June 22, 2017
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Good Boys and Weak Men
I've been talking a lot with Brother about our childhood. Our parents tried to raise patient, self-controlled men and somewhat succeeded. But there's a hidden problem with patience and self-control.
Suppose someone sins against you every day. Your employer makes you stay over extra time without paying you, or your spouse constantly demands more from you than they should. At a certain point, one needs to say no, have boundaries, and stand up for themselves. So patience and self-control can backfire, as you take on more and more hardship but can't express your frustration because you are a "good boy."
But also, let's take a slightly more uncomfortable example of self control. If you never fight back, people will start to believe you can't fight. If you never flirt or have a significant other, people believe you have no sexual impulses whatsoever. And if you never complain, people will assume you are happy. That's not necessarily a good thing, sadly.
I've learned to selectively complain, and it's actually made my life better. The pressure of being a 100% good boy, of never complaining about anything, is too much. I'll strive for maybe an A- good boy, ha, 90% good and speaking up just enough to be heard.
Comments (2)
we are human. We all have faults, and stresses. It is ok to let off a bit of steam once in awhile. In fact, it is actually healthy to do so. To keep all bottled in can cause more stress and even manifest in physical forms such as headaches and ulcers.
Some people think that in order to lead that they have to say 'yes' to everyone. That their power comes in serving every person's needs.
Over time I've come to realize that the first steps to take in leading people is knowing and drawing appropriate boundary lines.
We say no not because things are inappropriate or not right (most of the time). We have to say no, or not now, in order to manage ourselves, our time, and our energies.
Saying 'no' can be liberating. But it also means that people may not think of you in a positive light.
That's ok... it's ok.
Good thoughts, my brother from another mother.
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