February 27, 2012

  • Childhood Commandments That I Had To Unlearn

    My parents instilled in me three great commandments as a teen.
    The first was "Thou shalt not quit." No matter how much I hated sports or other school activities, I was encouraged to finish out the year. I remember my mom offered to pay me just to get me to finish basketball the year I was cut from the team and had to be a practice-only player. She worked hard to get me not to quit first time I got upset or frustrated.
    The second was "Thou shalt make excuses for other people." When a driver clumsily ventured into our car's path or drove slowly, my mom would excuse them and tell me not to be upset--maybe the person was having a bad day, or distracted. It taught me not to assume people are fundamentally bad, and to extend grace to whoever I could.
    The third was "Thou shalt be well-rounded." I would have been quite happy to just read books all day and become more and more book-smart. My parents tried to find ways to get me out of the house and into other things. I was encouraged to diversify and try to learn different and new things. I played the piano for years although I was awful at it.

    My brain had to absorb three great commandments as an adult.
    The first was "Thou shalt quit." After finishing perhaps the hardest project of my life, and becoming a full-fledged adult, I started learning how to quit. I had to leave churches and other places that I thought I would never depart from.
    The second was "Thou shalt stop making excuses for other people." Often I make friends because I am willing to give people many chances. But I learned that maturity doesn't come with a driver's license, or diploma, or good job, or marriage. Some people unfortunately are just controlled by their bad traits, and it's only a matter of time before you pay the price for their selfishness, or rage, or lack of trust.
    The third was "Thou shalt focus." Because it's great to be involved in sports AND band AND camping AND school AND mathcounts when you're a teenager, but when you're an adult, you need to find out what you're good at and specialize. The truth is, it's ok if I never become fluent in German, or play the piano, or become a social superstar. By only focusing on my weaknesses, I forget my strengths and become depressed.

    I am grateful for what I learned as a teen. But I see now that at times, you need to add new commandments to old commandments, fusing together to form the whole truth. What new commandments have you had to learn?

Comments (26)

  • 80 million Germans speak German. It can't be THAT hard to learn!

  • I also had parents who expected me not to give up easily. I think it has served me pretty well. The commandment I learned as an adult is, "Thou shalt not put up with jerks in close relationships."

  • well this is depressing  i can't think of anything. i never played sports or anything because my parents never pushed me too. when i quit the end of the year play that gt drama was putting on they were like "eh, whatever". when i got drunk the first time and came home the next morning they were like "eh, at least you didn't drive" i was in 10th grade. so i have to unlearn these things and push myself to try new things and stick with them and that it's not ok to let my 10th grader go out to a party where you know there's going to be alcohol. 

  • Great post.

  • Perhaps not unlearn, but rather learn the second part.

  • Pretty interesting & true to boot.  

  • This was awesome!

  • Or maybe the new ones are just caveats to the old ones. e.g., "Thou shalt not quit...unless it's something that's harmful for your spiritual or physical health."

    Loved this. Thanks for sharing it, J. :)

  • Great post! Very thought provoking : ]

  • Those are some great lessons to know.  I think your mother was right to an extent, but she should recognize the exceptions to the rules as well, such as what you've pointed out.

  • Yeah, I've learned "Thou shalt stop making excuses for other people."  fairly early in life. I think you can only get burned so many times before that lesson finally smacks you upside the head.

    Very early in life I learned "People are not always correct." And I had to add "Including me" in the following years. :P

    "Support your parents becuase they supported you" is one I've had with me for as long as I can remember. I've recently added "unless doing so cause you/your future great harm."

  • wow, great post! reading those 3 commandments at first I was thinking - "there's no way we could keep that up as adults" and sure enough, you echoed my thoughts with the last paragraph! :)

  • You are such an amazing writer. I totally agree with your third commandment - one person cannot do everything!

  • Quiet spaces are often the most lasting and beneficial classroom.

  • Very insightful. I enjoyed this blog a lot. Thank you for writing it :)

  • I think we need to adhere to the fun side of childhood more! 

  • Thanks for sharing, it made my day!

  • i like this. so true.

  • Amazing entry. This is inspiration for a post of my own in the future! A few random thoughts of childhood commandments to unlearn.. would be that my parents are not really gods/superhuman, that I have the power to form my own opinions and thoughts even if they are controversial, not relying on others for happiness, being strong despite negative people.. it's astounding the number of things we learn that school never even once mentions :P

  • Wow, what a great post!  At first as I was reading I was thinking, "What, why would you want to unlearn those things?"  But you are right, while those are good for the growing years things must change as an adult.  Great post.

  • I liked this post. Your mom seems nice, I love when people are forgiving on the road. 

    Something I've been having to learn lately is "It's okay to say no."I find myself wanting to meet everyones expectations of me. It was always my desire to make people happy over anything else. I've been learning, though, that it is okay and sometimes necessary to say no. I can't do everything for everyone, as much as I want to. 

  • You have to learn them before you unlearn them. Otherwise you'll be really messed up.

  • This is really REALLY good stuff.

  • I hate having to quit things that I've poured my heart into, but there are times we're called to do that. It's humbling and painful and involves a huge amount of faith to trust God for what will come next, but every time I've done that in obedience to Him (by His grace), God's blessed me abundantly (though not always immediately) ~ John 14:23; Psalm 73:25-28.

  • my commandments were similar to yours, have been re-examined and challenged at times too. 

    one that has changed for me is the notion that i must always bless those who curse me; to give and self sacrifice without ever expecting anything in return. 

  • I like the quitting one. Sometimes it's hard to quit things--especially things you're tied to, but you gotta' do it for your betterment...

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