December 26, 2009
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The Christian Dream Spouse You Never Met
Hello. I’m your would-be Christian dream spouse that you gave up on years ago. What’s that? You thought I didn’t exist? Come on, do ghosts have eyes this blue? Oh, you want to know where I’ve been all this time? I was going to ask you the same! Sit down and I’ll fill you in…
God had me ready for you that Friday night, freshman year, when you were debating whether to go to the sorority party or not. I had decided not to go either, even though it was my sorority. I knew there would be way too much drinking and carrying on for me to justify going. So I quietly left and decided to take out my frustration on the track. You were supposed to be there if you had not decided to go. It would have been just you and me, running around the track, finding ourselves matching each other’s pace, noticing how we were exactly each other’s height, ripping off lap after lap in total solitude, sneaking little glances at each other that became more admiring as the laps went on. We would skip that last lap together, arm in arm, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Then you would wink at me and disappear…only for us to magically find each other again weeks later. You would tell me months later that you just knew you would find me again, and you were right. They didn’t know why we would skip down the aisle 3 years later, but you and I knew. But you didn’t show up, and so I spent that Friday night in tears for the last lap, not knowing why. I’m married now to someone else, but it doesn’t feel right somehow.
Hey wait, didn’t you notice me? I’m your other would-be Christian spouse that you missed out on. You think God didn’t have a back-up plan? I admit, I was a little more elusive.
I was going to be one of the volunteers on that Habitat for Humanity trip your junior year during spring break. You’d sign up even though you couldn’t think of a good reason why, just because you felt God wanted you to go. We’d be working on the one house all week long. I was reserved at first, but I enjoyed listening to you sing as you worked. I have to admit, I would never realize that I was falling in love with you until you slept on my shoulder on the van ride back. Looking at your peaceful face, I would realize I wanted you to wake up to my face every day. I wouldn’t be able to tell you right away, but once I would gather my courage, you would be surprisingly receptive as you too realized your love for me. It was going to be beautiful. But now, I’m on a mission field by myself—I am happy here, and I am doing work for God, but there are still nights I wonder why God never brought anyone my way. I didn’t know about you until now.
Please, wait for my story. God wasn’t quite finished with you, even if you had given up on him years ago. You must have done a lot of praying for me when you were younger!
You would start looking for a church in my area when you moved in for that new job. You were supposed to slide into my pew quickly one Sunday because the worship had already started. I would be there already, and you would knock me out of my seat because you slid in so quickly! Between your profuse apologies and my laughter, we would bond quickly. I should still have the bulletin on which we scrawled messages back and forth as if we were old friends. The church was awful, actually, and we both were to go out for lunch that day to complain about it and try to go church-searching together. It would feel like the most natural thing in the world for you and I to spend more and more time together as we found out how much we had in common, and we would love telling new friends how you literally knocked me off my feet...But no, actually, right now I’m here in this club with a drink in my hand, looking for someone to spend the night with. Ironically, I will find you, of all people, and we’ll go back to my place. It’ll be wonderful, actually, but it’ll only be one night instead of the 1000 nights it was supposed to be. It’s too bad that for once, reality was better than my drunken memory…and I’ll never know. I’ll be too hungover to remember to get your number in the morning, and you’ll feel a sudden flush of shame as you see my tattered Bible in the bookcase and hurry out before we can talk more. In another year I won’t have the Bible anymore, and you won’t feel any shame either.
Comments (37)
I admit, this post is a little more aggressive than usual. But I was getting tired of reading the same type of blog over and over. If you're really looking to marry a good Christian man or woman, then be patient and actually look for them in Christian places. I became weary of everyone's compromising this year, my own included.
Hm... you hit a nerve. I don't believe in soul mates... and as your post evidenced, there are options out there. But ... hm. Now I'm musing. I think this'll carry me in my thought processes through the weekend. Thanks... I think.
