October 7, 2010

  • Of Fools and Friends: Support Your Lovestruck Friend

    Still talking about friends. Friendship is so important, and yet we spent so much of our time prattling on about relationships that we forget to try to be a better friend!

    My male friends have loved a variety of crazy weirdos and Internet scalawags, err, sweet and soulful ladies. Don't even get me started on HotTwinkieChick1224, haha. But MOST of the time, I found that it was better to trust my friends' judgment. Occasionally there were red flags that worried and concerned me when I heard about her on the phone. But when I met her in person, I found that my friend's delightful taste in choosing friends (ME ME ME) extended to his taste in ladies. It may not have been the woman I would have loved the most, but it is the woman right for him. Why destroy my friendship with my friend over a girl unless I am rather sure she is the wrong one for him?

    I would extend the same thought to most people on Xanga. Ladies, you may find that I am a bigger fan of your boyfriend or husband than you are, haha. Why? Many, many times, as an outsider, I see that the frustrations and fights are more about misunderstandings and poor communications rather than that the person you are dating is truly bad. I hate it when I see some Internet would-be loverboy trying to convince a girl how bad her boyfriend is...just so he can try to date her instead. (I see this a little too often on Xanga...). Be aware that your friends may sadly have ulterior motives.

    If you detect a clear negative change in your friend due to the relationship, then it may indeed be time to step in and say something. If you see obvious red flags (cheating, abuse, controlling, unwilling to compromise) then you should step in. But otherwise? I think overall, more of us need to stop meddling rather than meddle more. Thoughts?

Comments (17)

  • Meddling is a potentially dangerous past-time - because more often than not, the person you're meddling with will bite YOUR head off rather than try to make changes in the relationship that you're mentioning. So, I agree... unless it's something drastic like abuse, stay out of it... why piss off your friend / their SO, by butting in? 

  • You were always very supportive of my boyfriends, and even though I usually flouted your advice because I'm young and stupid, I adored you for it, and so did they. <3

  • excellent post, john. definitely agree that we have to be discerning and remember that what is right for us is not necessarily what is best for someone else. good advice here.

  • I dont have Xanga guys trying to convince my bf is bad so they can date me. I don't have Xanga guys trying to date me period.

  • I think you're right. I've had that experience where my gals were unkind to my fella when they first met him, and it's colored things since then. It's unfortunate, and for me frustrating.

  • Ladies, you may find that I am a bigger fan of your boyfriend or
    husband than you are, haha. Why? Many, many times, as an outsider, I
    see that the frustrations and fights are more about misunderstandings
    and poor communications rather than that the person you are dating is
    truly bad.

    I LOVED reading that. You are truly a man after God's own heart. Such men are selfless and will do all they can to protect and support and seek the best for the women in their lives, even when that means you end up being the friend of the bridegroom, so to speak. Christ will definitely bless you abundantly as you seek to have His mind and to walk in His ways (Phil. 2). Isaiah 30:18.

  • I agree. Although I'm a hypocrite for saying that. I used to be a mega meddler. Not so much anymore since I have things to worry about in my own life now.

    So I shall be on Xanga oftener now, which is awesome because of all my Xangan friends I've missed, I have missed you the most. Or very close to the most. =D

  • It's my personal stance to stand back in terms of my friends' relationships. As long as no one is being cheated on, abused, or in any way cheated poorly, it's their decision who to date. Their lives are theirs; my life is mine. The best I can do is offer support to my friends whenever they need it. *shrugs*

  • Makes sense to me

  • I'm not a meddler...
    Like my bff is in a relationship with a guy...and they have misunderstandings/fights weekly...
    and of course they text me about it...
    I would like to put my two cents in, of course
    But I don't
    B/c they can handle it...

  • Wait...guys hit on women here?  That's never happened to me. 

  • Ladies, you may find that I am a bigger
    fan of your boyfriend or
    husband than you are, haha. Why? Many, many
    times, as an outsider, I
    see that the frustrations and fights are
    more about misunderstandings
    and poor communications rather than that
    the person you are dating is
    truly bad.

    Wow.  I need you to move here and observe MY interactions w/ people!  I got into a big, multi-dimensional argument with one of my best friends and my new interest only to find out (after the three of us explode at one another) that the entire thing was a misunderstanding.  If only we'd had that other party looking in... :)

  • @peasy092 - haha! Sure, I'll fly in and do a little mediating! Some of my best friends are in Tennessee, so that would be great. Seriously, a lot of times I find it so sad, looking from the outside--it's just a few little things that would help, but these people who care about each other just aren't seeing it. I almost wish I were a therapist, ha. Thanks for your comments, appreciate it, Leigh! 

  • @Cygnus33 - You're lucky then, haha. Unfortunately, some people look at blog networks as if they are dating sites.

  • so true! i try to step into the other person's shoes and figure out why they're doing what they're doing... because very few people are horrible people... it usually does come down to miscommunications and differences in perception. its interesting that my advice isn't usually as well received as friends who offer blanket support without thinking about what may really be going on.... good post!

  • @GreekPhysique - Well then, maybe the content of my blog puts guys off.  And if so...all the better for me, right?

  • @Cygnus33 - Ha, true--not many would-be Internet playboys are going to go after a girl who keeps talking about Jesus. It's (super)natural protection

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