November 15, 2012

• Newsish Thought Experiments

  Suppose that I am staying over a friend's house. He's not my best friend, but definitely a friend. I arrive early, and the door is open. I walk in, to the sound of lots of splashing. A falsetto voice is yammering away in what seems to be the bathtub. After the requisite sitcom-y moments, my friend admits the full truth.

  Every evening, he spends half an hour in his tub with four rubber duckies. (It was only three until last week, when he  bought a fourth). He narrates various adventures for them (as we speak, President Duckenstein is courting the lovely Lady Quackia), or often enters their floating world as various characters. (Poseidon is a favorite, especially when the water is draining from the tub). He keeps a notebook in which he jots down the day's updates. He does this in his free time, and I'm the only one to know about this. Yes, he takes the ducks with him when he travels. No, the ducks are not sexually mistreated, except for sharing tubspace with my nude friend. Etc.

  Should this discovery matter to me? On the one hand: it's his free time, it's private, and no one is being forced against their will (although the ducks might have some interesting tales if they were animate). On the other hand...ducks. Should I change my perception of him as a friend? a parent? a teacher? a professional? Or is this all compartmentalized, and what he does in his free time shouldn't matter to me?
  
  Yes, this is about General David Petraus and the increasing number of people who seem to think his adultery doesn't matter. But it's also about two big problems that come up whenever we discuss the sexual behavior of others and compartmentalization. We usually tell ourselves one of two lies:
  1) Sin always harms everything immediately. There are many, many times when people sin and...nothing bad happens. A man has sex with someone else in an unethical, immoral manner...and enjoys it, and that someone else enjoys it, and then the man goes back to work at his job to help feed starving children on Monday, and does it as well as ever. Get it? The duality of God as both a righteous judge and a merciful Savior must be acknowledged. All sin is not punished in this life, in fact it is often rewarded. Etc.
  2) The core "me" does not change, even if I do wrong actions. This is also faulty. The hilarious mental picture is of a man so compartmentalized, that he can go from chopping up the homeless in a back alley on Friday to preaching in the pulpit on Sunday. Actions, over time, change who we are. If I treat my neighbor well, I probably will treat my family well. If I cheat in one area of my life, I probably will cheat in another. Yes, exceptions can be found, but the assumption that I can remain unchanged despite life's events is an insult to religion and evolution alike.

  So, thus the rubber duckies, because they're not sin (I hope!) and none of you feel like you have to defend my friend to protect your own horrid duckplay past. Did your opinion on the thought experiment differ from your opinion on the General Petraus case? Please do share.

  • 7:54 pm
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