May 1, 2010
-
When a Format Doesn't Fit
I just breathed a major sigh of relief. I've successfully deleted all my pulses on here. Why?
Well, I've realized the hard way that I express myself in some formats better than others. Truth be told, I am a bit longwinded and random, if you haven't already noticed. So short formats like Twitter and Xanga Pulse tend to be bad for me, because I am not very clear or understandable. This creates the opportunity for people to misunderstand me. Worse, I tend to say things that I wouldn't ordinarily say if I had to take the time to write up a blog about it.
When it came to Formspring, the problem was that I am too concerned about answering every question exactly. So rather than just answering questions in polite, short format, I ended up obsessing about answering each question exactly right, without being misunderstood. This is impossible, and yet I still tried. It brought out the perfectionist side in me.
After a while, one just has to admit that certain forms of communication bring out the worst in us. There's a time and place for continual improvement and testing new things. But it's better to understand when a battle is not worth fighting at all. Oh, I still will use Twitter and Xanga Pulse on occasion. But I'll stick to formats better suited for the way I communicate--real life, the phone, email, webcam, and/or instant messages.
That said, how do you feel when someone consistently avoids a form of communication? Does it annoy you that your significant other doesn't seem to be very interested in talking on the phone? Or is it annoying that your friends never return your emails but seem to have all day to text? Perhaps you should consider that maybe your friend ignores that form of communication because they are inept at it.
Comments (46)
I find it interesting you feel that way. I suppose different forms of communications are best suited for certain things to express.
This is very true. And it's great that you want to be understood and take the time to make sure that your words are correct so that you don't get misunderstood. A lot of people react to being misunderstood by being rash and sometimes insulting. When it is simply that there wasn't enough expression in the first place.
Though I should add, that I feel when I am writing something of little importance like, "I should eat something" and just in general feel like stating obvious things, then pulses or facebook statuses are nice.
I cry when people say they don't like Twitter. And I'm not addicted, I swear! (This is less than 140 characters and could bet tweeted!!... umm, g2g)
All formats are a challenge. You are better than for which you give yourself credit.
oh, c'mon. the potential for being misunderstood is the fun part! haha.
When I pulse it's usually inane things or completely dependent on a context not know to most people. I probably should use it less as you decided to do.
That makes sense yes.
But a friend of ours continually uses a form of communication in which we feel we are inept, shouldn't we try to improve for our friend?
(of course, that doesn't really apply in your case as you were using mass communication techniques)
So, you're saying, "I will confuse you unless I have at least two paragraphs at a time in which to explain myself." Thank you for the friend request (you must be pretty hard up for them). j/k, your loving brother.
"Perhaps you should consider that maybe your friend ignores that form of communication because they are inept at it." - That's actually what I usually assume. I communicate best face to face unless it's about something difficult to talk about, then I'd rather write it down or type it up. I don't really care much for phone conversations and web cams make me nervous but I use them when I need to. It's good to know what works best for you and use it whenever you can.
being cryptic is awesome.
hahaha..very true. I'm not good talking on the phone. Especially for a long period of time.
I hate talking on the phone, but only because my hearing is terrible and it sounds like the adults from Charlie Brown on the other end. I much prefer texting. I don't like Twitter. I don't care what everyone's doing at every moment of every day. All it does is make it very easy for someone to stalk you. I don't Xanga pulse often. If I'm going to take the time to write something, it will be more than the 100-some characters pulse allows me to use.
Most of my friends and family know that if they want to talk to me, they can either text or email me, or leave me Xanga or Facebook messages, since I spend most of my time in front of the computer anyway.
I agree. I am not a huge fan of texting. It seems like no one answers their phone anymore. Sadly, intimacy has been replaced by convenience.
A pulse or tweet is not entirely trivial. Communication has gotten a lot easier in that respect. Not to mention privacy no longer exists. There is a sense of obligation to tell the world what you are eating for lunch, what movie you are going to see, or who asked you out last week.
What is a real crime is in order for an author today to be relevant to a younger generation; they must put down their paper and pen and enter a world where it is essential for them to write something profound in 100 words or less.
We have become a closely connected convenience driven faceless generation. I miss the snail mail days. Dont get me wrong. I am caught up in the convenience too, but I miss the intimacy sometimes more than the ease of communication.
Good lord - radical layout changes! The anarchy!
I hated formspring because it didnt have an edit function. I would obsessively delete and answer the questions again because they weren't perfect.
This post really hit the nail.
See, that's why text messages are so hard for me - I'm kinda longwinded too, and condensing what I have to say into 160 characters is just damn annoying. Haha!
My husband hates talking on the phone, so I hardly call him. He's much better at replying to texts.
My mother hardly answers her emails, so it's best to call her to ask her directly. 
I try to use the communication forms people are most comfortable with.
While I used to be an avid phone person ,I find email more preferable: I can reply at all hours of the night; I know when I'm done with my email, it will end and I won't "waste" more time.
But...I hate Twitter. I just can't get into that at all.
With all the various forms of communication and the simplicity with which we can now communicate, one would think relationships would be wildly successful ... that is, if it's true that good communication is the key to good relationships. Sometimes I think it's best to just shut up and pray and not share every.single.feeling. But that's just me.
@weedorwildflower - yeah, we're in the age of overshare, TMI
I'm mostly an in-person kind of girl, but I like the phone as well, especially with my girlfriends and family. My boyfriend doesn't like the phone, he's really talkative in person but clams up on the phone so I generally keep our phone calls to basic facts or requests (I will see you at 7:30, would you like to go out for dinner tonight?) or better yet just text. It's easier to just use the form of communication you notice that person likes to use. Of course, I'm not exactly easy to reach at times I suppose, I rarely blog anymore, I haven't been on facebook or messenger in months, and I seldom check my personal e-mail.
Haha, well you know, the other day I was thinking about this very topic. My one girlfriend lovessss talking on the phone, and she has conversations with her significant other that last hours. When she tells me this, I think that maybe there is something missing on my end, like I am totally inept at holding a telephone coversation and that's why I don't, or there is something wrong with my relationships.
But the truth is, telephone conversations usually bore me, I have terrible reception in my house, and I do much prefer in-person conversations. So when, Tim, for example, doesn't call me or something, at first I get upset, but then I realize I don't really want to talk on the phone in the first place. So I get over it. You are right. There are prefered methods of conversation we all have, so why push the ones that we don't particularly enjoy or are naturals at.
I do, however, wish that we still wrote lots of romantic love letters by hand. I think that would be amazing.
Thats a good point you make there
By the way, I love your theme. With that being said, I will answer what you asked. It sort of irks me when somebody doesn't answer me, and I tend to take it personally. It absolutely bothers me when my SO doesn't want to talk on the phone. How they would rather texts, and within those texts it's one to three worded answers. It really makes me think that the English language has failed me. It's sort of depressing. When a friend can't return an email, and they can text all day I truly believe because they suffer from LLS. LLS stands for Lazy Lou Syndrome. I think a round of red bulls is calling their name!
I know exactly what you mean.
Still, I love Pulse. I usually post about the same topic after the discussion is over on the Pulse, so I can further explain.
Wow, yeah, interesting to think about.
Yeah, I thoroughly loathe the phone. My natural and happiest state is, perhaps sadly, Twitter and text. I'm a minimalist, and I like the short, quick, witty shots. Aim is the next best thing, though usually I just don't feel like bothering to get on. I'm good at email/aim/long blog comments (heh)/etc. when I take the time, but often it simply takes more time and energy (particularly on things like long, emotionally-charged emails) than I have available. It's caused some problems in my relationships (platonic and romantic). I suspect it's cost me some friendships or kept me from becoming closer to certain people (particularly the long, emotional emails thing...I used to send these enormous emails back and forth with a close guy friend in junior high, and since he left for Israel he's tried to keep in touch with me the same way but I just don't have the same energy or motivation)(a lot of this is probably due to the fact that I wasn't in love with him anymore, and that I had someone else I was giving my attention and effort to). My ex-boyfriend Sam's default setting was MSN messenger, so much so that that was (basically) the heft of our relationship, and the place he was closest to me (I guess he felt safest being vulnerable through a vector). In the end, it's where he dumped me, too. Classy guy. (Actually, he is one of the goodest (that's the best word for it, damnit spellcheck) people I know, but at the time he was a bit skittish, I guess you'd say). We're still friends, but we only ever talk sporadically through text and facebook message.
Luckily, with Zeke I've felt more motivated to put forth the extra effort sometimes for phone, email, and text conversations (and as he's pretty talkative and I adore him it's much easier). Plus, I see him in person regularly enough that it's not a problem. When I was in Portugal for a month and had limited internet, we were forced to email, and so at night I'd right long emails describing everything I was doing and he'd write longer emails describing how miserable he was without me (damn straight). It kind of worked, but mostly it was miserable for both of us.
An interesting thing has arisen here where I've realized that I ration my time and web-based communication based on how fond of the person involved I am. Interesting. I'd like to note that I also give more time and energy (when I perhaps shouldn't) to things that spark my interest, as is the case with this absurd comment (you thought I liked you, huh? SUCKER. Grin.) and my formspring.
So there you go.
does this mean that it now says you have no pulse? oh no, you're dead!
mmm, yes.. like me, I'm just not a phone person. There is only a handful of people that I can talk to for hours on the phone.
Yeah, I feel the same way about talking on the phone. So everybody bugs me to no end when I always screen their calls and only pick up once in a blue moon. Thank god for texting though.
agreeed..
i guess i am pulling myself out of huge texting.
I am that way too.. Private messages are the ones that get me.. or texting. I HATE texting.
people say I'm difficult on the phone, but I disagree.. hahaha.
You're right though, I think if you're not good at something it's probably not smart to force someone into trying to figure you out.
BUT on the otherhand, sometimes its good to practice. Just because you like to be longwinded maybe others don't appreciate it..
i'm not saying that directed at you, but in general, you know?
@Kontzicles - You have a pleasant voice on the phone. I will agree with your disagreement of other people's agreement, ha.
