September 24, 2010

• Guest Post: Sexual Purity - Not Just For The Religious

  Blogger X has submitted a guest post I decided to run because it has a unique perspective. Some minor editing occurred.

  Just a little over a month before my 23rd birthday, I met the girl who would become my first girlfriend. I was dabbling at the piano in the lobby of my apartment complex when I heard a voice out of nowhere say "You play and sing beautifully." I turned around and there was a girl of a small stature with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. She introduced herself as "Susan" and said she was a junior at BSU studying astrophysics.

  I must say I was immediately interested. It seems rare and unusual to find a girl as geeky as I am (which should go without saying - I was a grad student at BSU at the time). She had nobody to go to the Chinese New Year celebration with, and so she asked if I'd go with her. Having nothing to do that night and facing a monstrous take-home exam that had worn me out (and needed a break from), I agreed. The rest, as they say, is history.

  The first couple of months were what I thought of as a fairy tale. I had all but given up at finding love, to be honest not many women would want to accept me at my face value, I would almost certainly have to change certain aspects of myself to even have a chance (something I'm not willing to do).

  Soon after my 23rd birthday, our relationship became sexual. At 23 years old, I was still a virgin, and so was she at the age of 21. That night was, shall we say, fun (or so it was at the time). We seemed to be naturals at the sex game, and we had some of the best "first timer" sex that anyone seems to have. Of course, things just sort of went on from there, and as the months went on, sex became an even bigger part of our relationship with each other. Even after her awful accident that nearly claimed her life, we remained very sexually intimate, picking up where we left off just two short weeks afterward.

  So came the middle of May where she claimed she was heading home to see a younger brother who was about to be deployed. I drove her to the airport and kissed her goodbye, but of course, not before having one last whoopee session that morning. We would, after all, be apart from each other for two months, so we wanted to make it really count for something.

  So comes the end of June, when I go into IHOP for some breakfast early in the morning. Little did I know I was about to have the biggest shock of my life. I looked across the restaurant, and sitting cuddled up to another guy, was the very woman who I called my girlfriend. Yeah, I was devastated, not going to lie. As I confronted her on the way out, and decided at that point our relationship was over, I just felt my heart breaking into a million tiny little bite-sized pieces.

  We were separated from one another for some time, but she called me one evening and told me she was having a rough time and if she could hang out at my apartment. Like an idiot I agreed. So we had dinner, some wine, and after a few glasses we were tipsy, and we again had sex with one another. Over the next few weeks we would be more like "friends with benefits," and we had sex on a number of occasions even though we weren't officially dating anymore.

  Needless to say, there came a point I resented her so bad I needed to push her out of my life. That was very, very hard to do. Part of me hated her, but I grew to really love sex. You could almost say I was addicted to it. It made me feel good when I wasn't feeling so good.

  It was definitely hard pushing her out of my life, if for no other reason than that. I'd feel sexually deprived over the next month or so, eventually getting over it. Of course, Susan still has something of mine that I'll never be able to get back, that of course being my virginity. And I will always have hers too, and it serves as a dark reminder of how things turned sexual between us far too soon.

  I'll admit it, I used to be one of those that thought the only real reason for being sexually pure until marriage was religious. Having been an atheist at the time, I thought the arguments given in favor of abstinence were silly, and as such I paid absolutely no attention to them, and that is probably my biggest regret in my relationship with her.

  What happened that night between myself and a girl I no longer love comes back to haunt me every day, and it also made it just that much more difficult to separate myself from her. I can't imagine breaking up every being an easy thing to do, but let's face it: we as humans have an emotional attachment to sex. We can't detach our emotional side from it, no matter how hard we try. Casual or premarital sex will always have emotional consequences, and I don't care whether you're a Christian or an atheist or whatever other religion.

  Sexual purity truly isn't just for religious people. If you love yourself enough, and you respect yourself enough, and you truly want what's best for your emotional health, regardless of what you personally believe on a religious level, you will remain sexually pure until marriage. Guard your heart, and stay safe.

  • 8:58 pm
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