I've been taking a lot of my strength lately from reconnecting with my past. Old friends, nostalgia, and past hobbies have filled in the gaps since moving. It's worked and smoothed over the transition. But now I am running out of excuses for mingling in my community and meeting new people.

It's not that I don't enjoy my town, or look forward to making new friends. But I am well-aware of the energy required to make new friends locally, and how awkward it all is. I hate feeling like I am putting my hand out, or having to prove that I'm not some weirdo just because I didn't grow up locally. It is wearying.

But I just had a lovely trip to Los Angeles (where I got to see Regina from Xanga, which was lovely) and it's time for me to come back and try to make friends locally. I can't put it off any longer. Wish me luck!

One of the old (and fun!) stand-by moves of pro wrestling happens when a match seems to be decided, or has calmed down. Everyone relaxes for a moment. Suddenly, though, a new participant jumps on the top rope/turnbuckle. Unexpectedly, he jumps down on a exhausted participant, the crowd screams, and the match erupts again in chaos. It's fantastic fun, and I enjoy how it changes the rhythm of a match.

I have to admit, when I was younger, I used to pull this move a fair amount online. A discussion would have already taken place, and things would have calmed down. I'd come upon it, read it, and feel some critical point was neglected. "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLIPPERY SLOPE/FREEDOM/WHATEVER?!" I'd yelp, and it would be game on once more.

However...the dirty secret is, often you don't see things as well as you think you do from your turnbuckle vantage point. Maybe the participants in the heated discussion have already messaged each other and calmed down. Maybe one of the members is a family member, and everyone else is humoring them, hence why no one is correcting this "obvious WRONG?11!?" Yes, one does lose something of the flavor by coming in late.

So for what it's worth, I've started freezing/taking down discussions I start after about 12 hours or so. And I've also stopped hopping in late into debates...mostly. Jumping off the turnbuckle looks grand when it's done by a muscular, highly-trained wrestler. It's not so cool when one of us belly-flops into the debate pool, however. Ok, that's enough mixed metaphors; just a thought.

I feel a need to be more selfish, but I've spent too long getting better at being connected to others. Such a dilemma!

I'm very happy and excited for @roadlesstaken on his wedding! I respect him a lot, and it's exciting to see a well-known, well-respected Xangan being happily married. Hope it was wonderful!

I was watching coverage of the Amtrak engineer who may have caused the crash near Philadelphia. CNN teased the upcoming story as "An Interview with a Friend and Co-Worker." The coverage of said engineer had been quite negative. I cringed as I ran on the treadmill, my eyes on the screen. "Here we go, this so-called friend is going to come on and bash him too. This always gets so sleazy when they think someone's guilty..."

But no, the friend and colleague went on CNN and proclaimed his confidence in the engineer. He said the engineer did all the right safety checks. He praised his friend as a good worker. This friend put his own reputation on the line to defend the engineer.

I was touched, and honestly I wished that friend was my friend. What a testimony of true friendship! And it made me wonder... If you were accused of something, would I talk to the local paper to support you? Would I be willing to go on CNN for you? Or would I remain silent? We live in a world where everyone wants to come to judgment quickly. We make up our minds rapidly based on convincing Internet articles and news stories. Are you or I willing to stand up for each other when the frothing media or local gossips attack? After all, the engineer may truly be guilty of negligence in the end. But it's just something to think about.

So once again I'll be trying to drive around the area when I have free time If you're north of Virginia and east of Indiana, by all means let me know, will try to make it work. What are your summer plans?

I was reading the story of Joan of Arc a few days ago. It truly seems to be a perfect proof for God's presence in history, right? It's extremely well-documented by Middle Age standards. It has verifiable facts. Yes, Joan of Arc definitely had something or someone on her side of non-human power, right? But then, if you track supernatural power throughout history, you get some odd stories...

Think of the Children's Crusade. Children thought they saw in a vision that they were supposed to go to Jerusalem, and the Arabs would hand back the city to Christians. Thousands of children perished in the effort. Doesn't seem like they heard God...

Or think of Nat Turner, the oppressed slave who led a violent uprising in the US. He too claimed to hear the voice of God, and seemed to have contact with something divine. Yet the voice seems to have led him to kill and burn, until he and his followers were caught and killed.

Finally, as for non-Christians with super powers, think of the great Indian leader Tecumseh. He literally prophesied an earthquake. Not even modern science can do that. It's hard not to think that he too had some supernatural assistance. How? Why? Whom? Was God on Tecumseh's side, to drive out the murderous white man? Chew over that thought, heh.

I think that as a Christian and history lover, there's no question that God participates in the affairs of men on some level. However, trying to figure out his purpose, or the exact way in which some participants in history tap into what are verifiable superpowers, is a bit beyond us humans. But it's interesting food for thought, no?

Yes, soon enough it's my birthday! I'm looking forward to it. It's a long story, but I'm finally starting to feel happy and at peace. I'm not sure if it was the move, or some life changes, but ever since December 2014 I've felt a lot better about life. I don't know how obvious it was how New York at times was hard on me; how living there was ultimately not good for me. But I feel much better living in Pennsylvania. Just because, here's some random Xanga-related photos from the Summer 2010 meetup:

Was at the gym today, when I saw another terrifying ISIS headline. I've been reading a bit about ISIS. They represent a radical, literal version of Islam. There have been attempts to destabilize them by claiming that ISIS are not true Muslims. It would be nice, of course, to isolate ISIS as Muslim frauds and have them shunned by all. But is that feasible?

Take for example that gym workout. Let's suppose that I run into someone that claims that I should lift weight 7 days a week. "Never take a rest day, bro! Just lift all the time! Do you want to be strong or not?!" Now, if I only lift 4, I look lazy compared to him. He seems to be more dedicated to weightlifting than I am. So I will appear as a weaker lifter even if my strategy is more scientific. My only hope to "expose" him as weightlifting incorrectly is for him to break down (tear a muscle) or to be weaker than me.

Or suppose I, as a Christian, was trying to reason with one of the 2nd century Christian extremists. "Christ told us to deny the world and be sexually pure!" he'd say. And I'd nod my head uneasily...I can't disagree with that. He's right. Then minutes later, he tells me he castrated himself, quotes Bible verses out of context, and demands to know why I haven't castrated myself, if I am going to be single and prone to sinning sexually. Obviously I don't love God and hate sin as much as he does!

See where this is going? I'm concerned that it's very hard to denounce ISIS as not being Muslim, and such efforts will fail.

I can be surprisingly out of touch with my feelings. So perhaps it's not surprising that it took 6 months after moving out of New York to realize how frustrating my time there had been. I had a moment where I truly felt loss. I realized how I had gone to New York young, eager to mature and succeed and help others, and I left old, less mature, and cynical.

Why am I sharing this? I think it's difficult for some of us (ok, mostly men) to get in touch with our feelings. My one friend would always challenge me that New York was having a negative effect on me. But I liked the job and the money, and I kept hoping it would turn around, that things would get better. Now, however, I see more clearly how it wore me down over time.

I Corinthians talks about how Faith, Hope, and Love abide. I can see how those three started faltering in my time in New York. God is still good. Many people are still wonderfully kind and thoughtful. I think it's just painful to have a moment where the true weight of loss finally hits you. Sigh.