Who are the Beguines? I consider myself fairly well read on church matters and traditions, and I had never heard of them until I read The Economist this week. They are a religious order for women, beautifully constructed to fill in gaps in Christian tradition. Here's why I am so sad they are gone:
1) The order was created by women, for women, and governed by women. Honestly...the older I get, the more I think that Christian men need to get out of the business of ministering, counseling, or administering Christian women. There are too many issues that arise. I still have traditional views on Christian roles and leadership, for the most part, but I also believe that the true Biblical model is for older women to teach younger women. The best part was that this movement occurred in the early 13th century, much ahead of its time.
2) The order was a step below being a nun, and that's a good thing. Few women can satisfy the requirements of most nunneries for a lifetime vow of service and celibacy. But many younger women could take such vows temporarily, working with their hands to support themselves and then voluntarily leaving when they wished to marry or felt called to something different. The church needs temporary workers and laypeople so badly, and yet the church locks itself into this permanent model that hurts the church. The Beguines perfectly hit that sweet spot between full-time lifelong service and dedicated working Christian.
3) The order was famous for taking in "spare" women who came to the big cities in the 1200's to find work. Often such women, poor already, end up on the streets or in the sex trade, trapped in unhappy, dangerous lives by poverty. And no, this doesn't just happen to those wanting to be actresses in Hollywood. I recall a bitter little tale by O. Henry about the pretty girl who moves to the city and has job opportunity after job opportunity lost in tragicomic fashion...until the final twist, when the job she does find ends up being an escort, more or less. Chances are better than you think that one of your friends has ended up temporarily in the sex trade to make ends meet after moving. I can think of three Xangans off the top of my head as I write. Being that the church has as part of its calling reaching out to the least of these, providing work for such unfortunates is a beautiful thing.
Sadly, as with many good works of charity, the Beguines time is over. The last one has passed away. But take a moment with me to be thankful that work existed, and to be thankful for creative Christians willing to think of new ways to serve. Sadly, many of the Beguines were persecuted and misunderstood in their times. But I'm sure the Lord saw their work and noted its value.

In this country, Christians are sometimes accused of having a persecution complex. "Oh you Christians, always thinking the media/Hollywood/your neighbor is out to get you!" And I admit, it can be true sometimes. Christians at times tend to either fall for elaborate conspiracies (That Disney movie totally has hidden messages!!?!!) or to blame others for their own bad behavior.

But let's not go too far. Sometimes, Christians are indeed hated for just being Christian. Take the Christian sorority girl who tries to live a pure sexual life, living in a house with her sisters who live promiscuous lives. No matter how nice she tries to be to them, how kind, her very existence is a sort of testimony that sex is not necessary, and that one can find fulfillment in life without man's approval. They find her eating breakfast calmly at 10 AM while they slink in from various empty exploits from the night before. No surprise, then, that she feels unwanted and a bit disliked, although no one is ever quite clear as to why that is.

Usually, it's the Christians who are expected to compromise. The non-Christian hints, "Don't say anything about my drunkenness: don't wince when I curse in your presence." And a Christian can fool themselves into thinking "Oh, I need to be a nicer person to those who don't believe the same things I do." But in reality, often, there is nothing the Christian can do to be acceptable to non-Christians. Because when we abstain from what they do, our abstinence makes them think twice, and inspires anger. Saint Peter tells the story well: "They insult you now because they are surprised that you are no longer joining them in the same excesses of wild living."

I have to admit, for the most part, my attempts to be more friendly to those who made different lifestyle choices than I have failed. One cannot be a true Christian without being hated: the absence of hatred indicates the presence of compromise.

This isn't Sunday, but I had to write a quick update on the Pope resigning. He no longer feels he has emotional and physical strength to do justice to the work of being Pope. Which leads to a hard question for a person of faith:

When should a Christian disregard common sense and instinct and trust in God's power instead?

No, the answer isn't always, because then we have little kids saying "Jesus, make me fly!" and jumping off of buildings. Remember, Jesus said not to test God when the devil encouraged him to jump off the temple roof.

But the answer can't be never, either. Certainly, some Catholics have wondered if the Pope should have just held on to the bitter end, trusting God to make him strong enough to finish out his work as Pope. Sometimes, you start crossing the Red Sea before the water separates, not after.

So when have you trusted in God's power? Was it the right choice?

My parents had some older Christian books from the 60s and 70s in our house growing up. I read those books, feeling both confused and intrigued. The Jesus Movement of the 70s was essentially a revival among hippies, and you can feel the fire, joy, and idealism in the books they wrote. I was a logical kid, but I loved the passion, and the books spoke to me.

"There we were, me and the noted atheist professor Doctor Snootypants at the Grand Canyon. I could see his atheist heart weakening as he admired the beauty. Just then an eagle flew over our heads. I seized the opportunity and said "Doctor, if that bird were a pterodactyl and it snatched you up and threw you into the Grand Canyon, are you ready to die?" Well that right there was enough, and he fell to his knees and was converted. He now preaches at a small church in Omaha."

Ah, the Christian Superhero forwarded message, where we average Christians feel like we too should be doing more great things. Events are glamorous. Events are easy to tell, and quick to happen. Events help us feel like we are doing the Lord's work. But often, by wanting to do an amazing event, we fail the Lord. More likely, that story ends with "You idiot, this isn't the Jurassic Era" and the professor stomps off to his car. Right?

Yes, Christians may want friends to become Christians, give up a bad habit, return to their husbands, etc. And we should put forth an honest effort. But many problems in life can only be solved by waiting and praying. The amazing event might come after a lot of prayer. Or the change we hope to see may be the accumulation of many small acts of faith and hope. But letting Christian Superhero legends become our preferred manner of doing the Lord's work is perhaps a way of forgetting that He, not me, is the one who produces the results.

She meant well, really she did. I would post on some Bible passage I liked, back in my older Xanga days. And she'd always improve on the post somehow. It was easy for her, she studied theology, and she was bursting with knowledge. I was merely a Bible amateur: a good one, mind you, with a lot of knowledge of the Bible itself, but not a professional. Of course I didn't fully understand the cultural context of that passage, and of course she was happy to provide it.

But over time, her knowledge started stealing all my joy in posting. No matter what I said, no matter how thorough, she'd point out something else. I believe her motives were pure (although, there are some reasons to believe the motives were rather mixed). But in the end, I behaved much like a 7-year-old who has lost one too many playground games: I took back my ball and went home. I haven't posted much directly Biblical stuff in years. Perhaps not coincidentally (shudder) I've not read my Bible very much in the last few years, either...

I learned good lessons from her. I try not to correct the passionate guesses of amateurs as much anymore. That first joy is precious, that smile of the beginner and intermediate learner. My Xanga comments are perhaps much kinder than they were in the old days, although I sometimes wonder if that is always for the best.

But I should have instead learned great lessons from her. It shouldn't bother me to know that others can do it better, as long as I am not doing it wrong, and my writing comes from a good place. There's a beautiful verse where Paul says "For if there first be a willing mind, it [one's gift] is accepted according to what a man has, and not according to what he has not." Those of us who are perfectionists must come to terms with knowing that often, what we have to offer is imperfect...but we should offer it anyway, to our friends, lovers, and God, and not spit on our own sacrifice after we present it.

Recently I started playing Words with Friends. It was fun to chat with some friends who I ordinarily don't chat much with because we don't live in the same area, and play the game together. Incidentally, for years in grad school I thought about creating some sort of site based solely on board games/adventures for duos. I really should have acted on that, for what it's worth.

At first I enjoyed the challenge of creating words, especially if I could make long or obscure words. It was an art challenge for me, to try to make the most interesting words I could out of the letters I had. But then I started realizing that I was losing...over and over and over again. Obvious, right? If I'm not aiming for the squares that offer me double letters (and even better, double or triple words), I'm not going to score as many points. If I don't score as many points, I don't win the game.

Because I had too much time on my hands, I started wondering. To what extent do you "Score ALL the points" at work, in your relationships, and in your faith and politics? I have a bad habit of doing good things at the wrong times. Suppose there are two projects I could do at work. One fits my work objectives, the other does not. Both take the same amount of time. Why would I ever do the project that isn't what I'm supposed to be doing? The project that won't get me promoted?

Score ALL the points this week, then: Love those who are closest to you the most, Work hardest on those projects that are most important, and Worship those idols that are most worthy of your obsession. Let's see how it goes, ok? You're due for a win, and so am I.

In the Old Testament, there's a story about how Nathan went and told King David a tragic story about how a rich man stole a poor man's prized sheep. When David reacts to the story as any engrossed, interested listener would, Nathan suddenly turns the tables and says "You are that man!" David is ready to receive it because he wasn't thinking about himself, and his self-defense, rationalizing walls were down. Thus, books, movies, and TV can sometimes do us a great service by teaching us more about ourselves when we least expect it.

Today's Devotional thoughts won't be so Christian per se, but I hope this helps you think about your soul from a popular culture perspective. I was recently thinking about how some characters from popular TV comedies helped me realize how certain habits can become faults in a hilarious way. I will present my three, then you can present yours. Ready?

1. Michael Bluth, Arrested Development

Michael seems to be the normal person in the Bluth family. He talks a great game about "Family" and about how he is trying to rescue the family. But in his own way, he is just as flawed as anyone in the family, and he can be quite selfish. He excused himself for it and rationalizes well. After all, he doesn't have the weaknesses on the outside that the other family members do. But yes...in the end, breakfast probably is more important than family for Michael.

2. George Costanza, Seinfeld.

George always seems to be concocting some wild scheme or plan, almost as bad as Kramer. The Summer of George is one such laughable moment. On the one hand, I love the scheming, and it's good to have ideas for change and keep moving. But on the other hand, there's times where instead of doing the simple, honest thing, George insists on making things as hard as possible--then he wonders why it failed and blames everyone else!

3. Ross, Friends.
I wrote a long post about all of Ross' weaknesses. He's his own worst enemy, sadly enough, and a good reminder of how doubts and thinking too much can cause problems. Fear can make even the best people foolish.

So who are your three that have taught you about yourself?

We dream of doing great things for God. But often we fail to accomplish them. I realized today that one of my dreams is officially dead. I will share mine in a few hours and properly mourn. What dreams of yours did not come to pass...yet?

When I was young, I would read a lot of testimonies of people who used to be non-Christians and then became Christians. There was a common theme in many of the stories; they often spent their youth on partying and having fun, and then came to Christ when they were older after the partying inevitably caught up to them and ruined their lives. I aspired to be different. I would be the one who stayed Christian throughout his college years, and didn't sell out the first time he was offered drugs or sex. For the most part, I accomplished that dream.

But there's a second part of that dream that is pretty much dead. I aspired to be a part of a Christian outreach to college students that would become a strong community of young Christians. I saw myself helping convince young Christians that life with Jesus is worth living. At 18, I knew I was not great at being a public debater or emotionally connecting with people (both of which changed over time, amusingly...), but I thought I could at least be strong and have a good example, maybe help teach people what I knew.

I ended up spending nearly a decade as a college student (yes, I am that dumb--just kidding). I worked with Christian fellowships on campus for most of that time. And the groups were almost always terribly small and weak. We did have some bad luck (one campus leader died, and another felt called to be a missionary to China). But no matter what I tried, the groups would never grow. And even on Xanga, even when I had a lot of readers, I never was truly effective in encouraging more Christianity. I won't go into details on that, out of respect for the people involved, but it saddens me.

I know I still have plenty of life left to live, and many other things I can do. But I'm a little upset that I was so bad at relating to college students or convincing them to remain in the faith. I usually have blocked it out in some ways, and I know I tried my best and did not have much help. But I still can't help but take it personally. And at my age (30), even though I perhaps still might speak to college students and help, it doesn't have same effect as being able to do that when being the age of a college student. Peer-to-peer is what is truly well-respected.

So...that is the dream that didn't work out. It's a lot more personal than what I usually post on here.