There's been a recent controversy about what some Christians said or thought or did. It doesn't matter what it is; the story will change every week. Regardless, here I am, as a Christian, and I have feelings that are hard to easily classify...

See, on the one hand, no one wants to go back to Kayfabe. It's a term that I first heard when applied to wrestling. You have to pretend that all the holds and tosses are real, that the entire show is real at all times. I don't want to be the type of Christian who pretends that all other Christians are right all the time. We know it's not true. We know Christians can be wicked, scheming, hypocritical monsters. So yes, I understand a certain reluctance to defend Christian oddballs.

But I am frustrated by the other response. Christians condemning Christians to score points with their friends is no better. One day it will be your belief that is controversial. We as Christians are Christians because we believe in following the voice of God where it may lead us. Just because I am not the man on the soapbox, calling out in the town square today, doesn't mean I may not be that man tomorrow. It is prideful of me to judge my brother, to claim he must also not give to the needy, or he is a busybody. How can I do this?

I think unfortunately, only silence can sometimes be the right response.

What would a church look like that would truly reflect the Bible's teachings on sex and physical intimacy?

If I am ever a pastor, I would love to have a service where I invite people who were once Christians but no longer identify as such to stand behind a curtain* and detail how they lost their faith. I feel that the entire church would benefit by taking a long look in the mirror and asking itself why so many past members and faithful followers are no longer Christians.

I often run into people who once were Christians. Some of the stories are awfully sad and cruel. The young lady whose preacher/missionary father made her feel like a sex object comes to mind. Some of the stories are rather funny in a warped way. People can be fickle about faith, dropping it down and picking it up for the oddest reasons. Some of the stories I watched closely as they unfolded. I remember a visit with a friend in California as it was clear that she was leaving Christianity soon, and my desperate attempts to stretch out the visit because I realized it would be the last time we would have a common faith.

To wrap this up, I'd like to hear from you, if you once were a committed Christian (not just "my parents made me go to church") and now are not. What led to you leaving Christianity? What, if anything, do you now have as a substitute? Link your post below or message it to me, use the hashtag #LostFaithChronicles . If you feel it's too private for that, email me . I know you're out there, and it would be horribly dishonest to pretend you don't exist. Enlighten me.

*EDIT: By standing behind a curtain, it drives home symbolically that the people speaking could be anyone--your friend, neighbor, or co-worker. Naturally, churches would like to think that lost faith is a special case of one odd person, but that would be a deceptive mistake that would hinder the service's impact.

This is an old series that I decided to resurrect for a moment. I've attended church pretty much since I was born (we had a church in our house growing up. Try skipping church when it's taking place in your own basement!). It's been interesting to wonder, have I met God more inside the church, or have I met God more outside the church?

I definitely remember one church I went to where I felt like I met God there all the time. I would come out feeling spiritually refreshed, like I really had learned something and felt my needs were met. How about you? When you attended church (or synagogue, or mosque: this is a very open-ended question), did you experience God there? Or did you feel nothing?

Lately I've been thinking about what happens when the church tries to help sinners. Ok, joke's on you, we ALL are sinners, but think about it. What happens when, say, a pedophile comes to your minister's office, breaks down, and says "Help me, I want to seduce children, but I know it's wrong and evil. Help me!"? What then? I spent some time thinking about how the church could protect itself and its members from such a person while still helping them as much as possible. And then I realized that I was looking at the problem in the wrong way. Although protection is important, the mark of a real church (and a real Christian) is the wounds it willingly has suffered from people it tried to help.

See our budget? We don't have enough money to get new carpet this year...we gave it to a single mom who ended up using half of it for drugs, and to a man who lost his job who never paid us back once he got a good job. Our members see him every so often driving around in his new car. They still wave, and they still pray for him.

See that empty pew? The Johnson's came to church for a while, and we were trying to help Rick Johnson quit drinking. We prayed with him, and our men told him to call any time he needed us. We invited him to our homes and dinners constantly. He eventually left his family, and his wife blamed us and won't come back. We still love her.

Notice that knocked-over mailbox and those egg stands on our outside walls? That's from Sally's jealous abusive ex. We helped Sally stop turning to men to meet her needs, and she finally left her boyfriend. He got some buddies together and vandalized our church. We're not pressing charges, even though we can prove he did it.

THAT is the church I want to go to. That is the church I want to be a part of. I want to be part of a church whose members "lend, hoping for nothing again" who "suffer themselves to be wronged and defrauded." I want to be part of a church that helps people in the bad times even though those very same people spit on the church once they get back on their feet. I want to be in the church who lends money for the 10th time even though the last 9 never returned to thank the church. I want to be in the church who welcomes addicts knowing full well that some of them could endanger some church members, yet does its best to take that risk for the sake of saving their souls.

The bruises hurt, and I find myself asking God why so many good people must suffer at the hands of evildoers. But then one hears again the quiet gentle voice of Christ saying "I did it for you..." and the comforting tears flow. And one is willing to go out and take their place again in the ranks of the despised, humiliated church...that is proud of its scars.

I know a lot of you seemed confused or confrontational about yesterday's post. Let me further muddy the waters by pointing to some broader issues that inspired the post.
I have respect for people who leave the church intentionally. People who logically sit down and say "Yes, I know what the Bible says, I know what Christians believe, but I think I'm going to take my chances due to reasons X, Y, and Z." I disagree with them, of course, but I can understand where they are coming from.
What bothers and worries me, though, is people who seem to leave the church by accident, because they find a new god to take the old God's place. People who get caught up in passions like food or sex, to the extent that church attendance quietly drops off to nothing. They don't really seem to realize what they've done until much later, and then seem to try to come up with reasons for why they left to make it seem as if it was logical.
I was trying to figure out yesterday, what category do most people fall into? But I was also trying to make the point that, please, don't leave Christianity accidentally. Leave it angrily, leave it passionately, slam the church door on your way out if you must...but don't leave it accidentally, don't quietly tiptoe out without realizing what you left behind.

I want you to let me talk to you about Jesus Christ. He's the reason for any niceness I have. His love is why I want to help you with your problems, or recommend your posts so you can make more friends, or tell you about people who could be your friends or helpers on here. He has warmed my heart to think of others and to have love instead of being my natural selfish, prideful self. Jesus is the reason I'm able to smile when my life is going badly and I'm lonely. If anyone thinks I'm a nice guy, it's only because of how God has worked on my heart. Trust me, the people who knew me 10 or 20 years ago could tell you some interesting stories about me! (I'd wryly add that the people who knew me 5 minutes ago could tell you some pretty bad stories too, haha; I still have a long way to go, but trust me, I've come a long way too!).

I know many of you have already heard about Jesus before, and had bad experiences with church people, the Bible, or other things you associate with Christianity. Perhaps the very mention of his name makes you grit your teeth or brings back terrible memories. I can't promise to overwrite those problems, and I sorrow with you that it ever happened. Some of you have brought me nearly to tears with the bad ways you were treated in church.

But can I ask you to directly consider him, just one more time? Ask Him to prove to you that he really exists? Read the Gospels that record his life here on earth? And, if you are feeling ever so gracious, let me tell you a little bit about why he means so much to me? I just want one opportunity to tell you about why I am so excited about Jesus Christ, and why I think he can change your life.

Send me a message if you are up for this, Christian or non-Christian alike. I am not ashamed of Jesus, because I believe that he truly is good news for all people. I try to prove my Christianity by actions, not just words; but today, I wanted to make it clear that I ascribe my good qualities to be a direct consequence of my belief, trust, and relationship with Jesus. God Bless.

I am scared about the end of church. What do I mean? At the end of church, everyone spills out into this big mass of people in the fellowship area. And I never know what to do. I'm new there, so I don't really know anyone yet. And there is no set plan on what one should do--just kind of mill around and talk to people, I suppose. But I don't know anyone!

I don't know why, but this scares me. I keep trying to tell myself to calm down, to just talk to someone, to be nice. But once there is a small crowd, and there are a lot of people I don't know, and everyone else seems to know everyone else...I panic a little. About 1 in 5 times, I'm ok, and I can stick around and make small talk. But otherwise, sigh, I'm looking for a door, a food table, or a corner to...hide in, I suppose.

Then of course, I get questions from the few people who do know me--"Why didn't you come over and talk to me? Why are you ignoring me?" They think that because of how I talk to them 1-1, I could never be shy. But I am in this setting. And so I scurry out the door, even though I really want to hang around.

I thought it fair to start the conversation with my own shame and fear. What's your fear about church? Your turn.

Guest post from a friend. I thought the last questions were very interesting, so I asked her to borrow the post and thus see what you all thought.

I do in-home health care.

The woman I take care of is a bitter, disabled, depressed woman.

A few months ago she had a few seizures and spent quite awhile in the hospital. Today she told me that she wishes she had died during the seizures. She won't leave her house except for doctor appointments. She doesn't like to have visitors. She won't sleep in her bed because it reminds her of her live-in boyfriend who moved out years ago so she sleeps on the couch where she can't get comfortable so she never sleeps good. She won't listen to anyone; everything in the house must be done exactly how she wants it to be done. She routinely lies to everyone - doctors, caretakers, anyone. She has one son who lives several hours away. He barely comes to see her because she barely acknowledged him when he was growing up - he was mostly at his dad's house. She won't do anything to help herself improve physically. And emotionally she won't even admit that there's a problem.

And she's bipolar.

I know that last part is just an addition to all of the other problems, but I see it as a huge one.

Around the same time she had a major back injury 20 years ago and needed surgery, she was diagnosed with bipolar. She was so down and such an angry, moody person that she chased her family away. Eventually it got to where it is now - never leaving, barely acknowleding her family. And witih bipolar that's barely under control.

Somehow in the 2 years of taking care of this woman, I've grown attached to her because she needs someone. She's basically adopted me as her daughter.

In that attachment though, I grow more scared every day as I see what her medical conditions are doing to her.

My bipolar is almost under control - it's definitely much better than it had been. But I fear sometimes that I'll end up like her.

That's the times that I hate this bipolar. Yes, I'm so blessed to have friends who care, but they're not there everyday with me. It's precisely because she doesn't have family/friends there everyday that she's gotten so bad.

I have family around me, but they're not checking on my emotional state, so it's like not having anyone there. My mom saw some scars on my legs that are old and she was asking what it was and didn't believe me when I told her they were old. Yet she didn't ask if I had cut anywhere else on my body or if I had cut recently. She didn't ask to see my arms which are now covered in cuts from the last few days. She only asks if I'm cutting when she sees the cuts. That's not support. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and am so grateful for the support that she's been, but as far as cutting goes, she's never been able to be a support.

Can anyone identify with what I'm saying here? I go to work and fear that my mental illness may result in me living in a condition like I find everyday. That condition isn't living!

This leads me to think about the church and what position the church should have in mental illesss.

If you have a mental illness and especially if you suffer from something like cutting or binging/purging or anything that is an addictive habit (smoking, drinking, porn, etc), you know the power of accountability. Having someone asking EVERYDAY how you're doing is crucial to moving ahead.

What about for those people who don't have that? Should it be the church's responsiblity to provide an accountability like that? The church should be reaching out and recognizing these types of needs, but should it also be responsible in that way?

What should be the church's role in the life of the mentally ill church member?

Last time I asked you all if it were possible to identify "wolves in sheep's clothing"--that is, false Christians in the church who pretend to believe in Christ or hold to Christian values, but instead are evil people who will do harm to Christians or the church.

Some of my inspiration for that post is the Internet itself, oddly enough. I know that some people on various social networks I frequent are not who they say they are. They are untrustworthy at best, sexual deviants or manipulators at worst. They have a friendly face to most, but then I see how they really think in a comment section, or they brag about their exploits on IM. As you can guess, the existence of such folk was quite disturbing to me. And I started wondering, how can people be protected? Maybe if I do a post...or if I try to catch them in a trap...or if I...

But you know what? There's no way to catch all the hypocrites in the world. In fact, some of the hypocrites and evil folk may not even realize they are hypocrites, until temptation strikes and they fall for it. And who would want to live in a church where one's motives and heart were constantly tested?! Paranoia about evil is, in itself, an evil. It is lack of trust in God and one's fellow man.

So in fighting for faith, we must put up with friendly fire, I'm afraid. We do our best to remove wolves from the church, to remind people to be smart and sensible. But in the end, there will be casualties. Friends we once trusted may yet run off with the offering or the secretary. A friend is currently dealing with the fallout from an acquaintance who has decided to gossip about all the secrets he learned in Bible study. You can imagine how painful it is to know your secrets you shared in prayer are being told far and wide.

I take some comfort in Jesus' promise to punish those who do such things (Luke 17:1-2). But as some of you so shrewdly realized, there is no foolproof way to remove the wolves from the sheep. We merely pray for God's provision, and must be willing to trust one another...even though sometimes, we will pay dearly for it. A Christian life without having trust and love for your fellow Christians is too miserable to contemplate.

To finish up--some of you have been wounded very deeply by such wolves. I would be amiss not to say I am sorry it happened. I hope it does not seem as if I am casually ignoring those crimes. On the contrary, the church owes you its strength, its peace, its prayer to try to make right what evil people under the church's roof did wrong. May God heal you, and give you peace and strength.