February 14, 2009
-
Casting by Type--Should You Make a List?
Another way you can cast actors and actresses is that rather than writing a role to match a specific actress, you instead write a description of your ideal actor/actress for the role and send it out to various casting agencies. They then help you find people that might fit that role.
If one is trying to find their ideal boyfriend/girlfriend, should one put together a list of attributes that you would like your significant other to have? On the one hand, this makes looking much easier. And it's very important to find someone that you can be truly attracted to. Sometimes we become infatuated with someone who just has a few of the qualities we look for. Being able to take a more complete view of the person might save us from such mistakes.
However, the problem with a list is that we may be fickle or arbitrary. Do we really know what we want? And how important are some of our likes/dislikes? I'll toss out just one of my preferences for your enjoyment and criticism, ha. All other things equal, I prefer tall women to short women. I'm about six feet tall, and so I like it when I can look a date eye-to-eye with bending my head a little. Now, if I put that on my list of must-haves--isn't that rather mean or short-sighted (tall-sighted? ha) to leave off short girls? And might I miss the girl of my dreams just because she's height-challenged? Lists can help, but they can also bind us in certain patterns.
All right, one more short post and I'll complete my mini-casting series. Then maybe one big Valentine's Day post to finish off my ranting for the year. I will then avoid all romantic topics for a while.
Comments (11)
My love is listless. But not lustless.
Hmmm. I can see how a list can help but I think you start to only think of your list when meeting those of the opposite sex. It is important to know the most important attributes you want but beyond that you need to be flexible. I know a lot of people who will say things like "he's great but it really bothers me that he's not very good at (fill in random unimportant thing here)" or "he doesn't do (x)". That is why their relationships always fail. They can't see beyond their "list" to what the person really is.
You should definitely go for people who have the attributes you like because you like those attributes for a reason. However, you have to balance this with being open minded. For things such as height, I would never let my friend not go out with a guy just because he is shorter than what she normally likes. I've heard so many people say "I never would have thought I would fall in love with someone like him but I'm glad I did".
Ah, I know what I am trying to say but I can't put it in words....maybe I'll try again later
I have a list, but none of them except "not shorter than me" is physical; the others are all like "pursuing Christ wholeheartedly," "deals with sin in his life," "missions-minded."
My best friend is 5'1" and her boyfriend is 6'3". It works for them.
Greek.
My opinion regarding an extensive list of qualifications (i.e., "traits") a potential SO must possess is that is a HORRIBLE idea. However, as myfate22 said, I can certainly see the benefit of listing the qualities that you are wouldn't be able to live without in a SO. A significant amount of soul-searching should be done on your behalf before compiling any such list. Regardless, such a thorough job should be performed before getting into any serious romantic relationship, which would probably mean that whomever was considering entering into such a commitment would need to be doing that anyway prior to considering potential candidates to fill the position of SO. In summation, I guess a "cannot-live-without list" is something that everyone should have whether it's written or tucked away safely in the corner of their left frontal lobe but an "I-liked-this-in-person-X-and-think-it-desirable" list should be out of the question. In any event, the most important thing in finding someone that you could spend the rest of your life with is knowing who you are. Any list is bound to be inadequate if you can't figure that out.
~fkm~
I used to have a list... I have since thrown it out. I know what I am attracted to (intelligence, a college degree, extroversion, and oddly enough, a preoccupation with the performing arts...), but that doesn't mean I have a 5 mile long list saying: "he must be 6'0", lanky, gray eyes, and a dimple in his left cheek." That's just asking for disappointment, because no one is perfect, but even more than that, as you noted, "do we really know what we want?" What if I don't? What if what I currently think is attractive would actually be repulsive if I were presented with this "dream guy"? Lists are asking for failure, asking for pain, and asking to remain in a state of stupidity. It's good to have a general idea of what you look for in a mate, but specifics... should really be discarded. I'm enjoying this thread you're running...
I'm actually against sharing the list because it: 1) can be used against to you argue something annoying along the lines of "hey, I look just like Keanu Reeves therefore you must be into me",
, 2) can be used as a player's playbook into your heart, and 3) makes it a bit static when we are all growing and changing.
Exclude the short girls! I'm all for that. All tall guys should do that. It's kind of sad when the really tall ones end up with short girls because...I like to wear heels...which can make me 6'-6'1" so...a 5'4 guy might make that a bit awkward. I was only wearing short-ish heels last night salsa dancing and it was quite odd to dance with that short of a man. Open position was fine, but closed position, I just felt like...I might end up hurting him in some way and...yeah. I'll leave it at that.
But what I was really going to say was that one time I was reading a magazine (I was in a doctor's office - ulcer appointment) and there was an article about a woman that had made a list of 100 things that would make an absolutely ideal partner. Even silly and small things like hobbies and something about socks. And then she met this man and or maybe they were married for awhile, but eventually she gave him the list to read and he did and said he fit all of them except the one about the socks. I wish my memory was better, but this was about a year ago now, so...that's all I've got. But it was a neat idea. Not something to specifically look for, but moreso to....make you more appreciative of silly little perfections once you do find the right someone.
This is a long comment. I'm done now.
@lauralen - LOL yes, I am a tall-ist. My secret is out. Shh, don't tell my wife if she turns out to be 5'2" or something.
@GreekPhysique - That would be HILarious! I won't tell as long as you don't tell my husband if he ends up not being skinny.
Truthfully, I've never had physical attributes on my List. Sure, I've discovered that there's a physical type that gets my attention every time, but that's never been on my list.
However, I have been mulling about this idea that I want to be with someone I thin is good looking and what if I find someone who's everything on the List but not physically attractive? Will he become that to me? Will I not realise his good qualities because I don't think he's good looking? Am I fickle for wanting someone good looking? I think I may need to write an entry on this question.
PS- do you really not like short girls? Because I was under the impression that men loved the little petite gals, which I'm not! haha
@FifteenMinuteRule - ha, yes, most men love short girls, but for whatever reason I went in a different direction. I know which particular friends of mine are to blame for that, ha-ha. It is what it is!
Comments are closed.