April 23, 2010

  • You're so Naive, You Probably Think this Blog Isn't about You

    (with apologies to Carly Simon). Naive people are everywhere, and I adore them. It's nice to meet people who still blush at foul language and who are delightfully simple, willing to tell the truth even though it will cost them. I consider myself somewhat of a naive person. I certainly haven't had as much life experience as many of you have had, and I can be a very simple-minded, black-and-white person at times, as some of my friends delight in telling me.

    However, I am very weary of hearing naive people proudly and loudly proclaim that they are not naive. It's obvious to everyone else, my little flower, that you would regard a 3AM invitation to walk down a dark alley blindfolded while carrying the entire contents of your bank account as a delightful exercise in performance art.

    You're so naive...you would faithfully take in a prisoner who claimed his orange jumpsuit was a fashion statement. You're so naive...you let Aunt Edna see your credit card number just because she's curious "If we have the same number."
    You're so naive...you think Joe just randomly wants to see a movie with you at his house, at 3AM, with the lights off and candles lit. Yay movie night!

    You are as guileless as a fat kid when a stranger in a van is offering free cake and pie, and you firmly believe that you are the one to change the neighborhood pimp or slut by the purity of your love.

    Let me give my vicious 2 cents. I know I'm naive, and that sometimes I can be a people pleaser. So I watch myself and stay away from people who will exploit that. I don't party with people who are more sophisticated than I am unless I have trustworthy friends along. I don't date women who are much more experienced than me hoping that somehow it'll all work out. I don't sign for business deals that I don't understand hoping that they really will build that condo in the Everglades someday. I don't trust people just because they have a big smile and a firm handshake. It's ok to be naive, but it's not ok to do nothing to protect yourself. To borrow from the Bible, sure be as "Harmless as doves" but also "be as wise as snakes."

    But wait, I forgot; you're willing to learn through your mistakes. You will tell me that you wouldn't change a thing and bravely smile while your heart is ripped to ribbons and your bank account is empty. There's something very noble about a naive sheep thinking that the way to get over being inexperienced is to rush headlong into the lions den and proclaim "Here I am!" It's all fun and games...until the lions are wearing wool sweaters and turning the spit over the barbecue pit. But please, carry on in the American tradition of learning by experience and sowing your wild oats. Wolves have to eat too, I suppose. Just don't expect your friends to be excited for their first-row seats to the carnage.

    (To answer the inevitable flood of "Are you talking about me?"--this is not a reply to any recent event in particular, just something that has been irritating me for a while. We'll return to our schedule of sunshine, rainbows, and free unicorn rides eventually).

Comments (54)

  • And just to start off the fun: I'm so naive...I wrote this post out instead of keeping it to myself. :-p
    Anyone else want to continue adding punch lines to the "I'm so naive..." track?

  • Hmm, [end rant]! Haha.

    But really, by the very definition of "naive," you would have to expect such people to be ignorant of their ignorance. So don't you see? ;) No one wants a negative label, whether it's true or not! Let them live in their denial if they want!!

  • I'm afraid that my punch line would fall flat. So, my favourite line here was: "..until the lions are wearing wool sweaters and turning the spit over
    the barbecue pit."

  • Are you talking about me?

  • clever play on those song lyrics. =)

  • @MagisterTom - Tom is so naive he thinks that there's a chance this post may actually not be applicable to him

    hehehehe 

  • haha i love (hate) when girls claim to be niave to guys liking them. it drives me crazy.

  • this amuses me. i wish i could be that blissfully stupid.. i mean.. naive.

  • I like you when you're angry. Grrr.

  • Just a little common sense goes a long way!

  • Dear Greek,

    It's interesting for me to realize I've been blogging for over five years, and have had a personal website for over 10 years. I turn 57 in a week, and I got online as early as possible so that I didn't miss the cyberboat. I still have friends who aren't "computer literate" and don't care to be, and I've got friends who can't stay away from the texting feature on their phones. In the past decade I've learned that a lot of younger folk are so attuned to "online life" that they are QUITE naive when it comes to dealing with relationships and situations in the real world. (And sometimes in the cyberworld.)

    I love to read comments on news feeds. So many people seem to believe what they're being dished at whatever moment they're in, and they don't remember anything about whatever they were dished the moment before. Even older folks who should know better are naive about some of the simplest things. F'rinstance, this morning I had a conversation with a lady in her mid 60s who just got a new computer. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box anyway, but she was telling me she was thinking about selling her old computer. We had just been having a conversation where I was talking about identity theft. I told her it possibly wasn't a good idea to even wipe the hard drive. I've gotten rid of 5 computers in my life, and I still have the physical hard drives for all of them. (lined up on a shelf like paperback books!)

    "I don't have any really personal stuff on my  computer" she said. "Have you ever bought a book on amazon.com?" I asked. "Did you give them your credit card number? How about your social security number. I'll bet you've written that at least once." She admitted that she had typed personal info after a while and before our talk she might have given away the computer without even thinking about erasing or removing the drive.

    That said, once I threw a party for a gal's boyfriend who had just gotten out of prison, and the next day while I was at work he broke into my apartment and stole my cash.

    Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • naive does not have to equal stupid.  

    There's going to be unicorns?!  I'm there!

  • Greek,

    I'm certainly one who would have once fallen under the category of "naive" and I ran steadfastly into the direction of "corruption" in hopes that I would be able to simply get that stage of my life done and over with. That being said, I have learned from my stupidity because it certainly wasn't ignorance that led me in that direction. Everyone should use their better judgment and not simply lead themselves into thinking that their gut doesn't deserve a second consideration. Regardless, I still come across as very naive (because I am) but I also safeguard myself with my previous life experience and my extensive knowledge. In this situation, even if nowhere else, knowing a little about a lot can really get you places in life.

    It physically pains me to watch younger and/or less world-wise individuals walk into traps with a manta of "this isn't going to hurt for long" when they knew they shouldn't be doing whatever it may be in the first place. So many of my friends are willingly a part of the aforementioned group and all I feel I can do is continually remind them of what I think they should be doing, though at times I really want to cuff them to me and walk them through their day-to-day life ... Unfortunately, we all have our downfalls and I'm sure that I could learn a lot in other realms from these people that have these masochistic tendencies. In the meantime, I'll just stay in my safe little corner of the work and keep working on my puzzle that's missing pieces, hoping that my friends find what they're missing on their little scavenger hunt.

           -- FKM

  • Interesting. Harsh. But interesting.

  • Free unicorn rides?! Oh Boy, I can't wait! ;P

  • Good sensible counsel for sure!  Every youngster needs a big brother like you!

  • This is one of my favorite posts from you. I've fallen victim to naive (and stupid) decisions and learned greatly from them. You only get to be naive the first time. After that it's just stupidity :)

    Have a great weekend!

  • It's something of a great human virtue, however, to persist in goodness. I agree that pure naivete, which assumes a lack of knowing, is a bad trait to have - but, surely, just because we're burned once doesn't mean we should stop. (Case in point, Mr. Nyiri, who posted a comment above, should continue throwing parties for even dubious persons. "One bad apple spoils the bunch" is, if you agree with the idea of eudaimonia, a bad, overly safe generalization to make.)

  • We get more wise with experience.

  • "So naive that their desire to help low income families tricked them into joining the local communist political cult!" 

    Yes that would be me..... Thankfully I had a friend with me who during part two of orientation surreptitiously slipped me a note saying: "We need to get out of here! They're communists!!" 

    Also I'm too trusting when it comes to friends.  I will believe in them until the end - until they prove otherwise which as you pointed out isn't always a good thing.  Like I would NEVER in a million years think that a good guy friend would ever try to get me drunk just so he could sleep with me. Until it happened.  Though thankfully I generally keep my wits about me when I drink - and was only a little tipsy (though he assumed I couldn't handle much alcohol due to my petite frame.) Thus I flatly denied him and was able to get away.  However, I was still scandalized; my trust was broken. 

    Now I've wised up.  I don't trust my guy friends so willingly and I've taken up Kenpo.  So if any "good guy friend" tries that again I will happily roundhouse kick him in the face... (and in other more sensitive areas!)  

  • Great post, I really enjoyed reading it. =]

    I wouldn't say that I'm naive, or even stupid. I would say that I can be ignorant to other points of view...I see how a situation affects me personally, and go from there. I don't think ahead, and plan things out, and I most certainly jump to conclusions. I make mistakes just like everyone else, but I also realize I have faults, and issues as well. I try not to fall into these habits, but every once in a while, I do. We all do the best we can. =]

  • Oh dear. Um, yes. :P

  • I try to not let being naive dictate my thoughts... It's no fun to be the sheep in the lions' den. Like you, I try to choose my friends wisely and keep them around. They help to steer me around the obstacles that I'm heading straight toward.

  • Props. Know what you're talking about. I'm naive like that sometimes, too, but my friends have been really good about pulling me out/keeping me away.

  • oh boy I want a unicorn ride! dibs on the purple one

  • Thank you for your kind words... I love naivety too.!

  • I didn't get my unicorn!

    And I agree with JBaehr3 that you are very kind<3

  • Nice one! I think being naive is already part of our lives. We might be ignorant in some aspects but not to the extent of harming and not protecting ourselves.

  • Unicorn rides sound dangerous.

  • That line about performance art was just the best!

  • @Shopgirl0393 - Ha! I so rarely rant, I forgot about the rant label :-p But seriously, negative label or no, sometimes truth is truth.
    @ShimmerBodyCream - HAHA! That made me laugh. Way to tease @MagisterTom - . By the way, Tom, it looks like dual XTV will work; now we just need a topic. Hmm...
    @heyjulsiscoo - RAWRRRR ha, thanks, that made me laugh...and not be angry anymore. oops!
    @baldmike2004 - I do feel bad about folks who are ignorant about technology. Some techies use their skills to rob and deceive people, so it's important to be educated.
    @dAzEdNdEfUSED - Aww, I'm sorry you tried to learn the hard way for a while. I hope you can continue to just quietly put things together, friend.
    @Grampa_David - And they also need a grampa like you thanks!
    @myfate22 - Why thanks! You've been reading for a while, so if you say this is good, it must be!
    @szechwan_dwam - @WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption - You make a good point, in that I don't nice people to stop being nice. If no one takes chances on people like that prisoner Mr. Nyiri mentioned, he might never improve. But I'm frustrated that people don't think "Is there a smart way to do this?"
    @AmeliaHart - Ugh. To be honest, I'm wary of some male-female friendships because of things like that; I tend to hang out with my female friends in more public places overall. Glad you were able to repulse him, though!
    @jmz569 - Friends are a great help to protect oneself; I need to follow their advice more often.
    @Finity - I'm surprised to hear that; you come across as fairly sophisticated. I'm glad you're able to use your friends to protect you

  • @JBaehr3 - @kaiori - Aww thanks, ladies.

  • @GreekPhysique - Meh. I've grown a lot in the past year. I still give love too easily and too freely, though.

  • lol! good points in this rant. its one thing to be naive and not be able to connect the cause and effect dots, quite another to be aware of ones lack of experience or knowledge and deal with it. the latter doesn't sound too naive to me after all... i don't think any of us can escape being a victim of our own naivete at one point or another, but yes, hopefully one can recognize when that happens and not continue in self-delusions. :) love the title. 

  • In regards to describing myself, I always tell people, "I'm innocent, but I'm not naive." I think that pretty much covers it. 

  • I am a people pleaser as well.  But I will defend myself and my friends.  I've come to know I will take every opportunity and right to be over protective.

    awesome post!

  • well said! 

  • well done, sir. you are certainly less "naive" than many.

  • You are too kind.
    Prepare to have your socks knocked off.
    Haha view my blog.

    But see, it doesnt matter how many people stumble across it. You get hundreds of comments and I get petty change. But I suppose I am okay with that. It humbles me. The blog is for myself ultimately and if I can touch people or inspire people along the way, well than I am blessed!

  • I've been called naive but not by anyone who really knows me. My life experience doesn't leave me with anything to be naive about. However I choose to see the good in people rather than focus on the evil. I choose to expect the best from my friends, family and even strangers and you're right sometimes it gets a bit costly. My first internal reaction is to trust no one, so for me trust is a choice that I've trained myself to make. I force myself to trust and to look for the best in people, even the guy in the orange jumpsuit, because I've tried living without faith in mankind or God and I'd rather be dead than be that cynical lonely person. Naivete may be made fun of and it may be taken advantage of but it's much nicer to sleep with than cynicism. In choosing naivete over cynicism I have somehow recovered joyful parts of me and found a God who is trustworthy even when people are not. I've also found doorways into cold darkened hearts of people who simply needed to know that there was still someone in the world who was willing to take a chance on them. I try to be smart, I careful when I can be; but if I have to choose between being "smart" and missing an opportunity to reach someone the world has given up on and thus being made a fool of; I'll choose looking foolish every time. I can't wait for the unicorns.

  • I LOVE this. Great writing, as always.

    As for the naivety, I can definitely relate. I used to be so naive... ahh... ignorance is bliss, right? ;)

  • Dang it, now I have "You're So Vain" stuck in my head.

     I'm glad I'm not naive. lol

  • It's no fun trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, I've found. :-/

  • Hmmm, can't be about me... Although I think I'm a little naive... Not to much, but I have my moments...Or I'm like you and know how to protect myself from those people who will take advantage of me. My mom tends to be a really naive person, I think its cute but I just hope she's not screwed over once I leave for college... :/

  • @tsh44 - I'd describe myself the same way... I try to see the good in everyone. 

  • I know you are not talking about me because I am a wise, weathered old lady.

  • i may have been born yesterday, but not last night. ;)

  • I am so naive I think I LOVE YOU means the same thing to everybody. Oh well, live and learn.

  • im pretty naive in many ways. ill admit it, i trust people and under-estimate situations. 

    ps this was a good post!

  • Brillant!

  • I AM NOT NIAVE!!... but just to confirm something, just because the van that hands out free cakes and pie isn't legit, that doesn't mean the van handing out free candy isn't.. right?  

    hehe :)

  • Am I naive to think that this was well written? :P Just kidding! lol This was a really good read! Definitely rec'ing this.. :)

  • @mypandabear - Silly Reilly :-p Yes, there's always free candy for you! err, wait, on second thought, run away. haha.

  • I'm by no means naive and probably never have been. Life got real for me while I was way too young. However, I'm still optimistic and I choose to think the best of people even though I fully realize that most of the time people will let me down.

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