The longwindedness is tough. On the one hand, yes, it can be annoying. Speaking personally only, Xanga has helped cure me a little bit because I've been trying to write shorter blogs. On the other hand, well, if a person is longwinded, are they cheating by trying to hide it? ha.
@NightCometh - Aww, thank you, Amy!
But yes, you are fun company in person.
@TheBigShowAtUD - Shame on you, sir, for promoting confusion. You are "that guy" :-p
@Ninjitsuknifer - Ha, you know me by now. And come on, you're so insouciant. Maybe I just wanted to show you love...or maybe I needed more friend requests b/c I wanted to reach 1000. (shrug)
@Vampira_tx - Yes, I agree that this generation is bad for lengthy arguments. I haven't sat down and read a full book in ages, and I am disappointed in myself!
@Lost_In_Reverie - ha! We agree. 160 characters is too few!
@weedorwildflower - Actually, Weedie, that's a big reason why I'm cutting back on some of those formats--I was leaking too many emotions that I should have kept inside of me. Well-said
@steph843 - It's good of you to remember that about your boyfriend. And btw, I miss you not being on here much anymore. Maybe in the summer?
@heyjulsiscoo - See, that's the trap--"Oh, we don't talk for hours on the phone, so he must not love me" when in reality, he's just bad at calling. And there is something adorable about hand-written letters, isn't there? I need to send a few.
@CallMeQuell - HAHA I love your ending. But no, that was good to say. I was about to page Dr. Freud about Freudian slips because after about 3 different versions of "I write long letters/comments when I really like someone," you needed that disclaimer :-p Still, it's very informational. And you're right, usually unless I am completely enamored, I won't write long letters either; that's a true test of passion!
I dont like twitter or pulse either... thats why I dont have Twitter and have only ever used the Pulse on here like 4 or 5 times max
i abhor email. write me, call me, text me, IM me, but for the love of god, don't email me.
Actually, you are good at every format. Whether it's a full-length blog or a short pulse, you are felt by your reader. I, myself, could easily connect.
I try to be understanding of things like that --- I know that not everyone is good with every form of communication, and that is fine. I used to hate talking on the phone, but I was in a long-distance relationship for over a year, so that was something I had to get over, and he had to as well. (We were both unwilling to compromise and text each other constantly.) Everyone communicates differently --- That is part of what makes people so interesting, I think.
And as for Twitter, well, mine is an outlet for all of those thoughts that really have nowhere else to go. Take these gems, pulled from my Twitter page, for example: "Is it just mean or does You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby make Bing Crosby sound like a retroactive pedophile?" and "I see that science is continuing to fail in producing a giant death ray. Humanity isn't going to enslave itself, you know."
im not bothered by much.
I try to use my Xanga pulse for quick humor or updates. I couldn't keep up Twitter, I'm not that witty!
@GreekPhysique - Ha, I tend to bestow my time on people I like, yes, and you are one of those. BUT DON'T GET TOO BIG A HEAD, MISTER.
no pulses... aww I understand though...I tend to be that way at times too.... with that being said...get my number off of facebook and TEXT MEEEEEE hahha....
I don't twitter as much..I always feel I have to sound kewl in 140 characters or less, and that bugs me a bit.
I use my xanga pulse more because...well its my blog...(south park voice) I do wahht i WANt! lol
Even FB statuses I dont do either..because I have family on there...lol
I've long suspected that you're the only extrovert on Xanga. :)
My ex isn't inept at speaking on the phone. We used to talk for hours at a time every night. Then he got to where he didn't like sharing feelings and talking and such on the phone, he'd only do it via txt, unless I saw him. -.- And I couldn't do that every day, so yeah... it got to be an annoyance.
I'm not asking to be all mushy and talk for hours (though I wouldn't mind
), I just want to know that you care enough to speak to me in person.
:O
@HisKeiki - yeah
I understand. I have to be honest, though--some women I know simply can't carry a conversation on the phone. It drives me crazy when I have to come up with all the questions and discussion points. But when a woman has a nice voice and can carry a good conversation--oh, I love it so. Not even in a sexual way, ha, it's just so refreshing and fun.
Your ex story pains me, dear. I am sad for you. Psalms 23:4. One day I believe you'll wake up and find the pain is mostly gone. I hope that day is soon.
@GreekPhysique - I never had a problem coming up with things to say. I could never fit everything into one conversation!
Good verse, thanks. I'm not sure if I'd rather wake up to no pain, or continue to feel hurt; I don't want to forget him. Well, it's beyond that, but I mean, I don't want to give up. Maybe the time isn't right at the moment, and one day soon he'll make things right spiritually and come around. *shrug* I hope so. I really hope so. It would be nice to not hurt quite as bad, though. But then maybe it'd mean that I don't care as much? I dunno.
I like the restriction on pulses. It forces me to be really terse and "make every word tell" as my old english prof. would say.
yeah, that does tend to annoy me, yet since i've done it myself, i don't fuss about it. not sure exactly why we do it, though.
It's probably harder when you are communicating with people who are extremely temperamental and high strung :-/
@scrambledmegsntoast - Meh, I had a quick temper too.
It's nice to hear from you again 
Comments are closed.