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Friday, 13 November 2009

  • For one person only

    I am unworthy of your friendship. Thank you for not blocking me for being such a fool. You know who you are. Call me or write me whenever you want. I don't want to lose out on talking to you ever again.
  • How to Treat a Man 102 (response post)

    My good Xanga friend Spoke wrote a post on "How to Treat a Lady 101" in January. I promised her a potential response post, and have been plotting my revenge, err, crafting my response since then. I admit that this post maybe should be titled "How to Treat Me 101", but I'll pretend to speak for mankind for now. I put up Part 1 in April, but had lost track of my notes for Part 2 until now.

    Ladies, I know too often you get fixated on how we should treat you, and I admit men often fail their women. But have you considered how you should be treating us as the gods princes stallions men we are? Out of the goodness and humility (I'm humble...and PROUD of it!) of my heart, I've decided to put together a few tips:

    1. Give us clues about your preferences. If I were asked why a girl doesn't get asked out despite being rather attractive, I would guess the reason is that she is too difficult to read. Is it wrong that the loud, obnoxious, heart-on-her-sleeve girl gets lots of dates, while a woman of the same looks who is quiet, guarded, and discreet* gets none? Sort of...but also, isn't the quiet girl making it very difficult for guys to talk to her without feeling like they may be annoying her or wasting her time? The little things matter--surely you can smile for things you like, and make a little annoyed face for things you don't. Remember, men are told that women are this indecipherable creature. Break this stereotype until we're trapped in your web, I mean, interested in being your friend or boyfriend.

    2. Encourage us.  I dislike the amount of attention paid to "cheerleaders" just because they wear fancy body-hugging uniforms. That said...a true "cheerleader", a woman who makes men around her want to be better people and follow their dreams, will never lack for male friends. For you younger women, it may be a little while until men your age appreciate this. But talk to any man about 25? and over, and they start to appreciate this a lot more.

    3. Ask about us. Use that famed male ego to your advantage, ha. Ask us how work or practice or video games went. The generic "How was your day?" usually fails--but ask us about an area we're interested in, and you'll be surprised just how talkative we can be! I'm surprised by how many women are unable to hold a good two-way conversation--ladies, I as the man am supposed to be narcissistic and uncaring! Stop stealing my shtick!

    4. Reciprocate. There is a sense of pack loyalty in men that's difficult for me to explain. Let me just say that when a man believes that you will reward his good deeds/nice actions, he'll do a lot more of them. The actual reward doesn't have to be amazing--a "thanks", a pat on the back, baked goods, whatever. But the more you reward a man for caring, the more he will care.

    5. Food. Do I have to explain? haha. Chocolate:woman as food:man. You don't need Kaplan SAT prep to figure out that analogy.

    6. Respect. Men are really, really, really weird about this. really. I admit it. It's ok if you might not love us. But we want to be respected--to feel like our ideas and opinions matter. I know, we can be slow to speak and clumsy when we do speak. But for whatever reason, when you disrespect us, a lot of us flash back to being corrected by moms or elementary school teachers, and we feel like little kids. Then we get angry or we withdraw. Also, I find it amazing how vulnerable and susceptible men are to a little respect. Tell us you want to know what we think about something, tell us you respect our opinion, and we turn all soft and malleable. Shh, the Man Club will be angry with me for revealing this secret--I probably won't get the Beef Jerky of the month now.

    7. Not bad, just different. Ok, a lot of the things we do seem weird to women. But ask yourself, before you judge--is it "bad", or is it "different?" If we are addicted to fantasy football or video games, it may be weird, but think about how much you like your favorite TV show or store. Hammering us for having male tastes is a good way to make us hate you. If we can't be men, then who can we be? Then you wonder why we're so neutered. Pretend we are from "Manistan", an obscure Asian country, ha. To what extent would you call out a stranger to America for being weird? Some behavioral standards apply to all people from all places; but others do not.

    8. Appreciate our work. We put way too much of our self-esteem into how well we do at work, or at play. Yes, we look silly running around the college dorms celebrating our new high score, or our one-point basketball victory in IM's. But if you play along and give us high five, you know what? The memory I mentioned in 6. works for you--now you remind us of the mom or teacher who encouraged us when we were little, and that's a good thing!

    9. Beauty vs. Function. Many of us men tend to think more about what something does than what it is. We can appreciate a good art gallery or clothing store on occasion, but it's not necessarily hard-wired into us. However, if you can share with us how to appreciate the beauty you see, you may actually get an "Aha!" moment from us, and we can share in the beauty of something with you. Why do you like walking in stores? Point out to us the pretty things you see, so we don't feel like Plato's cave folk. Similarly, when a man gets all excited about Windows 7, don't run and recoil right away. Ask him what details make it better than the last version. Be prepared for a long talk...but a talk in which he shows a lot of enthusiasm, and where you may find that your idea of beauty isn't really that different from his idea of functionality.

    10. Physical Affection. Ladies, I know. You've all made the mistake of hugging a guy or patting him on the back, and having him turn into grabby Mr. Octopus. I'm sorry. That said, we like touch too! (although not quite as much as you). I still remember fondly a fellow college student who was very gifted at touching people (not like THAT! ha). She just had a way of patting your shoulder or arm or putting her arm around you that made you feel valued. If you make it clear that you are a physically affectionate person by nature, and don't do it in an invasive or clingy way, you may find that even uptight guys tend to appreciate it and look forward to your presence.
  • Fighting for Faith: Nice Without Jesus?

    Note: This post is specifically aimed at people who once were Christian but now are starting to drift away because they see no real value or difference to being Christian. It's not intended to suggest or cast judgment on those who never were. As I said at beginning, I'm writing this more for a Christian audience, although all are welcome to comment as long as it's done in open-minded fashion.

    Many people grow up Christian but slowly start to leave the faith over time. They never really hated Christianity. They just thought it a touch unreasonable at times. After finding enough they disliked, they slowly stopped going to church, and just kind of merrily drift along in an undefined cloud of spirituality. They might still go to church if you asked, and have decent memories of Christianity. It's just not for them anymore. And they are really nice people still.

    So then, the answer to the question "Can you be a non-Christian and still nice?" is yes. There is no question that many people manage to be very nice despite no longer believing in God, Jesus, or the church--if they ever did. It's tempting to see Christianity as some sort of training wheel. Yes, it taught me to love my fellow man and not to steal when I was little, but as I got older, what did it have to teach me? I learned my lessons and moved on. I've graduated!

    However, I think that a few things are wrong with the idea that one can truly be good without God. First, when a Christian decides that God is no longer the arbiter of morality, God must be replaced by something. Is that something society? Well, we all know that each society has its particular strain of sin and wickedness--over time, we'll fall for the same. Call me naive, but I do insist that goodness is more than just meeting the status quo for the miserable era that you happened to inhabit. Is that something you? Ah, better--I do appreciate someone who sets their own intrinsic standards and refuses to be a sheep. It's why my friends often tend to be cultural outsiders--I admire them for their independence and willingness to leave the herd. However...over time, we deceive ourselves. I believe that the natural tendency for most humans is to overestimate their own goodness, and underestimate the power of evil to sound reasonable and even good.

    Ordinary goodness can only go so far. I'm reminded of the story of the rich young ruler. He was good by society's standards. He obeyed his parents. He refused to steal, murder, or lie. He was sexually faithful. And yet, his own standards failed him in his greatest area of weakness. He was addicted to his wealth, and anytime his "niceness" came in contact with his wealth, his niceness lost. Is it truly goodness if our best is only doing what is socially acceptable? what is seen by others? what is least risky?

    True goodness requires constant recalibration. We drift off to our own addictions or priorities when left to ourselves. A truly wise man or woman realizes this, and gains recalibration from friends or wise books. But all of those are merely reflections of the goodness that is God. I believe that without contact with God, we lose our goodness, imperceptible piece by imperceptible piece. We may not do others harm, but we refuse to do them good. We may not do something overly wicked that would get us tossed in jail, but we feel a well-earned tinge of guilt over certain things...and do them anyway. Oh, some of us are lucky. Most of my vices are hidden due to my shyness and temperament, to be honest. But those closest to me know, and so do your friends. In the end, I don't think it's possible to leave a Christian faith that was truly healthy and maintain the same moral standards. Fight the temptation that it's all the same--that you've already learned your lessons. I'm 29, and it seems I've learned a host of new lessons this year on how many oddly evil thoughts and ideas can come to mind. Without faith, I would be powerless to those passions. So I still fight, weakly at times, but I still fight.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

  • Fighting for Faith: No Safety to Chase

    Last time I asked you all if it were possible to identify "wolves in sheep's clothing"--that is, false Christians in the church who pretend to believe in Christ or hold to Christian values, but instead are evil people who will do harm to Christians or the church.

    Some of my inspiration for that post is the Internet itself, oddly enough. I know that some people on various social networks I frequent are not who they say they are. They are untrustworthy at best, sexual deviants or manipulators at worst. They have a friendly face to most, but then I see how they really think in a comment section, or they brag about their exploits on IM. As you can guess, the existence of such folk was quite disturbing to me. And I started wondering, how can people be protected? Maybe if I do a post...or if I try to catch them in a trap...or if I...

    But you know what? There's no way to catch all the hypocrites in the world. In fact, some of the hypocrites and evil folk may not even realize they are hypocrites, until temptation strikes and they fall for it. And who would want to live in a church where one's motives and heart were constantly tested?! Paranoia about evil is, in itself, an evil. It is lack of trust in God and one's fellow man.

    So in fighting for faith, we must put up with friendly fire, I'm afraid. We do our best to remove wolves from the church, to remind people to be smart and sensible. But in the end, there will be casualties. Friends we once trusted may yet run off with the offering or the secretary. A friend is currently dealing with the fallout from an acquaintance who has decided to gossip about all the secrets he learned in Bible study. You can imagine how painful it is to know your secrets you shared in prayer are being told far and wide.

    I take some comfort in Jesus' promise to punish those who do such things (Luke 17:1-2). But as some of you so shrewdly realized, there is no foolproof way to remove the wolves from the sheep. We merely pray for God's provision, and must be willing to trust one another...even though sometimes, we will pay dearly for it. A Christian life without having trust and love for your fellow Christians is too miserable to contemplate.

    To finish up--some of you have been wounded very deeply by such wolves. I would be amiss not to say I am sorry it happened. I hope it does not seem as if I am casually ignoring those crimes. On the contrary, the church owes you its strength, its peace, its prayer to try to make right what evil people under the church's roof did wrong. May God heal you, and give you peace and strength.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • Boring Clarification of Xanga Methods

    Ok, ok, after the umpteenth Xangan told me on IM or Xanga TV "I had no idea you were (fill in the blank)", I decided to cheerfully clarify.

    Everything I do on Xanga is intentionally on a very mild setting. I don't get emotional on here. One reason is that words last a long time, and cut deep. However, usually, the following are true:
    If I seem a little angry in a post at someone/something...I am probably furious.
    If I seem a little amused or joke rather generously in a post...often there were a lot more jokes I cut out because it was too much or the jokes started leaving the G/PG zone.
    If I seem a little flirty towards someone in a comment section...figure it out for yourself, ha.

    I decided to spell it out for once, since it was causing confusion. No, I'm not a wild child either, ha, but I'm not quite as mild as my words indicate on here. Judge for yourself, of course, and all that.

    Yeah, could you tell I needed to put up a post of some kind? ha. I will post something more thoughtful soon.

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

  • Fighting for Faith: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

    They're the reason why you left the church.
    "They" sounded Christian. They knew Bible verses. They raised their hands or knelt at just the right time in church. And then, when you or your friend or the church trusted them, they ran off with the offering...or the secretary...or the innocence of half the congregation.
    Is there any way to detect these false Christians? To minimize their impact before they hurt trusting people in the church and drive people away? What do you think?

Monday, 02 November 2009

  • Site News

    I will be on here less this month. Last month, I felt divided from my readership. I went all-out to regain contact with all of you. I recruited guest posts as much as possible, engaged in frenetic commenting, and have about 7 pages worth of messages from that month, ha. It all culminated in a unique Xanga TV experience where about 8 of us were on webcam at once.

    This month...well, I need to breathe, and get a real life again. I felt bad last month, because I started getting way behind on comments and messages. It seemed all I did was push more content and comments out without responding to what I had. Expect a little less--and just holler at me if I lose your site in the shuffle. With so many people to read, sometimes I just have bad luck and don't notice your weekly post. I don't mind you asking me to read it if you want feedback

    Oh, and I'll be in Chicago sometime this month on a two-hour layover at the airport. Anyone want to meet? message for details.

  • Fighting for Faith: Intro

    So, I had an interesting conversation with a Satanist this morning on Instant Message, and...
    No, it's not a joke, ha, I did. I didn't know she was a Satanist when we started talking, and we eventually got around to religious topics. We probed each other's beliefs a little bit with questions, then cheerfully said good-bye. It was a little amusing--she grew up Satanist, I grew up Christian. Some of the selling points of our "testimony" were rather similar. Given a change in families, perhaps we would have had exact opposite perspectives, to be honest. Anyway, I tried to do my best not to hide the weak points of Christianity. And it reminded me, I need to have more conversations like this, where I talk honestly about my faith--explaining its weaknesses, but also how I have overcome those challenges and maintained my belief in Jesus, the Bible, and Christians.

    When I was thinking about what this month's theme should be, I was sure I wanted to talk about the Christian faith. I know a lot of you are Christians in your 20's, and you're starting to lose your commitment to the Christianity you may have once believed in. Step by step, you're walking away from that faith. And to be honest, that troubles me. I would feel less disturbed about this if I felt you were leaving for good reasons. But it seems more like many of you are just giving up on Christianity, or lack the energy to try to adjust your faith to new challenges. Or, I see a lot of compromise blogging--"I'm a Christian, but it's ok if you..." Such blogging often is merely weak-minded appeasement because the blogger is too lazy or dumb to come up with a good argument, and wants to be seen as open-minded.

    Here's a news flash. Unless you fight for your faith, struggle for your values, you will lose them. We are lazy people, trapped in cycles of self-indulgence and anger. We have to fight for our values, or they will quietly disappear. There's a verse in the Bible where Paul tells Titus that older women should be "train(ing) the younger women to love their husbands and children." I used to laugh at this verse. Seriously, women need training in love? But I'm older now, and unfortunately, I see the truth of this verse. Unless we fight, even our love for our family is at risk of being worn away by the struggles and cares of living.

    I am not a theologian. But I have grown up in church, read the Bible several times--even memorized much of the New Testament. I will do my best to take on what I see as the biggest obstacles to maintaining a Christian faith. Before I do that, let me open it up for discussion so I know better what the struggles are:
    What have been the biggest challenges to your Christian faith?

    You can answer as a former Christian or current Christian--and you can send me a message, or e-mail xangagreek@ gmail.com .

    Note: This month will be more for Christians than for non-Christians. To save some time and effort, I am writing as if I am writing to a Christian audience, or at least an audience familiar with Christianity. Non-Christians are welcome to ask questions, but this really is intended to focus on the Christian experience. If I feel you are mistreating commenters (e.g., mocking them for faith, or calling something "stupid"), you'll have earned yourself a one-way ticket out of my comment section. Faith is a sensitive topic, and I want people to be open without fearing being sniped by another commenter

Saturday, 31 October 2009

  • Xanga TV Announcement

    Ok, I'm still doing it! Come here and show off your Halloween costume on camera. There's also a chat box on the left, for those who don't have cameras. I am thinking we'll do this around 10PM? I may be late, as I am going to a Halloween party after all. Still, I thought this would be a fun way to celebrate the holiday! Oh, and if you don't have a webcam but want to share your costume, you can e-mail it to me at xangagreek@ gmail.com and I will post it as part of the post. See you soon!

online now GreekPhysique

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