August 7, 2012
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Types of Intimacy (Series)
I clicked on my posts tagged "Intimacy" and realized I wrote about types of intimacy a little in 2007 (on Christmas Eve for some reason. Why?). I wanted to build on that and talk about types of intimacy. One way to think of intimacy is that feeling of knowing (or discovering) and being known (or encouraging/allowing discovery). I know there are probably other types of intimacy than these, but here's my effort to try to catalog them:
Intellectual Intimacy: I love being in a small group and firing thoughts back and forth. When you truly know someone's mind, then you can anticipate what they do and how they think. Yet, there is always surprise. Your passionately Republican friend is actually pro gun-control because of an experience he had when he was 7 that ties into his ideology about individual rights, and you see a person in a new light as they reveal more. I believe the height of intellectual intimacy is when you're so locked in to the other person, you become one. I enjoy watching duos who have played various games for years work completely on instinct to win, trusting in subconsciousness.
Emotional Intimacy: Are you a discerning person? I really envy people who can sense the feelings of others fully. I still work hard to understand other people's feelings and perspectives. But isn't it beautiful when you get someone? There was a brief period in my life where I had developed a lot of emotional intimacy skills. On the one hand, it was beautiful to identify so easily with people, to understand them. It was such a privilege to be confided in. But on the other hand, imagine what it's like to be in constant contact with the emotions of others, to sense the pain and fear and anger. To be known and to know is so powerful in this area, knowing that you cannot hide, that they know what you feel and why. One almost wants to race back to the shadows again.
Physical Intimacy: Fine, fine, SEX SEX SEX. Yes, being given full access to someone else's body and emotions is an amazing moment of knowledge and discovery. There's a beautiful progression as a couple keeps opening new doors and taking new steps. But I think also, there are so many other little physical intimacies. When someone hates to be touched...and yet lets you hold their hand in public and chokes down their awkwardness, that means a lot. Or when an elderly parent allows their grown child to assist them, in a role reversal that becomes emotional for them both. And take dance or basketball for example. Watching a team weave through patterns, each relying on instinct, moving as one, is an oddly moving experience. Listen, sometime, to athletes speak reverently of that perfect moment, when their bodies obeyed their dreams and they moved together as one on the court or field or floor. Or talk to someone who has been in combat.
Tomorrow we'll get into men, women, and the compartmentalization of intimacy.
Comments (3)
Interesting post. Looking forward to tomorrow's topic.
That's another way in which different things seem intimate to different people. For some of us, it requires a lot of trust to fall asleep around someone else -- to give up that vigilance and control with them. I keep thinking, there must be some people for whom that is more intimate than sex.
I suppose this answers the self-directed questions I've been pondering.
I am very good at creating all 3 of those types of intimacy, and that's why I make people feel very comfortable?
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