September 4, 2008

  • Don't Dabble Away Your Twenties

    I grew up realizing just how un-well-rounded I was. My idea of a good time when I was younger involved burrowing under a dining room table with a 400-page book and not coming out. When I became a teenager, my parents, perhaps frustrated at my lack of balance, started shoving me into various extracurricular activities. Since I had read all the books in our house by then, I grudgingly crawled out from under the table and got involved in sports, camping, academic challenge-type games, and drama.

    Those experiences were great for me. I learned that I had many skills besides reading large books rapidly and spouting off trivia answers. So for much of my 20's, I've spent time trying to be even more well-rounded, constantly selecting activities I am not good at so that I could improve my skills or learn more about the opportunities out there. Sounds like an excellent strategy, isn't it? Except...it's not.

    A web acquaintance brought to my attention an essay by Andrew Carnegie offering advice to young men. One of his lessons was as follows:

    Having entered upon work, continue in that line of work. Fight it out on
    that line (except in extreme cases), for it matters little what avenue
    a young man finds first. Success can be attained in any branch of human
    labor. There is always room at the top in every pursuit. Concentrate
    all your thought and energy upon the performance of your duties. Put
    all your eggs into one basket and then watch that basket, do not
    scatter your shot...The great successes of life are
    made by concentration.

    I started to realize that I had it all wrong, and that I needed to change my perspective on life. I am convinced that way too many people are dabbling away their 20's. Our refusal to commit for the sake of "leaving our options open" is preventing us from beginning our adult lives. Take a look, for example, at our post-college careers. We try 3 different majors, and then hurriedly graduate with a junk degree just so we don't have to pay any more loans. Then we work for 1 month somewhere, decide we don't like it, and then quit. After all, we're pumped up for 4 years in college about how great we are, how in demand our careers are, and how full of potential we could be...and then we find out that it's a lot harder out there, and we quit and try something else.

    Why not instead pick one career, go after it full force, and make a name for ourselves? Sure, quit if you don't like it...but do that only after you have enough money to afford to be without work or go back to school again. Don't just float from job to job to "see if I like it"; you should be doing that exploration in high school and college, not when you're 30 and wearing out your parents' patience.

    Or, take dating as an example, which I'll describe from the guy's perspective. There are only a few basic types of females out there in terms of personality. Why can't we seem to narrow down what we want and just go after that? But no, the ordinary, decent girls don't seem to satisfy us. "How can I settle down if I have yet to date a Russian-Kenyan artist?" the fickle young man says.  And so we go from exotica to phenomenon to completely crazy, still no closer to any type of relationship that would be lasting and foundational. We just date as some sort of hobby, postponing any thoughts of marriage until the first gray hair or hernia hits. After that, I suppose the male strategy is to foist oneself on the first unsuspecting, also desperate girl until both of you realize how much the other is falling apart? ha. It seems much better to enjoy the prime of life of your spouse instead of wistfully looking at photos of her in college and wondering what happened...

    Finally, what about hobbies? Yes, hobbies are supposed to be for entertainment, but they also should be fun and help us develop skills. I know just enough politics, sports, and entertainment news to make conversation--but quite honestly, the time spent collecting that knowledge isn't worth the few moments of shared experience it gives me. And (HERESY ALERT!!) what good is it to have a Xanga if I hide it from most of my friends or they don't care about it? Or how does it help me to play pickup sports if I play a new person each time and never really form any friendships or continuity? Why not pick something I can be good at and practice it until I have some skill truly worth sharing and making conversation about? Or why not pick a hang-out or organization where you can make many friends and build a network if you just stay with it long enough? But instead it seems like we flit from group to restaurant to park to vacation, leaving just as things were about to get interesting. Whatever happened to "giving to get"...instead of "taking to go"?

    Ok, the mandatory disclaimer paragraph, a star of nearly every post I write, should make its appearance. We all need to try new things and stretch our figurative wings. But I believe the time for that should be the years between 16-23, not the years between 23-30. Life is too short to have an uncertain adolescence of trial and error for 15+ years. There comes a time where each of us should commit in at least a few things, whether that be just career, or spouse, or hobby, or relationship. This belief that leaving all our options open is success is nonsense. Yes, if you are terrified of change, or becoming more stale than the bread your roommate left out last week, you should reconsider your decisions. But I think the vast majority of us single folk instead suffer from not allowing ourselves to age like fine wine or sharp cheddar. And so, perhaps it's time for you to consider saying no to many inconsequential things so you can say yes to the things in life that really matter.

    EDIT Thanks for the feature, Xanga! To you new readers, this post is part of a larger series on life from the "Dorm Room to the Altar" as a single person. Click here to read more entries written on this general topic.

    EDIT 2: A lot of pleasant folk pointed out some situations and times when dabbling might be better. You can read their good points here and add your own.

Comments (186)

  • so dang good. great advice!

  • Agreed.

    I'm glad I've figured at least one thing out at the age of twenty- that I am best at writing, and whatever I do is going to have to involve that for me to be any good at and/or happy with my future. As much as I would love to spend my life researching particle physics, it isn't going to happen. Congrats- this is the first step towards real wisdom. I think... don't take too much concrete advice from the college junior. :)

  • Very true especially for career. I'm guilty of doing that myself, and all it got me was confused and way behind. I learned the hard way that approaching things as a dabbler, career wise, is a waste of time. As for dating, the kind of woman men eventually figure out is good for them (someone like me if I do say so - sensible, modest, loyal, kind, but maybe not so exciting and perhaps a homebody) usually wind up languishing while they seek out the flashy types. I also notice people's racist hangups have them searching for someone with their exact background instead of someone who might be more compatible values and personality wise.

  • Well said.

  • Great points. I've always thought that it was better to be spread out as well, but now I have so many interests that I CAN'T seem to pick just one. When asked "well, what do you like the most?" The list goes on and on. Commitment is scary, but you're right, wasting the youth, then when you're older you're in a state of "how did this happen?" I suppose it's worse for the indecisive (like myself,) in that it is hard to choose. Sometimes it is best just to pick one path and walk it rather than trying to always change lanes.I'm in my 20's and I do have a concern about "wasting my time," but I could argue both points.

    Great post.

  • I think some of us drift out of reaction to an attempt to over-focus. When I was in high school,  I felt like my life was supposed to revolve around taking the right classes to get into the right college based on the major I wanted for the career I was supposed to choose at the age of 15. So I had to start my plan in 9th grade, and took 4 years of French, 2 of Spanish and got into a summer Russian Language Academy so I could choose a college with a French/Russian double major, so that I could realize half way through AP French my senior year that I was really not that interested in foreign languages anymore, I just felt compelled to pick a career plan, so I chose Not Math. The day I went to sign up for college classes, I was intending to declare a journalism major. That afternoon, I came home as an art major. After one semester I quit the school, because I hated it, and moved out to live in a studio apartment and work at a Lebanese restaurant. You might say I've been drifting ever since. I've worked jobs I never knew existed, taken a few community college classes, got married, moved to the other side of the country, lived with hippies (never again), and collected three cats. I still want to finish my degree, but I still have no idea in what. Perhaps I'm getting more focused with time. Or perhaps I just can't offer an acceptable answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer since I was 9? 1. A cat owner.  2. Old. I'm workin' on it. So, I really have accomplished my goals so young, perhaps I have nothing left to do but drift contentedly....

  • This was excellent.  I think it is really good food for thought.  I am not sure I completely agree as the way my life has unfolded has been very different than what you describe and I feel for me I have made the right choices.  Instead of pursuing career and relationship, I pursued knowing God and growing a person.  And I am very very glad.  My path has felt like putting my hand in his and walking with him, through the unknown, through briers and dark spots and craziness, till finally the path started to take form and I discovered I was going in a direction I would have never dreamed could be mine and was beyond my wildest imagination.  And it is onl the beginning.  I may not be married, but at least I'm not with someone I'm not passionate about and am not on the verge of divorce.  And I may not have a super career, but in the lack of a job describing my life for me, I have been open to the right opportunities when they have come along.  It is one thing to be indecisive.  It is another to realize that figuring out who you are can take time, especially if it is done well.  And sometimes good enough and right now isn't the best choice if it keeps you feeling safe and gives an excuse for not pursuing your real and impossible dreams.  Impossible does happen.

