to my parents. they and their sheltering ways shaped me into the person I am but sometimes it was too much. I still acted out in defiance against things I thought they took too far (I had the internet, I could do it) but if I wasn't sheltered I could have done things that were much worse than I already did. So it made me into a better person 

  • I'm grateful for my sheltered upbringing in most aspects, but would I do the same with my kiddos? probably not. I see the reasons my parents made the choices they did in my upbringing and I'm glad they did what they felt was right. I don't feel I'm any worse for the wear not having memorized every michael ackson lyric and seen all the brat pack movies. didn't hurt me a bit

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment