January 18, 2013
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The Greek Is IN: When a Friend Pulls Back
I'm a big fan of the Peanuts comic strips where Lucy plays the cold-hearted psychologist available for just 5 cents to listen to Charlie Brown complain, then insult him. So The Greek is IN to answer all your concerns and issues.
Today's question: What do I do when a friend pulls back from me? No text responses, no phone calls...help me, Greek!
My dear friend, I advise the following steps, all of which have been attempted by professionals:
Wild accusations: Clearly, your friend is worried that the passion is gone from your friendship. So you need to show how passionate you are. Accuse them of all sorts of horrid things, call them betrayer, weep, wail, tell them how lonely you are. Guilt them back into a sense of duty! Because the best friendships are forged in the fires of knee-jerk obligation.
Preemptive bridge-burning: Are they slowly cutting you out of their lives? Feeling a bit excluded? No need to die by paper-cut when you can incinerate all past connections in one step! Beat them to the punch and knock them out by burning their ships before they can retreat. In unrelated news, anyone know first aid for fractured metaphors caused by jamming them together?
Sentimental appeals: Dig out those photos of you two in middle school and post one a day, tagging him, until you get his attention. Gush in a page-long note about what a great friendship you two have. If you create enough sentimentality, it warps the fabric of reality itself and makes you friends again. Or so I learned via that one teen sitcom in the afternoons a decade or two ago.
It's ok if you don't leave a comment, I know my advice is hard to improve on. Feel free to send more questions for next week's post to email.
Comments (9)
the bridge burning is typically what i do
I'd just assume they were on vacation or busy with work, but just to make sure they weren't sick or dying, I'd call once and leave a message asking them if all was well, letting them know I thought of them, then give them some space to deal with whatever they are. Ball is in their court. Depending on the prior level of relationship, after several days or a week or 2, txt once more just incase they need to hear someone still cares. They could be depressed for all you know, but don't smother.
Great idea!
Never have friends. Be a hermit. Accomplish everything you set out to do.
Or that's just my method
And, if those things don't work, go full-on childish and steal your friend's journal... then spin it so that somehow
you're
the victim.
Not that I'm talking from experience there or anything.
I'm the guy who gives the cold shoulder to control freaks, so I don't have to worry about those in my inner circle. I have several friends who have very busy lives. I have a very busy work schedule, so there have been times I didn't immediately get back to friends. If there are too many days with no contact I'll send an email, and work toward setting up some time with my friends. It's easy when we're talking about people I love, who love me. I haven't had any friends who pull back or whom I pull back from, because I don't keep those kinds of people close. I spent a lot of my younger years wasting my time with people who didn't really care anything about me, but now I'm hangin with the ones who are quality.
If I value a person's friendship, I'd first identify whether the friend is (a) angry with me or (b) is going through a rough time. If (a), I'd talk to the friend, “hear them out”, and work out a compromise. If (b), I'd try contacting them. If they do not respond, I'd e-mail them saying that I hope everything is okay and if they want to talk, I'll be there. They usually come back when they're ready.
First reaction: LMAOOOOOOO
Second: When someone pulls back from me, I try to re-evaluate. There may be something going on in their lives and they are dealing with it. They could be like me about, which is private and preferring to deal with whatever it is on their own. Or maybe I pissed them off in some way and they're giving me the silent treatment? If so, I stop trying to get in touch with them. They usually come back when they're ready, explain why they silent treatmented me. I get to tell them they were being giant idiots, that misinterpreted me. They feel ashamed and apologize. All is well. However, maybe you were a big idiot and abused your friend's kindness or ears and that's why they don't want to talk to you anymore. I have a few people I cut off because they were dead weight. I have one right now that's going to fall into that category pretty quick if he doesn't get his act together. All in all, the best course of action is to stop looking desperate and let the friend figure it out. If they want to talk to you, they will. If they don't....well...they're not your friend anyway
show up at their job openly weeping and beg them to please please just talk to you. it helps if there's snot dripping down your face, makes the weeping more authentic ;P
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