  • @iwearkneesocks - haha, I know you have to be Karyn's friend because you leave long, interesting comments.

    @WiseOrFool - See, that's my problem too. I started out with just a hobby or two in my teens...and all of a sudden I have crushing obligations to 10-20 groups! I was actually quite pleased to move so I could escape my obligations, ha.

    @WomanOfLight - Yes, the flip side is as you mentioned, good point. People are so bull-headed about getting a certain type (e.g. the traditional tanned blond or what not) that they neglect a sweet and pretty someone who is different.

    @Carolina17 - Ha, bah to your status in school, good advice can be given by all ages.

  • @charlottegeely - Ah, but Karyn, you are among the rare few who are led, not lost. I'm reminded of the saying "Not all who wander are lost"--you are not lost, but too many of us who dabble are lost and purposeless.

  • And I thnk it is great that you are/were a reader.  So was I.  I used to unhealthily escape into books, but all that reading I did is what prepared me to be a writer which is a huge blessing to me.  I am so grateful that the career I desire now is one that involves flexibility, creativity and is so natural for me.   I also have tried to become more well-rounded.  I am so glad I did...but also am enjoying getting back to being more of the real me instead of what I thought people would like better.

    Excellent blog, one of your best.

  • @iwearkneesocks -  So good to see you!!!!   How are you friend?  Say hi to Jimmy and the cats.  

  • ah..i agree..so well said ;)

  • true.  and how many opportunities are missed by NOT pursuing things far enough?

    excellet, sir.

  • Thank you! As I have said, I think he is the cutest little fella.

    As to getting in front of the camera. I have a profile picture. What more do I need? ;)

  • Oh, and yeah I don't use my xanga very much anymore as most of my friends have moved to Facebook. So I followed them there. That is another reason I don't post a lot.

  • @Memorycatcher - haha, very funny. If that's not a rhetorical question, I'll be happy to make suggestions :-p. Readers (or is it reader?) who are of the male persuasion prefer pictures of cute Christian girls over cute baby boys any day of the week.

  • Howdy, saw a friend recommended your post. Excellent thoughts! And perhaps a bit convicting...

    It gives rise to the thought of what an education is worth in this day when so much specialized knowledge is available to hungry learners. It also makes us think about what things in life are actually worth living and dying for!

    Thanks for the jolt of awareness!

    Theron

  • @thetentguy - Hmm, that's a great thought, Theron. Is something I'm involved in really worth dying for, or would I rue the hours I spent there on my deathbed? Hmm, on that note, I should probably leave my Xanga alone for the night!

  • guess I'm may be right on schedule, 23 and maybe just figured it out. :)

  • good advice, well written.

  • Oh so true...the sad thing is when you can see it in almost our entire generation...what ever happened to commitment to a task anyway? I'm to blame as well... I can't tell you the number of projects I've begun and left sitting about somewhere collecting dust, unfinished. 
    I've heard a theory that part of the problem in terms of jobs is that we think we're something special and if they don't like me here, I'll just move to another company.  Some are blaming Mr. Rogers for it....thoughts?

  • You wouldn't believe how God used this to speak to my heart today...I really needed this!

    Yes, I believe that people do dabble their 20s around. And being 18, I'm glad to know this now, glean some wisdom right now-because I'd be one of the people to wait around and keep my options open.
    We're not really collectively taught commitment anymore, as a whole-and it's a great word with a dying meaning.
    There is so much out there-we can't possibly do it all, have it all...truth be told, this post really drives me deep into my heart, urges me to pray, and ask God-what do you have for me? What do you want for me?
    There's a verse in the last chapter of Galatians, I think, where it says: "Make a careful exploration of who you are, and the work you've been given, and sink yourself into that." (v. 4)
    Goes right along with what you've been saying. Another verse comes to mind, but I can't recall where it is: "Give yourself to the gifts God gives you".
    I really enjoyed reading this. It's a confirmation to commit.
    Thanks a bunch!
    ~bethany
    btw-a question. Do you think that this idea of keeping our options open for 'more' goes along with this-that the more we get, the less we are?

  • This is very good advice! I am 19 and I have a goal. one goal not many...I dont want be come bullheaded but I dont want so many goals that I am bogged with them.

    This post pointed out some good things. Thanks

  • Put all your eggs in one basket and watch as the job is rendered obsolete by a changing economy.  Good times.

  • A very solid point. Newton himself credited his work and discoveries not to his ability to think, but to his singular ability to concentrate.

  • I guess that what this post and GreekPhysique wanted I pretty much followed in my twenties and into my thirties.  I found out in High SChool that I liked weight lifting.  I've been doing it now for 2O years.  I found out in University that I liked to teach (actually, I found that out as a junior high assistant counsellor at church camp; the desire just grew as I did), and that is something I've done for 15 years.  I figured I'd almost had this post down to a "T", until marriage was mentioned.........but then again, I never was a ladies' man, and the lady I now have as my wife is the perfect fit for the life I have been given!

    At any rate, I agree with this, but I wil lsay it is never too late to try new things.  My teaching mentor when I first came to Japan had been a High School teacher for 30 years before coming to Japan, and after 3 years -- when his contract wasn't renewed -- he didn't want to leave, and he was over 60 when he came!  Now, he and his wife have taught in Lithuania, been to Spain and Western Europe, and basically have loved each and every minute of their time.  Yes, we do need to find that one career or job, just as the Book of Proverbs says, but at the same time, don't stop trying new things.  A couple of my goals are ot make it to the Olympics in Weight Lifting and to try Skydiving at least once!  While weight lifting isn't new, trying to make the Olympic Team is, and skydiving certainly is a new thing!

    Great Post!

  • Wow, this really hits home for me.  I'm glad I read this.  Thanks.

  • did the trouser snake tell you all of this?

  • bravo!

  • until now, i have not read an entry that speaks to me so directly. Deep down or way in the back of something, I've always known this secret about life. I wanted to do everything, be good at everything, and that has caused me nothing but confusion and emptiness. I write a private xanga because i need an outlet... wow, i want to sincerely Thank You for writing this. 

  • I don't know.  I kind of disagree here.

    I think that advice is a little dated.  Dated to and written in an age where that actually was good advice.

    In some respects, it's very important to stick with something and become better at that something.  Sometimes, however, bad choices are made, even bad choices that seem to be good choices at the time.  We live in a day and age where people are changing jobs more than ever, and it's beginning to be looked upon as less of the bad thing that it used to be.

    There's some validity to the statement "jack of all trades, master of none" but at the same time, it's about what we ourselves are looking for.  I fully realize I may not reach the top tier in my career.  I prefer, however, to be a jack of all trades.  It's my passions and hobbies in life that I enjoy giving more attention to than where I work.  It's a personal choice.

    For some people, I feel that the advice you are giving or sharing is great advice.  For other people I think not so much.  You're right that life's too short.  It's too short to spend so much time focusing on just one aspect and denying other interests you may have.

    The 'life's too short' statement works from many angles.

    I enjoyed reading your post.  I tend to be a fence sitter in most things, but I'm trying something new.

    Peace,

    Shane

  • well said, should have written this when i was 16 and not 22. i had two majors in school, one im sticking to. i love it, but i should have done it in my freshmen year instead of halfway through sophmore. now i'm gonna graduate next year instead of this year. sucks to be an adult, maybe reality bites? lmfao 

  • I just re-read your post and would like to say that for extreme cases of flitting around, yes, maybe it's important to stick to one thing for a while.  I agree.  I suppose my response above is more for people who like somewhere in the 75 percent middle of the bell curve.

  • One of the sad aspects of living in this world is feeling lost. Being human does that. But the 20s are a critical stage for knowing "who you are" -- I'm there, I can speak from personal knowledge. It's the inherent humanity problem 5-fold.

  • Awesome!!!

  • I'm thirty-one. I find myself thinking of late, "I'm decent at everything and great at nothing." It's a depressing thought. Good post. 

  • Great post.
    This line strikes me, " what good is it to have a Xanga if I hide it from most of my friends or they don't care about it?"