This was very well written and I agree with you completely, if your going to look, look in the right places. However I dont think its always full-proof =P
Thank God I have the wonderful Christian spouse whom I did meet
I'm thankful for my wonderful Christian spouse-to-be.... I met him in high school -- a Christian high school.
I agree with the point you're trying to make here, though. If you want a Christian spouse, go to Christian places and don't be impatient and jump to conclusions. If you want a party-girl, then hang out at the club and you'll find one (or seven). If you want a good, Christian wife... Well, go to church.
This was amazing. Thank you.
Def something to think about. I'm pretty sure, though, some of us are supposed to be alone....just my opinion.
hmm... i'm not sure what to say... i think if two people are meant to be together, they'll end up together regardless of whether or not they screwed it up when they first met.
Wow...I really liked that alot. I met my husband at church. Best place in the world to meet a good guy, in my opinion.
I dont like that I am God's plan A or plan B or potential one night stand for another person. I'm neither - I'm me. And I'm 10 yrs past the people who gave up and you know what? they are miserable, either divorced, a single parent or living with a loser. I'll take my nun-like life over theirs any day, as lonely as it may be.
I'm not sure how I feel about this post. I get what you are saying, but I feel it dehumanizes us in a way to be christians who view life like this. granted I'm morbidly cynical so I have no room to talk, but we are all a part of God's story and we lessen ourselves when we make the story solely about us.
hm. well i found my good Christian soon-to-be-husband on myspace. Go figure.
But if it's meant to be, than it'll work out some how. I've always believed that.
This post is really cute (:
But yes, xanga is creeper-free unlike facebook or myspace.
It's not that I don't take compliments well, it's just that they don't mean as much when they have shady intentions behind them, you know?
This made me sooo sad. It's not like I'm not looking in the right places (tho being back in school the last few months have made it tough), I haven't found anyone. I don't know what to do with this... Be patient like everyone always keeps continuously telling me, but there are points where I'd much rather give up. Honestly, it's frustrating waiting on someone you have long since believed doesn't exist. Tho I long to be married, if God told me (Which He hasn't) there was no one for me I'd give up all that longing and junk. Like I said, this made me soo sad. Good tho.
I loved this post!!! Amazing!
This post is really cute! Loved it!
@exhale_whispers - You reminded me of that ex porn star and the meth addict who met but ended up reforming their ways. Sometimes the most messed up people have the biggest capacity to love because of all that they have been through. I think most of the time it is about where their heart is. If people are looking to use people and be jerks then they probably won't end up changing. If they are good people caught in bad situations then I think there is hope if they're meant to be together. So it's possible to meet someone while popping pills, screwing indiscriminately, or robbing your local convenience store. Probably not probable though. ha ha.
I may not be a religious person, but I loved reading this, John. It was sad and had such a good message that can apply to anyone, not just Christians alone. Thank you for writing and sharing this.
wow... what brought this on? somehow this speaks to many a person... it's angering some... but it's more touching the heart of the dating Pharisees in the church for sure... glad that you expressed it and put it more poignantly than I could...
Food for thought!
wow, good post!
Interesting post, GP. I really have to say that I'm not quite sure where I stand on this post yet. but I will say that your comment to this post is interesting. I agree that too many people compromise, too many people walk into "relationships" that aren't what God intends for them because they compromise. They settle. It is sad, heartbreaking and disappointing to see a follower of Christ do those things. But I will point out another side to this story. You say that one should be looking in "Christian" places for that soon to be spouse....I agree, looking where God has you is important. The sad and really pathetic part of that is that men and women alike have amazing Godly people surrounding them and choose to look right past them for hope of something "better," something "hotter," something more like their fantasy. And the reality is that the perfect person looks nothing like the fantasy. I can't tell you how many times people I have have married someone nothing like what they thought they would wind up. In looks, in personality type, etc...we have this thought of what would be good for us, but God doesn't want to give us what's good and compatible, he wants to give us something exceedingly and abundantly beyond what we could imagine, and someone to sharpen the iron....and usually it looks, sounds and walks nothing like what we expect. And so often, me and women are blind to that. That is heartbreaking.
hmm... yes, maybe you will find that person in a church, but what if they are of a different denomination than yours?
@Renaissance_Phoenix - agreed....can we just chuck the image of dream spouse out of the window already? cuz they freakin' don't exist. as susan isaacs puts it, when we expect that person to be our dream something we put far too much pressure on them to meet that undefinable need and when they don't, we resent them. I'm just a girl. and if i ever marry, i'll marry just a guy. not Jesus. not a sex God. not superman. not my knight in shining armor. just another flawed human being.
Interesting. I thought I was every woman's plan A.
i had to read this post twice before commenting on it...not sure how to articulate a full response to it, and i'm not even sure i agree with it. but...i feel the need to say...something at least.
i'm not religious (haven't been to church in 4 years), but i try to keep in touch with god, and although i'm christian in theory, i don't put a whole lot of thought into what that actually means. i do ask god for strength and guidance...a lot. in the last few months, however, i ignored it...not out of deliberate spite or anything, but because my doubt on this particular facet of life has become very strong. i spent a solid 22 years waiting reverently for god's plan to kick in, for someone or something good for me to come my way...but no one ever came so i decided to take matters into my own hands. and somwhere along the way--without even realizing it-- i was beginning to settle, with disastrous results.
hopefully i've come to my senses and learned from my mistakes...but i often wonder about what-ifs and backup plans...i believe god does have plans for us, but what if we screw up plans A and B? is there a plan C? a plan D or R or Z? what if, for example, i messed up or missed a chance during the months i spent acting like a complete and utter moron? do i get another chance? or am i now supposed to do something else, somewhere else? i don't know, but clearly your post got me thinking...so i guess that's good. right? haha. good post though...very interesting.
These sound like versions of thoughts I've had before. I think they're common to every young Christian man/woman. However, it seems the real thing often happens in a totally different, less cinematic way.
Cheers to the point you made in your comment: that Christian places are where you find Christian dream spouses. Funny how elusive the obvious can be.
Heart wrencher. I must admit I do often feel many of those things. I was working with a missionary family and it did occur to me for the two years I was there- Yes, I love God-- but I'm still so very alone in a culture not my own.
I realize it now that everyone seems to think going to the bar is the place to find someone- but like this story that's all I see is it not ending well. I stay home, but am almost set that I won't find anyone because there aren't many that share my faith at school and slim to no pickings when it comes to guys my age at church.
It's difficult, yeah.
Guilt much?
I absolutely love this.
@Passionflwr86 - @La_Chose_En_Soi - It's admittedly rather maudlin and extreme--I don't believe God prepares a spouse for everyone, by any means. Still, he supplies our needs, and if we don't look to him, we will be disappointed. I'm glad it made you think. That was my hope--that people would be forced to think about the opportunity cost of their decisions.
Some wonderful people marry some awful ones.
even if I too forget that at times.
I've seen just enough of the player life to know I want no part.
@wolvenchic - Nope, it's not.
@inconceivable_alicia - Yes, exactly! that's my point.
@one_eared_batman - @XxFireXboltxX - @galadrielspitcher - @rainbowbrite2200 - @Ampersands_Anonymous - @CrazyKey123 - you're welcome!
@exhale_whispers - @ShimmerBodyCream - Yes, I would agree that it's possible, not probable. You may be with them after all, but only after years of sorrow and confusion. Or, one of you may die or give up before you reunite.
@manduh402 - It's a good question...can we mess up so badly that God has no spouses left, no jobs left, etc? I believe in a gracious God, but I also believe in a "sensible" God, I suppose. Still, I think we can be too quick to think that "oh, if I have no spouse, God cannot bless me." Yes he can
@Bokgwai - Duh. This post is about you, like all my posts are, Bokgwai. -->feeds massive ego HAHA
@spokenfor - @Renaissance_Phoenix - Ugh, you are making me feel bad for using the imagery of the "dream spouse", or "The One," because I hate that too. But this was written more as a way to hopefully renew some hope in people who are settling. Still, realistic spouse > dream spouse > anyone will do. hmm...I wanted to get my point across without sermonizing for once, but I am reminded of the sharp limitations of fiction.
@dlmcniel - We talked about this some already...one idea is, one person can convert to the other's, or they can compromise and pick a new denomination for both. It's tough, but not as tough as finding common ground with a non-Christian.
@leadworshipper82@revelife - For one, eternalimplosion had a very honest blog recently of how her heart was led astray before her accident into pursuing a non-Christian spouse. For another inspiration--my entire year! haha.
@TheRealMelanie - Sigh, I think you are wise to distrust online complements. Too many men out there "fishing" for easy targets, you know? I intuitively distrust flattery/complements at first, b/c I know its power.
@KyohakuMegami - Aww, ha, Myspace is indeed a possible place--you'll have to blog about it sometime.
@ccarothers - Aww. Well, I'm 29, and I'm still being patient myself, without too many options. What other option do we have, though, but patience in God?
@Bongo5 - Oh, it was definitely exaggerated. I played up the cinematic/dream perspective. But I think too many people I know have lost the dream. As I said above, dreams are not better than reality. But give me a man/woman who dreams of a wonderful godly spouse compared to one with no dreams at all anymore.
I appreciate that.
@genkii_to_ureshii_risu - Aww...there are many like you on Xanga, I'm subscribed to fair amount of missionaires. Try regional/national Christian conferences? But overall, my friend, God will make a way for his faithful servants like you. I firmly believe it.
@CallMeQuell - Hmm, I was going to ask you the same. :-p Seriously, Quellers, yes, this is about as subtle as a baseball bat to the face, and my writing lacks a certain subletly. But I'm so sick of meeting people who have given up on God, just because they want sex/love and think he can't provide that need. If he can't handle something that simple, what can he do?
@mirrortothesoul - Hey! thanks for the visit
i think though there's a difference between the idea of settling and the idea of being realistic... for one, I know many a female have these RIDICULOUS lists that are just unrealistic to the point where it would be like if Jesus came up to them and asked them if they wanted to go for some coffee they would be like, "I don't like Him cuz He's got a beard...." it's like are you kidding me?! Being realistic instead of idealistic will make you choose and stick with what you know is right... accordingly to what Scripture mandates of course...
@macphoto - Oops, forgot you the first time. Let's see...yes, it is true that some are better alone. Interestingly, the Bible hints that staying single is better than being married, although it depends on one's capability to do so, of course. You may also like http://quirkyalone.net/ if you haven't seen it before.
@GreekPhysique - I even think that no how much we may desire to be with another, sometimes the powers that be have other plans for you and no amount of prayers or looking is going to change that. I think its probably a rare thing but I'm inclined to believe its true. Some people were put here for a different reason.
@GreekPhysique - Ha, fair enough, but 1000 nights? That's like, three years. Unless sex is infrequent, which, you know, fuck that.
@CallMeQuell - Poetic license, you literalist you :-p But yes, you are correct.
I'm a little late in finding this, but I enjoyed reading it. It caters nicely to the way I sometimes let my mind wander. For me, though, its a little dangerous to play that "What if..." or "If only..." game; I'm glad you posted that first comment to explain more of your motivation in writing this. You know, though, this is the kind of concise, heartstring-tugging post that so many young Christian girls would print and tape on their mirror or tuck in their study Bible. I sure would have. Well done.
Also, to all of us who have compromised to whatever degree...onward into a new year and a new chance to be obedient. Take heart in God's favor to King David, even when he clearly missed it with Bathsheba. After all, God used the product of that unfortunate misconduct to later build His dwelling place. Maybe, in His grace, God is always weaving and re-weaving His best for us.
If you haven't already, you should definitely read "Passion & Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. You will never be the same. In a good way.
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