October 17, 2010

  • Sex or Disbelief--Which Came First?

    Being a Christian is weird because of the Christian belief in being born again and backslidding. On the one hand, you have new people joining who decide, at some point in their life, that they want to be Christians. On the other hand, you have people who were Christians quitting church and deciding they won't be Christians anymore. There's a constant flow of people heading in both directions.

    When people leave church who, like me, also grew up in the church, I always wonder what made them leave. After all, we often have many things in common. Sometimes they were better at being Christians than I was. What convinced them to leave?

    I once thought it was an issue with belief and logic. That they just felt that believing in something they couldn't see was too much of a stretch, and instead decided to return to the natural world. And being a Christian isn't easy when you don't have many friends who are Christians; you stand out, and one gets tired of defending oneself and getting up for church each Sunday. Thus, they leave the church, and after a while, they naturally fill the spiritual vacuum in their life with other things--food, sex, hobbies, etc.

    However, I'm now more convinced that it has to do with pleasure. I'm struck by how many times "I'm having sex with my boyfriend" is followed by "I'm not going to church anymore." Jesus may be neat, groovy, and cool for teenagers in youth group, but they start longing for something more tangible to worship as they age, preferably with a nice tan and good hair. They may once have wanted to be a missionary or other ministry job, but they start longing for a different type of position, if you will. Rather than wanting to partake in communion, a different type of exchange of fluids and solids becomes more desirable. Jesus on a cross isn't as much fun to worship as body on a bed, and thus they stop looking up and start going down instead. I'll remove my elbow from your side now, I think you get my point. Anyway, they see the church's position on sex as being too difficult--why, it will be YEARS before they can have marital sex. So they leave the church to have sex freely, and then find logical reasons why they quit church afterward.

    For those of you who are no longer practicing Christians (i.e.., believe Christ is real and can have a relationship with him, attend a church service most weeks, etc.), which story is true for you? Sex followed by disbelief, or disbelief followed by sex?

Comments (23)

  • The original title of this post was "Did you leave Jesus because the sex was so bad?", ha. I am quite curious to see how people respond. 

  • sex followed by disbelief. He did free sex all the time, it's addicting so he wouldn't go to church anymore. He would prefer go to hotel room than the church , I guess 

  • Very interesting indeed.  You may well be right.  I don't fit into your groupings though.  I am still a devout Christian.  My reason for not attending church is that my job requires me to work Saturdays and Sundays, twelve hours per day.  Occasionally I'm able to make it to a mid-week prayer meeting.

    When I was a teen ager, premarital sex was nowhere near as common as it is now, and I was unaware of any Christian kids taking part in it.  I think it may have been more common in those days for Christian young people to believe in curbing their 'fleshly lusts.'

    God has provided all sorts of wonderful blessings for us:  from salvation to sex.  There are great rewards for those who will discipline themselves to keep the great joy of sex in its rightful place!

    David

  • I'm still Christian.  I attend service.  I read the bible.  But I also believe that the church should not have such a role in politics - the seperation of church and state thing.  I have premarital sex.  That does not mean I love God any less.  My parents also had premarital sex - but they are still in a successful marriage and both devoutly catholic.  I don't see it as compromising my faith - I see it as my interpretation.  No where in the bible did Jesus say "if you sleep with him before you're married, then you'll burn in hell".  Sex is an expression of love - love being the most important thing Jesus brought to the world - and when it's really love behind the sex, I don't see it as damaging.  

    As for having to stand up for yourself, I'm an American exchange student in Europe.  I had to get used to standing up for myself.  And one of the big things is that going to church is even more "uncool" here than in America.  I have no friends to go with me.  My host family won't even go.  Faith should be personal, not just something you do because "everyone else is doing it".

    Just my take. 

  • this is interesting. i'm not really sure what to say, except that i don't believe you can lose your faith. the people you're talking about, in my opinion, either weren't christians in the first place or are doing something they know is wrong, and haven't turned around yet. maybe that's why they left church,  because it reminded them of what they're doing wrong. 

  • Just because you have sex does not mean you quit being a Christian. It's perceptions like this and other judgments that make it even harder for those who have "sinned" to come back to church. The guilt of being a bad Christian can be overwhelming. When one goes to church and all they hear about it how they are in the wrong, it can push people over the edge and keep them home. Instead of judgment, love needs to come first. I believe you can still believe and follow God even if you are having sex outside of marriage-even though sex is meant for marriage, no one is perfect...and people make mistakes. Holding this against them and saying they are not following God can be spiritually and emotionally damaging. Sometimes people just aren't ready to stop doing behaviors and the church can't force people to stop, they can be patient and loving though and a good example as a community. People will change when they realize they need God all the way, it just takes some longer than others to give up fleshly things. 

  • I John 2:14 and following, especially around verse 19 explains it pretty well. I believe that the reason 'christians' "cease" to be 'christians'  is because they never really were Christians to begin with. So, when the tough temptations come and they have no real roots in Christ they tend to fall away. I went in the opposite direction by trying out all the sensual pleasures the world had to offer and finding them empty promises and then becoming a Christian and with that discovering how truly amazing sex can be when you follow the "manufacturers instructions".

