My good Xanga friend Spoke wrote a post on "How to Treat a Lady 101" in January. I promised her a potential response post, and have been plotting my revenge, err, crafting my response since then. I admit that this post maybe should be titled "How to Treat Me 101", but I'll pretend to speak for mankind for now. I put up Part 1 in April, but had lost track of my notes for Part 2 until now.

Ladies, I know too often you get fixated on how we should treat you, and I admit men often fail their women. But have you considered how you should be treating us as the gods princes stallions men we are? Out of the goodness and humility (I'm humble...and PROUD of it!) of my heart, I've decided to put together a few tips:

1. Give us clues about your preferences. If I were asked why a girl doesn't get asked out despite being rather attractive, I would guess the reason is that she is too difficult to read. Is it wrong that the loud, obnoxious, heart-on-her-sleeve girl gets lots of dates, while a woman of the same looks who is quiet, guarded, and discreet* gets none? Sort of...but also, isn't the quiet girl making it very difficult for guys to talk to her without feeling like they may be annoying her or wasting her time? The little things matter--surely you can smile for things you like, and make a little annoyed face for things you don't. Remember, men are told that women are this indecipherable creature. Break this stereotype until we're trapped in your web, I mean, interested in being your friend or boyfriend.

2. Encourage us.  I dislike the amount of attention paid to "cheerleaders" just because they wear fancy body-hugging uniforms. That said...a true "cheerleader", a woman who makes men around her want to be better people and follow their dreams, will never lack for male friends. For you younger women, it may be a little while until men your age appreciate this. But talk to any man about 25? and over, and they start to appreciate this a lot more.

3. Ask about us. Use that famed male ego to your advantage, ha. Ask us how work or practice or video games went. The generic "How was your day?" usually fails--but ask us about an area we're interested in, and you'll be surprised just how talkative we can be! I'm surprised by how many women are unable to hold a good two-way conversation--ladies, I as the man am supposed to be narcissistic and uncaring! Stop stealing my shtick!

4. Reciprocate. There is a sense of pack loyalty in men that's difficult for me to explain. Let me just say that when a man believes that you will reward his good deeds/nice actions, he'll do a lot more of them. The actual reward doesn't have to be amazing--a "thanks", a pat on the back, baked goods, whatever. But the more you reward a man for caring, the more he will care.

5. Food. Do I have to explain? haha. Chocolate:woman as food:man. You don't need Kaplan SAT prep to figure out that analogy.

6. Respect. Men are really, really, really weird about this. really. I admit it. It's ok if you might not love us. But we want to be respected--to feel like our ideas and opinions matter. I know, we can be slow to speak and clumsy when we do speak. But for whatever reason, when you disrespect us, a lot of us flash back to being corrected by moms or elementary school teachers, and we feel like little kids. Then we get angry or we withdraw. Also, I find it amazing how vulnerable and susceptible men are to a little respect. Tell us you want to know what we think about something, tell us you respect our opinion, and we turn all soft and malleable. Shh, the Man Club will be angry with me for revealing this secret--I probably won't get the Beef Jerky of the month now.

7. Not bad, just different. Ok, a lot of the things we do seem weird to women. But ask yourself, before you judge--is it "bad", or is it "different?" If we are addicted to fantasy football or video games, it may be weird, but think about how much you like your favorite TV show or store. Hammering us for having male tastes is a good way to make us hate you. If we can't be men, then who can we be? Then you wonder why we're so neutered. Pretend we are from "Manistan", an obscure Asian country, ha. To what extent would you call out a stranger to America for being weird? Some behavioral standards apply to all people from all places; but others do not.

8. Appreciate our work. We put way too much of our self-esteem into how well we do at work, or at play. Yes, we look silly running around the college dorms celebrating our new high score, or our one-point basketball victory in IM's. But if you play along and give us high five, you know what? The memory I mentioned in 6. works for you--now you remind us of the mom or teacher who encouraged us when we were little, and that's a good thing!

9. Beauty vs. Function. Many of us men tend to think more about what something does than what it is. We can appreciate a good art gallery or clothing store on occasion, but it's not necessarily hard-wired into us. However, if you can share with us how to appreciate the beauty you see, you may actually get an "Aha!" moment from us, and we can share in the beauty of something with you. Why do you like walking in stores? Point out to us the pretty things you see, so we don't feel like Plato's cave folk. Similarly, when a man gets all excited about Windows 7, don't run and recoil right away. Ask him what details make it better than the last version. Be prepared for a long talk...but a talk in which he shows a lot of enthusiasm, and where you may find that your idea of beauty isn't really that different from his idea of functionality.

10. Physical Affection. Ladies, I know. You've all made the mistake of hugging a guy or patting him on the back, and having him turn into grabby Mr. Octopus. I'm sorry. That said, we like touch too! (although not quite as much as you). I still remember fondly a fellow college student who was very gifted at touching people (not like THAT! ha). She just had a way of patting your shoulder or arm or putting her arm around you that made you feel valued. If you make it clear that you are a physically affectionate person by nature, and don't do it in an invasive or clingy way, you may find that even uptight guys tend to appreciate it and look forward to your presence.

Last time I asked you all if it were possible to identify "wolves in sheep's clothing"--that is, false Christians in the church who pretend to believe in Christ or hold to Christian values, but instead are evil people who will do harm to Christians or the church.

Some of my inspiration for that post is the Internet itself, oddly enough. I know that some people on various social networks I frequent are not who they say they are. They are untrustworthy at best, sexual deviants or manipulators at worst. They have a friendly face to most, but then I see how they really think in a comment section, or they brag about their exploits on IM. As you can guess, the existence of such folk was quite disturbing to me. And I started wondering, how can people be protected? Maybe if I do a post...or if I try to catch them in a trap...or if I...

But you know what? There's no way to catch all the hypocrites in the world. In fact, some of the hypocrites and evil folk may not even realize they are hypocrites, until temptation strikes and they fall for it. And who would want to live in a church where one's motives and heart were constantly tested?! Paranoia about evil is, in itself, an evil. It is lack of trust in God and one's fellow man.

So in fighting for faith, we must put up with friendly fire, I'm afraid. We do our best to remove wolves from the church, to remind people to be smart and sensible. But in the end, there will be casualties. Friends we once trusted may yet run off with the offering or the secretary. A friend is currently dealing with the fallout from an acquaintance who has decided to gossip about all the secrets he learned in Bible study. You can imagine how painful it is to know your secrets you shared in prayer are being told far and wide.

I take some comfort in Jesus' promise to punish those who do such things (Luke 17:1-2). But as some of you so shrewdly realized, there is no foolproof way to remove the wolves from the sheep. We merely pray for God's provision, and must be willing to trust one another...even though sometimes, we will pay dearly for it. A Christian life without having trust and love for your fellow Christians is too miserable to contemplate.

To finish up--some of you have been wounded very deeply by such wolves. I would be amiss not to say I am sorry it happened. I hope it does not seem as if I am casually ignoring those crimes. On the contrary, the church owes you its strength, its peace, its prayer to try to make right what evil people under the church's roof did wrong. May God heal you, and give you peace and strength.

Ok, ok, after the umpteenth Xangan told me on IM or Xanga TV "I had no idea you were (fill in the blank)", I decided to cheerfully clarify.

Everything I do on Xanga is intentionally on a very mild setting. I don't get emotional on here. One reason is that words last a long time, and cut deep. However, usually, the following are true:
If I seem a little angry in a post at someone/something...I am probably furious.
If I seem a little amused or joke rather generously in a post...often there were a lot more jokes I cut out because it was too much or the jokes started leaving the G/PG zone.
If I seem a little flirty towards someone in a comment section...figure it out for yourself, ha.

I decided to spell it out for once, since it was causing confusion. No, I'm not a wild child either, ha, but I'm not quite as mild as my words indicate on here. Judge for yourself, of course, and all that.

Yeah, could you tell I needed to put up a post of some kind? ha. I will post something more thoughtful soon.

I will be on here less this month. Last month, I felt divided from my readership. I went all-out to regain contact with all of you. I recruited guest posts as much as possible, engaged in frenetic commenting, and have about 7 pages worth of messages from that month, ha. It all culminated in a unique Xanga TV experience where about 8 of us were on webcam at once.

This month...well, I need to breathe, and get a real life again. I felt bad last month, because I started getting way behind on comments and messages. It seemed all I did was push more content and comments out without responding to what I had. Expect a little less--and just holler at me if I lose your site in the shuffle. With so many people to read, sometimes I just have bad luck and don't notice your weekly post. I don't mind you asking me to read it if you want feedback

Oh, and I'll be in Chicago sometime this month on a two-hour layover at the airport. Anyone want to meet? message for details.

Ok, I'm still doing it! Come here and show off your Halloween costume on camera. There's also a chat box on the left, for those who don't have cameras. I am thinking we'll do this around 10PM? I may be late, as I am going to a Halloween party after all. Still, I thought this would be a fun way to celebrate the holiday! Oh, and if you don't have a webcam but want to share your costume, you can e-mail it to me at xangagreek@ gmail.com and I will post it as part of the post. See you soon!