April 24, 2009

Comments (15)

  • Wow.  Just read that post... story of my life, actually, haha.  Not only have I been in that position before, I have a guy friend who feels the exact same way about me.  I'm pretty much his stand-in girlfriend sans romance, which is fine, but I think he feels bad and "picky" for not dating me (and his family certainly doesn't help, lol).  I thought he was the only guy like that!  But whatever, I'm cool, so long as I can use him as a fake boyfriend to ward off creepy stalkers (which hasn't been a problem lately, but was very much a problem when I worked late shifts at a movie rental store... don't know what THAT was about, hahaha). 

  • I've often wondered the same thing as you on this 'inventory' thing. I've had a few friends that made me wonder "Why aren't we dating? on paper we're good for each other!"
    But, now that I've got a[n official] boyfriend for the first time (and you're the first xangan to hear the news!)... I just feel like- it happened when it was supposed to happen and there wasn't any of that forcing myself to make it work stuff that I always thought would be necessary.
    After meeting you, I wish you lived closer so i could try to set you up with, say, my best friend or someone. You are quite the catch and a rare breed around these parts!

  • @FifteenMinuteRule - I'm glad to hear that about the boyfriend! As I told you, I liked the boy, and thought there might be good chemistry b/n you both. Aww, and thanks for the kind words--you're quite the catch yourself.

    Also, thanks for mentioning that really, it's not supposed to be a "force" thing to make it work. It's just supposed to work, period! ha.

    @eowynnabeeowyn - haha this made me chuckle. Well, it is awkward to be stuck in a holding pattern--I think it's ok when the two people are younger, as sometimes one will mature or change, but older...not so sure. That's why I'm less tolerant of the inbetween nowadays, I think.

  • ... you are right...... as usual...

  • @echois23 - Am I? I'm actually not sure. I've done a lot of door-closing these last few weeks. It's helped for closure, but I'm afraid I'm also betraying a lack of patience and unfair expectations. Sigh. We'll see how this goes, I suppose. That's the trouble with being a little smart--you see too many possibilities and there are too many options to try! 

  • I believe you are right, too.
    I don't think I would ever want a surrogate boyfriend. I would rather have a good friendship with the guy and know it will never be anything more, than have a 'forced' relationship. Also, what if all my attention is taken up by trying to make things work between us, and I miss out on an opportunity with someone who I might actually have a chance with? It seems like a waste.

  • @GreekPhysique - I think to spend "boyfriend" type time with someone you have no feelings for is not fair to either of you. Women tend to put a lot of importance on little things and could fall for you then you get stuck playing the heartbreaker. On the other hand if you have feelings and things in common but maybe just not passion I think passion can grow with time I've seen it happen in arranged marriages. I'm probably way to inexperienced in real romance to qualify with an opinion but I hurt a few great guys really badly when I tried to do the "dating friends" thing. I've learned my lesson about that. I don't drop great guys from my life entirely, but I will keep a nice firm wall up from now on.

  • I completely agree with you. There is no sense of investing time in a relationship that you could do without. Of course love has to be with the right person and run correctly, but you do need that chemistry that makes you keep wanting more or you won't be half as happy to be with them. And relationships are supposed to lead to marriage. If you already aren't that interested, imagine in 20 years! I have many great Christian guy friends that I love to death but would never date because it would be forced. I think their purpose in our lives is to show us the model of what type of girl/guy we should look for. It helps us set a standard for what we need in a future wife/husband. My friends set it pretty high :)

    Love always

  • Stendhal's crystallization.

    Mentioned to me by a now ex-boyfriend, who knew darn well what he was talking about when he said the crystallization had not happened for me. Stubbornly, I waited for the passion to grow because there was absolutely no reason I shouldn't have been in love with this man. Unfortunately, sparkle cannot be painted on or tended like a seed, it just happens. If I had accepted right away that my "I love you" didn't mean the same thing as his "I love you", we might have saved ourselves two years of horridness.

    Just saying... postpone the urge to settle for as long as possible.

  • I think one of the important points is that really in all honesty if you are going to have a boyfriend/girlfriend that you know that you are not interested in, you probably should look at your motivations for doing this. Is out of a sense of a need for security, or out of a need for intimacy (physical or otherwise); because if you truly have no long-term feelings for them then aren't you just using them? Please know that I am not pointing any fingers, because I have been guilty of this in the past. just a thought..

  • Sweet, single, Christian people are hard to find nowadays.  At least, my "brand" of Christianity -- somewhere between crazy fundamentalist and total secualrity.  I feel your pain :)

  • Interesting. I can't imagine who would be offended at this!!

    I would agree that the less time wasted is more time for what is important in life.
    Chasing something that isn't there (as a whole) is a bad idea.

    I think the difficulty lays within our sometimes confused ideologies and manytimes our lack of understanding in ourselves and the person we would like to be with eventually.

     You seem to have a grasp on yourself and what you want though, so being militant is your right!

  • @echois23 - No, you're right, the boyfriend/girlfriend level is no place to be playing around. I sometimes have gone too far, though, and gotten in arguments with girls who were merely friends and we weren't really sure what to do with each other. There has to be a better way to manage the sexual tension (or lack thereof!), I guess, ha.

    @NatalieTheSaint - Good point! we only have so much effort we can put in relationships.

    @ValaniRose - Ha! That is a great concept that I should respect more. Truly, love requires some irrationality, I suppose. Perhaps I am too rational?

    @De__Profundis - Good questions to ask, friend.

    @mixedbabiesrock - I can try to give you some tips/hints for finding such folk, if you'd like There are some tricks one can use.

    @Kontzicles - LOL well calling girls inventory is kind of shady :-p I'm literally calling them objects! haha

  • Well...my first comment is a happy one that I can no longer be on anyone's "inventory list"

    And then...related to dating someone that you don't feel romantic attractions toward...I guess my opinion depends on your definition of "date". I said something related to this topic to my friend in response to her blog about people pestering her for being "old" (she's only 22) and not really having much for dating experience. Don't take this one line out of context and think you know my opinion related to that subject, but here it is:

    Basically, just because you can't think of
    anyone you WANT to go on a date with doesn't mean there's no one worth
    bothering going on a date with.

    In the last couple months, I've learned firsthand the difference between immediate romantic feelings towards a person and those that weren't initially there, but grow with time. I went out with E for the first time because I didn't really know him that well and I didn't really have a reason not to. Had a great time, but still didn't feel that connection. You know all this if you read my protected post series. We continued to see each other regularly as friends. In groups. This all really changed my way of thinking on this. Because I didn't expect it to happen.

    So I guess it depends on whether you're talking about staying in a relationship that you still don't have a vested interest in and don't see a future for. That I don't really agree with.

  • Ha, I liked it.  I feel the same way about many of my friends - and are very happy when they get involved.  And, I also feel the same way about strawberry icecream.  I really wouldn't ever choose it by itself.

    How's life?  Is school over/almost over?  I'm graduated and in Ohio for the next few weeks and then its off to Nantucket for a summer internship before going back to SC to start the next few years.  Hope all is well with you.  I completely understand not feeling 'bloggy' but I do hope you rekindle the writing bug soon.  Mine waxes and wanes it seems. 

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