February 14, 2009

  • Your Type is Wrong

    Just to conclude the mini-series on types (unless I get my 1000 word male manifesto done before tonight :-p), I have some bad news for you. Whatever type you think you have is probably wrong. It's just that most of us don't think deeply enough about what we like. Or we want to please our friends and family, so our list has a few entries that make no sense.

    For example, many of us say we want to marry someone "nice" that "treats us well". But what do we really mean by that? Is your idea of nice someone who is extremely loyal? Someone who is very courteous? Someone who just doesn't cheat on you? Sometimes we need to dig a lot deeper--very loud and obnoxious people, for example, can also be very loyal. So that's why you may find yourself drawn to that type.

    Or, our concept of the opposite gender is limited by the men/women we've met. For example, I believe I met one Asian woman close to my age before I turned 18. As you can guess, my opinion of them was heavily consistent on that one person. Or, we over-rate people we've seen in movies/music, not realizing that living with them might be miserable. I remember when I met a woman similar to an Internet friend of mine in real life--say bye-bye to attraction! haha. I realized I really didn't like that type for long periods of time.

    So what should you do? Well, try to be as honest as possible with yourself about who you've been attracted to in the past, and why. Was it because of holes in your own heart? If so, that might be a bad thing--you're looking more for a Mr. Fix-it than someone to complete you. Or, did you let society tell you who you should and shouldn't like? For example, tall women and short men are often severely under-rated--there are many beautiful people in both categories. Look past the labels of body types, styles, and careers you're supposed to like, and you might find a diamond in the rough, as it were.

    Anyway, happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I am relatively pleased, because I spent it getting physical!...by playing basketball with other guys, ha. Go do something interesting, even if you don't have a significant other! And smile and share some love with those who have none.

Comments (21)

  • When I read your title the first thought was "I've spent a lifetime of being different or ahead of the curve. Not always a great place." 

  • thanks for the friend invite.. How'd you find me?

  • But then don't you think some of us over-think our type? I think you mentioned that in an earlier post today -- like, having a list of characteristics and traits, but how limiting that can be. I've found that often my list gets revised when I meet someone who so far exceeds what I could have imagined. Granted, that has only happened once. But maybe my imagination is too small.

  • Wow, these are deep thoughts on Valentine's Day!  Hmm, I'm not sure I even have a "type"...well, other than intelligent.

    Meh, anyway, HAPPY VALENTINE'S to you!

  • What! You mean we should introspective time in considering our desires instead of simply clinging to the meaningless abstractions everyone purports in the romantic pursuits?  What a novel idea!

  • I do have a type. See: Hansbrough, Tyler. Basketball, player of; Baller. ;)

  • @Kontzicles - As I recall, you said something funny in the comments section for a TheologiansCafe post I read/commented on, so I went back to your site to check it out. Then I saw you were friends with Levanna and a Christian too, so I figured you were a good person to know.

  • @GreekPhysique - 

    I'm glad someone finds me funny. :) Levanna is a new friend too. (i just got into making friends on xanga)Also, I'm glad you're a bro :)
    p.s. We are such theoretical losers for being on here right now... Haha. But I'm glad I'm not alone!

  • It's important to be open to dating other "types" because if one type repeatedly isnt working there's a pretty good chance you need to test the waters with some other "type". I don't know if that makes sense...

    Eh, Happy Valentines!

  • You couldn't be more right about how people have no clue what they want or what's right for them. I've found it interesting over the years that as I've watched more and more of my friends get paired off, that they wind up with people nothing like what they expected or thought they wanted. I can think of one dear friend who wound up with a man who was NOTHING like what she ever had dated or wanted to date. They wound up married and she couldn't be happier. He is perfect for her and she for him. They are a good match, but more than that, it's a complimentary situation that could only have worked if they both had been submitting to God in humility and seeking HIS best and not their idea of the best.

    One of my regular prayers about a future significant other is that God would give me what I need and not necessarily what I want. I want to be part of a couple that will maximize God's glory, not bog it down in whatever things of humanity that dont allow for God to be glorified in the best way. :)

    Thanks for writing this. I think we learn along the way what's would work best, but then of course, God comes along and gives us the best of all. :D

  • oh p.s. I definitely did spread a lot of love today. It was much more fun than last year when I moped about and didn't do much of anything. 

    I hope you had a happy VDay :)

  • I have a type -- men with dirt on their shoes, especially when connected to being outdoors for an extended period of time. 

    I'm glad this came up as the topic for the day, really has me thinking about a few things on my imaginary 'want' list. Can I just request a man AT LEAST as tall as me? I don't like looking down, feels awkward  :-/

    And while we're on the subject, what are some more specific things you are drawn to in a woman (other than her superb xanganizing skills)?

  • @Renaissance_Phoenix - I've noticed that too.  Heck, I've noticed it in myself.

  • ahh.. i hate it that society does tell so many people who to date and what to look for in that person.

  • Tall women are under-rated

    And...I don't think of types as in the "nice", "cultural/cultured" or "strong, silent type", but moreso leave it completely to vanity. My type is definitely the slender man. If I ever make a comment about an attractive stranger, you can bet he'll be skinny. I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone that wasn't. I'm admitting to a lot of vanity here, I know. Sometimes I feel bad for it...and then I realize that, in the end, no one can really say that looks don't matter at all. They do come into play. I'm not saying I could never date/marry someone who wasn't skinny or that I find all non-skinny men repulsive. Just that I know what catches my eye. Like the runner at the gym Friday. I was lifiting behind the treadmills. I didn't see his face, but his physique was...pretty much perfect. lol. And then I told Katie that and she laughed at me. *sigh*

  • You may be on to something here: the typical guy I tend to fall for ends up not wanting much to do with me. But I can't help that I'm attracted to the geeky too-smart philosophical type! So, is it a case of 'wrong type' or just 'wrong guy'?

    I need to back track and read the other 'Type' entries. I didn't notice them in my subscription digests.

  • @lauralen - I should try to match you with my brother, ha. He's quite slender, but sadly he does not dance or sing. He's 23.5, though, so probably too young. Still, thanks for reminding me that women care quite a bit about figure too.

    @FifteenMinuteRule - Hmm, maybe you are just picking a very hard category for you. For example, I liked some athletes back in the day, but realized it was just a bad mix for me given what I like to do and who I am. So I've cheerfully quit on the category for now.

  • @GreekPhysique - Some might not care as much as me. I'm just too vain sometimes. lol You should tell your brother to take up dancing. More tall guys are needed there. I really think I was taller than all but 2 of the men I danced with on Saturday. 

  • @GreekPhysique - I just realized. I hope you weren't using your brother's age to make fun of me for my recent admission of liking men that are...far too old. lol. 

  • @lauralen - LOL ok, then how about my grandfather? haha. No, I actually wasn't intentionally teasing you, which is a shame that I forgot to.

  • @FifteenMinuteRule - I find this comment fantastic in retrospect You did indeed find a wonderful geek to marry!

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment