December 21, 2009

  • The DrakonSkyr and I

    I was recently given the rare opportunity to meet the Drakonskyr in its natural habitat. I decided to embark on this epic quest as part of my little-known book tour* to promote my book, "Life 101." My choice of "Peter McWilliams" as a pseudonym was particularly inspired.

    Unbeknownst to me, at the same time Drak was doing his own little-known book tour* for his memoirs.

    Feeling the pressure of having another author in the bookstore, especially one who uses obscure, little-known words such as boobnosis*, I felt I had to improve my own vocabulary. Back to the basics it is! Let me sound out a few words as a warm-up, and he will be a mere shadow of his antediluvian self once he drowns in the majest of my flood of words culled from my dilettante** life experience! Hey, it says 6 years AND UP, right?

    Drak apparently was feeling some pressure himself to reconsider his life paradigm. Reassured in his core beliefs about humanity, he was prepared for our meeting.

    I sized up my nemesis carefully. It's alive?! He seemed to be struck with similar emotions, while struck with envy that he couldn't measure up to my massive chin and duck-lipped looks. You know what they say about men blessed with massive chinnage.***

    I of course felt the need to probe Drak about his obscene blogging style. Could it be that I had misunderstood him all this time and beneath the f-bombs lay a kind gentleman who merely wanted love and cookies for everyone? I had! You've all misunderstood him!****.

    He naturally had some similar questions for me about my own style, and, well, I too have been misunderstood...

    Bolstered by this common understanding, we decided to bring a new era of universal brotherhood***** to Xanga! We came up with a new song and everything!
     
    We exchanged manly hand signals and fled our separate ways, secure in the knowledge that even two seemingly total opposites on Xanga can find common ground******.

    *It's little-known because it doesn't exist.
    **It means impressive, right? I didn't have dictionary.com available to check.
    ***They go on to do mediocre late-night comedy that is surprisingly popular, or they open donut shops.
    ****You haven't. I'm missing $50 still! I wrote that sentence so he would pay me back.
    *****Not exactly. But I did promise to stop perusing his comment section for hot women, and he promised not to beat me up for it.
    ******And that common ground is gossiping our tongues off about every single semi-famous Xangan. My blackmail folder just doubled in size. I prefer *.jpeg format, Drak.

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