So, I thought I'd have a little fun with the sex debates that rage around Xanga about premarital sex and casual sex. I'm going to try to convince you that you should never have sex. Here is my secular opinion on how sex works. For the sake of keeping it simple, heterosexuality only.
Normally, people deciding whether or not to have sex focus on two aspects of sex:
Sex is recreational, in that it usually produces feelings of pleasure and even euphoria
Sex is procreational, in that sex between two heterosexuals has the potential to create children
Procreational is the boundary that keeps many people from having sex. To be sure that sex won't produce children (or diseases), people take extraordinary measures! People turn to surgery or birth control methods that may alter emotions and/or limit one's ability to enjoy sex or even complicated natural options. Procreation difficulties are lessened if the sex is between two people who are committed to each other and are willing and able to care for any potential children.
Recreational is the reason why many people have sex--it feels good! And if something feels good, why not do it? You can read the exact scientific reasons why sex makes you feel good right here . (The article has "sex" in the title but otherwise should be safe for work). One is also reminded that sex makes you feel good from friends, the media, books, movies...you name it.
If you are taught about sex in this way, the decision seems kind of obvious, doesn't it? Wrap yourself in disease-preventing Saran Wrap, don your yellow gloves and Haz-Mat helmet and WOO-HOO! SEXY TIME!
However, let's think for a minute. What else are we missing in this argument? Go back to recreational.
Recreational...as in Recreational Drug. Have you ever started doing something sexual and then tried to quit cold turkey from that habit? Not very easy, was it?! Sex is like a drug...you get used to the pleasure, it becomes a habit, and it's hard to quit. If you're in the top 10% of sexy people, this may not be much of a problem for you; your concern is more who to have sex with rather than if anyone will have sex with you. But if you're Joe Average, now you find yourself scrambling for any dealer, anywhere to help you get your sex fix. Your standards go down quickly. Drunk? Too young? Taken? So what? You need your fix NOW NOW NOW. So once you start having sex, if you don't have a steady supply of sex, you find yourself angry and wasting all your time trying to get sex again. Or you end up having sex with your ex even after the love and relationship are long gone.
Ok, ok, so don't have sex if you don't have a steady supply. But of course, all my readers are smoking hot, and are in the top 10% of sexy people. Still have sex, right? Well, let's go one step further:
Sex is Relational, in that having sex bonds two people to each other during and after the sex act itself.
Did you read the article I linked to in the Recreational section? Here's what it says about the effects of sex:
In women, for example, the sexual act triggers the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin promotes feelings of affection and triggers that nurturing instinct. In men, sex encourages the flow of testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles and helps transport DHEA, a hormone that may be important in the function of the body’s immune system.
Women, did you know there are scientific reasons why you got attached to that idiot you had sex with the one time at that one party? When you have sex, you get attached to us men. I have a theory sometimes that women who are emotionally or physically damaged have sex because it enables them to finally feel something due to the release of oxytocin. Whether that is true or not, sex creates deep emotional feelings. It is a lot easier to recover from a broken relationship when no sex was involved. It still hurts, but not as deeply, in my opinion. The upside is, when you are in a great relationship, sex is a wonderful bonding agent. It makes the woman feel soft and nurturing, and it makes the man feel 10 feet tall and strong.
So men are free and clear from that emotional stuff, right? Eh...I have a theory that men feel as deeply as women...but we do not feel it all at one time. I remember one day I woke up and I had this photo of a woman in my head. I tried desperately to think of who she was--was she a movie star? someone I knew? A few minutes later, I realized it was someone I had known, and I realized that I really had liked her strongly, although I had tried to tell myself otherwise at the time. Separation after sex takes its toll on men too, although the effects are not as obvious as they are for women.
So what's the bottom line here? What's needed is some sort of way that you could have sex without fear of disease, and in such a way that if pregnancy did occur, it could be handled. This ideal sex would not be subject to interruption; thus you wouldn't have to deal with needing to find new sexual partners because the old one deserted you. Even better, there would be no relational damage; women could feel free to be as nurturing and affectionate as they wanted, and men would not suddenly realize 6 months later that they had missed out on something wonderful. If only there was some sort of structure that would support that...some kind of relationship that had the guarantee of security but also the recreational pleasure and relational joy. But that sounds way too ideal, right? So have I convinced you to never have sex? :-p
). But seriously, Susan?
Recent Comments