September 22, 2009

• Free Advice for Teenagers, in Three Words or Less

  As I've said before, I really do like teenage peoples. However, the more I've been on Xanga, the more I realize I'm a bit too old to be hobnobbing with the younger set and drenching them with 100-proof of intoxicating wisdom (or, banal anecdotes and trite empathy, same thing). Besides, they make fun of my walker and top hat, and refuse to recognize the virtues of oatmeal, the 25-cent burger, and the New Deal.

  Anyway, I realized I could easily encapsulate my advice to most teenage situations and dilemmas in three words. This saves me approximately 200 comments a year, which means my hands will be strong enough to smack the little kids who insist on stepping on my grass. So geritol in hand and Depends at the ready, let me break down for you some of my elderly, seasoned wisdom*.

  Wait? Many teenage problems can be solved easily enough just by waiting. It's so tempting to think that you will NEVER have this opportunity again if you don't act now. But life is long, and it's never good to do things just because everyone else your age is. Not ready for college? It might be ok to wait a year. Don't like your first job offer? Wait a week or two before taking it. Worried about the dangers of drinking, but feeling pressured to join in? Wait until you see what it does to your best friend next week, and you may feel much better. Mad you aren't starting as a junior on the team? Be patient--that senior may get injured, or coach may change his mind. But he won't do that if you throw a fit now. Taking a breath and thinking twice will save you from sending out that e-mail that breaks friendships, too! Now, some of you may be shy types who should ask themselves "Go?" instead for every decision. But for most teens, it's more important to learn to wait, until you can figure out what to do based on others' experience and common sense.

  Talk! When you're a teenager, you believe no one understands you, and you're the different one. In your 20's, you believe everyone understands you, and that you're not really that different from any other member of humanity. Neither belief is quite true, but it is how you may think of yourself. Don't turn inward when problems happen; talk to other people about them. Talk to your parents or a counselor about abuse. Talk to your older brothers' friends about what college is like so you won't be as scared. Talk to your best friend about your dark secret you've been holding onto. I especially am talking to my fellow guys; we stay way too quiet in our suffering, and people just don't know. Post blogs and do video...you don't have to post them for everyone to see, but this will clear your head. Don't keep the pain inside, and don't you dare think, dear friend, that no one will understand you or that you're the only one who feels this way. I still remember my friend telling me some secrets about himself on the way to a graduation. I was confused a bit by it all, but supportive; and he gained major relief by being able to finally share something that had bothered him. Remember, "Whoever confesses and forsakes his sin shall have mercy"; you're NOT expected to be perfect, and don't be afraid to say "oops" before it's too late!

  Boundaries. Figure out what you believe, and what your limits are for your physical and spiritual health. Then smack the daylights out of anyone who tries to cross your boundaries. Don't let yourself be manipulated or intimidated into changing your standards. Unfortunately, the world has people who like to try to push around teens just because they are young and less experienced. But you have every right to ignore them, to walk away, to fight them, to call for help. Don't waste time on drama sinkholes and traps; they just wish to take your attention and energy! You are a person of worth, even if you have low self-esteem at times. Don't convince yourself that you are worthless, and don't break down your own walls of self-respect, dreams, and goals. So many teens are their own worst enemy! It's sad to see them waste their lives, or actively destroy their bodies and minds. But your walls will hold you up when you are at your weakest. It also helps to have your own little corner that you can relax in when you feel overwhelmed. I spent most of one year of middle school in my room, ha. It was good for me then! You have to find those places of peace and protect them with your boundaries. If you are broken, wait and talk until they rebuild.

  Hmm...rambling? check. Bolded words? check. Random punctuation that I'm very proud of? check. Done!

  *I'm in my late 20's, for the record. I just feel like exaggerating my age because my sense of humor is as lame as your dad on Facebook.

  • 9:04 pm
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