May 12, 2011

  • Why Work Matters

    I have a bad relational habit that I can't seem to shake. Whenever I meet a woman who I might be interested in dating, I can't help but ask her about her job. Trust me, nothing is more romantic than demanding that a woman tell you the challenges and joys of intellectual property law. It's hilarious, and I'm to the point where I somewhat enjoy the slight look of panic as the woman wonders if we will ever progress to talking about how lovely her dress is because I SPENT 45 MINUTES TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING THAT PROPERLY SET OFF MY EYES, GREEK, AND YOU SHOULD NOTICE.

    While acknowledging that classy women don't like to talk about work on the first date (rim shot!), I still can't resist this line of questioning. Work, by its very nature, tends to define us. I am who I am because of my training and labor. It has left unavoidable imprints on the way I think, act, and breathe. If I am going to be living with someone, I will be dramatically affected by their job. I remember when I roomed with my brother, who was a nurse. He would work crazy shifts and have fantastic stories about absurd patients and silly co-workers...while I, Mr. Desk Job, would tell him about my Excel spreadsheet or "This one blog entry I read." Yeah, after a while, we didn't talk much about our days anymore. I wonder why? heh.

    There are certainly lots of fun comments to be made about how men tend to be obsessed with doing while women tend to be obsessed with being. ("What you do" vs. "Who you are, and in relation to who else"). And I'd make them...on a day when I'm not still at my office at 9PM, working on yet another project that isn't quite done, while wondering why this happens so often. Xanga is my work refuge when I can't stand to look at another table or graph, so here I flee to read something lighthearted like "My girlfriend left me and I am living under a bridge" before going back to work again. Yeah, can we have more happy posts, btw?

    But anyway, the bottom line is, before committing to someone, know what they do, not just who they are. A bad work environment or unhappy employee will turn even the friendliest person into an annoying grouch. And given that I'm not the friendliest person to begin with and I'm still at the office, well...(wry grin)...I'm done writing this post and have nothing else to say.

Comments (12)

  • Aww, Greek the Grouch, it sounds like it's time for vacation.

  • Though... for the record, I'd also differentiate between their work - and what their ideal work is. Case in point: a word Mike and I were throwing around is "mal-employed." Meaning, you are employed, yes - but under your educational / experiential worth. I'm not employed, but may have a counseling job in the works (because that's what I went to school for and I need supervised hours to get my license) - but Mike went to school for his MS in I/O Psych, and he's a manager at Walmart. Yes, I am THRILLED he has a job - any job! I'm proud of him. But is it what he wants? No. Is it what I want? No, because it's not what he wants. So yes, he is employed - but I don't think it reflects who he is, at all. It's a job - and he grabbed it, to have money while he looks elsewhere. So that is all to say - when you ask a lady where she works ... you may also consider asking her if that's her ideal job, and if it's not... where would she LIKE to work? That may be far more telling.

  • I never thought of work as something that can help you get to know a person better but you've made some good points.

  • I once dated a guy who had been at the same job for 15 years. I think it was as an accountant, or something similarly boring. He hated it, but he made good money and it was stable. It was a major red flag for me, and proved to be symptomatic of his personality. In fact, ever since, I've referred to him as Boring Steve from Tampa.

  • That is a quirky tendency you've got, but I can understand the curiosity. It's like a bit of a shortcut clue to a person's interests, abilities, etc. I wouldn't have anticipated how awkward that might be in the dating scene, though. Heh.
    ~V

  • I tend to find out what they do for living indirectly, usually by asking about their day or what's takes up their time.  You're not a friendly person?  I think you come off as such the few times we hung out!

  • When I used to date I would ask the same thing. You can tell a lot from a person by their job and the the way do it. 

  • I think knowing ones job is important, personally. It shapes us as a person.

  • What if the person is a full time student with three jobs? :/

  • I believe my first xanga chat with you involved us talking about your job. It is only natural for us to talk about our jobs and work. 

  • Shouldn't a main concern be what someone's passion is?

  • Heck, I think that's normal, should I be scared?  I mean, most first conversations with anybody (person you meet at church, via mutual acquaintance, _________ ) end up at "so, what do you do?" because what somebody does every day tells you a lot already about a person's interests and (maybe) passions, whether they like the job or not.  So if you can't have a normal conversation with a date, what else are ya gonna do?

    But still, you should definitely check this out.

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