April 11, 2009

• Faith in Dating

  Often here on Xanga, I see posts where people start counting how many relationships they've been in, how many dates they've had, and how many kisses they've received. Mostly, it's the people with smaller numbers who tend to fret in print about how they've only been on a few "real" dates.

  I can relate to those people. I won't quote my exact statistics, but let's just say I haven't had that much experience either. The question is, does it matter?

  See, it bothers me that so many lovely people, male and female, are obsessing over how many dates they had or didn't have without instead being realistic about the situation. We only need one person to marry, so our chances are still pretty good. But you might tell me that you still feel something is wrong.

  The first step is to maximize your dating chances. For example, maybe you want to marry a Christian, but you attend church only once a week, and your church is very small. It's going to be difficult for you to find someone that way. So you should consider going somewhere else on occasion where you can meet more young people your age. I went to a small church of 25 for most of my life--but I also went to a large church of 500 people twice a week. You don't have to desert your small group, just branch out more. Also, consider going to a large Christian conference.

  I also would suggest picking up some dating books--even a dating for dummies type book can be helpful. I would recommend "Boundaries in Dating" and a book by Henry Cloud called "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping." Talk to some of your friends who do get a lot of dates or are happily married--what was their secret? How did they do it?

  Finally, if you are shy, try to find places to improve your chances. You may not feel comfortable in loud, crowded parties--so go to coffee shops or small parties of 8-10 people in a home.  Hang out at a given place until you become a regular, and start small conversations with people. You may not like asking people in person--so join an online dating site. I know online dating sites can be a little shady at times, but there are free ones that are fairly reputable. If you are ready to wade through nonsense and work hard to find good people, it can work for you.

  Now, suppose you've done all that, and still not found a date. Now what? Well, at least you tried and gave it your honest effort, first of all. You may want to double-check your standards--are you too picky? You may want to try to improve yourself--are you boring? Or lazy about your appearance? Perhaps you should even try moving or change your hobbies. If I have my heart set on marrying a Greek, for example, maybe I should move to Greece.

  But after a certain point, it's best to have faith in the process and just be patient. I'm in my late 20's--if I can be patient, you can too! Don't stress over the outcome (actual number dated); stress instead about the process. Are you being a dateable person? Then don't worry about the response, it will come soon enough. Just keep doing the right things.

  It's sad to talk to men and women who married the first person who said a kind word to them or took them on a date. Many of them are miserable and unhappy today. Don't fall for this! Circumstances change. People change. Especially for you younger boys and girls, realize that it takes some time to grow into your looks and personality. And guys, I hate to say this, but I noticed my dating chances went way up when I got a good job. Sometimes you have to wait to get out of school or move to a new job before things improve. Set some minimum standards for who you will date, and compare each prospect to those standards. Don't date people with addictions, bad habits, or severe baggage just because you think that's the best you can do.

  
  The girl in the picture is one of my oldest friends on Xanga. She went through college with very limited dating, even though she was a sweet, pretty girl. However, today she's happily married (that's her husband on the right). So please, don't panic too quickly. Do what you can to improve your chances, but don't hammer yourself for what you can't control. Don't have sex with people out of relationships because you've given up hope of being worthy to be in one. Just do what you can, and have faith in dating. Have faith in yourself.

  Hmm, I know this was random, and not well-written. But I just am really tired/sad of people giving up early on dating and relationships and settling for whatever they can get. It just does NOT end well. Take an honest look at your life; most of us are dateable, if only we would tweak a few things that ruin our chances and have patience.

  • 6:05 pm
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