    Only a few friends who have xanga know my xanga, other than that, I left xanga as my blogging hobby.

  • "And so, perhaps it's time for you to consider saying no to many inconsequential things so you can say yes to the things in life that really matter."

    Very well said. Although in some ways, I'm not sure I'm following this. I fit into the 23-30 range and today is my last day at my job. I have had this job since graduating college, so I'm not really doing the continual switching, just taking a year off to devote my life to helping other people - one of the things in life that I would say really matters.

    I think a lot of it does come down to following your heart though. I do plan on returning to my job, but if I hated it and it made my life absolutely miserable, putting all my effort into it would really be of no benefit.

  • great advice!  although i have to admit, i'm guilty of "dabbling" in too many things but hey, i'm still (barely - 22 yo) within that range of exploration you gave!  ^_^

  • I enjoyed your post very much.

  • I think we've been taught all our lives to be a jack-of-all-trades, when in essence, we should focus on our natural talents and refine them into strengths. I'm 22, and thanks to a liberal arts school that wanted to make me into the perfect well-rounded individual, I didn't start narrowing down my strengths until my senior year. Even now that I have a job where I can use my strengths, I'm still not sure where it's headed. I don't want tunnel vision, but I do want a vision, one that is broad enough to allow wiggle room and narrow enough that I'm not drifting aimlessly. Too much to ask? 

  • Thanks for such a great post..I couldn't agree more...and I believe that all my answers that i discover lately comes from so many trial and errors that no one ever taught me earlier..and now I have to find that balance...a lil late but never too late to make my own perfect ending right? 

  • I'm glad you left a disclaimer, because your post was beginning to tick me off. The part in the disclaimer I like is the 16-23, not Stop At 20 At ALL COSTS. At 19, I'm still trying to figure myself out. High school didn't help me at all in that area, it just confused me. So I'm probably going to spend the next two or three years dabbling (or what I see as doing the fun, exciting stuff that you can't do when you are tied down with a stable job and a family.) I'm still young enough to want to dabble a little, and not care that I'm probably wasting time (that's the great thing about being young, right? You don't take the advice, you save it for later, when you realize it's true, and you give it to some other reckless youth who won't listen.)

    I agree with your idea, though -- once your a grown up, act that way, and get a job be consistent, learn to stick with something. So... good post :P

  • in terms of career and jobs, it's not entirely truet. If you become too focused on just that one job or position, other opportunities miss you. Nothing in life is a straight line and if you think in a straight line, your bound for disappointment. Some of the most successful people I knew had been just focused on one career but decided to keep an open mind and now have better jobs and actually enjoy it. But you shouldnt have to be successful first at a wrong job in order to pursue the right one. Sometimes you need to struggle before appreciating the good job.  I did that, focused on one job but the oppurtunies weren't there.  No one gave me a chance no matter what I tried to do. I looked at other possible careers and things have been going better. I'm going going in a completelty different direction that what I had focused on.  Can't think of life or career as a straight line. it never goes like you want it to

  • Russian-Kenyan Artist?! ROFLMAO. 

  • Just to explain my point of view -- when I was a freshman in high school, I picked a path, and stuck to it religiously until now. Then I hit a dead end, and that plan had to be abandoned. All that time seemed to be a waste, when I could be having high school fun instead of thinking about my career that would start eight years later. I've entered the "What now?" phase, and that's going to take a while.
    Just a thought, from someone for whom your advice doesn't help much.
    And... I'm done rambling now :)

  • Very good post--good advice!

  • This was a great read and had good timing too. I turn 19 in 15 days and I was confused about the rest of my life. I just spent an hour wondering if i'll be successful if I pursue Culinary arts or if I should try to do something else. Thank you so much, you've really inspired me.

    And btw, ud usually find me engrossed in a good book under a desk lol

  • I think I am a dabbler now, but I didn't start that way. There were a few jobs I was passionate about getting. The first was a startup magazine that is great now, but we had to move and so I can't work for them anymore, but at the time of writing for them we had a lot of issues with them not paying us on time. The second was a publication where my boss left and no one knew how to do his job so the publication died with him. While neither were full time jobs at the time, I felt like they had the potential to be if I'd just stuck with them. Now I'm not sure which way to go.

  • sound advice =]

  • I have known quite a few over-specializers (and I know this isn't your point), PhDs, MDs, etc, and quite honestly they bore me to death. A jack of all trades may not go very far in life, but he/she makes a much better conversation partner than the alternative.

  • to be honest i think your advice applies to all. not just young men. Its sort of uplifting to have this said now that i'm about to change my major. I'm 19 and there are way too many options being presented that i get confused, (hence the reason i am changing my major). lol so that is some really good advice. Thanks

  • bravo for realizing all this...and then another one for sharing it.

  • great post, it makes me rethink some of my life.

  • Very true especially as I did dabble away my twenties. I wish I hadn't played roulette with the jobs I had...

  • Very good post - after reading this I realized that yes I've dabbled in the career department - but in other areas of my life I've been extremely focused. I'm not even 25 and I'm already married, in a house, with a kid on a way, and those are things I have wanted since I was probably 18 and worked hard for. (Ok, I didn't really have to work hard for the husband, that kind of just happened, but still!) I've never really wanted a career, so maybe then it's OK to dabble.

  • Words that I should be hearing right at the proper time too.  I've spent the last few years dabbling around and you are right- time to settle into one track.  I've started that with grad school.  Learning to love what I do even when I would rather dabble. 

    Great post.

  • it is an absolute breath of fresh air to read this today. Thanks for taking the time to post it. 

  • I disagree.

  • well done.Most refreshing.

  • I love your post!  Because it made me realize that the old saying "The grass is greener on the other side" is still true.

    I am the exact opposite of you.  Well I started out like you - with a voracious appetite for books and knowledge.
    But as I got out "from under the table" and started new things, my thinking has always been that I should just form one group/network and concentrate on that.  I don't need new friends if my group of friends are the best I have, or at least working on it to make it by best.
    I've noticed though that the group that I spend all of my energy, and years of my life, on has ended up deserting me, drifted apart and I was the only one putting any effort to keep it together.  So I moved on and became a part of a new one, and when that happens again, I moved on and to another group.  Now at 22 years of age, I have exactly one best friend, who just moved permanently to the Dominican Republic.  Besides her, I have two friends that I would consider "close" but not "best friends" and I talk to them occasionally.
    I realized that I let go of so many opportunities to get to know new people and when my friends all go their separate ways, I'm left alone missing them.

    So I'm now trying "to be more of a well-rounded person" by trying new things and meeting new people.  But thank you so much for your post - it made me realize that no matter what one tries to do with one's life, there seem always to be something that could have been "better."

    I'm happy with my life - even if in 22 years I only have one best friends hundred of miles away.  Because all those friends did help make me who me are today.

    Great Post!  I wish you a happy life!

  • Very interesting!

  • This is awesome stuff. Thanks. :D

  • This is an excellent post, such wonderful advice. I'm 19 now, and I definately dont plan to dabble away my twenties. I have my goals set.

  • Excellent post! I really enjoyed it .

  • Man, do I feel your frustration...

    I think people waste their young years playing. 

     My problem is slightly different, however.  I get bumped into places.  I mean, I do not mind unless I do not fit, and then I mind (or don't) a lot. +insert pissiness+  I don't have those cloud-dreams like several other places, and I never have.  Well, minus when I thought I was going to be Rainbow Brite, but I was four.  Anyway, the main problem that I see in myself is that I can't keep myself to one hue, and we're not talking MPS either.  It's some adaption feature gone horribly wrong.   Instead of adapting my outside life for fulifllment, I seem to be sloppily morphing my insides.  I feel like a lava lamp. 

    You guys are weird when it comes to girls.  I think I'm an evolutionist these days in regards to relationships.  I've seen so many fail, so many unhappy dragging dirt.  Honestly, when I feel my clock is ticking, I'm going to find a single, smart, attractive guy, and we're going to get 10 minutes of cardio on.  I'm going to forget his name. 

  • P.S.  I get sick of you lil' demi-God college things, nothing personal.   

  • i think its necessary to find a balance. as a person who isn't career minded/doesnt care about climbing a career ladder to get to the top, i say that do what you want. focus more so on on a few things or go from activity to activity (within reason). just do whatever you do full heartedly and seek outlets that are full of integrity, are about more than just serving yourself. we are all different. you can wander with purpose.

  • Well written post and great point of view!! I hope many young xangarian will read this post and rethink how to use their youth time to the fullest!

  • You seriously don't think this generation is spoiled enough? How much more handholding do 20 year olds need?

  • that's a good one. now it makes me wonder...

  • I disagree with you.. and I do so in a friendly way.

    I see teenagers as those who proudly walk around claiming to know life already. When they hit their 20's and jump into the real world... thats when they see they are not as wise as their backyards and schools allowed them.

    So they do one or two things... they freak out... or they rediscover life and who they are. I dont think you learn who you are in your teens. Your brain isnt even fully developed yet. Note: the immature relationships (which they swear they never have), the speeding tickets, uprotected sex, illegal drinking habits, and the egocentrism that follows.

    Teens ARE kids... parading as adults.

    When they hit college they are not any better... instead now they are useing loans (or parent's money) either for alcohol, rent, and occasionally school. How can you focus when all you want to do is party? And I see that as a "personal choice" (not anything anyone made you do) or a choice encouraged by our culture where apathy and sloth... is very cool!

    Nevermind the issues of our economy. The job market is not exactly AWESOME at this moment.

    Or the personal issues people must overcome in order to be well rounded or succesfull. You as, a whole being, are not "done"... not emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. after school There is much life has to offer and we will change/grow/actualize in the "process".

    I say if youre not in school, you should be working... and if youre not working improve upon your education. Sometimes you will do both. Or at times neither... but thats ALSO a learning experience. I've had friends who were homeless... and it made them appreciate life in a new way when thye got back on their feet.

    The only person that keeps you from growing up is YOU... you are responsible for your life and welfare. The truth is, if you dont matture and garner some empathy and accountability... the only person who will suffer the most, is YOU!

    You might like to take a look at the book called "Guyland" by Kimmel which discusses some of the points youre talking about. Or watch the documentary called "Surf Wise".

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Csz6brroc

    Im in favor of people growing up, but how we all do that will vary. Not "ONE" plan will work for everyone and success is not always measured in schooling or various jobs. There are more possibilities than that or how we define ourselves.

  • @tjordanm - I disagreed also! ;) It would be nice to see this as a debate...

  • good advice! i'm glad this was featured.

    i'm 23 and completely lost in life. i feel my personality is quite dull and i don't know what i'm doing.

    i don't think i've taken any risks in life and i am slowing becoming that stale bread.

    i realise how important it is for me to stick to one career path. i was so indecisive between the ages of 18 - 21 on which career path i'd like to pursue. but now i am just sticking to one thing, for the sake of really giving it a go.

    as for the other things, i still need to experiment, i think.

    anyway, great post!

  • @herzog3000 - I think it was Einstein that bailed out of highschool, and he became very succesful. Success or how wonderful we are as individuals is not determined by the school we go to, who our parents were, or whether we were nomadic, or stayed at home raising children.

    I agree with you... interesting people are not always determined by their traditional schooling.

  • Great post.

  • This is quite an eye-opener! Awesome post, awesome advice. Only after reading this did I realize that I've been following this for some time... no wonder I feel so out of touch with most other peers I come across as this is exactly how they act all the time!

    Great post; keep it up!

  • @theladyofabundance - Oh good, someone also disagrees. If this were a debate, there would be some serious pwnage.

  • Yay. I agree  :)

  • Great post!  Yeah, I wished I had taken more time to dabble in my high school / college years instead of dabbling in my 20s after I finally realized I didn't like what I spent the last 8 years pursuing.  Oh well, better late than never.

  • I disagree completely.  I believe in following your passion... not just settling for the first thing you stumble across and struggling for the rest of your life to be happy with that decision.

    I'm glad I didn't choose something when I was in my early 20s and stick with it.  I would have missed out on so much, and I would be miserable.  I didn't know who I was back then!  It wasn't until my later 20s when I started to get a really good grasp on who I was and what I wanted out of life.

    Don't diss the journey by focusing so much on the outcome.  If I live 100 years, I'd rather spend 50 of them finding out who I am than 80 struggling to wedge myself into a life that doesn't fit anymore.

  • A really nice piece.. I enjoyed reading this heaps! You sounds so mature and much much older.

    I'm just about to start uni and have been wanting to try other than the subject I have applied for. I'll persevere seeing is a subject I like anyway. Same thing goes for the relationship I am in now; reading this has made me realise I'm doing the right thing in sticking by the relationship I have [sometimes we just need a reminder] .Gosh even in sports, I'm always the 1st to try something new lol.. I'll stick to TKD ^^

    Thanks!

  • A well written post, but I feel like it could go either way...sure a jack of all trades is master of none, but If i hadnt spent so much time pursuing a number of different activities, I would never have known that the path I chose (medicine) is the one I wanted...and some of those random activities (comic book geekery) have ended up really helping as I meet more and more attendings/residents who also dabbled.

    So i guess, concentration is good but you gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to stay. *cue rest of song*

  • wow... that was such great advice.. given that im 22 and feel completely lost.. and feeel like i have yet to fulfill anyting in my life.. i dont feel at all well-rounded.... i always pick up something, and never finish. Always feel like giving up half way, and nver haviing THE PASSION for anything.. hopefully i will discover it, one day soon... fingers cross.

  • @theladyofabundance - It is a debate, my long-winded commenting friend. Didn't you read the comments? Quite a few people brought up other perspectives on the issue. Feel free to see the other side here: http://weblog.xanga.com/GreekPhysique/673256464/dabble-post-advice-from-the-readers-follow-your-heart-and-open-your-mind.html 

  • thank you!

    Most especially the dating aspect of this blog.

  • Agreed.

    Luckily for me, I figured this out when I was 20.

  • @GreekPhysique - I am long winded! Look out! ;)  Hey, it's all good... Im not one of those people who is saying,"HOW DARE YOU write this!"  but it is a topic Im "very" passionate about.

    Mostly because I struggled very hard when I discovered life was not linear, no matter how many linear plans I made to fit a timeline... and life, despite my flailing, has been good!

    Cheers! And keep on blogging!

  • thank you

    i am one of those teenagers who dabble. i have a very similar debate about this situation in the past. I'm more happier when i dabble but i realize those skills are not important for everything i do.

    in conclusion, i realize sticking to one thing is something i may have to reconsider despite the thought of boring-ness.

  • @theladyofabundance - LOL sorry, just picking on you a little. I appreciated that you were passionate enough to write such a detailed comment! I love writing big comments myself, so it was pleasant to get one, even if we slightly disagree. I made another post to make sure that I featured the other side as well, because I figured it was only fair. Keep on blogging yourself!

  • @StrawberryRose53 - haha no offense. I've seen a couple readers come on here at different times (usually in response to featured posts) and assume I'm Joe Christian Frat Boy or something, trying to tell the world how to live. If they stick around, they realize that's not who I am, but it is amusing to be taken for one's lessers.

  • I LOVE THIS POST!!! =]

  • @lyricsninja - LOL stop tempting me to make inappropriate jokes! Begone, foul serpent :-p

  • I agree, focusing on one aspect and practicing until it's near perfect is a sure fire way to succeed, but it's not the way I would want to live my life, right now; I'm a dabbler. Partially because I'm not especially interested in marriage or success, I just want to live and be happy. I will pursue that, and should commitment and devotion ever become essential to this, I'll go from there.

  • The dating paragraph made me laugh, because I picture my parents except that my mom doesn't have any pictures of her when she was in college.

  • Thank you for such a thoughtful post.  Do you think that maybe part of the reason so many people seem to ramble in life is that we have been meticulously instructed in the doctrine of self-fulfillment?  In other words:  Be happy at all costs, by no means let your life become uncomfortable, don't stay with this person your married to because there is someone so kind and caring and compassionate at work who is more than willing to make you happy, why stick with this job that is becoming difficult when there is sure to be something better somewhere else!  

  • I like what you're saying, but what your terms of success leaves out is option C.

    Don't get married. Don't go to college. Don't "see the world and find yourself".

    Just be a part of it, and do what you can. You can master such an art.
    To focus yourself into one trade is to make serious money for someone who is a jack of all trades, and has met enough people to know how to manipulate you for their advantage. These people do less for themselves, but much in terms of the help they can summon with their abilities.

  • I dabbled relentlessly and I'm not ashamed of it.  My life has turned out better because of it.  If I had picked one goal to focus on 100% after high school, I would probably have joined the army as a grunt and died in Iraq.  However, thanks to my dabbling and endless major-switching, I now have satisfied my curiosity and have a very lucrative career lined up for myself.  I would rather follow my whims then lock myself into a path until I'm 30 that could very well turn out not being right for me.  I think that's more of a waste of my 20s then following my desires.

  • I feel like I dabble my 20's away and now they are half way over and I have no idea what I am going to do about this. So, I'm glad I read this. It is time to decide on something and stick with it. For some reason that terrifies me but I know it's the sensible thing to do. So, i'll stick to my English major, I'll graduate, and I'll teach. Will I be happy? Don't know but hell does it really matter as long as i have a stable job. I don't know. Great post.

  • hello.i saw ur profile and saw that u re a very young and handsome looking man ,wishing to get to know more about you.hope to hear from you soon.

  • woww.. great post

    i guess it can be my reference as i am in my early twenty..

  • Thanks for the advise, even though it wasn't directed towards me... but it did ring a bell. I have no clue what I want to do with my life - career wise - I just figured that I'll try whatever, since I'm okay with everything. Just keeping my options open. But I know that everyday brings me closer to finding a career and settling down, and this scares me beyond belief. It's a big deal to me... but I just don't know what I like. I can't choose. I like everything just the same, or so it feels. Then again, I'm only 19... but I just want to know what I want already, dagnabbit! Thanks again for this post. :)

  • Maybe I should start taking my career more seriously and go head on.

  • I agree completely. I don't understand how people manage to excel while keeping "all their options open". Thanks for such an informative post!

  • quite true...

    It is so hard to settle down in many ways.  However, the WORST is when you end up doing nothing at all because of having so many choices and dreams infront of you.

  • this was an awesome blog! i just had this revelation myself a couple of weeks ago about just concentrating and committing to one thing. I've never felt so energized and focused finally choosing a major. We think we are keeping our options open but it's just an excuse for us not too decide and commit.

  • Great Post.
    It's about time you got featured.

  • Congrats on being featured! You deserve it. :)

  • Hmm, I actually agree with this post. It has some good points!

  • Yes, and no. I've always been goal oriented and had a strong mindset to accomplish my goals. I went into college having declared a major (after thorough research), stuck with it all 4 years, and graduated in 4 years. I found a job immediately after college, and have been in the same profession for going on 7 years. Recently I've tackled a few new hobbies, why? I'm finally confident enough to attempt activities that I had merely admired int eh past and was too shy to try. That, and the fact that I accomplished all of the goals that I set for myself (those which I have control over) upon graduating high school by the time I was 25. I need stability in my life (job, home, finances), but also need to open myself to new things and experiences so that I continue to grow as a person. Change (dabbling) isn't necessarily bad, especially if you've been on the straight-away path pretty much your whole adult life.

    Food for thought.

  • I was websurfing tonight because I can't sleep. A friend of my told me that she started a blog. I said to her yes... I had one of those before. So here I am pass midnight as i finally found my old password and log in that I keep on a spread sheet, only to read some random guy, out in some random land talk about my life. YES YOU THERE IS DESCRIBING ME. I just turned 26 and is still "flipping" from job to job. I've always realized this, but you just put everything I thought about on paper. Not only do I flip jobs, I have so much commitment issue that I haven't even allowed myself to date the same person for more than 2 weeks. Yes, it's true. I'm 26 and have never had a serious relationship. I wasn't this way back in high school. I wasn't afraid of trying things and going for the things that I wanted. After losing so many people and seeing so much tragedy around me, I sort of gave up. I sort of gave up on my hobies, my future, my friends and family. I simply just gave up trying. Even in high school I did the same thing you were describing. Dabbling into activities here and there to see if I would fit in. Only realizing that I'll never fit. I've managed to complete college but I didn't know it would be like this. I've imagined it so differently being the first in my family to go to college. I imagine I would know what I want to do with my life when I got out. I would be hired and start my life. As you can tell by now, nothing worked out the way I thought it would.

    For the past year, I've spiralled between anxiety to depression to insomnia to alcohol (no particular order). I can feel my body getting drained day by day. It shows on my face too. I've learned to hide it well when it comes to friends and family so that they won't worry. But things are not changing for the better. I still haven't found that stability that I've been earning for. My life used to be fulfilled by volunteering at the hospital, doing extra activities, school and work. But now, I have nothing. Everything that was so familiar to me changed in the past year. I don't really know how to move on or step up to the new challenge. I'm tired of trying and failing all the time. I'm just tired. I don't know if anyone else out there feels like a big failure, but I sure do feel like one.

  • i was still thinking about trying if i like that job when i graduate next year.. well at least i know that the airline (retailer) side is not where i want to go.

  • I really connect with your concept!
    Hopefully, after reading your blog, it can be useful advice to me for putting my life into order while I still have the chance...just started college and im not too sure if this is the path for me, but maybe i'll grit my teeth and bear with it till the end. i know i'm committed to someone though :)

  • Amen.

  • You can travel the world, but there is only a place you call home.

    This applies to all of the discussed aspects. You can try out and do all the new or different things you want, but remember to stay true to that one thing you do best or feel happiest doing.

  • your words remind me of what my father would say.
    the only difference is my reaction. my father's words would induce cringe after cringe.
    if anything, i agree with what you are saying... and it's like a kick in the butt.
    i'm turning 23 next year... and reading about your perspective really paints a picture of reality for me...
    so this is how the world looks after moving out...

  • I'm really glad Xanga featured your post because this is something I've been asking myself lately. I'm still young, I just started college, but I've been feeling the pressure just to join in tons of activities and make a lot of different groups of friends. I usually know what interests me and what doesn't (and who) but the outside pressure has been making me feel guilty for not being so enthused about every single thing the university offers me, and lazy for not keeping myself incredibly busy with activities I probably won't even enjoy. Most of my friends don't understand where I'm coming from either, I guess it's just how society programs us these days. So thank you for making me feel less abnormal :)  

  • nice!

  • It's always good to grow from experience. I need a lot more skills. lol

  • this was great, really!

    i'm just about to enter college with an undecided major, and i really don't want to be put in a circumstance where I keep on changing my major and having to pay more for tuition and whatnot.

    maybe i'll go and try harder to decide on a major.

    wish me luck, and thanks for the advice!

  • @GreekPhysique - I was being general with "you."  I'm at that horrible age where the people I grew up with are finishing their first degree, and a lot of them are fluffing, especially since I did not chose the direct route, so I must be a loser, which makes me kind'of laugh but annoyed at the same time.  I've always been the lesser anyway. hehe  I did not mean you personally.   You'll notice I talk to myself a lot, like under my breath.  People don't usually respond to me, so I sometimes don't watch it, if you know what I mean, and I've caused a few flames :(  

    Sometimes people have bad days, so they read like everything is against them as well.  I've found these blog things to be a lil' vain (fallen victim myself hehe). 

    I enjoyed this post, btw.  :)   To be honest, I think people these days are so spread that they can hardly accomplish a thing.  The Information Age has killed the genius and given rise to the sailor, the one who can weave through information without getting lost in an ocean.  Hopefully, we'll figure this out soon and begin readjusting -- or we'll drown. 

  • I think the problem is our generation is being taught to never settle and follow our dreams.  A bigger problem when dreams are a bit too high.  There is nothing wrong with following your dream, reaching for the stars, and blah blah blah but at a certain point a person needs to settle and be content with life and there is NOTHING wrong with that either.

  • I think this is a pretty simplistic way to view the benefits of diversifying one's pursuits and interests. I'll point out that the men we consider some of the greatest of humanity's thinkers were also called "Renaissance men" - knowledgeable and proficient in any of a number of different fields, including science, art, literature and humanities. In this post it seems you think there are but two choices - focusing solely on being the best in the one field you've chosen, or essentially being a societal derelict - but in my opinion they're each roughly as boring as the other (I mean, come on, have you ever tried to have a decent conversation with the best actuary you've ever met?). There's a compromise to be struck between specialty and well-roundedness.

    Also to be considered is the benefit of sampling something to which you've never had much exposure. I, for instance, would have eventually majored in Theatre rather than Bio and Marine Bio if not for a good friend suggesting Freshman year I may enjoy the hard sciences. Better advice I've never received.

    In closing I'd like to leave you with these words, those of a great man who considered it his life's calling "to have contributed to the enlightenment and the joys of the mind, to the things of the spirit, to all that tends to bring into the lives of the toilers of Pittsburgh sweetness and light."

    His name was Andrew Carnegie.

  • Yeah, you're right about that college thing, haha. The world isn't quite like that though, and it's a shame someone didn't tell me that. Because, really, I thought it was! And honestly, I tried to put all my eggs in one basket and well... let's just say I dropped the basket. Very sad. So now, I guess I'm carrying a basket of empty shells and just hoping Easter comes soon so I can re-use them (decorate them!)... and I've taken an analogy too far, haha. Oh well!

    Long story short, I like this entry... it expresses a lot of things well tried and learned, I assume. Thanks! Probably saved me a year :)

  • I surely don't want to "dabble away my twenties"!

  • Educational.

  • Excellent post... I just graduated, moved halfway across the country, and have been thinking about similar topics. It's good to read something thought-out on the matter. Change can be a good thing in moderation, but apathy and indolence are almost always bad.

  • Our refusal to commit for the sake of "leaving our options open" is preventing us from beginning our adult lives.

    YOU SAID IT ALL THERE!!!

  • @shimmeringnight - You may feel like a failure now, even be one in some ways. But there's no need to give up yet. I went through a year where I made no money--zero, I had to live on my savings until I finally got a job at the end of the year. I was going to school, and it was easy to be discouraged. But now I have a very nice job. I guess I would ask you to consider what is important in life--things like relatiionships and truth and yes, even God--and see how you may live in a way to emphasize those things. I will try to pray for you.

    By the way, I sadly could not view your site because of the rating. Is there a way you could lower the rating? It kind of bothers me that I cannot see your site and thus do not know what type of person I just befriended.

  • Why not both? I stay engaged in my chosen career and education whilst venturing with other pursuits as well. Cake is best enjoyed when eaten, so I do a bit more than just have it.

  • You know... this really made me think.  I've been undecided about what I want to do, but this post made me realize that I need to buckle down now and think about how well I'm going to do in the future if I keep thinking this way.  Thank you!!  I needed this reality check.. a lot.  Especially since I need to start applying for colleges.

    :]  Great post.

  • I felt compelled to put in my two cents since you left
    a nice comment on my page. See, Karma does work sometimes.

    I think you're right. People do dabble away their life...out of frustration, anger, laziness, lack of self-confidence, or just have never been encouraged. Empowering a young person to go out there and live life fiercely has good and bad consequences. I guess its all in what they are living for, or better yet, for who? (themselves or parents).

  • @Superkla - Well-said--there's another post in there about who are we really living for? Ourselves? Family? Significant Other? God? It makes a big difference. Ha, and yes, the karmic economy of e-Props plus the attendant guilt for not returning comments is the only way I can get anyone to talk to me :-p just kidding.

  • Thanks for the interesting entry!

  • I disagree wholeheartedly, but interesting post. 

  • tl;dr

  • A great book to read that isn't 400 pages, haha --Quarterlife Crisis by Alexandra Robbins expands upon a few points you made .

    This article that was featured in Time was also amazing and I implore anyone in their 20's to read it.

    I'm a full supporter of apprenticeship and  in our high-schools and colleges. They are more in depth than internships and allow for more of an exploration into a certain field or craft. I think they are under-utilized in our education system because no one wants to paint the picture that by focusing our students, we are indeed limiting them. You could see it both ways, but I think it would really solidify your passion or lack thereof in a particular career, which is never bad.

    However, I'm also a full proponent of the old saying, "It is not the destination, but the journey". Sometimes, when we are so concentrated on one thing, we have tunnel vision and rarely see the other sides or enjoy our progress, which can be a detriment. We develop our hobby in politics,for example, but lose our strengths in something else, say our abstract skills, such as appreciation of art. By developing this said interest in politics, we also limit who we can be friends with, because we will lean towards being with those that converse about politics in an educated way, since that is our chosen hobby and we know it well. And since many are not educated on politics, for example, we again are limiting ourselves to a select few. Thus, if we have a couple of interests, we not only have a better understanding of the world, but also humanity and the different people in it. I don't think that is a bad thing at all. 

      My favorite professor taught us the Peter Principle, or the idea that, "in time, every post tends to be
    occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out his duties.  It holds that in a heirarchy,
    members are promoted so long as they work competently. Sooner or later
    they are promoted to a position at which they are no longer competent
    (their "level of incompetence"), and there they remain."  He told us this in order to change our views of success, and I think it is a pretty thought-provoking principle to apply when you think about your dream position and what it would actually take for you to get there, and how happy or unhappy  you would be once you got there. It implies that the notion of getting to the top is not as satisfying as one thinks it would be. My professor became CEO of a company and hated it because although he loved the money, he was happier with the position he had underneath the CEO, which he was expert in and did to the best of his abilities. The top isn't always so great.

    And cliche as it may sound, life is not about getting to one point. It is the stories and wanderings off the trail that make it all worthwhile.

  • @heyjulsiscoo - Um...no, if it's not 400 pages +, I won't read it. :-p Just kidding. Wow Julia, I had no idea you were this loquacious. Hmm...let me expand on my original post and reasoning. I think we should often work hard at one thing to give us the freedom to work on more than one thing. So, sure, work hard at your school and job to get promoted and be seen as respectable in your field...but after a certain period, further focus results in diminishing returns and isn't worth it (i.e. The Peter Principle would be fine if people stopped one level below their competence level).

    For example, I know myself well--I can be a leader of small groups, or I can be a leader when I have someone else to do the discipline work or am already respected. But I can't manage large or unruly groups, so I would never aim to be a CEO. I've found a job in which I can display my leadership skills but am safe from ever being over-promoted. Now it's time to work really hard so that I can find another job in the field if I don't like this one, ha. So I'm focusing so that I have the freedom to dabble later on if I need to later. Make any sense?

    I'll try to follow up on your recommendations.

  • @GreekPhysique - Absolutely makes sense, haha. My favorite professor said the exact same thing as you, that you should stop at the level you are happy with, and that the money you earn in this position can go towards something that you really enjoy. I can't remember what his favorite hobby was (and it doesn't much matter) but I'm going to pretend it was pole-vaulting in his case, because the image of him doing that makes me laugh. He looked like Danny Devito, if it helps you visualize with me.

    I guess I was (unfairly) imagining that most people, when thinking of becoming an expert in their careers, were picturing the office with the view and the reserved parking space, not really realizing that it doesn't alone make you successful and/or expert and/or fulfilled.

    Anywho, loquacious as I am (haha, and I'm going to go with the definition of articulate instead of wordy! :P ), I will stop talking and drink more wine pronto . Hope you have a nice rest of your weekend!

    Sincerely, chatty Cathy.

  • @heyjulsiscoo - Oh, no problem, and I do consider you to be the good definition of loquacious. It was a pleasant surprise. No operating heavy machinery now while you're enjoying that wine. :-p

  • Great post, insightful, shares many of my own views... nice to see that I'm not alone :)  

  • Very compelling post. 

    I think ''dabbling'' is like a vicious cycle that you can get stuck in very easily.  I feel like I've done it a lot the past couple of years, but I feel like I don't know how to stop it, how to sit still and focus on one thing to get better at it...so I move to something else, and dabble in that, until I get bored and move on yet again.

    Maybe it has to do with concentration.  Today, we're all so used to having everything in front of us...so many avenues and options.  But there's always a hint or a gadget or something helping us get from point A to point B without much effort. That's what we're used to...easy things...stupid things.  Why put in the hard work and effort when you can get by doing nothing?  We take the easy road, and when we get to a block in the road or have to face some obstacle...we don't know how to get beyond it, so we switch gears and start something different.  Because it's easier.

    It's so easy to get distracted by the millions of things that don't matter.  Learning how to focus on the important things...well, that's what takes a lot of work. 

    Good post!  It certainly got me thinking (aka, rambling).

  • I came back to say "great post" again. It's inspiring me to focus on what I do best. Thanks. 

  • good thought inducing post. Makes me wonder if I've been screwing away my 20's. Good news is its not to late to have a change of attitude.

  • Thank you for this. I only have three more years to 'see if I like it" and lately I've seen the urgency of finding something and sticking with it because life is too short. We'll see what happens!

  • I believe that one of the reasons why so many people (especially teenagers and young adults) are confused about their future is that, since the beginning, they've been asked the wrong question: "What would you like to do when you get older?". The right way to think is "What would excite you?". From then on, focus and as long as all falls into your values... walk on clouds and take on as many activities as you'd like... unless being boring excites you, heh.

  • SIMPLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is what I can say! Helped me in some ways............really did!

  • Wonderful post.

  • This is incredibly refreshing for me. I'm an 18-year-old freshman, majoring in English and absolutely certain of all it holds for me and that it's what I want for my future. I am also in a serious relationship with my best friend of two years--each of our first relationship, going on ten months. We are perfectly happy and completely unashamed to tell anyone who asks that we know this is it for us. It's so nice to see that not everyone thinks this means I'm wasting my life away. God bless =)

  • @ch0w - I agree! Having enthusiasm for what you do makes it a lot more worth going after.

  • I chose a degree and stuck with it...graduated with my Bachelor's a year early.  I got a great (paying) job. 

    I wish I would have stuck around college a little longer and gotten a degree that better suited my personality.  Now I can't really go back.  I have a too many expenses.  Pity.

    Great post!!!! 

  • As a 20 something male, i totally agree and understand where your
    coming from.  the only question i have for you is, what happens
    when we find that the one or even few avenues of self expression and
    passion in our lives don't adaquately suffice for the true nature of
    us? i mean, i love writing, but i also love playing the drums, i love
    reading, and cooking and biking and Tai Chi, and a whole host of other
    things that make up me and my personality.  i'm good at all these
    things, not the best, certainly, but i've honed these skills and find
    that they aren't boring for me, far from it, and i refuse to loose
    them.  Humans are complex creatures, and once you (the perverbial
    you) spend some time, serious time, with each of the things that make
    up you, those skills don't leave, i move on when i'm ready, when i feel
    i've completed or accomplished something but, those skills never
    disappear, not when you've given a piece of yourself to it.   i'm
    not saying it isn't a good idea, the all your eggs in one basket, but,
    i truely believe we can, and should, do more than one, or even a few...

  • Wow, I'm a high school senior and just reading your perspective has truly opened my eyes to everything my parents have been telling me all these years. But I wonder though about those who pick a job for the security and then wait to save money to then go and pursue their ideal career. Are they wasting their life this way or is this a wise choice?

    And I've fallen in love with the romantic ideals found in college environments but after reading this it's as if all the people who have been rooting for you are just shams. These ideals are meant for only the strong of heart who are willing to give up their life for their goals.This has really given me a depressing and distressing outlook on college and the future beyond it now. It's like a warning to not follow my artsy dreams but to join the dull work force and spend my years still chasing my passion in my mind.

  • @SunnyMitsu - I really like your comment. Though, I wonder what your advice would be if you had to choose between working for your passion or working toward stability what with our troubling economy. I am a high school senior and I'm at this point where I have to find out which path I should take.
    I admire those who experience life to the fullest by chasing their passions and wish I can gain the courage to believe in my work and decisions, but it seems that my fear for the worst always steers me back toward choosing a "safe" job. 

  • @imaju - Thank you.

    I'd say it's a toss-up between choosing a job you are passionate about vs. choosing a "safe" job.  The best advice I have for you is to not forget about either thing.  Don't go for a degree ONLY because it will land you a stable, well-paying job - because you'll end up dreading going to work.  But also, don't go for a degree ONLY if it will land you a job you are passionate about - because if you are hurting for money, you'll end up stressing about money, bills, and budgeting all the time - and that's not fun either.

    I obviously chose a "safe" job.  I got a degree in accounting and don't mind my job.  It's wonderful to know that I have financial security and good benefits.  On the other hand, I often sit at my desk and see my friends out there doing a job that they love, and that's what makes it hard.  I'm not the indoor type and get bored easily while sitting at a computer all day.  My fiance is a farmer and I get jealous that he gets to be outside, working with the crops and animals...doing what I love to do.

    I didn't go into any type of outdoor pursuit because I was under the impression that the reason you go to college is to get a degree, which will help you get a high-paying job.  I later learned that's only true to an extent.  Money doesn't mean that much.  I have a brand new boat, jet ski, truck, and a couple quads - but I'd sell them all if that meant I could work in a job I'm passionate about.  It's easy to think "I want this, I want that" when you see something you don't have and think you want, but things get old and boring - and all money really buys are things.

    The one thing that stands out the most to me as a lesson learned between high school graduation through college and into my career is that it's the people in your life that give it meaning and value.  Even if you get a job you despise...if you make good friends with your co-workers, even a horrible job can be alright.  And then there's always your outside-of-work friends and family who really make life enjoyable no matter how much you make or what kind of job you have.

    Ideally, it would be nice to find a job you love that also pays well.  I'm sure you'll find a good balance between your passion and financial security.  I've heard over and over (though I have no clue how true it is) that, if you get a job you love, the money will follow.  And there's that other saying: If you get a job you love, you won't work a day in your life.

    And, like the post said, if you're wise with your money you can always get your degree, try out a career, then switch carres and possibly get a different degree if you want to.  If you shoot for that, however, make sure you have a bank account set aside purely for future education otherwise the money will get spent.

    I hope that helps!  I wish you the best in choosing which degree to get.

    By the way...what is it that you would like to do for a career that possibly isn't exactly "safe?"

  • i've been through this myself. felt like i was reading what i wanted to write:). my main reason for dabbling was fear. PURE FEAR. of being stuck. heh. in my fear i lost the beauty of commitment. 

  • @SunnyMitsu - Why thanks for getting back to imaju with such a nice detailed comment. I didn't have time yesterday to leave him/her the detailed one I wanted to, and then I checked back today and saw yours. It's good of you.

  • sigh..tis true..all that u wrote.. and i did make some choices but damn, divorce throws you back out there again and its like you are 20 again.. you'd think you'd be smarter this time around and know exactly what choices to make...but no, you're as dumb as you ever were in some regards..

    er..yea that was random, sorry bout that..

  • Great insight homie

  • @GreekPhysique - aww, thanks! 

  • I guess I'm the opposite of what you're talking about. I when I was only nineteen I committed to a job, a wife, and all that.

    Now I'm in a static place and contemplating becoming the dabbler behind the curve.

  • I'm glad I'm not dabbling away. I've seen too many sad cases in college. But reality always hits them once they're out of college - that is they are no longer kids and can't expect to act irresponsibly and get away with it.

  • I agree to a certain degree. You must try things and stick them out, however, I don't think it should always be about money. Happiness should play a more important role in what you want to do in life. I love hearing the stories of the CEO who quit their job because it wasn't their passion and started baking or something of that nature.

    Luckily, I have been able to find my passion and I am only 20 right now. I did a lot of exploring when I was younger and really got into what I wanted to do in life. When I was really young I wanted to be a teacher. I lined my stuff animals up and taught them everything in the book. ThenI wanted to be a journalist, so my high school years were spent having internships and doing writing for many news sources. Coming to college, I realized that I did not need a degree in order to write-- and that I wanted to write for me, not to make filler for the local newspaper. I was then able to turn my attention to criminal justice, which has always fascinated me. I thought I wanted to get into law with this, in order to change the world. I was quite naive, and this summer had a reality check after having an internship. This brought me to my passion-- being a CJ professor at a university. I can tie in my three loves- teaching, writing and criminal justice. It would be good hours, and something that I would actually enjoy.

    I think a lot of people get into things for the wrong reasons, and it is rather depressing. Where I currently work everyone hates their job and going to it on a daily basis. They say they are sticking with it to get their retirement or what have you. I couldn't imagine doing something that I hated.

    Take care and good luck with the choices you make.

    -Sarah

  • Haha. Sounds like my childhood. ^_^
    I think you're right. =D

  • Andrew Carnegie is a good guy to pay attention to in your life.

  • a good read, i found that balance in the second year of highschool, but not after reality slapped me in the face a few times

  • Indeed, "don't dabble away your twenties" .  

  • i'm still 16, but i'll keep these points in mind as i enter that age group. i really do hope this dilemma wont present a brick wall in my life later on. its good to be informed, i guess.

  • On my other blog, I have some quote about being good at something you love rather than being awesome at something you have no passion in whatsoever.

    I think you make a good claim regarding college... I didn't make it into architecture after my first year of college, so I switched to something I thoroughly was happy IN - English Education. I could've dabbled in all sorts of majors, but I did some massively deep brainstorming and found a major that I knew would suit me in the long run. And it has. I got lucky.

    With that said, I also think that hobbies change... for instance, after the Sex and the City show came out, I suddenly wanted to know everything about fashion. I was about 25 when I started watching/purchasing all the DVDs. I had never dabbled in fashion, really, in college, but now I love it. My sister says I should've gone into that as a career, but the hobby or idea didn't hit me until too late and NOW I appreciate it as a HOBBY. So, it all worked out very well.

    GREAT POST.

  • I disagree entirely. I don't think you're wasting your time by trying new things. Why do you need to "begin your adult life" as soon as possible? Just because you aren't good at something or decide you don't like it after you've tried doesn't meen you've dabbled away precious time. Life is short. 

    I am in my twenties. Twenty-one, to be exact. I have done a lof of the things you criticized, but I don't think I'm dabbling it away. You're only wasting time if what you're doing isn't fun for you. It doesn't matter what.  An older friend, who is now 35, told me recently: "I wish I had given myself more room for error in my twenties. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do and I had my career, but I'm unhappy. I would tell anyone just out of college to take a few years to just....explore. Don't rush into anything. Don't be afraid. Do what makes you happy, not anyone else."Oh....and just because your friends don't read your Xanga makes it in no way obsolete. You sound intelligent; I would hope that you know that. 

  • great to see you featured--and this was an excellent post!

  • don't you just hate it when parents tell you to stop reading.. then yell at you later on in life that you don't read enough? 

  • well, im a kid, so im sure this is different =)
    but i think its best do just do whatever you like doing
    as opposed to thinking of what you should and shouldnt do, or how many things that might be

    of course you should try a lot of things-- so you can roll out from under the dining room table,
    but pursue only what you love and think is worth your time.

    committing to one thing might be kind of boring, you know?

  • i just live man, 24/7 living, i live the fuck out

  • Hard choices here.  I can't say I completely agree, though you make some good points about how people extend their looking around period too long and don't want to settle.  But neither is it the other way...

    I always wanted to do things "right", on the proper timeline, in the responsible way, and not be one of those people.  I picked a major in college at 18 even though nothing stuck out that much, because it was my fourth semester and I was supposed to.  Graduated, worked in the field, went to grad school which was a natural and expected progression, came out with a Ph.D., not because I loved that particular field, but because I needed to do something with job potential and picked something that would work.  Meanwhile, I got married at 24 to settle down with my first boyfriend, not play around like so many people my age were doing.  I got my first teaching job, had it all planned out...

    and now, at 33, I am divorced and working on my second bachelor's degree in a completely different field.  I became "one of those people" after all.  Because my fellow Ph.D. faculty really all had their eggs in that basket - that one subject - and I didn't.  I do have plans; my boyfriend and I now want to settle down and make it work, and I am working toward something which should hopefully lead to good employment to pay back the student loans.  I still support myself with part-time work in my old field and possibly always will.  I am telling myself that, as long as I can afford to pay back the loans, it gives me more job options and marketability in the long run.  It does feel weird how I've almost "been a kid" for this long, and I've thought a lot about those comments like "why do we think we're entitled to be happy?", but on the other hand I was made for some purpose other than to do a mediocre job I wasn't designed for or to exist for the sake of enduring in a relationship that was shallow at the core.  I would like for my life to end up meaning something, even if it meant pulling up some roots and starting over.

  • You know what's funny? When you first said how un-well-rounded you were- I thought you were going to say, "All I cared about what hanging out with friends and playing sports". But it was the exact opposite! In MY case I believed I was so un-well-rounded because those are the only things I wanted to do. Hang out, relax... I could always read later.

    Now I'm in my junior year of college and I realize that it's time to put it in high gear. I finally told myself that if I dedicate my time to ONE thing and become good at it... I won't be the average... kind of good at some things type of person.Life takes dedication and persistence.Which I think you pointed out very well here.Kudos.LR

  • And why travel the world if New Jersey is "good enough"? Who needs to sample Parisian cuisine just for the experience, when you could instead devote yourself to knowing everything about local diner food?

    Devoting one's life to one task/job/whatever just for the sake of having one specific thing to do is incredibly stupid and an enormous waste of one's life.

    That said, once you find something that truly fits who you are, by all means, immerse yourself in it, but until then, cultivate your curiosity and don't settle. My 20s are far from being "dabbled away" during my search for who I am and what makes me happy.

  • I will agree with most of what you said.  However, leaving my options open has actually led me to the career path I want to follow.  I graduated from college with a degree I really wanted, couldn't find a job in what I wanted to do so I bounced around until I was 23, and then found an internship that has led me to what I really and truly want to do.  So...I agree but I think that there can be exceptions to it.  If I hadn't explored the field I'm in now, I would probably be an office manager for the rest of my life (though there's nothing wrong with that, it is just not for me).

    But very interesting food for thought.  :)

  • Hey... that was an interesting post.
    But before I accept all that you say, I must say dabbling should continue, but on a smaller scale for the sake of knowing what other people are like, to maintain that spice and variety in life, etc.
    Concentration and focus and worrying about it can wear you out and cause you to lose hair! (Like mine)
    But , yes , focus can have its benefits and that is a great life and surely, success.
    And I'm balding in my 20's...That isn't concentration though!

  • Oh, i like this. Wish i could've read something like this 5 years ago. But I guess one won't know until he/she had experienced it. It's okay, I still have some time.

  • Nice post.

  • lately i've been hanging out with older people and have been wondering what they've thought of their 20's but never had the balls to casually bring it up. i've always wanted perspective on something like this. thank you!

  • All the things I was thinking but too busy to write. Excellent.
    -N

  • I mentioned this in my last comment, but I got married before I turned 20. So, I didn't really have a chance to "dabble". I wasn't really trying to get married either, it just happened.. I would however like to go back to school someday and I'm working on finding my individuality, while still being the wife I want to be. Any advice? I've posted on this subject before, and I've received some awesome words of wisdom. I'm pretty sure that when I go back to school, I am going to get my degree in history with a minor in english so I can write historical fiction someday. I can always improve on my writing skills, so that's where the english comes in. But I do understand that I don't need a degree to write, and that's where the history comes in. I love history! It's always fascinated me, so getting a degree in it would be awesome. I'm really liking this series you've put together!

  • @eucharis12 - Going back to school or not is a tough decision. I would just remind you that it's not so much about finding time as it is about MAKING time. You can still find some time to read about history and English for yourself, or to buy some used textbooks and self-educate yourself. Do that for a while, and if you still find yourself hungry for more even though you're doing learning the hard way, by yourself, maybe you should go on to school somewhere.

    And things go both ways; you may wonder if it was great to be married so early, while I, being older and unmarried, may wonder if I should have gotten married earlier.

  • @GreekPhysique - Very true (about going both ways). I've realized lots of pros and cons. I live pretty close to the library in our town, so learning for myself might actually be good. Thank you for the advice! 

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