November 27, 2012
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Some Unusual Reasons for Skirt-Chasing
An intriguing response to the reasons for male promiscuity : I am too lazy to write my own post, but I think a lot of what he said is quite true. Although I'm a little amused at the idea that men would use sex to get love and acceptance: my impression was that was more a feminine trait?
"As I guy I think a huge part of the hunt for sex is the need for approval and acceptance by the opposite sex. It's really the only socially sanctioned outlet for men to get this approval.
Most of male culture is about destroying the self to submit to the team (best seen in sports) and to not provoke other, stronger men into seeing you as a threat, lest they want to hurt you. By the time they are adults, many men don't feel comfortable discussing their inner selves (emotions, reactions, etc.) as they are constantly asked to ignore and sublimate those feelings so that no one becomes jealous or threatened. Men are asked not to be emotional ('real men don't cry' is a common phrase) as there is a general sense that men's emotions aren't important or worth exploring. Men remind each other all the time that no one cares how one really feels, so its best not to bring up these feelings. Men who are sad and have low self-esteem, and can't 'buck up' and shut up, are not rewarded in this scenario- they are seen as 'desperate' and as losers, really, which in a social sense, they are.
So, back to chasing women and sex, it is the best socially sanctioned way to allow one's self to be strong and happy. Men are asked to do things to get approval, and through doing things, and succeeding, they are able to get their 'reward' of being confident and therefore being attractive to the opposite sex. It is only then that a man's emotions might be valued or validated.
Personally, I'd be just as happy if there as much importance put on actually voicing men's emotions and fears, instead of being asked to shut up and do something productive so that a man is valued for existing and not producing.
Ah, we all have it tough. No one wants to hear it anyway."Cut-Paste = 5 minute post.
Comments (10)
The need for approval and acceptance is absolutely NOT a uniquely feminine trait. The entire code of chivalry for men is heavily contingent upon meeting a woman's expectations for what a "gentleman" should be. The White Feather women in the UK, for example, shamed draft objectors during the world wars by giving them white feathers as a sign of cowardice. If men didn't seek female approval, such actions would have no effect on their psyche whatsoever, and would not have resulted in many more men, even teenaged boys, signing up for the battle in the trenches.
We're bombarded with ads that tell us if we get this shampoo, or that bodywash, or a certain car or gadget, that we can get the hot chicks or at least their approval. Think of how many beer/alcohol ads feature a guy winning over an attractive woman. People talk about how ads targeted towards men objectify women, for example with scantily-clad women holding the product, etc. I wonder how many people ever consider that the ad agencies are using those women and exploiting men's desire to appease women as a means to make money.
And there are a lot of men who become gym nuts or join the armed forces just to get women to notice them. Growing up, I had a lot of ladyfriends who wouldn't even LOOK at a guy if he wasn't in a military uniform; that sort of behavior had a serious impact on a lot of my guyfriends who desperately sought their approval. And as for the gym nuts, many of them turned to steroids in a desperate attempt to bulk up, and some even developed eating disorders. I have a few guy friends I knew from high school who are still recovering from the damage they did to their bodies with steroids and ridiculous diets.
Oh and then there are diamond rings. Don't get me started on that. Yuck.
But yeah, the idea that only women struggle with acceptance with the other gender is absolutely untrue.
And to the point of the post... I can definitely see that one justification for skirt-chasing could be approval. I wouldn't be surprised if that were true for many of the playboys out there. There are other reasons, of course, but yeah that one definitely makes sense.
truth is this is a bloggers issue
you see meanwhile outside the internet people (avergae people) is matting, and kissing and loving and not worrying about a system that works perfect for them...heck even someone as misfit as I am was able to get matte and breed and was once loved and loved back.
the thing is nothing is going to change till the way it is works for a majority cuz in social issues majority is all that matters and it's good that the majority can walk trough this world loving and finding happiness all the time, while I rather to sit in front of a screen and talk with imaginary friends
@QuantumStorm - i'm guilty of the gym thing, but without meaning to be...seriously until I was in highschool I thought everyone had 6-packs until you got old (guys and girls) because unless you were super fat, all the guys I saw shirtless (as in my lovely swim team) had 6 packs...and I had a 6-pack...so yeah... >.<
@canadiansrock - hehehe remind me to tell you a story about when I first learned about menstruation
@QuantumStorm - That is a story that should probably be shared with the world.
@QuantumStorm - tell me nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow =D
Ran into this article on my FB newsfeed, thought you might find it interesting - http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/11/no-not-every-guy-wishes-he-were-the-fonz/265641/
@SasGal - Indeed! I'm incredibly curious now, too. So, now that it's been mentioned and alluded to in a public forum, OUT WITH IT, @QuantumStorm!
Augustine summarizes the reason for skirt-chasing and all other similar behavior: “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee..”
If we don't find our satisfaction in God, we'll continue to seek in vain elsewhere, but there's no true and lasting satisfaction to be found apart from coming to and knowing God through Jesus Christ ~ Psalm 16:11, 65:4; John 17:3. In Ezekiel 16, Israel's spiritual adultery against God is summarized in this way:
28 You played the whore also with the Assyrians, because you were not satisfied; yes, you played the whore with them, and still you were not satisfied. 29 You multiplied your whoring also with the trading land of Chaldea, and even with this you were not satisfied.
What about approval from the same gender as a reason for skirt chasing? Other guys think you're "the man," etc.
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