  • False dichotomy.  I didn't leave Christianity for sex or so that I could freely and shamelessly become a hedonist.  I had sex both before and after; neither of which had much to do with my spirituality.  I left Christianity for a number of reasons, but the primary one was because I realized the thing that kept me there was fear.  That wasn't a good reason to believe in anything.

  • Neither? 

    I lost my faith because I have always been very interested in science and at a certain point I just couldn't reconcile the two anymore... and then I found I was much happier not being paranoid about going to hell all the time. Catholicism will do that to you. Sex never entered into the equation. I'm still a virgin. I don't have a problem with premarital sex, it's just... never come up. Actually that gives me an idea for a blog. To be continued...

  • I've never known anyone to stop being a Christian just so they can have sex freely.  That's a crazy idea, but maybe it's true.  Since i was still a virgin well into my 20's, people always assumed it was for religious reasons.  It was for my own reasons....wanting to be in a committed relationship and being in love.  I don't think premarital sex has anything to do with being a Christian or non-Christian.

  • @ShimmerBodyCream - I never said sex = love.  But an act of sex can be an act of love, when the two people involved truly love eachother. 

  • Actually, I'm not sure if I ever really had faith to begin with. I was baptized Catholic, went to Catholic schools (uniform and all!) and completed all the Catholic Sacraments, but I always felt like I was only going through the motions and doing those things because I was forced to, not because I really wanted to. Of course, it didn't help that my family never went to church except on holidays. So the odd time I went to church I never really felt like I belonged. I still don't, and I'm still not exactly sure what I believe religiously, but I'm ok with that. If I feel like praying, I don't need to be in a special building to do it.

  • My first "boyfriend" was a youth group leader and told me that sleeping with him was the only spiritual thing to do. 

    I didn't believe him, but it seemed like a decent justification. 
    My disbelief stemmed from something entirely different really. I don't think there was a correlation. 

  • If you're born again, you can't choose to be unborn again...

    All that aside, people have sex outside marriage or choose to engage in and continue in pursuit of any other lust if they are not finding God as their supreme passion, pleasure and joy. You can only find God as your supreme passion, pleasure and joy if you are born again. The mind has to be regenerated and transformed by the Holy Spirit so you might desire God in increasing measure. Of course, that's a continuing battle. As I John tells us, the believer will not continue/cannot continue in sin. Yes, believers will sin, but the power and conviction of the Holy (HOLY) Spirit won't allow us to continue sinning. As we continue to grow in grace, we will find God more and more satisfying and the world less and less so. So when we do foray into pursuing pleasure in the world and gratifying our flesh, we'll be disgusted more quickly, come to our senses and run back to God ~ the prodigal son.

  • I don't think having premarital sex or any other issue has anything to do with people leaving or giving up their beliefs of Christ. I've had sex, I'm not married and really don't want to get married but that's my own issue. I still practice as a Christian. Some might say being gay is wrong but I don't. They have sex before marriage and alot desperately want to get married. I know some that are christians too and I don't believe God turns them away. I believe beliefs or faith is something that helps put things into perspective and in that gives you hope and faith to better yourself and the actions you portray to others. So its possible the Christians that don't or weren't Christians before had other ideals that didn't fit the perspective they wanted to lead in life.

  • Sex didn't have anything to do with my decision to leave the church.  I left the church because some of the teachings and values preached by the church no longer agreed with my own personal beliefs, and the views expressed by the church no longer matched how I viewed the world.   Isn't it more likely that by reducing the motivations of those that left the church to a basic instinctual drive, you are validating your own reasons for having faith?  Since acting on basic instincts is viewed my most as animalistic or uneducated, any decision based off of that is somehow inferior.    By attributing leaving the church as being out of weakness or inability, remaining faithful would be a sign of your personal strength, thus reaffirming your own beliefs.  Isn't it much more likely that we all view the world differently, and that both of us viewing the same set of information, came to two different but logically based conclusions.  While our observations and conclusions about this world may differ, I don't doubt for an instant that your convictions about your beliefs are just as valid as mine are, and I respect your beliefs.  My conviction in my beliefs today are just as strong as they were when I was a christian believer.

  • Interesting blog

  • I think it was disbelief followed by sex.

    I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic school, said my prayers every night and everything. I think it was a combination of things that lead to me to loose my faith. My mother's divorce lead to a downward spiral. She fell out of church and didn't take my sister and I anymore. We also couldn't afford private school anymore so we went to public school. I wasn't hearing the word of God anymore so that contributed. When it came to church, all I was hearing was about the sex abuse scandal. It was pretty depressing. Lastly, I was just overwhelmed by Pope Benedict and him hating/disapproving of many of the things I liked, rock music for example.
    When I got older, I realized something was missing in my life. Now I rejoined the flock, not a Catholic flock though. 

  • It's not so much disbelief as it is a trading of what is eternal for momentary pleasures. You can't serve both.

  • while i don't think it's representative of why most people have left the church, i can def. think of a few names of friends who have become a bit shy to come to our college fellowship after joining frats/going to clubs. but in those cases, i guess they're afraid of being judged. 

  • @sonnetjoy - you're very welcome ^_^

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment