January 28, 2008
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In Which I Cheerfully Give Unqualified Advice to Women, Avoiding a Well-Deserved Slap
EDIT I forgot to mention, this lady was attending a singles party, and wanted to find a date from that party. So that's why some of this is rather superficial and/or aimed at weeding out crazy people and "players". Although I'm slightly sad that some of you took this as weeding out the socially awkward; I didn't mean it that way at first, I don't think.
END EDIT.
Some time ago, I jokingly put together a point system for a lady who was attending a party where she hoped to meet a worthy single guy. I told her she could use my point system to evaluate potential candidates at the party. Because I'm lazy, I'm recycling it here. What do you think? I'm hideously unqualified to do this, ha, not being a female myself (and not being a frequent dater, and not being competent in small talk, and not being unhideous :-p). But it was fun to take a shot at it. Ladies, what behavior should a guy look for in first interactions with ladies?
Early observations:
+3 Man seen talking to other men at least once at the party
+3 Man is seen talking to more than one person at a time (groups)
+5 Man is seen being helpful to the party host or others
-3 Man spends a significant amount of time with his back to the wall, scouting the room
-5 Man's first goal seems to be to corner the alcohol and get buzzed before making his move into the crowd
First Contact:
-5 First question is "What do you do?"
-5 Mentions his job as if it automatically should elevate him in your eyes
-5 Disrespect of your job/background
+4 Offers to get you some more food/drink or help you in some way, <5 minutes into the convo
+5 Works quickly to find a common topic you can discuss
-3 Scouts immediately for red flags (i.e. politically, relationally, culturally, etc.) in case you're not worth his time
+3 Casually works in the mention of some interesting place without doing the "We should go there sometime!" routine overly obvious
+2 Can look you in the eye without staring or being awkward
+5 Can make physical contact with you without it being cliche (i.e. the elbow touch or shoulder pat) or lecherous
+3 Works in a compliment to you that actually fits you instead of being cliche. Is it obvious I'm anti-cliche yet?Closing Scenes:
+5 Disagrees with you at least once in the first 10 minutes. Trying too hard is for losers, needs to have a backbone
-1000 Trying to start a fight with you or antagonizing you to hopefully develop chemistry because he's read "The Game" or other pick-up books one too many times
+5 Knows how to go away when the conversation has run its course
+10 Comes back for a second impression. This is a key move; the first meeting doesn't have to be long or result in a phone #, but the second meeting, at the same place, is where you make your move.
Comments (21)
hahahahaha. so funny. it was revived. okay. the person doing cpr was a little lack in action, but it finally has a little breath..
LOL.. that was awesome!
Hmm.. my roommate and I want to start you off.
Early Observations:
+5 Not wearing a skirt the size of a napkin. Shirt is actually "shirt" and not scarf around midsection.
First Contact:
-5 She begins every sentence with "Like!" "Like, that shirt is SOOO last season!"
Closing scenes:
-100 She starts crying over her old boyfriend.
Is this a measure of the guy's worth or just his social skills?
<--- has known some worthy dorks
Ha. It's all about the score, eh?
Well, if it's all about the score, I humbly believe I might a fairly decent passing score. As for the FOLLOW-through past the first initial meeting, God only knows. I hope I'd do well there, too.
ChrisRusso has a point... is it all about social skills or actual character? My ex-fiance still praises me with unyielding confidence in my "heart of gold"... but I can really fall short of being a real social profesional.
In short, I give this hilariously interesting text a +10 for creativity and another +5 for insight into social behavioral traits. Another +100 if you have a similar list for the girls. LOL
It's interesting that you put down "disagreeing with you" and "tries to start a fight with you" right next to each other, but giving them opposing values. I think there is a fine line there that is easy to cross, especially if you're meeting someone new for the first time. What I mean is, everyone's tolerance for a healthy discussion/debate is going to be different. What might seem like a casual discussion to me could be the biggest debate of the year for someone else. I think 1000 points is harsh... but I think you're just hating on the people who read that book.
^ *in a sing-song voice* I know why Bokgwai thinks -1000 points is harsh...
*grins and winks*
@Bokgwai -
I keep forgetting we have this thing now.
@ChrisRusso - Hey, that was a one time thing. And I wasn't fighting her for me.... I was fighting her for you. ... and I'm glad that it worked out for you in the end. =)
@Bokgwai -
Heh, I know. I just think it's funny--when Greek put that on his score that was the first thing I thought of.
And I'm glad too.
@Bokgwai -
yeah i'd have to agree with you on this.... i think this says something about your personality greek.
BUT i will say that its something i look for in a guy... i'll even contradict myself just to see if he catches it... if he continues to 'uhuh'... i lose interest. Its just the way i am.
@resplendentRachel - That's kinda funny... because I think I like to catch people when they contradict themselves for fun... and then rib them for it.
However, it does depend on the person... I mean, there are some people who take themselves so seriously that if you catch them, they get seriously defensive about it. Others, it's great fun. So, it takes a bit of discernment to know when to back off and when to rib harder... ha.
i disagree with some of your points but as i spent the last post disagreeing with you, i'm going to do what you actually asked us to: add some in for women.
Im not going to do the point thing just bad signs and good signs.
Bad sign: 1. wont talk to people not as well dressed as her. 2. giggling and touching.... just because. 3. focuses on talking to the men in the room. Doesnt really look like she gets involved in the discussions with the girls as with the males.
good sign: 1. her body is covered. 2. she has genuine kind eyes. 3. you dont feel like she's competing with the other girls in the room.... seriously. watch for this- i dont think a lot of guys notice it.
oh and i forgot a big bad sign: everytime she opens her mouth you find out she just wants to get married, be a mom and have lots of children. Not bad to have these goals, just bad to only have these goals. Live in the present too!!
you still have not voted.
that would be a negative on your scale.
But what of the socially awkward but really great guy? Poor chap...
@betsyordie - Um, I'm right here, no need to talk about me as if I can't read this...oh, you mean generally! hahaha. You'll notice looking in someone's eyes without being awkward is only +2, ha. There's a reason for that.
@poklemint - Psh. You are dead, poklemint.xanga.com. Now stop that whole haunting thing and go away. :-p On the other hand, I've always wanted to stay on the good side of Xanga ghosts, so I voted.
@resplendentRachel - Oh, I DEFINITELY notice when a woman puts down other women in front of me, and it's a kiss of death. That's huge. What, I'm going to spend the next 30 years worth listening to her complain about the hat that Mable wore or that Susan's dress was too short? NO WAY! And as for the arguing thing--marry me. now. Think of the fights we can have with each other for the next 30 years! :-p haha.
@ChrisRusso - Ok, so tell me the address of your PayPal account so I can bribe you to tell the story of Bokgwai's failures, ha.
@Bokgwai - I think it's huge to be willing to disagree with the person you may love, but do it in a fun and friendly manner. You're right, though, at times either (1) the girl didn't understand I was playing, or (2) (this is so embarrassing) the girl got a little too excited that I wanted to play that game, ha.
@AmazinGuy - I would stress that this is just a rapid-sorting method when you are in a crowd of people to discover value. The girl who I wrote this for was looking for a quick date, not some sort of life partner. It's certainly no substitute for a casual 1-1 meeting for lunch where you're both not shouting over music and balancing plates/cups in your hands. And sometimes the people by themselves are the fun people; they're just better at playing "defense" rather than "offense", is all.
@galumph - wink wink. Oh, err, I mean, no. See above. This, again, was just for a girl who wanted to find a non-crazy date.
@walkingenglishgenerator - laying aside the moral questions, ladies who take the "less is more" approach to clothing also make us guys suspect that they are STD factories, whether they are or not. But, remember, not every girl who dresses that way is; many just want attention, or are actually so naive that they don't realize they're turning guys into sex zombies or something, ha. NO, no one is allowed to steal the name "sex zombies" for their garage bands. I trademark it! ha
So tell us, did she weed you out?
This point system has got to go
@Melanitsa - Now, now, we can't all have our future mates brought straight to our house for a first meeting :-p some of us have to work for it. hahaha. It is intended to be silly, and don't worry, I don't seriously use this. I just enjoy making people wonder just how nerdy I really am.
@GreekPhysique - oh i'm wondering
Comments are closed.