April 29, 2013
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The Introvert Clock Countdown
The last "Amen" is spoken, and the church begins to empty into the foyer, or fellowship hall, or "place for awkward meanderings." But inside my head, I can hear the clock turn on, hear the ticking sounds of the countdown, telling me that I only have so much energy and social capital to spend before the clock will strike zero...
What is it like for introverts? I can't claim to speak for us all. But I find that being with large numbers of people, especially strangers, in ambiguous settings quickly tires me out. I can't appreciate large parties, festivals, weddings, networking events, or social gatherings. It's as if I have social chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm allergic to people, ha, overwhelmed and overstimulated by my surroundings, needing to focus or withdraw in order to function.
In environments where there are few people or there are determined reasons why we are there (a game, a classroom, etc.), my introvert self excels. Limit the stimuli and/or randomness, and my mind will find its way to resolution and do what needs to be done. But turn up the stimuli, and my body screams retreat. I lasted about 5 minutes after the last Amen before heading to the parking lot, the loud ring of the introvert clock drowning all else out...
Comments (28)
Boy, can I relate to this!
Hah. I can totally relate to this, as well. I'd much rather be engaged in some sort of project or task... not just random socializing.
i love being in a crowd, taking in the energy of it, as long as i don't have to actually make an effort to talk to anyone in it
Like jersey_jenn, I can deal with being in a crowd as long as I don't have to interact with anyone for too long. It just zaps the energy right out of me.
My husband and his dad are definitely introverts. Luckily we can deal with being around each other though lol.
I'm an introvert, but not a normal one. I only get worn out if I spend a significant amount of time with people. I can go maybe a week tops and then I'll need to disappear by myself. And I'm actually better in larger crowds than smaller ones, but I think that's more due to intimacy issues.
@SimplyNita - Yes, same here - the last sentence especially.
I understand. I'm usually the first one out the door at church and the first one out of the parking lot.
It's so true, I will say that in some rare cases where I am not expected to interact I can do okay in a crowd- I'll get lost in watching people or escape into my mind.
Also- in cases where there are expected interactions, as I learned in college: liquid courage can turn the situation.
That's interesting, I've never really thought of those kinds of interactions as fatiguing but I totally see how it might be for some people. I'm kind of the opposite, I crave being out in groups, I get a bit of a high off it honestly. I used to be much more shy/introverted as a kid.
I feel ya, completely. There are probably many others like you there, but they leave before you see them. (:
"social chronic fatigue" describes it perfectly. I'm using that.
Social anxiety. Is your brother suffering from the same disease.
I found that the way to enjoy large parties and such is to find a comfortable spot out of the edge and have plenty of snacks and drinks. You know you have the ideal spot if you can see everything that is happening and no one there can see you.
as for church, there is something to be said for showing up a few minutes late and then racing out as soon as the service is over. You get to skip almost all of the crazy people stuff (possibly all of it if the church doesn't do that silly "greet your neighbors" thing or does it really early in the service so you can arrive afterwards.
yeah, i'm sort of anti-people and introverted...
i SO get this.
it's always a strange tug of war in my soul between wanting to hang out and connect with people after church, but absolutely hating standing around in a loud, crowded lobby. i generally like being an introvert, but it is tiring when you're not a shy one!
Which is why I ocassionally smoke, to buy some isolation. You're right about social/party fatigue for introverts. We haunt bsthrooms, backrooms, porches just to find something to inoculate us.
This is SO me at church. even when I was a youth minister I had to fight the urge to run to my car. I liked everyone but I was just worn out, my energy was tapped. I was ready to be alone and get a nap. All the people at church is exhausting, just like wedding or concerts.. and the longer the social gathering, the more I start to groan to get away. Good pot Greek!
I know the feeling. Funny enough, being in a large crowd of strangers is often not as bad as being in a large crowd of people I know. If I know them I have to be polite to them and talk to them if I make eye contact. If they are strangers I don't really need to do much, I can just stay in my own head.
i think it depends on the people i'm around with. if they're all introverts then i must become the extrovert of the group.
I need social energy on an IV line; until that day, I'll be the girl sipping scotch in the corner. You're welcome to join me, but leave your posse in the corner across from me.
My hubby is an introvert. I sometimes feel guilty for dragging him along with me to places.
You're an introvert? That's surprising.
I had a professor who use to call me his little wallflower because I always sat in the back of the classroom by the wall trying to hide from everyone. I still do that sometimes especially at church... but I am finding it is only attracting more people to me. Everyone wants to know who I am and what I am thinking... I spark curiosity I guess. I love your blog by the way. I probably would never tell you that in person though
Totally with you, man! Social interaction wears me out. Need quiet, my phone turned off, and a day alone with a good, long book to fully recharge just after the effort it takes for me to converse with the bank teller.
I totally relate.
I'm an introvert too. I can relate. The reason, from one of my textbooks, is that introverts are already highly stimulated (I believe that is the correct phrase) in comparison to extroverts. In other words, extroverts seek for social gatherings because they aren't as highly stimulated as us. One continual sound in the background and I have to excuse myself. It's like I cannot handle so much moment because my mind attempts to recognize and decipher it all. At the end, it leaves me exhausted!
I am both, and neither.
I am that way often, and other times, not at all.
I have never been "sure" of what I am.
People have outright said, "But you're an introvert!" Others, "But you're an extrovert!" Perhaps what it means is that I don't know who I am, OR what I want.
I can relate to this as well. When it comes to large groups of people in one confined space, I start to feel panicky and wanting to escape as fast as possible. There are days (weeks, even) that I have to isolate myself in my room away from my family so I can recover and focus on things that I need to get done. It's exhausting.
Yes this is exactly how i feel. For example today i went out with my brother and two friends. We had dinner at one restaurant and bubble tea at another place. There was wayyyy too much stimulation, by the time we got home I was completely exhausted. Now I'm safe here in my room where there's total quiet. But at the same time... sometimes I love to go out for cultural festivals and parades. Oh, so confusing <3
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