March 5, 2018

  • Turning on an Old Friend

    Creativity became an obsession around, maybe, 2008 or so. I started seeing myself as a creative person, with interesting ideas. I started feeling this way in graduate school, which made me think differently about myself and the world. I had never written a book or even significant short story except for school and a competition or two. Yet suddenly I thought I could write, and I relied on creative conversations as a way to escape the mundane and mediocre.

    So I've always seen myself as pursuing creativity. But in the last year, I've been feeling my creativity disappear. Maybe for good reason, as I tried to be more productive, responsible, and intelligent for my job and girlfriend's sake. Was creativity an old friend who had outlived her usefulness? Was creativity merely coping mechanism for those cold New York winter nights, a nursery rhyme to soothe a cranky baby?

    I suddenly find myself asking if I do have a creative future, if my life is better off by discarding the highs and lows brought on by creative striving. And I realize now that many of my creative friends and inspirations have long since faded. I miss it. But is this the price to pay for consistency and reliability?