August 14, 2009

• Dark Schemes: The Stringed Present

  To keep up with the series and read from the beginning, just click the DarkSchemes tag.
  Marcus clicked the mouse absent-mindedly one more time. This really had to work, or else Ron was not going to be able to to get back that English essay from the bowels of his hard drive. He tensed waiting for the message. Ron squawked over his shoulder "Is it working?" Ah, that Ron--clumsy, socially awkward, and relatively friendless, he walked the dorm halls in solitary fashion. But Marcus felt like he really should help the poor guy, and..."PING"...the search was done. Marcus checked and...No virus! Ron could find his essay now!
  "Ok Ron, your computer is fixed again!" Marcus said. "Looks like I still got the touch!"
  Ron grinned. "Marcus, thanks so much! I owe you man! It's too bad I don't have any money right now. That took you 2 hours to fix!"
  "Ha, I know, but it's no big deal."
  Ron suddenly smirked. "Wait, I do have something for you!" He reached under the bed and pulled out a box with a stack of magazines. "This is my brother's full subscription to Jaunty Lad magazine--the hottest women in England, 1990-1999! He gave it to me when I turned 18. I want you to take some of them--here, take the year 1995!"

  Oh dear. Our hero/zero Marcus is once more in an awkward situation, patterned loosely around something that happened to me this year. What do you do when someone wants to reward your kindness with an inappropriate gift?! It reminds me of when I was asked to go drinking by a grateful kid I helped tutor, and I was 20...I believe I just stared at him in horror, ha, and poor guy never talked to me after that. That wasn't the right way to handle it. But neither is accepting the gift.

  However, it's such a cunning little temptation. Marcus worked hard for Ron, the oily loser of the dorms. He does deserve a reward, right? And Ron is doing this out of love, actually--he may have zero ulterior motives here. He genuinely wants to repay Marcus--this isn't some sort of bait and switch.

  But believe it or not, some of this is Marcus' fault too. When Ron says he can't repay Marcus, why doesn't Marcus say "Just help someone else who needs it, pay it forward" or "You can buy me lunch sometime" or even "Don't thank me, thank God, he's why I did it" if Marcus is a Christian? Why leave Ron hanging and obligated? Some of us collect "favors" from people, and like them to feel obligated to us. That's a trap.

  Let's suppose Marcus does take the magazines, though, "just for Ron's sake." Here's how these things end up in my experience...

  Marcus tossed the magazines on the desk. Eh, maybe he'd look at them later. After all, the girls were pretty hot. He heard a knock, and his roommate Ted came in.
  "Marc, what are these magazines? Jaunty Lad, February 1995? Seriously? What is that?!"
  "Um, well, Ron gave them to me, and..."
  "RON?! The social leper? You're getting your porn from him?"
  "Well, uh..."
  "Come on man, 1990's porn? Let me guess--Turn-ons, 'Nirvana and flannel shirts'; Turn-offs, 'When AOL won't connect so I can talk to hot guys?' HAHAHAHA It's a college campus, bro, grow up and get rid of those! There are real girls here, you know..."

  And it seemed like such a good idea 2 seconds ago in Ron's dorm room! Marcus didn't even look at them, and he's already in for it. In the end, you're still the guy with "contraband", no matter how you try to spin acquiring it. Oh, and thank me later for not making Ron a girl, haha. In the end, I say make sure you are not the one who feels obligated or who collects obligations. The other side of this is, the Marcus' of the world act nice at first, and then demand things because "Ooh, look at all I did for you!" That's just as pathetic; to be direct, ladies, what should a $20 dinner from a guy who dates you mean? Nothing.

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