April 14, 2009
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Faith in Dating: Followup
I got a comment from a Xangan on my Faith in Dating post that said the following: "A lot of people won't try to get into a relationship with people that have little experience in the dating world." I felt this comment was a fair statement, and deserved further analysis.
When we see someone who is by themselves, we often find ourselves wondering why they are alone. If a girl has not been on dates with other guys, I admit that a guy logically wonders "Am I the only guy with eyes?" There's a natural concern, at first, that I might be missing something. However, I have found that long-term, such concerns are ridiculous. Let me give you some examples from Xanga.
Here on Xanga, I met some Xangans when there were few, if any comments on their page. I'm thinking of Katie, Marissa, and Echo, for example. (If you don't already know them, I'm not giving the link; I'm selfish like that, heh). It would have been easy to think that "Maybe there's something off about them; why doesn't anyone comment on their pages even though they post on other Xangan's pages?" However, I knew I was seeing and reading talent. And today, they have many more readers. What's even better is they are friends of mine, because I sought them out and befriended them because they were good, not b/c everyone else was doing it.
On the other hand, years ago I happened to see another Xangan's page. I won't name her, ha, but she can ask if it's her and I'll tell her. She didn't have many readers despite being an attractive blond girl who modeled. I let that scare me off from befriending her. Today, she also is well-known on here. Even worse, I once had a chance to befriend iJustine on Myspace back when she was a little-known Pennsylvanian with 200 friends, and didn't. She was a friend of a friend, and I liked her profile, I just didn't follow through. Here's who iJustine is:
All the men are slapping me upside the head as we speak. A pretty girl who loves technology?!
So if you ask me, I'd RATHER find someone who hasn't been in a lot of relationships. I'm leery of women who always seem to be in a relationship. Don't they have anything better to do than hop from boyfriend to boyfriend? Are they that shallow that they can't bring themselves to be alone rather than hop into yet another relationship? It's an honor to be the first to realize how wonderful someone is. I love being the first to know about a given band or new great athlete. The same applies to women. I think that someone's dating experience is the last thing you should worry about in a date--worry more about these 10 things (slightly off-color, made by a blog friend of mine):
Comments (21)
I actually knew quite a few Youtube stars before they made it big, but I feel awkward confessing that. Maybe I'd have more male readers if I posted more of those videos, ha. Quick name dropping: MeekaKitty, SunshineTaylor, SupaDupaFlyGirl, and Spricket24. Sometimes I think I was dumb for not investing in YT instead of Xanga, but I didn't like having my face all over the place.
Hahaha.
Some girls definitely have things to offer that many miss.
@Laryssa - What frustrates me is, I RARELY miss. I'm very good at recognizing talented women--a little too good. I'm just not always good at doing anything with that knowledge.
@yourkbear - That's where I try to shut off my radar, ha. I refuse to cradle-rob talent. That means that I am left grumbling under my breath a lot, but I can sleep soundly at night.
Yeah, lots of older guys seem to think that. And that's why they date girls who are barely legal....
I'm just giving you a hard time...but that actually is true. (I know this from experience.)
(Sorry, please ignore my typos. Apparently I get worse the more I do it....)
@GreekPhysique - That's the important thing--being able to sleep soundly at night.
hmmm... Will think about this and return.
ahhhh so sweet... blushing... thanks for being one of my very first xanga buddies
Ack... See, if more men thought as you do, I think I'd be more confident in the dating world. I think I have a lot to offer - I'm just not exactly brave enough to "sell it" (in a non-prostitutional way, that is...) But if I could view it as people looking for quality and good things... I'd "get out there" more often. I think you could use your popularity to continue to bring more readerships to small-time-bloggers, though... sounds like you're good at it.
@GreekPhysique - Uh oh.
Hey Man, just relax. There's loads of ladies undiscovered out there. Maybe one of them will be enamored enough with the fact that you spotted them.
@Passionflwr86 - That's a great point. I used to think Recommends were the way to do it, but not enough people read my recs sometimes. I'll have to do a post or maybe interviews on some more little-known Xangans.
I hear you on selling yourself--I too am epically bad about it. Dating is one place where we should be a little more confident and aggressive, but too often being analytical and thoughtful is a drawback. It makes us seem cold and/or weak.
Good thoughts. The dating world can be tough no matter what your experiences are. I say judge a person on who they are today. All their experiences--or lack thereof--are what have made them into the person they are. And when a person is wonderful, it is what it is no matter what the past says.
Well at least you befriended me before I became famous.....
I have to say, I'm usually pretty open about the fact that I've never really dated. But I tend to think back on it later and wonder if that makes other people nervous or something.... then it's too late.
you're a wise fella. =) speaking personally, i think there are a lot of reasons why women are still single or not receiving a lot of attention. I've found that sometimes men in particular, actually go out of their way to ignore girls they are interested in. Hopefully that doesn't come across as narcissistic; it's just that in some cases it's sort of obvious "what did you say your name was again ?(i get this a frequently..especially when you know they've said your name plenty of times before, and even are keen as to point out things about you that you didn't think they could know (?).
careers and goals also keep us busy, families, missions, etc. people used to find it weird that i was still single. everyone wanted to fix me up with their son or cousin or neighbor, etc. but my main reasoning for not being so easily obtainable was for my daughter's sake. i was also working and going to school for a long period of time, so adding dating to the mix would've complicated things further.
hopefully, this will encourage some guys or girls out there that there's not necessarily anything wrong; so keep pressing on. =)
okay, that second video is WAY funny. whoever-she-is has great timing and delivery.
Yay! There really is hope for the inexperienced!
can you please please please tell me where the rest of the guys like you come from?
where I am, its either the girl has never had a date at all, or has had more boyfriends than the stray alley cat has fleas.
In the 19 years I've spent on Earth, I've been in one thee-month relationship.
How's that for a girl who hasn't dated much? =P
@Allyson_Singsxo - I'm weird, ha, or at least that's how it seems in talking with my male colleagues. But I do have several friends like me, and as you get older, it spreads out more. Guys realize that it's not just a few girls who are really pretty and date-worthy.
@GreekPhysique - well that's good to know. :] at least there's still hope. lol. I was beginning to get used to the idea of being the crazy cat lady in the house on the corner. lol.
It's an honor to be the first to realize how wonderful someone is.
I like that line. And it reminds me of what Boy #4 said to me - something along the lines of not being able to believe that no other guys had discovered how awesome I am. haha.
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