April 21, 2008
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Yes, I Do Know I Failed Your Test
The following is an entry for a blog carnival contest on the theme of "tests." Wish me luck!
I was a teenager in an indoor swimming pool in winter, and how could I not be happy? We had traveled to the school event and had an excellent time, finishing much higher than I expected. I splashed around happily while thinking of how well we did. In fact, I was so enthusiastic that I started throwing around some of the younger boys into the water. I did not know them well enough to dunk them without permission. Instead, I just picked them up and catapulted them into the water. They liked it and formed a little line, each one stepping forward and begging to be tossed in turn.
Then, as I tossed one boy, I noticed the next person in line. It was my friend, Susan. (Susan is a generic female name I use instead of the real names in my stories). She was not really in line. In fact, she was not looking at me, but "around" me. However, her eyes were wide-open and sparkling, and it was clear she wanted to be tossed as well, but would not demand it. I started to react...and then realized this was an unspoken test.
What I saw in those eyes was more than just an invitation to toss her...She was looking at me in the way a child looks at her daddy, in the way a fat football player looks at a chocolate cake, in the way a princess looks at her knight, in the way...ok, I will just say it; in the way a woman looks at the man she loves when she trusts him.
So what did I do? I was a teenager, what do you think I did?! I made a laughing sound and chased after another of the younger boys as if I had not noticed her. I knew I did not love her (though I respected her and enjoyed her friendship). So I deliberately failed her test for me, and afterward was saddened I could not make her happy for just a short moment. Then, I blamed myself for not loving her enough. Today, I wonder if I loved her too much--worried too much that by joking around with her in the pool, I somehow was leading her on because I could not fufill her ultimate need. I wonder if she even knew she was offering the test, for that matter. Perhaps her eyes were saying what her lips would never consent to say or what her mind did not even consciously understand. Who knows?
One day, I will deliberately accept such a test and pass it. Until then, I'll deliberately fail the test every time a female conducts it for me, while pretending I had no idea such tests exist. Test? You're silly. It was the chlorine in the water that made her eyes so big and blue. You know they always over-dump chemicals in those hotel pools. I was delirious from the long day's travels, I'm sure--what a simpleton, to read all that from one glance. Besides, we were on a chaperoned trip and it would have been inappropriate PDA to take her in my arms and toss her. The very idea of a test is amusing--what test? I don't know what you are talking about. Now if you'll excuse me, this chlorine in the pool water is also irritating my eyes and making them watery...
Comments (11)
For those interested in more scientific definitions of what may have happened, see below. It may indeed have been the pool water, or it may have been that she liked me. It doesn't matter now, of course
but it was a fun story to unburden myself of. Don't worry--I know I have a way of writing stories that makes it sound as if I've been haunted by them for decades, but it is not so in this case.
"Pupil Dilation
So what can we tell from the eyes? Is it possible to tell if someone likes you? One sign that’s hard to fake is pupil dilation. Generally speaking, when we’re experiencing pleasure (be it physical or psychological – such as seeing something or someone we like) our pupils dilate (grow larger). Pupils also dilate in other circumstances: when entering a dark room, our pupils dilate to let more light in, and certain drugs (prescription or otherwise) can cause pupil dilation. Interestingly, we also tend to find dilated pupils attractive – that’s why cute fluffy animals in cartoons always have huge, shiny black pupils (think of Bambi) and why women used to drip Belladonna (also known as the poisonous deadly nightshade) into their eyes to cause their pupils to dilate. So if the object of your affections looks towards you and you notice his or her pupils suddenly dilate you can be fairly sure the attraction’s mutual. The eyes can tell us something useful after all."
That's kind of cool! I never knew that about pupil dilation. I really can't imagine dripping some sort of poisonous stuff in my eyes though *cringe*
never knew there's blog comps.
that's a nice incident at the pool... reminds me of when in highschool, we had to learn life saving skills. being a crap swimmer already, when i tried to save my friend, we just always kept sinking... now that's also a test gone wrong.
i don't know, but when i do any competition, i like to have the theme or criteria more subtle in my works... just sparked that idea cause you used the word test a lot in the end. which I feel is a bit forced.
good luck anyway.
And girls think we don't know about the tests. Of course, we do tend to overanalyze when we *think* we're being tested. Sometimes "Do what you want" actually means do what you want.
Discretion is key
Very well written... I like how you captured a moment many of us have experienced in a way that's not necessarily the common way to think of it.
Loved it! You are quite the writer! It makes me think back to high school (not so long ago:) ). Very interesting facts on the scientific side as well. There are all these things that happen to us and we never associate them with a scientific reason.
Excellent story, especially with your denial at the end.
ryc: When I sit and listen to myself think, I usually just get hungry or bored. So that one's out the window.
)
RYC: Don't feel bad I forget about them too. I'm usually too busy yelling at Christians to worry about the burning people that I lose sight of the burning people for my anger with my fellow Christians. You know it's an easy excuse to use "I didn't help those burning myself, because I was trying to get me fellow Christians to pitch in and help." Sounds good, but in the end since no one jumped in, no one got saved. Salvation is after all the point, right?
Blessings,
Lonnie
random comment: i just saw "ryc" used the other day. didn't take me long to figure out what it meant, or to wonder where that acronym has been all my posting life. i could definitely have used it a time or two.
Eyes always say what the mouth refuses to and the heart is to afraid to. I never turn down a test because I'd rather fail it than never take it at all, you know? You never know what you're missing out on until it walks away. Take every opportunity you get because you don't know if it will be the first of many or the one and only.
sometimes we just need to have that courage
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